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| changing lifestyles to stay feeling good.
Posted: 1/16/2009 4:09:04 PM |
For me, it's pretty simple. You're going to die, period. You only have a certain amount of minutes. I'd much rather be with someone who used those minutes to read or meditate than heading off to Gold's. . . . . I don't expect anyone else to agree with my preference. But given a choice between a great body, a great mind, a great soul, I'd pick one of the last two, every damn time. I have noticed that those interested in the first are not all the interested and/or able to achieve the second two, and possibly vice versa.
I don't think it takes a great mind to understand that those "certain amount of minutes" you speak of are directly proportional to your health. I.e., healthy = more minutes; unhealthy = less minutes.
A Harvard study would also dispute your assertion that people who spend time on their bodies don't have great minds. In fact, the study really suggests that more education contributes to a different life style in which persons are less likely to engage in risky or unhealthy behavior.
http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/DyeHard/Story?id=4432346&page=1 | |
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| changing lifestyles to stay feeling good.
Posted: 1/16/2009 4:17:30 PM | | many of us use our minds as rakes, preparing the soil but not actually doing much else. healthiness isn't captured in the ideas of health that inundate our culture. healthiness is, simply, being alive. my father's father, after working in a factory, would walk across the street for beer at "the spice tavern." my father never smoked and drank a beer or two on hot summer days. dad lived as a good family man and attended church regularly. grampa outlived dad by ten years. i've seen that story over and over again. is eating healthy food, having healthy thoughts, doing what our society insists is healthy wrong? is science wrong? no, but health is a combination of fate and doing what relaxes you and makes you happy. my mind is a rake and i plant seeds constantly and hope for sun and rain. i drink scotch, have crumbling knees from high school football, curl up at the adagio cafe on most mornings to drink coffee and read the paper and good asian poetry. i've outlived my dad by 9 years and there's no end in sight. well, let me re-word that. the end is in sight, i just don't know when it'll happen. death, and life, are like that. if a healthy body is truly heaven, if we relax with our choices, then we are, each of us, already inside the gate. | |
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| changing lifestyles to stay feeling good.
Posted: 1/16/2009 6:45:03 PM | I think as we get older and are looking for a lifetime partner...we take into consideration how well that perspective man/woman looks after him/herself. I myself am working on achieving a healthy weight through exercise and an improved diet. I realize that as I age, what I'm doing now will greatly influence how I function later. So my mindset is towards improving my health and maintaining the strong healthy body I have ; my perspective partner would have the same attitude.
Desert Wildflower, you're right on. Excellent post! | |
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| changing lifestyles to stay feeling good.
Posted: 1/16/2009 7:33:26 PM | i am not physically attracted to someone who is "really heavy" and not "well preserved" as you describe OP. my focus is on improving "me". i was overweight and am still getting rid of the excess. 20 pounds off and and twenty more to go! i look acceptable, but frankly this is between me and my maker. i was given a body and it's my job to maintain it.
however, if someone is in great shape, that by itself is not sufficient either. what good is a perfect body, if he looks at you with a vacuous stare? we all age and few are perfect. average people have bits of fat, hair loss, ya da ya da ya da. if they sit there gorging themselves in front of me, i find the sucking noises and grease dripping down the chin to be annoying. if they are attempting to take care of themselvesn (and have basic table manners), then that offers opportunity for mutual support, as i too am trying to get healthier. if i like the person, but they are not physically attractive to me or engage in unhealthy lifestyle choices, i will not pass them by per se. i will offer activity partnership or friendship. you can turn on the hose, but if there ain't no water, you can't force it to squirt!
as an aside, my friend goes to dances where men attend who like heavier women. i find it interesting that most of these heavier women do not like heavier men. on the other hand, most other women i know do not sweat the love handles or belly all that much. so, my point is that there is someone for everyone. i just am not sure yet, where "my someone" is. maybe i can meet him at the gym. i am going for zumba workouts in the near future. that way i won't need a dancing partner any more! | |
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| changing lifestyles to stay feeling good.
Posted: 1/16/2009 8:41:11 PM | | hi... I believe that a healthy mind and soul requires a healthy body... it is all connected in a very balanced way... I am not closed minded, I see the good in all people but I want to be married to someone likeminded on matters of health, fitness and Spirituality... I have had relationships where we were connected on one or even two of these levels but we were never quite right for each other... I feel that my true soulmate will be someone who has a passion for the things that I am passionate about... blessings for happiness, warmly Mona | |
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| changing lifestyles to stay feeling good.
Posted: 1/16/2009 9:01:10 PM | HI
This is interesting. I just feel that people our age , Each person, has the choice of thier concept of health. There are many ways, and many choices. It is not all the same for everyone, we reach the decision at different times and for different reasons.
I have a hard time judgeing people on their size. Ive seen several friends lose a lot of weight while they were single, but married, they change into a larger size.
Every decade the metabolism slows down and so does our defense systems. So eating for your individual needs is great. But judgeing others, without understanding what they have medically, or just by looks is wrong.
Several very heavy people are working out everyday. They just arent where you beautiful people are yet. So give a person a chance before you slam the door.
Just some food for thought..
Lbiker | |
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| changing lifestyles to stay feeling good.
Posted: 1/16/2009 11:20:13 PM | DesertWildflower someone can be skinny , unfit, unhealthy and a couch potato geek.
Then you can see someone whose neat, clean, physically active, drinks water not coffee/sodas, eats whole healthy organic meats, fruits, vegetables. Yet, they may have a few extra pounds. This doesnt mean that one shouldnt want/need someone who has interests in common.
Reminds me of being in line at Wells Fargo in a farm community here in California, and a man was being waited on, who had muddy boots, work clothes. Two women near me in line were softly talking about how scruffy he looked. He left the bank and someone in front of me turned and told the two women that the man was the richest man in the county and owned a famous winery. So going on looks alone may mean you miss the diamond in the coal mine.Read the book The Millionaire Next Door. Most look very average.
People who are mentally healthy make wiser choices and as such are more positive people. In 2005 I remember well one day when I started to feel sad and caught myself and realized I did NOT want to be sad because it effected my health. It was then that I also realized I had eaten more sweets than I had ever eaten (two candy bars). Diet plays such a huge role in ones well being. As such I think anyone who prefers sitting around whether thin or fat, probably wouldnt be much fun to be around. | |
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| changing lifestyles to stay feeling good.
Posted: 1/17/2009 4:43:00 AM | Hi OP,
I guess we all tend to assume by looks, as a reaction. We equate obesity or a bad hair day with a bad unhealthy lifestyle. Personally, I'm attracted to personalities, but guilty as charged, looks play a role in the attraction thing. As another poster wrote, sometimes weight can be life happening, rather than lack of self care. I do yoga, and some ladies with twice my waistline can twist twice as much. Who knows, maybe their thyroid (so popular these days) is not responding.. One thing is looks, another thing is lifestyle. You get to understand someone else's life style by interacting with them,, looking alone is not enough. If the lifestyle justifies the look, then, you are talking a different thing. If you are all up and running you certainly wouldn't like to (mis)match with a couch potato, unless he is active enough to cook and clean the house while you are out there exercising and dancing, or whatever you do. At our age my dear, we are all clear on what and how we want 'it'. Fool enough to keep looking, wise enough to know when to pass. No right or wrong. Having serious and solid backgrounds, we might want to pay more attention to the opposites rather than to the differences when we decide to pass. Best way to test your prejudice is to challenge it,, give a fat person a chance,, maybe you'll be surprise, and this fat boy happens to be totally supportive and encouraging of you to stay in your path while just sharing life.
good luck,, and yes, we need to eat less and exercise more,, back to the jungle darling!
B | |
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| changing lifestyles to stay feeling good.
Posted: 1/17/2009 7:18:52 AM | | Surprised at your response, thought you were more open minded from previous posts. This one came across as a bit shallow. Did it every occur to you that some people are just interested in others as a person; in what they have to say. Not everyone judges others by looks... | |
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| changing lifestyles to stay feeling good.
Posted: 1/18/2009 6:14:17 AM | Am I on to something here, or all wet as usual? So my question is, if you would pass by someone who is really heavy and isn`t well preserved at all, are you being prejudice, assuming that your lifestyles probably wouldn`t be complimentary?
THere isn't anything worst than to live with a person totally 180 degrees opposit.
You have to have like interest. If you need to or want to have a healthy lifestye, by not smoking not drinking, proper food groups, and everything esle, why would you tie yourself down to a person who ENJOYS the opposite. Why beat your head up against the wall, now you are in search for a lover, mate, best friend, a conversationist, a dance partner. Why?
That is the reason I would perfer to have conversations before everr meeting a person. You have no attachments to them and they with you so exposing yourself with conversation helps. THen when you meet and they turn out to everything they said they are you are blessed, and vis versa, and if not have the cooffee and say thank you.
At my age of 63 I don't have many more choices with lovers and friends, I would like to be happy along with the person who also wants to be happy with me. I would rather sleep in a tent than in the comfort of a warm bed with a nagger, and so would you.  | |
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| changing lifestyles to stay feeling good.
Posted: 1/18/2009 8:35:24 AM |
So my question is, if you would pass by someone who is really heavy and isn`t well preserved at all, are you being prejudice, assuming that your lifestyles probably wouldn`t be complimentary?
Yes, I would pass that person by for several reasons.
1. I used to weigh 250 pounds. If I can lose 100 pounds, so can someone else.
1 1/2. Because I used to weigh so much, I am careful about what I eat now. Someone who eats junk food and food that is generally unhealthy would be a VERY bad influence on me.
2. I am not athletic, but I do enjoy walking, gardening, and I am energetic. I want someone who can share activities with me. At the same time, I understand that a man who is athletic might pass me by because I don't run, ski, etc.--this is fair.
3. Not only is an obese man sexually unattractive, but weight can interfere with sex, and sex is important to me. Before I get a barrage from fat people who might insist otherwise, I WAS obese and I have had sex with an obese man--it interferes.
I don't think these attitudes are prejudiced, but based on reasonable expectations. I am still a bit overweight, but I am also healthy, eat right, and exercise. If men like skinny women, it is not a personal vendetta against me.
You only have a certain amount of minutes. I'd much rather be with someone who used those minutes to read or meditate than heading off to Gold's.
You know, exercising does not rule out meditation. That is just silly. Because people take care of themselves doesn't mean they are self-centered egoists. I read extensively, but there comes a point when I need to get the lead out of my ass or I feel physically bad. | |
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| changing lifestyles to stay feeling good.
Posted: 1/18/2009 9:18:24 AM | .... on these sites,women that hide their looks tend to have good reason to do so
BS
I wouldn't be too sure about that, unless you mean 'good reason' as having to do with wanting privacy, shyness, their occupation, etc.
Ismene, I agree. Because I only wanted to participate in the forums, I originally had no photos but met with the attitude above and was sometimes accused of hiding something which somehow invalidated any point I was trying to make. There are many good reasons for not having a photo publicly posted on the worldwide web.
Ms. Brooker: This was an oops....I accidently posted that comment in the wrong thread, when I realized my error it was too late to delete it. How embarrassing!!! 
But, thank you for your nice response. I am glad to know I am not the only one who has been in this situation.  | |
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| changing lifestyles to stay feeling good.
Posted: 1/18/2009 9:38:32 AM |
...You're going to die, period. You only have a certain amount of minutes. I'd much rather be with someone who used those minutes to read or meditate than heading off to Gold's. . . . . . But given a choice between a great body, a great mind, a great soul, I'd pick one of the last two, every damn time. I have noticed that those interested in the first are not all the interested and/or able to achieve the second two, and possibly vice versa.
I will have to agree and disagree with points in this post. Yep, we are all going to die, and don't intend to spend my life in a gym, not that much of it anyway. But if I don't do anything, I feel it, I feel differently...weaker, more tired, slower, etc. So, exercise is important and also part of my life: walking, hiking, biking, swimming, cross country skiing, & running too. I do those things because I like to do them, and if I don't keep in shape by going to the gym I can't do those things when I want to. If I had to choose between the body or the soul, I'd choose the soul: but we don't have to choose. The things I like are endurance activities, and they are in themselves, intrinsically meditative. Nothing is more fantatistic to my mind than spending hours hiking or skiing through a beautiful scenery, listening to not much more than the breeze or a bird call, or the occasional comments of a companion. I have not found it at all to be true that people who are interested in keeping fit are not interested in the intellectual side of life: some yes, but definitely not all. There are many, many thoughtful, intellectual people who are also very interested in keeping their bodies very fit.
As far as a direct response to the OP: I would not be attracted to someone who was very overweight. It isn't attractive, in a visual sense, but more importantly, this is someone who cannot do the things with me I want to do. Someone who eats a lot of junk, drinks too much, smokes and/or never exercises simply would not be compatible. I am more and more seeing people my age who have not taken care of themselves and are coming up with all kinds of physical ailments, which they believe are part and parcel with getting older. However, I believe aging, though it is inevitable, can be much slowed down by the way one lives and takes care of one's body. It is a matter of enjoying life. I still drink, but not to excess, and eat sweets, and enjoy the cuisine of the countries if I visit, but not to the point that it is the bulk of my diet. Like the OP has said, if I take good care of myself, I feel it and look it; if I spend a night out drinking, for example, I look and feel the results the next day. Or if I don't exercise for a while, I definitely feel slower, weaker, and with less energy. So, it's a matter of lifestyle choice. It is not a matter of being prejudice or superficial. | |
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| changing lifestyles to stay feeling good.
Posted: 1/18/2009 3:14:48 PM |
So my question is, if you would pass by
someone who is really heavy and isn`t well preserved at all, are you being prejudice, assuming that your lifestyles probably wouldn`t be complimentary?
Perhaps it is being prejudiced, but in the end, if we WERE to get together........I would start to love this person & it would pain me to no end to know that someone I loved was not taking care to give us as many years together as possible.
So maybe it is, but I don't feel all that much guilt for wanting a partner I can love for as long as we are able.... | |
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| changing lifestyles to stay feeling good.
Posted: 1/18/2009 4:40:35 PM | I disagree with you wooby ;p You say that those interested in a great body are not interested in a great mind or soul... I am a very spiritual person, I am well educated, I read every day to increase the capacity of my mind, AND I stay fit!
I prefer a well-rounded, balanced lifestyle. 30 minutes a day of intense exercise is all I need to stay fit, 15 minutes in prayer, and a lot more time reading. If I leave any of these out, I feel the imbalance as a whole.
Try this in 2009, and after 2-3 weeks, you'll feel more balanced, too! | |
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| changing lifestyles to stay feeling good.
Posted: 1/19/2009 6:50:00 AM | | I tend to agree with the people who feel that they prefer to have partners who can participate in their own lifestyle. There is no doubt that an overweight woman would not be able to do any of the things that I routinely do for fun and exercise, so I would not be interested in a "relationship" with such a person. That does not mean that they would not be interesting social relationships of many kinds, and I do routinely meet with women who are such the case and are friends. | |
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| changing lifestyles to stay feeling good.
Posted: 1/20/2009 10:22:15 AM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^.................................................
If I eat all natural an healthy food, exercise, and see to my health, I look and feel great.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If I eat all natural and healthy food? I don't feel great.. I feel exhausted!
Especially as I exercise.
I wear out tooooo fast. It's dieting.. for someone that doesn't need to diet. I eat "more" natural and healthy foods than I used to.. but.. I don't "just" eat them. I incorporate them in with recipes I've always enjoyed eating.. as well as trying new and/or different ethnic foods. Variety.
I agree that it would be more than just a little difficult to be with someone that is non-flexable on everything.. such as their diet.. exercise.. and social regimes.
Okay.. that would just be an incompatibility issue.. right from the start.JMO | |
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| changing lifestyles to stay feeling good.
Posted: 1/20/2009 5:17:19 PM | Well I had met someone on here who stated that he was dieting at the time that we met and would only have something off of his plan once in a while. In my opinion, when we met he did look good and I thought that he being active. As the relationship went on and he gained weight he became more complacent. All he ever wanted to do was sit and watch a movie.
So I agree with you and making general assumptions about men and their lifestyles as I'm sure that they do the same with us. | |
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| changing lifestyles to stay feeling good.
Posted: 1/20/2009 5:39:25 PM | Changing lifestyles to feel better...(good)? duh. Of course. Lets face it, most all of us have at least some kind of habits and compulsions which do us no good. It takes an honest inventory to actually determine just how destructive any of these are. there are some big ones though. biggest: Smoking. All the experts aggree, this is the single worst habit we do. Statistically it causes the most problems and costs to society in general...followed second by alcohol. so, that would be next: Stop abusing alcohol. As far as "adding " healthful habits ... I am a believer in adding movement. Just get off yer butts and move. You don't need well equipped gyms and professionals for this. Any steep hill will suffice. Walk up it! Just do it.
As far as our personal preferences: We are entitled to whatever we want! Pure and simple. As I continue to overcome the mantel of political correctness... my old unearned guilt about this goes away too. I know what it attractive to me. The more difficult part: seeing ourselves honestly. Most of us have what is called an 'idealized' image of ourselves. Usually it is magnificently better than we actually look! We would be wise to see ourselves as we really are, and make our choices accordingly. | |
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| changing lifestyles to stay feeling good.
Posted: 1/20/2009 6:25:54 PM | | I started dating recently and the biggest surprise to me has been how many health problems many men my age are experiencing, and reading the posts in the over 45 threads has been a real downer! I've always had a healthy life-style not because I really made the effort but just because it was the norm in our family. I came from a family where my mother cooked the mediteranean way, we used olive oil exclusively, ate balanced meals with meat, fish or chicken , fruits and vegetables always on the table and that was what I knew and what I continued in my home. As a result we've never had major issues with cholesterol, high blood pressure or diabetes that our diet or loosing a few pounds couldn't solve. Never drank to excess or smoked. Maybe I sound a little boring to some, but it's not natural to have to down pills everyday. It's not natural to not have a sex drive at this age! I don't feel "old" and have been told I don't "look" my age, whatever that is supposed to mean. At 51 I still feel the way I did at 40. I still have the desire to enjoy life; places I want to see; things I want to do! So is wrong to want someone with the same energy levels, and in good health? Not withstanding the unexpected illnesses in life, why wouldn't one do whatever possible to maintain good health? I'm not ready to be "old"... not for at least 25 -30 years yet! | |
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| changing lifestyles to stay feeling good.
Posted: 1/21/2009 6:35:32 AM | I think everyone has their own opinions here and people do tend to look at "what's a healthy lifestyle" differently. To me it is really pretty simple. If you have an optomistic, outgoing, attitude towards life you probably like yourself. If you like yourself you tend to take good care of yourself, emotionally as well as physically.
We naturally look for a partner who thinks/shares/feels and has beliefs similar to ours as we are more in sync with one another. There is nothing wrong with this. It's a healthy outlook. We all know what works for us. Go for what you know. ;-) | |
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| changing lifestyles to stay feeling good.
Posted: 1/21/2009 8:56:09 AM |
started dating recently and the biggest surprise to me has been how many health problems many men my age are experiencing, and reading the posts in the over 45 threads has been a real downer! I've always had a healthy life-style ..... As a result we've never had major issues with cholesterol, high blood pressure or diabetes that our diet or loosing a few pounds couldn't solve. Never drank to excess .... Maybe I sound a little boring to some, but it's not natural to have to down pills everyday. It's not natural to not have a sex drive at this age! I don't feel "old" and have been told I don't "look" my age, whatever that is supposed to mean. At 51 I still feel the way I did at 40. I still have the desire to enjoy life; places I want to see; things I want to do! So is wrong to want someone with the same energy levels, and in good health? Not withstanding the unexpected illnesses in life, why wouldn't one do whatever possible to maintain good health? I'm not ready to be "old"... not for at least 25 -30 years yet!
IT IS NOT NATURAL TO HAVE TO DOWN PILLS EVERY DAY!! So very true. This too:It's not natural to not have a sex drive at this age!
I so agree with everything in this post!!!!! | |
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| changing lifestyles to stay feeling good.
Posted: 1/26/2009 2:28:28 PM | | definitions. sigh. what does the word "healthy" actually mean? woobytoodsday, i come down closer to what you write but i understand what greeneyes wants, too. what healthy usually means, in my experience of life, is a kind of cleanliness, a whiteness, a neatly-dressed kind of life. i prefer color to whiteness, soiled history to politeness, lack of self-absorption over folks who have just cleaned, ironed and checked their appearance in the mirror. i was a banker years ago, had 12 suits and highly polished shoes. i decided to grow a beard, wear birkies every day, wear worn-out levis and shirts with folded-up collars. i sold my karman ghia convertible. my old car just broke down for good. that's all appearance stuff but, with the ease, came years of writing poetry and short stories, reading fiction and poetry, studying asian philosophy and poetry, riding the bus from the ferry dock into town with a bunch of coast salish people. oh, and i live on a small rural island where most of the people around me live the same way. with only 900 people on the island we staged a huge version of****ns' "christmas carol" last month with 84 people in the cast and another 80 making the costumes, sets, doing the lighting, etc. i was jacob marley. and i live a financially simple life. i'm poor. i'm 70 years old and, after many decades of a very good life, this is the best time of all. two island girls, high school seniors, asked me to mentor them and their friends in writing poetry. we're having a ball, including two sessions that have lasted over 10 hours. i am healthy. greeneyes, you are healthy. we have one life to live. and, essentally, we're alone so we each get to choose what to do with each buddhist breath that we breathe. the world is divided in two in many ways and this is one of them. i want each of us to be happy, healthy, safe and holy. whatever holy means. we might disagree on that, too. love yuh ..... | |
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