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| | My gf won't even let me touch her down therePage 6 of 11 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11) |
Like was already mentioned, without sex the human body will survive quite well. It's not a requirement, a genuine NEED such as water/air/food/clothing/shelter. Without those NEEDS the human body will cease to be in time. Without sex, hey look at that...you can get along just fine.
That's fine if you want to talk in objectively in strict literal terms about basic human survival needs in a entirely dogmatic manner.
But if you talk in "human" terms, and if you value spiritual and emotional health, then whether sex is a "want" vs a "need" becomes debatable.
How many relationships fail when all the basic needs of water, air, food, clothing, shelter are there in the relationship???
Why do so many women own vibrators? Why do men masturbate?
I don't care if sex is not classified as a "need".
It's a "want" that I need.  | |
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| My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/5/2008 6:59:20 AM |
What makes something intimate to you is different than it is for me as for me is different for others. It isn't different for non married people.
I haven't said what the OP "should" do, and I have acknowledged several times, that it is different for young, never married people compared to divorced, older people.
What I have said, primarily, is that it's not unusual for a 25 year old guy to want a dating relationship to be sexual, and not that difficult for him to find a relationship like that elsewhere. So, unless he and the girl share religious or ethical views that make them both choose to refrain from sex, there is a serious difference between them, in terms of what each would like the dating relationship to be. It's hard to see that working out well, but who knows? | |
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| My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/5/2008 7:44:45 AM | | Because a man can't wait for a woman to be ready to be sexual with him it won't work out............could be. He deserves to catch something from a girl that jumps right into bed with every man that tells her a few sweet words. To the OP, I think you should move on to an easy girl and leave the one worth dating alone. There are girls out there that just want to sleep with men..........not saying there is anything wrong with that so don't start freaking out, so why not just go find one of them if you can't wait for her to be ready. I think there needs to be respect on both sides and someone pushing or pressuring isn't respect. If she is holding out on you just to tease you or get something from it that is wrong........but not because she has told you she needs time. RESPECT people. | |
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| My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/5/2008 7:54:01 AM |
Why do so many women own vibrators? Why do men masturbate?
Because orgasm feels good. This is not the same as sex, but this proofs that sex is not a need for physical pleasure. | |
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| My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/5/2008 8:11:21 AM |
Because a man can't wait for a woman to be ready to be sexual with him it won't work out............could be. He deserves to catch something from a girl that jumps right into bed with every man that tells her a few sweet words.
OK.....well, that says a lot about the person posting it. He "deserves" to get a disease, because he is growing tired of having his sex life controlled by a woman who, after 4 months of exclusive dating, is uninterested in having it be sexual.
Why is the OP being portrayed as a "bad guy?" He didn't "pressure" her right away, and he hasn't abused her. He even kept seeing her for 4 months, before getting tired of having his relationship needs ignored.
In today's society and culture, most 20somethings in exclusive relationships are having sex. It's not as if he's looking for something unusual.
Which is not to say that she "owes" him sex. He isn't saying she does. He's asking if he should move on and find someone else, who might have more compatible needs in a relationship. And, she would probably be happier if paired with a guy, who shares her views of sexuality in dating.
The problem here, IMO, isn't that either of them is "bad" or "wrong", but it would seem merely that they're incompatible in an important area, and thus, "wrong" for each other. | |
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| My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/5/2008 8:23:19 AM |
Because orgasm feels good.
Ya think?
This is not the same as sex, but this proofs that sex is not a need for physical pleasure.
What are you debating now????
Normally you would get an orgasm during sex. Sex is good. Sex is real good. Sex is great. Sex is really great.
Being obtuse is not.... | |
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| My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/5/2008 8:25:53 AM |
Normally you would get an orgasm during sex. Sex is good. Sex is real good. Sex is great. Sex is really great.
Sex is not great if one is uncomfortible. Seem very simple. | |
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| My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/5/2008 8:36:31 AM | Why is the OP being portrayed as a "bad guy?" He didn't "pressure" her right away, and he hasn't abused her. He even kept seeing her for 4 months, before getting tired of having his relationship needs ignored.
Msg 71 show he is a jerk who does not care for her.
Beside that, there is nothing wrong of break up with her for a person who will have sex. I would incourage this, if he cares more of sex than her.
And, she would probably be happier if paired with a guy, who shares her views of sexuality in dating.
Nobody know her view on sex. There is no indicate that she is wait until marriage or think sex is bad. We only know she was in bad relationship with only partner. | |
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| My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/5/2008 8:50:21 AM | Yes, you have waited patiently far too long, OP. (geez ... a whole month of being "exclusive").
Definately, move on... give up on this girl. As someone suggested, go find a skank who will put out right away.
Either that ...or... keep your paws to yourself, respect that this girl is not easy, and be happy jerking off until she indicates she is ready. (also keep in mind that "fingering" is not very romantic and necessarily "mood-creating ") | |
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| My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/5/2008 9:14:02 AM | I don't have a problem with this young man wanting to have sex. What I have a problem with is the fact that he does NOT know what he is doing.
The fact that he used the term "fingering" speaks volumes that he doesn't know what to do to bring his GF to orgasm. There's nothing wrong with not knowing what to do. We've all been there. Oh wait, from what I read in these forums POF people have "always" been sex experts. Pft. Recognizing that you or your partner might not know what they are doing is a huge step towards improving things.
Most of us just assume that our partner knows what they are doing because we were conditioned to act like we know everything about sex. This is a myth and people need to acknowledge this and fix it themselves.
Since his GF seems to have issues about this, bringing her to a proper orgasm might help things, but both will never know how to do that unless they start to educate themselves. Proper orgasm means that he gives her one and doesn't satisfy himself. This is to make her feel safe, comfortable and trust him. When a woman feels safe, comfortable and trusts a man, one begins to "come out". The difference between feeling that way and not is a world of difference.
As I said, I've met 40 year olds who still don't know what they are doing.
Most people need to "see" the reality of sex before they can even attempt to really experience it. Young people go by their peers, TV, porn etc., none of this explains "real sex". Hence my suggestion of educational sex shows. | |
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| My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/5/2008 9:24:34 AM |
because he is growing tired of having his sex life controlled by a woman who, after 4 months of exclusive dating, is uninterested in having it be sexual.
They were NOT exclusive for 4 months. He himself says that only in the past month would he consider it exclusive. Perhaps this is why she is reluctant, sounds to me like there was some ambiguity between them for at least 3 months, are we or arent we? that lone would be enough for me to not trust, and if I cant trust you, we are not having sex.... | |
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| My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/5/2008 9:41:50 AM | Well its a sort of tricky one i guess , especially if you have a high sex drive like myself lol but anyway on a serious note if she doesnt feel comfortable then she isnt going to go any further straight away especially if she is lacking in experience if you really like this girl and think there could bee potential hang in there be supportive and theres no rush to have sex yes its an important factor but hey your 25 shes 24 you got loads of years to sh*g each others brains out !!!
so
1) Talk about it but be patient dont pressure her.
2) make her feel comfortable and special dont make the sex thing a big issue
3) Take your time !! would you rather be with this girl who sounds like shes waiting for the right kind of guy or with a complete slapper that you might get some nasty disease off?
4) Have fun enjoy yourselves there must be a reason why you both got together so you must have shared interests you can both do ?
5) she sounds like she could be a decent girl who just needs a little time so why the rush?
And if you are just sexually frustrated just go in the bathroom and pull the purple party popper !!! lol dont give up on her !! | |
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| My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/5/2008 10:06:34 AM |
Most of us just assume that our partner knows what they are doing because we were conditioned to act like we know everything about sex. This is a myth and people need to acknowledge this and fix it themselves.
For the most part, good lovers are made, not born.
Since his GF seems to have issues about this, bringing her to a proper orgasm might help things, but both will never know how to do that unless they start to educate themselves. Proper orgasm means that he gives her one and doesn't satisfy himself. This is to make her feel safe, comfortable and trust him. When a woman feels safe, comfortable and trusts a man, one begins to "come out". The difference between feeling that way and not is a world of difference.
This could be the only thing stopping them from in fact, having a good healthy love life in their relationship. If they were to actually have a number of really great intimate experiences together, he might shift her paradigm of what sex between two people is about. | |
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| My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/5/2008 10:11:35 AM | Proper orgasm means that he gives her one and doesn't satisfy himself.
WHAT?
That's funny.
And ultimately unsatisfying in a healthy sexual relationship.
Several posters are focusing on the "high schoolish term" of "fingering" - what the h3ll else is it called? Does the term "manual stimulation" make you feel better?
The way this OP describes his g/f is that she is "not passionate" - she does not approach him with affection. This tells me that she is, for whatever reason, a generally unaffectionate person with him. Why should this guy be forced to do all the work in the relationship in regard to affection and passion? When I'm into someone, I want to kiss and touch, and I want to be physically intimate. I may wait to see if he's got the qualities I'm looking for in a partner (though, sometimes not, cuz, well, a girl has needs) but the THOUGHT of doing so, and the physical flirtation that accompanies those thoughts, is there, in the relationship - long before we actually get naked together.
I know that in my relationships, if I'm the one doing all the "pursuing" in regard to affection and intimacy, the object of my pursuit is NOT that into me.
It's reciprocal. It's SUPPOSED to be reciprocal.
And from my experience (having been JUST LIKE this girl when I was her age) she's most likely enjoying the companionship, the idea of being in a relationship, but she has no intention of being intimate, or passionate with him, until it's the point of contention in the relationship. And she thinks its just "the way she is". Oh, and he will have "used her" for sex once it finally gets that far.
Why are we still viewing sex as a commodity? It's an important part of a relationship, not an exchange of service for goods. (You will love me, and I will give you sex)
Intimate touch is crucial to the survival of the relationship - in the long run, for BOTH parties. It's not the crux of the relationship, but its got top 5 status.
Women, please! You can't be USED for sex. You are getting SOMETHING out of the deal (companionship, dinner, intimacy, orgasm, wtf-ever...), firstly, and secondly, you have complete and total control over who you voluntarily get naked with! Own your decisions - and stop foisting your guilt off on these poor unsuspecting men. If you feel obligated to have sex, have the fortitude to say "gee, i really enjoyed the company, but I just don't think you are someone I want to get naked with". Shoot it straight with the men you date, I know they will appreciate it. Dont' be afraid to say "next bus".
/rant | |
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| My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/5/2008 10:18:28 AM | I love your answers sydneyleigh.
Proper orgasm means that he gives her one and doesn't satisfy himself.
I think she meant to say that he " doesn't ONLY satisfy himself".
At least, that's what I hope she meant...  | |
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| My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/5/2008 10:24:59 AM |
Several posters are focusing on the "high schoolish term" of "fingering" - what the h3ll else is it called? Does the term "manual stimulation" make you feel better?
The point is "fingering" does nothing for a woman. It doesn't matter what you call it. "fingering" is not oral sex. Just sticking a finger up a womans yoo hoo does nothing for her unless you are stimulating her other areas. Why this "child" is so obsessed with "fingering" I don't know. It brings no pleasure to her so why bother? He is insisting he wants to do this for "her" pleasure after all. | |
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| My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/5/2008 12:03:00 PM |
The point is "fingering" does nothing for a woman.
actually, "fingering" does nothing for YOU. Please don't paint us all with THAT brush.
(the last time I checked, I WAS a woman)
Unless one uses a toy in masturbation, there's really only a few options to get the job done.
"Fingering" would be one of those options.
At least in MY experience.
sydney | |
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custis
| | Joined: 3/16/2005
Msg: 143 | |
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| My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/5/2008 1:38:03 PM | People, we are living in 2008. After four months, a reasonable non-socially-conservative twenty-something has the right to expect sex in a relationship. They also have the right to leave a relationship because of sexual incompatibility, especially after only four months.
Hell, we are adults. If you so choose, you can leave a relationship after a day because you didn't get sex right off the bat. So long as you are upfront about it, it doesn't make you a jerk.
That's freedom, baby. | |
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| My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/5/2008 1:43:50 PM | A finger going in and out of your vagina (AKA fingering) isn't that stimulating and if it's NOT stimulating to his girlfriend, then he needs to try something else - THAT'S THE POINT. The majority of women cannot orgasm from "fingering". Many women cannot orgasm at all, so the clitoris is your best bet.
What I meant by proper orgasm was that he simply give her one.
Haven't any of you ever given your BF or GF an orgasm and not had one yourselves?!
Simply put - she feels that people want her just for sex. If he gives her an orgasm and doesn't ask for anything for himself (this one time), his ACTION will prove that he IS concerned about HER pleasure.
I didn't think that was difficult to comprehend.
Also, the OP is the one who asked what he can do to improve things. If she and him are both willing to try and improve it, there's a chance to keep the relationship. If however, their sexual needs are not met and they are unwilling to talk about it - the relationship will fall apart and yes he should leave sooner rather than later (like I should have when I was 25!!). | |
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| My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/5/2008 1:55:55 PM | (Msg 137) What I have a problem with is the fact that he does NOT know what he is doing.
The fact that he used the term "fingering" speaks volumes that he doesn't know what to do to bring his GF to orgasm.
Since his GF seems to have issues about this, bringing her to a proper orgasm might help things, but both will never know how to do that unless they start to educate themselves. Proper orgasm means that he gives her one and doesn't satisfy himself. This is to make her feel safe, comfortable and trust him. When a woman feels safe, comfortable and trusts a man, one begins to "come out". The difference between feeling that way and not is a world of difference.
I think you've misconstrued the OP's point. It's not the idea his girlfriend has issues about "fingering". The problem is about sex, in general. In other words if they were sexually active but she didn't care for "fingering" the OP most likely wouldn't care, one way or the other. His point is he can't even get that close.
I understand you to be implying that if he masters bringing her to orgasm by "fingering" she will then be willing to have sex with him. If that's the case I must say that's the first time I've ever heard that. 
(Msg 141) The way this OP describes his g/f is that she is "not passionate" - she does not approach him with affection. This tells me that she is, for whatever reason, a generally unaffectionate person with him. Why should this guy be forced to do all the work in the relationship in regard to affection and passion? When I'm into someone, I want to kiss and touch, and I want to be physically intimate.
I know that in my relationships, if I'm the one doing all the "pursuing" in regard to affection and intimacy, the object of my pursuit is NOT that into me.
It's reciprocal. It's SUPPOSED to be reciprocal.
Exactly! And I agree with the rest of your post.
The OP and the gal have been dating for four months, one month exclusively. Obviously, he's not there just for the sex. If it's not happening now she's not into him.
EDIT:
(Msg 147) A finger going in and out of your vagina (AKA fingering) isn't that stimulating and if it's NOT stimulating to his girlfriend, then he needs to try something else - THAT'S THE POINT.
She won't let him do anything else. THAT'S THE POINT. | |
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| My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/5/2008 2:37:40 PM | What I meant by proper orgasm was that he simply give her one.
Haven't any of you ever given your BF or GF an orgasm and not had one yourselves?!
Simply put - she feels that people want her just for sex. If he gives her an orgasm and doesn't ask for anything for himself (this one time), his ACTION will prove that he IS concerned about HER pleasure.
I didn't think that was difficult to comprehend.
He can't give her one. She won't let him get close enough for long enough to even try.
Of course my GF/BF have had orgasms when I didn't. It's sort of part and parcel of a good sex life.
She feels people want her just for sex - and therefore she's not having any. (see my first comment for his issue)
It's not difficult to comprehend. She's not affectionate. She doesn't want to be touched in any manner to be construed as sexual (ie. below the navel).
This isn't about "she'll do foreplay but won't finish the deed." - he hasn't seen her naked (except, apparently for the boobies, which, somehow, isn't sex ~eyeroll~)
This poor young man has a LONG ROAD ahead if he sticks around. And she's still not gonna be into him.
You are correct, fingering isn't oral sex, its manual stimulation. And I am almost certain that if this young woman can't bring herself to orgasm, (being from a very conservative background, and a history of "being used" for sex, by the one man she lost her virginity to at the age of 23, she's probably not really into getting herself off) - this poor guy is SO NOT going to have any better luck.
sydney | |
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| My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/5/2008 3:10:44 PM | OP... here's what I see:
-You may be forcing the issue and bringing it up too much, which isn't helping the situation. Try giving it a rest for a few weeks.
-She associates sex with 'being used' (Sexual Hangup)
-There might be more going on here than just sexual hangups... not just because she won't let you touch her... but that she was a virgin until she was 23. That's pretty unusual... not just by today's standards... but by historical standards of just about any society.
-She's not comfortable... that much is clear... but is she taking any steps to get comfortable?
-She may have a poor self image of herself... like she might think that you won't like how she looks naked or worries that you won't like how she smells.
-She may have a "Poor Me/Victim" complex... the type of person who always has the same problems year after year and never gets anything resolved.
Now you mention that you don't expect her to give you a stroke... but maybe you should suggest it!
Hell if her pants are off-limits, why not go about things the other way and let her play with you?
Now if she's not even open to that but wants to call you "Her Man", then you have a decision to make... do you want to hang in there for the long haul and *hope* she gets over her hangups, or would you rather find someone more naturally sexual to date? | |
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| My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/6/2008 3:57:51 PM | IMO if your partner does not reach for you or pulls away when you reach for them then you are not wanted. Just move on.
If there is no passion there then there is nothing there do not cheat yourself there are 3.2 billion womman out there. If her eyes dont dialate and heart race when you are near she is not what you want and neither will ever be happy. You are not her Knight in shinning armor. | |
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| My gf won't even let me touch her down there
Posted: 12/6/2008 5:43:03 PM | If she would need sex and you won't do it for 4 months....you would be OUT in 5 sec/sec if you haven't learned this yet. If she does this to you after 4 months (hanging out so much though)...then find another one for sex at least and give her slack as she likes....years of slack and don't even mention sex anymore....don't look at her physical appearance anymore and STOP telling her how good looking she is. She is controlling you knowing that you like her and also she know that she can have sex any time as she would like "out there". Wake up guy...you will end up in "alimony territory" one day. Red light flashing.
This is a clear proof that is all about her and what her endless needs are and not for a second about you. Go and suffer guy, later you will find out if it was worth or not....BUT....if does not work this for you....Welcome to the "sharks" group later you will be a very good candidate for the Big White Shark King. That's how guys won't give a sh.t after attemps like this failing. So go and figure... | |
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