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| rape in a relationship?
Posted: 12/20/2008 2:40:54 PM | | in my opinion rape has no place in a real relationship. rape is a violent act and the is no love there. i would never rape the woman i love for any reason. any one that thinks that funny is not mentally fixed. i want the woman in my life to be sexy for me and to be willing to give it up, so to speek because she loves me and i love her. a man that rapes anyone is not a ral man | |
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| rape in a relationship?
Posted: 12/20/2008 2:47:02 PM | | Rape is caused whenever someone forces another to have sex without that person's consent. It doesn't matter if they are married or not. | |
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| rape in a relationship?
Posted: 12/20/2008 3:38:33 PM | | Yes it's possible. No means no and if the other continues and well force themselves on you then its rape. The fact your in a relationship or marriage doesn't matter. | |
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| rape in a relationship?
Posted: 12/20/2008 10:44:49 PM | Just for the record, pedophiles and child rape was brought up in message 318. I was just stupid enough to express my thoughts on it once it was mentioned.
{"Different degrees of rape" is kinda what I mean by "not labelling or prosecuting different types of "rapists" the same".}
As per typical thread, the point is lost ... trying to explain what you mean, ... constantly be attacked for having a different opinion ... having your words and meanings twisted ... people picking and choosing what they want to "hear" and respond to ... with constant "new angles" thrown in... (like a man going to a hospital and having sex with a wife in a coma?? WTF?)
I throw in the "white towel". | |
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| rape in a relationship?
Posted: 12/21/2008 3:24:10 AM | For me, I have way too much pride to be in the role of "supplicant", or to let a woman see me sweat, even in an established relationship. For me, the appropriate response to a woman indicating a "lack of interest' is to show an even greater lack of interest, and to indicate that it's not that difficult to find "in the world".
Rape is wrong on every level, but in addition to everything else, it is to reinforce her "power" in the relationship. I never, ever, let a woman feel that she has power or control, and attempting to rape her, is a sign of weakness.
So, to me, in addition to everything else, attempting to rape in a relationship, is a sign of weakness, so, for me, in addition to everything else, I could never let myself show that I "give a damn", if she were non-responsive sexually. | |
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| rape in a relationship?
Posted: 12/21/2008 4:20:12 AM | In the cases of 'forced sex' or 'sex without consent' as opposed to 'sex with violence' within a relationship I think we are talking about control here.
Presumably when a couple embark on a relationship, and especially in a marriage, they agree to honour each other bodies. In the journey they take together if one person goes back on that agreement, then they drive the relationship in a certain direction which is negative for the couple. The reasons they may have may well be valid, but to expect the other party to go without a large aspect of what makes coupledom is unreasonable in my opinion.
Severe illness aside, just saying 'no' is not good enough. This puts a pressure and an anxiety on the man to find it elsewhere, either paying for it or having an affair; or to become unwillingly celibate. All of which carry issues of damage to the exclusivity of the couple. 'No means no' carries implications on both sides. The woman is taking control by controlling his intimacy with her can hardly complain when he seeks comfort elsewhere!
I think that the pendulum has swung too far, there ARE times when women don't feel like 'thinking of England' (a Victorian term for sex) , and there are times when all we feel like we are being 'just a vessel' (the pumping away term is oh so true sometimes!) but one must look at the bigger picture - and the consequences of rejection. To give in to sex on the few occasions when you don't feel like it might not feel that good at the time but the next morning you might wake up with a delicious smile on your face and love in your heart.
It is not unheard of for 'forced sex' to happen quite a lot within a loving relationship but this is rarely discussed outside the couple. Political correctness doesn't exist inside the bedroom unless you want your marriage destroyed!
To say no - and watch him turn his back, or take his pleasure elsewhere, is going to cripple the relationship in some way - serious questions need to be asked the next morning as to your commitment to your partner. In my opinion if you have a happy and loving relationship the question of consent never even occurs in the first place anyway - in choosing to be with him exclusively he knows I am there when he wants me - isn't that what it is all about? | |
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| rape in a relationship?
Posted: 12/21/2008 4:27:52 AM | I think people still have misconception that rape is all about sex or lack thereof. Rape isnt about sex.. its about anger & hate, violence ,POWER & control. Yes there can be rape in a relationship & I wonder what other abuse the woman suffers at the same time thruout the course of that relationship. Many do not report it b/c they feel they will not be believed. Why do they stay? FEAR has a large role.
Dressing "inappropriately" (shorts & Tshirt) or not.. has really nothing to do with being raped. Muslim women are covered by their burkas & are raped (read the news) & then instead of being the victim, they are killed b/c of perceived "loss of honor" by their families. These women are not asking to be raped, but pay the ultimate price with their lives. This happens worldwide including here in the US.
If a woman withholds sex consistently from her partner, or vice versa, you have to wonder why? Is it a medical condition? Is it depression? (more common than you think). Are they physically unattracted to each other at this point of the relationship?
Some stay together, some dont. If sex is important in the relationship & the person repeatedly pushes their partner away whether for sex OR affection; and they refuse to get medical or psychological help; it may be best that they separate & live their own lives.
But this does not justify rape. And having read all the posts I think we have 2 topics going on here | |
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| rape in a relationship?
Posted: 12/21/2008 8:57:30 AM | I'm not going to jump on the rape bandwagon because I am not entirely sure if it is rape if you want to have sex with your girl and you just do it. If she is your girl, then it should be all good. But if you have to force it, then I think it is a toss up depending on how she feels about it. If she likes to be forced then it might not be rape to her but to someone else it might be rape.
It seems like rape depends on what some woman feels about the encounter. If she had too many beers and you had sex, it turns into rape if she feels bad about the encounter. If a woman says it is rape, than it is rape regardless of if you are in a relationship or not or even if she was forced to have sex or not. That is why as a dude you have to not really be interested in sexing girls because whatever the girl says in court is what is going to be seen as true. | |
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| rape in a relationship?
Posted: 12/21/2008 9:59:37 AM |
I'm not going to jump on the rape bandwagon because I am not entirely sure if it is rape if you want to have sex with your girl and you just do it. If she is your girl, then it should be all good. But if you have to force it, then I think it is a toss up depending on how she feels about it. If she likes to be forced then it might not be rape to her but to someone else it might be rape.
R.O. "role play" is consensual, and has been agreed to in advance. Even when acting out "rough sex", there would be a "safe word", that "really" means "no". People who are engaged in d/s sex both realize it, and it's not "subject to interpretation".
As many have noted, forcing sex against a woman's will, isn't really about sex. It's a response to anger.
I might add, so is the woman, who consistently denies sex to her partner, as is the male, who consistently denies signs of affection.
The simple answer, IMO, is that when it gets to the point, where there is that degree of anger in a relationship, the two should give up, and move apart. Rape is not only criminal, it's destructive to both people.
As I posted earlier, IMO, the correct response for a man to make, when a woman tries to use sex as a "weapon", is to communicate that he doesn't give a damn, because there are a whole lot of other women in the world. In other words, take the "weapon" away, not respond to it with anger, especially not in a criminal way. | |
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| rape in a relationship?
Posted: 12/22/2008 7:02:13 PM | | Relationships & Marriage Has anybody out here remembered in the wedding vows- I obey. Wether married or not their are times when both parties will say no. Sometimes there is a justifiable reason for saying no. But alas soo many people don't remember what it was like during the courtship and switch once they have their claws sank into their partner. | |
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| rape in a relationship?
Posted: 12/22/2008 7:50:06 PM | TTD49:
That's because their are different phases of love - infatuation (where you can't keep your hands off each other) in the courtship phase doesn't last as it moves into later stages of mature love. That is not to say mature love doesn't have or want sex, it's just different. And this stuff is bigtime influenced by hormones like oxytonin and (I think the other one is ) vasopressin. I saw this on a psychology of love documentary.
To love, honor, and obey in your marriage vows...I am not familiar with marriage vows, but it seems to me that many people seem to interpret the "obey" part as "obey your husband". I would think that it would be more in keeping with "obeying" the bonds of fidelity and commitment to each other as opposed to your husband wanting sex therefore you must give it to him no matter what you think or feel. | |
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| rape in a relationship?
Posted: 12/22/2008 7:57:50 PM | | *Note to self: if ever married again, strike the word "obey" from vows. * | |
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| rape in a relationship?
Posted: 2/12/2009 7:35:17 PM | | Wow! What a post! As someone who has grown up southern, I am really taken aback by some of the posts here. As a southern gentleman, I believe that a lady is to be treasured and loved, not treated as a sex machine. With that being said, I do believe that sex is a VERY important part of a relationship but, as humans, things change somewhat with menopause, etc. True, loving partners work through these things. Vindictiveness should not be in a marriage, period. If a wife "cuts off her husband" then she should be brave enough to end the marriage as well. Guys, we cannot allow ourselves to become lazy, fat slobs either. We do not like it when our wives do it so, turnabout is fair play. | |
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| rape in a relationship?
Posted: 2/12/2009 8:19:23 PM | | NO MEANS NO!! I don't care if you're in a steady relationship or not. When a woman says no, it doesn't mean "well, okay, i'll just lay here and take it". Why do so many men have a problem with that word?? Rape comes in many forms, but a lot of people don't realize that. Just because you are in a relationship, doesn't mean that the woman has to give in to you whenever you want it. if she says no, holy crap, go choke the chicken!! Don't ever force yourself on someone. And for those of you who say you'd leave because of this, well all I say to that is good riddance to you. I don't know of any woman who would be upset about not being taken advantage of. Rape, in any form, is a crime. Think about that the next time you try to force yourself on your mate. | |
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