| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/10/2008 1:52:53 PM | | I do believe a person who has never had children is very capable of unconditional love. Some would love to do that, in fact. I know a childless woman who dreams of possibly adopting a foster child...I've known men who were childless who've loved my daughter...yes, there are many out there, I believe, who could love unconditionally. I know what you mean about the single guy who lives a very selfish life--well, there will always be those, too. But that's more or less a stereotype, I believe. Selfishness comes in so many flavors, you can't say it's because of the childlessness. | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/11/2008 12:06:13 AM | I don't think anyone can figure out how another person loves, or their capacity to love. So I don't think we can be at all accurate in our musings over what is possible for someone who has never had children - not that that ever stopped us in the fora, lol.
I do know that my life altered when I had my daughter... all of my life priorities just got reordered instantaneously. And I miraculously saw my own mother through new eyes... I suddenly 'got' how very much she loved me... I suddenly 'got' how very much I was loved in this world. So perhaps, for some, having a child does alter their relationship with or capacity to love.
I've heard both men and women say they experienced something like this.... so I can't imagine it runs on gender lines.
I've also known a few people without kids who had a magical outlook on life and love... they seem to be the ones who effortlessly do "kidspeak." They spark, they shine... they're "shiny" people who emanate joy and love. Man, I've envied them that ability. I somehow can't imagine their already 'bigger than the sky' capacity growing just because they had children... but that might be my own limitations speaking. | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/11/2008 12:08:51 AM | QUIZ:
Who invented the term, "Unconditional love"? | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/11/2008 10:01:13 AM | Good question; probably someone that was isolated with an active imagination and a horrible childhood. | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/11/2008 10:14:32 AM | Hi Lily,
I don't kow about men, or anybody else. I can only speak for myself.
I know unconditional love, and I can give it.
I give it a lot in my work, and personal relationships.
Leigh  | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/12/2008 6:54:15 PM | | Hmm, I wonder if Bobisherenow might be a reincarnation of our once much-loved BobRuinedTheDate? He has some of the same deadpan tongue-in-cheek delivery, but hasn't mentioned robots yet as far as I can tell. | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/12/2008 8:44:00 PM | so, socal lily, are you asking if a person without children is capable to love back unconditionally?....it feels like incomplete sentence.
Is your man capable to love you back unconditionally? Is this the question? Are you able to love him unconditionally? Do you think that your experience of motherhood helps to see through the flaws of the person and accept them unconditionally. I strongly doubt that.
I also think it is your own perception that being a mother changes your understanding/seeing life and the world in general.
I think there is some strange/bizarre dynamics between two people dating if one of them still has children at home whereas the other is free ( I make reference to people with not children) . There seems to be some pressure on both sides, you may expect more understanding of your situation, whereas your man wants to experience you, not the mother to her children, but you in a different role.
I suspect, you and him may not be match. You have different needs. I find in life alike attracts alike. I see often men with young children are seeking out women with young children, and often childless are drawn to childless people, that's just how this works, but I know it isn't black and white. | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/12/2008 9:04:38 PM | | I don't think you can expect unconditional love in any situation but from a parent to a child or a person to an animal. I mean if your child tried to kill you a bunch of times you might be like "that's effed but I love them and am worried about them," you keep love and focus on sympathy of a changed dynamic. But if your "one true love" tries to kill you..probably even just once...would be the end of that chite. I think you just dated some selfish people, or expect too much. Unconditional love does not exist in what we call "love" between two people, it can't. Strong love yes, but there is always a condition...at the very least- if you bury me alive I won't love you anymore. | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/12/2008 9:06:00 PM | | also note: parent with unconditional love does not mean necessarily mean a biological parent, because I have unconditional love for children that are not mine. | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/13/2008 6:48:45 PM |
For me the tell-tell sign is how my SO treats his mother, or father.
There is unconditional love at its finest.
I will agree with you on that pinciperro,the acorn does not fall far from the tree and the next generation will flow suit,most of the time, but not always.
Wheather it be loving ways or not so loving ways,you be the judge if the parents are loving,caring and nuturing your changes of getting a peach are a plus.
If they are narcissitic,selffish and had 6 kids or none ,it makes no diference.
Also,unconditional love in it's most pureist form can be had as when I was in the Marines as we always had the other's back,it was unconditional,your life was to save,protect and give, if needed.
And is still to this day unconditional! Band of brothers,Semper Fi ooou rahhh
A lot of young men haven't quite grasped this concept,yet.
If I can see that he respects, and takes time to connect with his parents then I believe he is capable of loving to a degree that I would welcome.
Anything is possible and if one might take the time and try to wear the others shoes
maybe then they can either see that the world does not solely revolves around just
them. To love is truly devine... | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/13/2008 8:07:22 PM | | I think it is possible but then again I have 3 so I know what you mean by unconditional...that no matter what they could ever do to you, you will love them no matter what. I suppose a man who adopts a child could feel that, I think I could feel that for the right woman. Even though I feel time is running out........ | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/13/2008 8:51:39 PM | | Certainly no sexism intended and one can only think of Caylee when it comes to mothers gone wrong. I tend to believe that the ability to love as well as hate both come naturally and for the most part our behavior in both sexes is learned. Nevertheless, the subject was about men and one only has to observe our prison populations to see that women have fared far better then us male counterparts! | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/14/2008 12:36:19 AM | | I thought this might be interesting to share. I read somewhere that researchers found that dogs are one of the few species that will forsake the company of their own kind to be with humans. The quote as mans best friend surely rings true in this scenario. I have experienced various incidents involving one of my former dogs who put herself at great risk to insure my well being. If thats not unconditional love I dont what is. | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/14/2008 12:53:10 AM | | As a MOM who adopted both my children and yes, they are siblings..I know what unconditional love is. No, I do not think people that choose not to have children are selfish and do not understand what uncondional love is..we all make choices in this world and some of us are lucky enough to find that special kind of love. My children are my world. NO, I did not birth them they came from my heart. There are many kinds of love in this world..love for an old person who is suffering, love for a child who is dying from cancer...you are a reflection of true love..you feel it in your heart. And yes, I love my black lab too..there are many kinds of unconditionally love. I have many friends that I also give my heart too because they have shown me true friendship. I would not change a thing in my life, even though I have gone through many hardships. Each and every moment has made me the woman I am today and I am damn proud of who I have become...the best love of all you can ever give is to YOURSELF! | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/14/2008 1:22:25 AM | | There is no such thing as "unconditional love"... not between non-vegetative humans anyway. I think dogs probably are the only commonly known creatures to exhibit unconditional "love" to their "masters"... but sometimes that includes "loving" their serial rapist, murdering, dog fighting trainer master... so... so much for unconditional love. It's just another meaningless platitude. | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/14/2008 4:12:00 AM | I do not have children of my own and have actually wondered this very same thing about myself. I truly have unconditional love for my dog. For another human being? Total and complete unconditional love....not sure I could do it. My parents never had unconditional love for me, not even in the throws of my cancer, we havn't spoken in a couple of years now and at my age we all just figured out they just don't like me. Should have never had me. Unfortunately, I have never actually known unconditional love myself. That being said, when I was married, my step-child was a real handfull. I loved her what I thought was unconditionally until she stole, lied, cheated, ran away, broke into my home, took my car, etc. My love for her went out the window. Is it because she didn't come from my loins? I don't think so. Even if she was my own child I firmly believe I would have walked away from her. Is it because my parents did that to me on numerous occassions over my life time? Not sure.
To answer your question now....I don't think that someone without their own kids can understand the feeling of unconditional love. It's just not in their makeup so to speak. When its your own you would do ANYTHING for it, but when its not after a point you would not do anything nor understand how others could. Especially if the child is not appreciative, getting into trouble, etc.
I wish you a lot of luck in all of this. I know when I was married, it was a struggle for me to see my ex constantly take his daughters side no matter what she did. It was a lot of stress on our marriage and honestly was one of the straws that broke that camel's back. | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/14/2008 7:40:26 PM | My first long term relationship I put up with alot from my gf. I'm sure she cheated on me several times and she was so selfish. Why should I love someone that does that to me?
I think unconditional love is something you save for your children. | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/14/2008 8:31:59 PM | Speaking of unconditional love, I think I got some glimpses to it from my own parents. Yes, they both love us, my brother and I. Whenever we gave my parents difficult times, my mom would say - "one eats their own sh!t spoonful" - it is an expression, but you get an idea. We weren't difficult kids, quite contrary, but it just shows their dedication.
When it comes to romantic love, there is different dynamics that operates between couple, two grown ups. This is not a relationship between a capricious child and a parent. Parents have moral obligations to bring up the child, can one say this dynamics operate in romantic relationship. I doubt that, because we choose our partner, but we don't choose who our child is. And we do have expectations from our partner, and with our own child, we forgive the mistakes, due to their lack of experience, we are far more forgiving with our own children, than we are with our partner. I think it is understood. | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/14/2008 10:34:36 PM | | In my opinion there are 2 kinds of unconditional love: the one of the mother for the child and the one that a sane individual feels for another helpless individual. It's very possible for a person to be able to love unconditionally, without having mothered a child. Think of Madre Teresa, for example.....that was love for everybody and especially for the helpless. If one's heart is untrained and unable to love, having a child will not impact that capability or lack of it. There is the case of unloving parents. Now, as with everything, one must use moderation and wisely, otherwise love does become attachment. | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/14/2008 10:43:31 PM | | hmmmm Interesting question. Maybe. But maybe not. Imean the type of love one feels for ones child is a different type of love than one would feel toward a spouse. Right? | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/15/2008 4:10:13 PM | Exarmy30:
hmmmm Interesting question. Maybe. But maybe not. Imean the type of love one feels for ones child is a different type of love than one would feel toward a spouse. Right?
Actually exarmy30, I don't think it is different kind of love. Love is love is love is love. I think you maybe confusing the emotions associated one develops as a result of sexual relationship. But in reality sex is not love. One can be engaged in sexual activity with someone without loving them. Once you spend the time with the person, you develop feelings for them, it simply means you care. You know this expression, that love should set us free, not imprison us. Say an example, a man or a woman wants to end a marriage because things are not working out for some reasons, after a talk, you decide to let the person free, because this is what they need to do for themslevs, or you could project guilt and shame upon them (not love, but an attachment). Of course I simplified, but you get the picture. LG | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/15/2008 8:21:31 PM | Say an example, a man or a woman wants to end a marriage because things are not working out for some reasons, after a talk, you decide to let the person free, because this is what they need to do for themslevs, or you could project guilt and shame upon them (not love, but an attachment) .
The story of my life....
Good example. | |
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ngat73
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Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 149 | |
| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/15/2008 8:29:38 PM | I have no children and have believed in unconditional love for as long as I can remember. I think you become less self-absorbed when you have children. My Mom has ten kids and she is the most sacrificing person I know. However, I don't think you need to have children to acknowledge or believe in the concept of unconditional love.
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/15/2008 8:43:54 PM | Simple answer is yes.
Unfortunately, it is often one sided. | |
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