| I THINK IM crazy
Posted: 12/5/2008 12:02:38 PM | | I read the post...he needs to sink or swim on his own...he's sucking energy from her. | |
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| I THINK IM crazy
Posted: 12/5/2008 12:14:39 PM |
Its nuts to try to help someone that is not worth it
When you and your ex were together, was he “not worth it”? Is his “not-worth-it-ness” the reason for your divorce? Has he always been the type who gives a lot of half-a$$ apologies for “not being worth it”, and then makes empty promises that he’ll change his “not worth it” ways? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then my question to you is, “Boom, boom, ain’t it great to be crazy?”  | |
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| I THINK IM crazy
Posted: 12/5/2008 12:58:31 PM | OP........
You know....it sounds like you are raising another child. Since you are the one who actually sent out HIS resumes, is he going to expect you to work the job that YOU get for HIM too?? There's probably a reason he's not getting any bites for work.
You don't need to seek medical treatment. You just need a really heavy cast iron skillet EL KABONGING you in that kind hearted HEAD of yours. Because the only thing that's going to actually PAN OUT on you taking a loan out for him in YOUR NAME is you appearing in front of Judge Judy when he all of the sudden says that he thought the money you gave him was "A GIFT"...... dig???
By doing what you are doing, you are preventing a man from actually GROWING UP and being .......... A MAN!! This will then make it YOUR FAULT, and not HIS.
Tell him to go work at McDonald's if he has to for now to make some money. But HE'S the one who has to show his kids, AND YOU, that he's a MAN.....and not the child that you're giving a LOAN out so HE can look good to buy gifts for your kid.......... | |
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jolia
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Joined: 2/25/2008
Msg: 29 | |
| I THINK IM crazy
Posted: 12/5/2008 1:07:33 PM | I agree w/Pair o docs...
Exactly, some couples set up their relationship like a mother-child one and this is what I think is happening. She is trying to protect him no matter what. Just like Moms do with our side tracked children.
I would advise no loans or anything. If you really have good feelings for him ( I didn't say you are in love with him) let him grow up. Sometimes they need to touch rock bottom to grow up, and that some times can take more than 21 years....seems to be the case.
Good luck and no loans. | |
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| I THINK IM crazy
Posted: 12/5/2008 1:15:59 PM |
My Ex has not paid child support in over 6 months ($1435 per mo) he has received birthday gifts, been bought groceries and there will be Christmas presents from him to his children. All purchased by me of course.
In the mean time, my savings are dwindling, I am shouldering the burden of all children's activities, clothing etc. He is not in jail because I cannot allow my kids to see that, my parents and siblings think I am an idiot. He has never said thank you.
But personal loan???? HELL NO.
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Dead beat dads are that way, because they are allowed to be. Your kids will know soon enough, what their Dad is like.Disillusionment beckons.You would be surprised what kids pick up.Dont waste your savings, what if illness comes or injury, how will you cope.Your kids need that money, more than him. Get his ass into court and get your money.No groceries or presents, let him shoulder his own burdens like a man.
He is stress free and you are tense and getting broker by the week.Come on girl, kick ass.
Little red flags are flying all in the breeze.... Can't you see them?
Hey, OP... As long as you keep dishing out the funds, and bailling his sorry butt out, then he is still going to keep hanging around and using you....
You're not crazey, but if it keeps up you might be....... | |
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| I THINK IM crazy
Posted: 12/5/2008 1:29:41 PM | OP ..... many of us are part time crazy.
My long time wife up and took of.
THEN she would come over (and do me) and leave with even more stuff ............. duh
THEN when I finally ran out of chit she wanted ......... she stopped coming over ............ duh
Can we get a big big group .......... duh  | |
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| I THINK IM crazy
Posted: 12/5/2008 4:42:11 PM | Really I'm being HONEST I was going to do it becuase I feel bad, he has been trying to find a job just not happening (MICHIGAN here) I did not do it to get him back that boat has sailed.
I read something like I said, it was not mine to read, it showed me he was lying to me yet again. And I told him Loan just wasnt approved so he doesn't know that I canceled it so no harm no foal and warned him it might not happen when i applied.
And thank you everyone for the kind words, thought i would be torn to shards. | |
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~Eve~
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Joined: 10/3/2008
Msg: 33 | |
| I THINK IM crazy
Posted: 12/5/2008 5:01:45 PM | Ms Sweet,
Step away from your checkbook, your bank and your purse ! ! ! ! !
And run far away from your EX when you get "crazy" thoughts about giving him money.
People will take advantage of you and your generousity "as much and for as long as you let them".
Be generous to yourself and your children, but let him fen for himself. Trust me, he will be fine, job or no. And if by chance he isn't, it will be his fault not yours.
Warm Wishes  | |
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| I THINK IM crazy
Posted: 12/5/2008 5:11:59 PM | | hi... if our motive for helping someone is based on genuine care and concern then I can not say that it is ever a bad thing... my happiest days have been when I answered that voice and helped someone in need.. the payment was how good my heart felt ... OP if your motive was pure then no youre not crazy.. if your motive was to give your kids a better view of their father, you are still not crazy, wishful thinking perhaps... if your motive was to get him back, money can not buy you love, you know that.... I can say that I have appreciated help and love from others while I was at my worst, after all that was when I needed it the most... sometimes we fear enabling people so those are the times when all that we can do for someone is to pray for them... blessings for balance in all that matters, warmly Mona | |
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| I THINK IM crazy
Posted: 12/5/2008 5:12:02 PM | Honey, you're not crazy. You're just naive.
This will not make you happy and it will escalate until it makes you seriously unhappy.
Take care of you, first. He's a grown man. Treat him like one and refuse to wipe his butt for him. | |
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| I THINK IM crazy
Posted: 12/5/2008 5:24:16 PM | Ok since in all these post nobody else has bothered to say it.....
yes your crazy...
many people have comented how iresponsible HE is but think... is it really a responsible person that lends money or even considers lending money that they do not have to another person ex or not that has not income stream to pay for it?
That does not sound like a sane choice to me.
Not trying to pick on you but you can not loan money you do not have. Oh wait scratch that the government does it all the time so you are just following their role model behavior.....LOL Sorry couldn't resist
Being a nice person isn't crazy...... but making irrational choices without thinking them through DOES make you crazy.
If you did not find whatever it was to read that caused you to stop... what then? You would have loan someone money that you didn't have?
On a different note.... I love all the people always stating that someone should work at Mcd's.... Have you been to a Mcd's lately? I think most have already collected a fair amount of the recently unemployed. which means they can not hire more than is required to operate.
just my opinions at least.
Sorry, i was not trying to be mean, just to offer a perspective that you might have missed is all. | |
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| I THINK IM crazy
Posted: 12/5/2008 5:37:19 PM | Yes! Seek help urgently. The only people more evil that internet dating personalities are exes. They will siphon out your bank account and tell themselves, "You owed them."
Phone 1800-BIG-TONY-FIXIT for help. | |
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| I THINK IM crazy
Posted: 12/5/2008 5:38:27 PM | | No nibbles on a resume is a red flag. It could be that his credit is horrendous and thats why the employer didnt offer him a job. Yes many employers do look at credit reports and well as other backgound checks. He can request a potential employer to inform him of the reason he was not offered the job. | |
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| I THINK IM crazy
Posted: 12/5/2008 5:46:13 PM | Oh, I don't think you are crazy sweetkisses, but, as Afashionlady pointed out, it's apparent there is still a cord attached to your ex from you.
often , when it comes to the children, we will do things that will ensure them having a nice Holiday, without muddying up the waters with your ex.....their other parent,
But really, when an ex is truly an ex....there is no merit in simply enabling them to continue acting up. There could be discussions around the child...or children...if it is possible to do that in a civil manner.....that's ok.
as far as seeing something not for your eyes, well, if you are moved on, past that relationship that 'was'.....the rulebook is out the window..you are now separate people...free to move on and discover new things, including yourself.
I think there are healthy ways to interact with an ex,,,,and unhealthy ways. This is an example of an unhealthy way,
but, you might want to ask yourself, if you are truly over him....for it sounds like you , and him are a wee bit stuck in old patterns.
regards
Kimbo*********************************** | |
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| I THINK IM crazy
Posted: 12/5/2008 5:48:12 PM | Sweetkisses,
You are a caring and understanding woman. However, it is not your place to support your ex husband. He is your "ex", remember? And probably because he stressed you out over financial reasons. He has all this free time (since he isn't working )to be preparing and mailing out his own resumes. He can go to the library and use their computer. If he doesn't know how to use a computer, he can take the tutorials at the library also. You are mothering him. STOP!  As far as buying Christmas presents for your son, you can buy your son the presents and you can sign your name on them. Don't feel sorry for your ex. He got himself into his situation, let him get himself out. Good luck! | |
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| I THINK IM crazy
Posted: 12/5/2008 5:52:04 PM | I am string right now at the envelope from the State full of the paperwork I need to collect support, I trusted for 20 years that he would do the right thing. It never happened. But if he has a record who will hire him, if he is in jail how can he work? I am really confused.
I would scrub floors to feed my kids. | |
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| I THINK IM crazy
Posted: 12/5/2008 5:52:07 PM | | Let him pay his own bills and for your kids sake put a few gifts from him under the tree. You knowing he's an ass is one thing but his kids knowing will only hurt them. | |
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| I THINK IM crazy
Posted: 12/5/2008 6:29:08 PM | to the original OP.......... no, you are not crazy............ just a sucker.........( you are NOT alone........ trust me on that). as many before me have stated, you are a kind, generous soul, but loaning money to someone who can't (or won't) pay it back IS crazy. if you had tons of money just laying around and nothing better to do with it, well, then give it as a GIFT......... but to take out a loan?? not such a good idea. i have learned some very hard lessons on the way to 50 and i will never co-sign ANYTHING with ANYONE again, i will not put anyone on my bank accounts, credit cards OR car insurance.......... i too am a "sucker" and it took me awhile but i think i have it under control now...........
two rules i try to live by: #1 never BORROW anything you cannot afford to REPLACE
#2 never LOAN anything you cannot afford to LOOSE
I am string right now at the envelope from the State full of the paperwork I need to collect support, I trusted for 20 years that he would do the right thing. It never happened. But if he has a record who will hire him, if he is in jail how can he work? I am really confused. I would scrub floors to feed my kids.
and to you miss carolann, i say........ I DO scrub floors to feed MY KID....... and bathtubs and kitchens and toilets!!! (i have been running my own residential cleaning service for 15 years) my X only has to pay $225.00 per month (yes, you read that right) for a severely handicapped child.......... and he pays when ever he "feels like it" and every time he has misses a payment you better believe i am on his a$$........because, MONEY is the only thing i need from him. he hasn't seen his son in 8 years.......and if you love your kids, and i know YOU DO, then you need to do the best thing for THEM. like a prior poster said, you'll be surprised how fast he can come up with some money when he thinks he's gonna go to JAIL......... works wonders for MY X !!
so honey, mail that envelope and know that YOU are doing the right thing!!!
happy fishing y'all  Wolfie from FL | |
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| I THINK IM crazy
Posted: 12/5/2008 7:25:22 PM | I dont think you're crazy. You're a kind hearted women that is starting to see the light and obviously you're getting stronger. Someone like that is always going to look for someone else to take responsibility for him. You're doing nice things for him in hopes he'll pull himself togther and finally be a father to your son...if only it was that easy. Be honest with your son and dont confuse him. Tell him the truth about his father and let him see that its not okay to look for handouts. I bet if you stop living your ex's life for him....you'll have all kinds of energy for other more important things like....playing with your son or taking a long hot bath.
Here's hoping he just keeps on moving to the next state. 
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| I THINK IM crazy
Posted: 12/5/2008 7:31:44 PM | Wolfie, I just finished filling out all of the paperwork out and it is hitting the mailbox first thing in the morning. I'm never going to trust another living soul to do the right thing ever again, if not for your own children then who?
Good luck to you and your son thank you for the kick in the ass. | |
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| I THINK IM crazy
Posted: 12/5/2008 7:35:30 PM | | Your not crazy just maybe a little naive. I've done things for ex's after we broke up that was financial but it was more to tie up lose ends and I didn't want nor expect them to pay me back. Once you leave them you don't want them to be reliant on you and doing that kind of thing breeds reliance. | |
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| I THINK IM crazy
Posted: 12/5/2008 7:35:42 PM | I am string right now at the envelope from the State full of the paperwork I need to collect support, I trusted for 20 years that he would do the right thing. It never happened. But if he has a record who will hire him, if he is in jail how can he work? I am really confused.
A lot of people will hire him. And like some have said,you would be surprised how fast the money will turn up when his package is in a vise,so to speak.On top of that the state will probably give him a chance to pay, jail is the last option for them and they use it for a wake up call.
But you need to think about your future as well as your children's, it's time he was made to face his responsibilities.
just read the above post and good for you! Drop me a note and let me know how it works out. | |
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| I THINK IM crazy
Posted: 12/5/2008 7:47:46 PM | | He is a big boy and your not his mommy. Any man who excepts money from a women who is not there sister is not a man. And for the women who doesn't allow her ex to go to jail for not paying, is making a bad example of the law. Dea-d beat dads who can't find a dime for there kids should be in jail thinking about it. Real men pay and find a way...no excuses from mother or dad. They don't have the money but I bet they are still buying and going out. | |
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| I THINK IM crazy
Posted: 12/5/2008 7:48:56 PM | No you are not nuts, I would say you sound like a thoughtful, caring person. I am wondering though, if you were doing all this for him, what the heck was he doing? I mean, come on, he can do all this by himself, he's a grown man. Sounds, like maybe he should move back home to mom. He obviously made the mess he is in, not you. Let him fend for himself, as you are.
If he has a son he should be a bit more responsible. Next, thing you know he'll be asking for more and more. I say send him packing for good. Let him find his own job and money. He's not your responsiblity anymore and should move on, before he weasels his way back in.
You put yourself out there probably because you are a good person who would help anyone in need. I don't think medical advice will help, but maybe taking your heart off your sleeve where he is concerned would be your best bet!! | |
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| I THINK IM crazy
Posted: 12/5/2008 7:51:59 PM | | WOMEN please stop being so nieve and letting these men fool you.....omg..... Feel bad and listen don't open your purse. And I am sure the same goes for the men. People will su-ck u dry if they can if u are willing to help out. Make a donation to children's hospital but don't pay someone's bills who is never going to pay u back a dime. | |
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