| You call this Dating?
Posted: 12/5/2008 8:34:02 PM | | I would of paid the check too. Don't let one guy discourage you..Got to be a better guy right around the corner for you..hang in there... | |
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| You call this Dating?
Posted: 12/5/2008 8:41:35 PM | | Like some other posters stated... don't give up on dating... take a break and regain your composure then approach the dating scene in a different way. The coffee thing is always good, showing up early and getting your coffee then letting them get what they want when they get there. It gives you a chance to talk and see if you want to pursue a relationship and the money thing is not an issue. | |
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| You call this Dating?
Posted: 12/5/2008 8:45:16 PM | It's the attutide of some not all. I have had a few of that type as well. Or they buy you dinner and expect payment in someway. I rather pay the check and leave with a smile.  | |
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| You call this Dating?
Posted: 12/5/2008 9:01:02 PM | Not to apologize for the bad behavior of the men regarding the dating experiences women have discussed here, but if I may offer some insight?
Some men are just fed up with being used as a free lunch/dinner/concert/activity conduit, and their behavior reflects it.
I went through the stage of feeling duty-bound and responsible for paying for everything but simply stopped for one very practical reason – I couldn’t afford it anymore.
Dating is not cheap in time or money, and for one gender to be expected to put forth most of the effort to initiate, pick where to go, what to do, and pay for everything (yes, there are still many ‘old-fashioned’ women out here that not only expect to be pursued but demand it) is not something I choose to do now.
I don’t ask for splitting the bill in every case, but I’m much more cognizant and sensitive of the overall expense of dating. There are many women I find attractive and initially interesting but I'm unable to afford the dating lifestyle they enjoy and expect from a potential partner, so I end up passing. | |
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| You call this Dating?
Posted: 12/5/2008 9:01:59 PM | "I am thinking of giving up on dating. I had a date last weekend, he was nice at first, we chatted then he said lets go for Pizza at Pizza Hut, I said sure. We had a pizza and 2 drinks, then he asked for the bill. The next thing I know he is holding the bill right up to my face and says, you are just like all the other women, who use me. I grabbed the bill and paid for it, I was more than mad, and told him you do not put me in the category of other women. I left. I suppose this forum will be erased, since you cannot say anything about the Good Olde Boys.!"
I have to wonder a little bit about YOUR side of the story. You finish your comment with:
"I suppose this forum will be erased, since you cannot say anything about the Good Olde Boys.!"
To me, this shows you have a tremendous chip on your shoulder. This makes me wonder if it all really went down as you said. The logic in your story also doesn't make sense. 'He asked for the bill then held it up in my face...' It seems unlikely that someone would do that on a date unless he was truly mentally ill or so filled with anger. Either way, how could YOU miss that whackyness in him in the first place?
One thing I have learned from this brutal world of dating is that a LOT of women are NOT angels, as they automatically assume they are. I've been used by more women than I care to remember...and after acting like a total gentleman time and time again, it gets old. When will these women start acting like ladies to match my gentlemanly behavior?
Just based on the tone of your last sentence, I'm gonna call B.S. on your story...sorry, but you brought something of this on yourself. There are not enough details to be clear on what it was, but your last sentence gives away your true attitude. | |
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| You call this Dating?
Posted: 12/5/2008 9:04:05 PM | | I hate crazy people like this?? it's rude when people pull that crap. If the people that ask others out don't learn to be responsible for paying then don't date?? Don't talk if you don't have the ballocs to back it up. | |
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| You call this Dating?
Posted: 12/5/2008 9:27:11 PM | | Don't feel bad. I went out with a dude and he farted enthusiastically as he walked me to my car. | |
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| You call this Dating?
Posted: 12/5/2008 9:31:32 PM |
Some men are just fed up with being used as a free lunch/dinner/concert/activity conduit, and their behavior reflects it
In my case, he didn't pay for an expensive dinner - he made a Taco Pie!!! But that is not the point...his behavior was beyond bizarre - without reason....Similar to the what the poster described...I understand what you are saying but some are just, well, whacked... | |
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| You call this Dating?
Posted: 12/5/2008 9:36:34 PM | | you could have refunded him by sticking your fingers down your throat and leaving the pizza on his lap..... | |
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| You call this Dating?
Posted: 12/5/2008 9:38:32 PM | Jonash, I understand your point about only hearing her side of the story, and I’ll even go so far as to agree that it does seem odd. But having referenced this “brutal world of dating”, do you really think it’s beyond reason that this could have actually happened?
Also, kind of ironic that you first say this:
To me, this shows you have a tremendous chip on your shoulder.
And then go on to say:
I've been used by more women than I care to remember...and after acting like a total gentleman time and time again, it gets old. When will these women start acting like ladies to match my gentlemanly behavior?
Sorry, darlin, but that ain’t no little chocolate baking morsel you’re carrying around there.
And…
Either way, how could YOU miss that whackyness in him in the first place?
I dunno. Maybe the same way YOU missed how all those women were using you time and time again?
It was her FIRST date with the guy. How long did it take you to realize those women were using you? | |
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| You call this Dating?
Posted: 12/5/2008 9:41:48 PM | Don't feel bad. I went out with a dude and he farted enthusiastically as he walked me to my car.
hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! That is HILAROUS! One farted on a date with me and I said "OK - this can mean only one of 2 things - you are either very comfortable with me OR that is what you think of our date"...I guess he thought I would blow it off and not say a word...We laughed about it for what seemed like 30 minutes! Funny stuff! Hey, we all fart...However, I try to hold mine until at least the 2nd date... | |
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| You call this Dating?
Posted: 12/5/2008 10:14:06 PM | If a man can't control his sphincter muscle, he probably doesn't have command of his love muscle either.  | |
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| You call this Dating?
Posted: 12/5/2008 11:04:25 PM |
Not whether all a man can afford is to take you to Pizza Hut on a date.
That's not what this thread is about. The OP was invited to Pizza Hut which she was fine with. What she's writing about here is how her "date" acted when the bill arrived. He accused her of using him. SHE paid the bill and got out of dodge. | |
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| You call this Dating?
Posted: 12/5/2008 11:43:55 PM |
Professionals in their 40s do not go to Pizza Hut for rendezvous. That should have been your first clue. Obviously this person could not afford to be dating.
If he had any consideration for another he would admit, beforehand, that he is in financial distress. Then it would be up to you to decide if that is alright. This was merely the actions of a loser.
I am laughing at the thought that someone could actually think they are being used for pizza!
Be more discerning. Well.. I must say, this is probably the most pretentious statement I've heard on the every-so-many "who should pay" threads.
Re: The Opost.. Obviously this is a guy who's been paying for a lot a dates and failing in the follow through.. He's frustrated and should take a break from dating or keep first meets to coffee only .. Unfortunately I think you were the "straw that broke the camel's back" and he lost it on you. | |
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| You call this Dating?
Posted: 12/5/2008 11:48:13 PM | A lot of this really comes down to manners and common courtesy. I realize some women may hesitate to offer to pick up part of the tab, not because of the expense, but because they've been taught that the guy should pay.
If I'm the one asking, I expect to pick up the tab. But for the very first meeting, I like to keep things simple and just go for coffee. (I'll even spring for a bagel--but if she wants cream cheese, of course that's on her dime.) | |
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| You call this Dating?
Posted: 12/6/2008 2:52:48 AM |
Professionals in their 40s do not go to Pizza Hut for rendezvous. That should have been your first clue. Obviously this person could not afford to be dating.
Why in the world wouldn't professionals goto Pizza Hut? Do you presume that all professionals are on the same income level?
Besides, the "WHO" should be infinitely more important than the "WHERE"!!!
And you were accurate in correcting Wishes, too.
Pretentious statements aren't pretentious to pretentious people.
just like entitlement chicks don't think that they are gold diggers. | |
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| You call this Dating?
Posted: 12/6/2008 3:57:41 AM | OP,
Without reading other poster's comments, I'm curious....
Did this guy wig out because the bill reflected an additional $1.50 charge for *extra cheese* - or - did he make his inappropriate assumption from the conversation you shared during dinner?
Yes.. an unfortunate waste of your time and energy but you handled it well - be proud of that. This type of experience is quite common (for both sexes) with "on-line dating" but certainly not any indication of how dating should be. He showed his ass early on .. a good thing for you.  | |
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| You call this Dating?
Posted: 12/6/2008 6:56:06 AM | *sigh*
Damn it 
Sorry Op-ie. What a dumb date. What a dumb guy. What a dumb attitude. All I can say is ..........  (I really can't verbalize the words without a flurry of four and five letter words)
It's always the dudes who can't properly funnel their frustration/anger/stupidity, that ruin it for decent people. I have a qualm about the "it'makes good guys look that much better/appealing". Somehow, in the midst of it all, the truth is, scenarios like this just make it harder to date. She's [the Op-ie] legitemately frustrated, which makes the next date, frustrating. Et cetera. Ad nauseum. I'm polishing off my black shoes and working on my dance steps. I'm coming out with a new song.
" I'm Bringing [DECENT] back"
*sigh*
It needs to come back. F**K "Sexy". Yeah, a pun. Even in my uber-indignation.
There are way too many females [both here and in daily life] who, because of past woes with being cheated on/cheating, dealing with the realization of poor choice, and just flat out failure to curb enthusiasm, make dating that much harder. [... after all "can't help it". I'm looney tunes for Tats/"swagger"/buffoonery, regardless of the piss-poor person these things are attacthed to] .
*shrugs*
If it's stupid , it's probably happened to me, on my quest for a meaningful relationship with a lady. Lied to ? Yup. Cheated on ? Lost count. Dropped for someone cuter/sexier/"edgier" ? Absolutely. I can't give up, because that's just the kind of spirit I have. I get frustrated. Sure as the sky is blue, I get frustrated. But I'll never give up.
Imagine Micheal Jordan being told "You'll attain success, if you just stop trying so hard".
I think it was Nietzsche (sp) who said
"Careful when fighting monsters, lest you become one of them".
But alas. I'm but one fish among millions. What do I know ? *shrugs*
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ngat73
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Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 95 | |
| You call this Dating?
Posted: 12/6/2008 8:36:47 AM | I would have asked the waitperson for a separate check and then I would have said that you can meet some real nutcases when online dating - in a voice loud enough for everyone to hear.
Bahaha! I am SOOOO using that one! Awesome...
I would never use this method. How embarassing to direct any attention my way to being associated with someone like that. Just because I made a mistake does not mean I should advertise it and highlight that I am an idiot too. I have never been out on a date like this. I rarely go out with men online until I feel that they are going to show me a good time, otherwise what is the point? I don't think men should take a woman out when they can't afford to. They should stay home when they are broke. Men like that are very unattractive to be around. It leaves a bad taste in everyones mouths.
One time I offered to pay half (which I rarely do), of course my two sisters, and a niece showed up and the bill ended up being $325 or more. He took the half and afterwards wanted to continue our night. I pretty much said "see ya". That was kind of wrong and looking back he was a decent catch and I really should have kept it one-on-one for the first outing. I had met this guy a year before and he left a message at my office, so it took some effort for him to get me out too. I actually wonder about him every once-in-awhile. But that was back when I was just newly single or briefly broken up. | |
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| You call this Dating?
Posted: 12/6/2008 8:46:03 AM | I'm going off the rails on a crazy train. 
That's a crazy story OP. How do you equate dating in general with one very weird experience?
One time I offered to pay half (which I rarely do), of course my two sisters, and a niece showed up and the bill ended up being $325 or more. He took the half and afterwards wanted to continue our night. I pretty much said "see ya". That was kind of wrong and looking back he was a decent catch and I really should have kept it one-on-one for the first outing. I had met this guy a year before and he left a message at my office, so it took some effort for him to get me out too. I actually wonder about him every once-in-awhile. But that was back when I was just newly single or briefly broken up.
How is it you're single? What a catch! | |
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| You call this Dating?
Posted: 12/6/2008 8:59:43 AM | I went out with a guy and he paid for the meal even though I offered to pay my half.
We went for a ride and I offered to pay for the bridge toll as we were using his gas. He refused. I put my money back in my purse. He said "Well you didn't try very hard."
I didn't know I was supposed to strong arm him into accepting the money.
We had another date and he emailed me ****ing about how much money I had cost him. In the same email, he bragged about how he always takes care of his woman.
Sheesh! You just can't win with some people, but that is no reason to give up dating.
It is a good reason to take a break and have a nice b*tchfest about dating in general. Enjoy the festival. | |
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| You call this Dating?
Posted: 12/6/2008 9:04:23 AM |
We went for a ride and I offered to pay for the bridge toll as we were using his gas. He refused. I put my money back in my purse. He said "Well you didn't try very hard."
Psycho alert! Split personalities freak me the hell out...
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| You call this Dating?
Posted: 12/6/2008 9:24:33 AM | If this is indeed factual and accurate, I won't defend the actions of the guy. From what information the OP has CHOSEN to provide, he acted irrationally and was clearly out of line. I'd still like to hear his argument. As people often say, there's two sides to every story.
we chatted then he said lets go for Pizza at Pizza Hut, I said sure...
She AGREED to Pizza Hut, people! She's just as much at fault for going to a pizza place on a first date as he is! And as far as that goes, it's a first date! It's supposed to be casual! All of a sudden, the first date has to be at an expensive restaurant of the lady's choosing? NOW who's using whom?
Where is the context? Where is the conversation that happened throughout the dinner? Are people so quick to slam, judge, and arbitrarily take sides based on so little information?
Yes, they are. It is because a woman is presenting the story, and they are coming to her empathy. There's one other topic in particular on one of these forums, in which a man has trouble understanding why a woman has left him. And INSTANTLY people jump on the guy, saying it's something you did, you suck, et cetera ad nauseam. Women who replied wanted to hear the woman's side of the story, also.
Unfortunately, some women will take this story to heart, and it shall forever influence their opinions on men who had nothing to do with this story and are in no way similar to this example. Generalizations abound. | |
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| You call this Dating?
Posted: 12/6/2008 9:59:51 AM | Msg1 ,So sorry that your date has a mental problem, no normal person would do that. Nextime you may ask your date this big question " Are You Buying ? So you know what the deal is... | |
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