| Too quick to comply?
Posted: 12/3/2008 8:30:06 AM | I was in a long term relationship with a "yes man". No opinion about anything, echoed all of mine. Couldn't even make a decision about where to go to eat...ugh. Ended up breaking up with him, I tried to explain but he never understood.
One the surface it may seem good, always agreeable never asks for anything you get to make ALL the decisions. After awhile it's like an opposite sex clone of yourself.
I am not in any way suggesting you break up with her, but as others have said you can only try to help her build some self esteem and personal identity but ultimately it's something she has to do for herself. | |
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| Too quick to comply?
Posted: 12/3/2008 8:34:16 AM | Ohhhh OP, that would just grind my last nerve having someone agree with me all the time. Where's the mental stimulation in someone being like that? Being too eager to please (butt kissing) and using the 'L' word wayyyyyyy too soon are also humungo turn-offs.
In retrospect, i think its wonderful that you've given HER some sense of her self-esteem back which she has clearly been lacking. You are undoubtedly the best thing to come along in her life in a very long time and she doesnt know how to act, except she knows she wants to please you. Perhaps in time, this newfound self-esteem will boost up her ego enough to stand on her own 2 feet and she'll find her own voice. Hmm,,,maybe you'll have created a monster! lolol
Anyway,,,do what you think is best for you. Maybe give her a couple more months and see if things change a bit. If not,,then you will know what you have to do. | |
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| Too quick to comply?
Posted: 12/3/2008 8:38:06 AM | most women make with men is sharing how they “feel” too early on. If she's saying the word "love" to you, you should be happy because you are getting a lot of attention. LOL
 But if this signals to you that she's just like one of those “clingy” stereotype women who want to rush into a relationship and can’t control themselves from wanting a man to fulfill them and complete their lives, lean back and relax because some women tend to be honest and just wanted to convey their feelings with affection. You don't need to feel the urge of responding to them with the same thing too, most women can understand that. | |
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| Too quick to comply?
Posted: 12/3/2008 8:39:15 AM | I don't mean my post to come out as a put down OP, but I can't help thinking that maybe this woman is a good match for you?
The fact that you need to ask other people's opinions about someone who you worry doesn't have opinions of her own is kind of ironic in my ( honest and opinionated) opinion.
Besides being an oxymoron ie: Ehh...this lady doesn't seem to have her own mind/opinions - what are your opinions on this /what should I do?
You see what I mean?
Anyway, all I know is that the "yes dear" type of people are not people I would choose to spend my time with, let alone be in a relationship with one (and I don't need anyone's input or opinions to know that). But that's me and to each their own.
JMO
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| Too quick to comply?
Posted: 12/3/2008 8:41:41 AM |  You are both 50 and know what you are doing...except you don't much like this woman, she's an extreme people pleaser and dishonest, but you are having sex so you figure it's a relationship and what??? you don't know how to say this isn't working for you and find someone more compatible? Seems you do not know what you are doing at all.  | |
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| Too quick to comply?
Posted: 12/3/2008 8:42:56 AM | OP ---
She is trying to please you. If this is bothering you, maybe you have the problem.
Perhaps you have b**ch withdrawal and need a fix.
"You're a lazy, good for nothing jerk"
Do you feel better now? | |
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| Too quick to comply?
Posted: 12/3/2008 8:45:02 AM | DESPERATE!
Suit yourself, but I run from people like that, because I want an adult to be with, not an infatuated child.
It's one thing to say "ok, honey" when he's red in the face because my team rules Superbowl, it's a whole another thing to buy their jersey and wear it. Unless you lost a bet - lol.
Even my friends have drastically different views on key issues spanning from religion and politics to favorite colour and I respect their choices as they respect mine.
There has been many "agree to disagree" moments and it actually strenghtens the bond.
I'd be concerned if a grown person started emulating my choices and probably would doubt their mental development stage.
Don't get me wrong if you can convince someone to try your hobby and hear they actually like it - great!
Blind worship - not so much. | |
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| Too quick to comply?
Posted: 12/3/2008 8:54:28 AM |
Clingy? Desparate? Should I worry or be thankful?
IMO there is very little information to go on. You seem to be rationalizing or spinning things in your own head, as there is very little context as to how the two of you are actually communicating.
IMO it seems you are rationalizing and spinning things in your own head as a way to possibly sabotage the relationship, because she's "already used the 'love' word 3 weeks into this relationship," because the more you get to know her the less you like her, but idealize being in a relationship.
So you need to continue feeling like you are a "good" person, want to enjoy relationship fulfillment, and slowly accumulate rationalized personality incompatibility so you can vilify her with a "clingy," or, "desperate," label where it turns out you're the victim, and good one because you 'tried,' when it all ends.
So IMO you are now probably looking for things that are clingy and desperate, respond to them in indirect communication, which may be communicating to her the desire for them to continue.
Of all the things that may be bothering you about her, have you said what you don't like? Won't accept? Your perspective on how you are seeing her behavior? Maybe she needs things pointed out to her as it's learned behavior she automatically reverts to when someone isn't really communicating with her. | |
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| Too quick to comply?
Posted: 12/3/2008 8:57:43 AM | She sounds very duplicitous. And ya, I'd proceed with caution.
Seriously. In my experience, there are usually bad things to follow with people like her, as you get to know her. | |
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| Too quick to comply?
Posted: 12/3/2008 9:04:52 AM | she simply agrees with everything 100%, and has already used the "love" word 3 weeks into this relationship. She calls me every day, emails me every night, says she misses me all the time.
People who tend to attach to quickly into any type of relationship can and mostly more so are very shallow people. Also to note those that do attach quickly are also able to detach just as quick. So with this alone you are running a risk for future possibilities that might leave you will more questions then answers. Also the continued emails and calls can be a bad sign that this person lack personal security. People who love someone to quick is also a sign of some type of insecurity and need to move the relationship to a higher level to what would be normally expected. Moving on to the contradiction part of your post shows one who lack personal power and a good degree of self-esteem. Also any type of contradiction are people who aren’t being honest with themselves and therefore not being honest with their partners. Most people see all this attention as being very pleasant and helps with our own personal self-esteem but once this wears off you then will discover who this person really is and what they really want. They may began as a “yes” person but can morph into a “no” person very quickly. Do you feel she is too “clingy”? Well only you can answer that question. Is she desperate? This question can only be answer between both you and the other party. You may want to bring up this discussion next time you talk and/or email each other. Should you be worry or thankful? Well my question to you is thankful for what? And then go from there. As for being worry this question again can only be answered by searching your feeling and asking yourself that question. | |
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| Too quick to comply?
Posted: 12/3/2008 9:58:19 AM | O.P.
Enjoy this as long as you possibly can, because as soon as she feels she "has you" Her head will start spinning around and she will pop into "nagging mode" and you wont know what hit you!!
Now there is a 2.5% chance that I could be wrong about this but it isnt likely.
Women are opinionated creatures and for them to be agreeing with everything a man says..is one of the oldest games in the book to lure him in.
Think about every happy couple you know........does the woman agree with everything the guy says??.....NO!!
Plus....It makes me wonder about a guy who wouldn't be bored with a women who doesnt have her own ideas and thoughts. | |
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| Too quick to comply?
Posted: 12/3/2008 10:04:56 AM | I dated a man with this very same problem. When I asked what he wanted to do or what he thought when we were making plans, you could see the wheels turning in his head as he was trying to decide what I wanted to hear.
I'm 35, I know what I want or think and don't need to have it parrotted from the other party. When I ask what he wants/thinks, etc, I want to hear his views and opinions.
He thought he was being nice, but when you give up all your own feelings and opinions and desires to please someone else, it's NOT nice, it's fraud. How can someone possibly love her when she's trying to be the woman she THINKS you want instead of being herself. Maybe you should mention that to her. I tried it with my ex and it didn't work, but it's good to at least give them the opportunity to be more natural.
Nutt | |
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| Too quick to comply?
Posted: 12/3/2008 10:05:54 AM | JMO, you already have some issues I doubt you ever get past simply because of her age and is probably set in her own ways rightfully so.
I would get it out to her yesterday. If not this will eat at you more and more every day. Who knows the chat may work, but I doubt it. So if it were me, I would be | |
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| Too quick to comply?
Posted: 12/3/2008 10:36:19 AM | | Oh Oh I smell bunny cooking! You should be worried. Sounds to me like she is in love with being in love and will accept anything that comes her way. Too compliant. Not good for you. Bet you have a really hard time getting rid of her. | |
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| Too quick to comply?
Posted: 12/3/2008 10:42:50 AM | | Why does an almost 50 year old who claims he 'knows what he's doing, thank you very much' even need to seek other opinions??? Haven't you already answered your own fifty year old inner voice and experience??? | |
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~tag~
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Joined: 2/7/2008
Msg: 41 | |
| Too quick to comply?
Posted: 12/3/2008 12:45:01 PM | I'm voicing along with msg 35. My past experience (s) have taught me that a person that declares their absolute love so SO early in a relationship will have absolutely no qualms of turning their back and walking away - out of love just as quickly as they were in it.
Doesn't mean they're all like that - can't tarnish them all, ya know - so I wish you luck. | |
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| Too quick to comply?
Posted: 12/3/2008 1:08:18 PM | OP: Yet your profile heading claims to be "happy, content and at peace"... is this woman part of those sentiments? or is it because you're separated and feel free at last?
Have you complained to her of feeling "ignored" by your estranged thus she's trying - perhaps overly - to please you?
If you're both 50, odds thin out and pickins often grow thin for women in said age bracket... so who can blame her for trying?
Point is, if you don't say something to HER, (rather than a pondful of strangers) how can she possibly know what you're thinking/feeling or that you might prefer some autonomy and elbow room?
By the way... those things called phermones often make a perfume, particularly an oil based one, smell a bit different on individual wearers. Good lord, she's trying to please you, yet you whine that she "reeks of it"? Take her shopping for a perfume she can call her own that you both like.
What initially attracted you to this woman... her following you like a puppy tendencies, because your ex was so much the opposite?
She's fishing for some genuine compliments from you. Try telling her what you actually like about -her-, rather than those walking by or generalizations in your mind.
Inspire her individualism! Is she lacking in confidence of her decisions or convictions because you've shot them down in the past? or with your ex? ASK what she wants to do with open ended questions so you discover something more about "her". You said she was in a bad marriage, there could be trust issues in what she does or doesn't actually "hear" from you. Makes sure your actions match your chosen words.
Then... why not try to please her for a change with your actions and decisions?
It could be she's letting you "play the man" role, making all decisions, etc either because that's what her past ingrained her to do or a (mis)perception of what you want.
If you care about this woman at all -regardless of the sex- you need to tactfully tell her you feel a bit smothered. duh!
(This is reeking of "he's just not that in to you" and somebody should tell her!)
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| Too quick to comply?
Posted: 12/3/2008 1:21:10 PM | | While at times that habit of agreeing with everything might get on your nerves, think of the endless possibilities in the bedroom !! Dang 130 lbs of submissive flesh !!Oh ya, she's a keeper ! | |
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| Too quick to comply?
Posted: 12/3/2008 1:27:48 PM |
Clingy? Desparate? Should I worry or be thankful?
Worse. This is someone who is mirroring you. She will be become everything that you desire. Another bad sign is expressing love for you before she truly knows you. That is a sign of idealizing you. I'll let others tell you what it's about, but it's not good.
If you stay, let us know how "wonderful" it is six months to a year from now. | |
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| Too quick to comply?
Posted: 12/3/2008 2:07:45 PM | To each their own; clingy can be good or bad, just decide if you like it or not. I’ll give you an example of bad though:
If she starts getting jealous and hitting you when you go out with friends without letting her know, that’s bad. 
I like to know when someone is crazy about me like that , makes me feel secure; but as I have mentioned above there have been times for me when clingy women have turned into abusive women. | |
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| Too quick to comply?
Posted: 12/3/2008 2:25:54 PM | You're fifty???
Nevermind that....
I like what DaisyPetals said about (people) like that being kegs of dynamite. I have dated a guy like that - I always suspected his immediate kindesses and declarations were not truly meant for me, but for his own "see how good I am" kind of fulfillment, if that makes any sense. When I ended it he was so resentful towards me - turned into a caustic beast! | |
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| Too quick to comply?
Posted: 12/3/2008 3:58:54 PM | | Buy her Loving Him Without Losing You by Beverly Engels. Its brilliant and is exactly what she needs by the sound of it. | |
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| Too quick to comply?
Posted: 12/3/2008 4:00:00 PM |
You're fifty???
Nevermind that....
 I thought that too. No wonder she's so giddy/happy!
Well OP, maybe it's just a matter of time for the lady to adjust to reality because she is crazy about you (is there a reason she shouldn't be?), but as others have said, it might be time to bring up your concerns and see how it goes. Good luck! | |
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| Too quick to comply?
Posted: 12/3/2008 4:03:04 PM | You met a lovely lady from here a few months ago yet you've been a member less than a week..
(If in fact this is all true) it sounds like the woman likes you and is perhaps trying a little to hard to please you (HUGE) mistake. Depending on how often you have been seeing her 3 weeks is a little early for the love thing but she may very well have developed real feelings for you, so what. Your a 50 year old man if the love thing bothers you tell her.. not us. I'm curious as to why someone would have problems with weekend plans, or sexual desires unless you are lousy in bed and think a great weekend getaway is mowing your lawn and pitching a tent in the backyard. | |
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| Too quick to comply?
Posted: 12/3/2008 4:14:09 PM | Got to love the OP just sent me this because of my reply: I guess I hit a nerve here.
OP Writes:
your reply of "You've known her months but have been here a week" really made me shake my head....who gives a flying f u c k ????why even worry? Maybe after I met her I deleted my profile and created a new one just so I could ask a question.
See, lemme tell you something....overanalyzing c u n t s like you will never find happiness, you'll drift from one guy to another, and always blame HIM, never your fault.
This is his second missive:
I got the last word in....haahaaaaaaaaaa
looooooooooooooooooseeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
And he has now closed his account...
wow, must be something in the Napoleon complex he has. makes me feel sorry for this *lovely lady*.
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