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| first date sex
Posted: 12/25/2008 11:02:42 PM | I was married forever, and then at 47 got a divorce and started dating (somewhat reluctantly). I met a nice girl online and had a quick dinner at a diner. For a second date she wanted to come over and fix me dinner, so I accepted.
When came over she brought her toothbrush and planned to stay the night. She really didn't know me, but after we had had a few drinks and watched a movie she told me, "I want you to f--- me now."
I have to admit I was more than a little surprised. I always figured I would get to know someone first. And I never expected a woman to feel that safe with a virtual stranger.
Nonetheless, I wasn't going to insult her at that point. I did everything she told me too for the rest of the night.  | |
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| first date sex
Posted: 12/25/2008 11:14:31 PM | Men want to date a girl that puts out easily. They don't want to marry a girl that puts out easily.
Of course, there are always exceptions... | |
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| first date sex
Posted: 12/25/2008 11:57:53 PM | Sometimes that depends on what the guy was taught ......If they do me on first date then they must do everyone.....and that might NOT be the case. I live out here in
"The Bible Built" they can be pretty small minded out here and ignorant when they meet up with some one who is alittle liberated in this area of their life. Hell I might go a year with
out it ...if I did that, then that makes me the "well she probably does every one"
and it dont matter how good it is either...if they have that in their minds they dont want ya,
period. Personally I think it is stupid the double standard stuff but it does exist. | |
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| first date sex
Posted: 12/26/2008 12:58:50 AM | Lets jump past the idea or concept that it is a complete unknown "blind" date and never met before "first date".
In this venue people are more apt to mail, then chat, then talk on the phone and then get together for the date.
If both parties are honest in those conversations, there is a lot learned. There is a comfort zone that is created between them.
After many hours of talking and chatting, the idea of the person being a complete stranger is gone.
It's really simple though. There will always be consequences for your decisions.
Some good some bad. So if your adult enough to make them be adult enough to deal with them! | |
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| first date sex
Posted: 12/26/2008 6:27:32 AM |
Men want to date a girl that puts out easily. They don't want to marry a girl that puts out easily. Of course, there are always exceptions...
Exception raises his hand... | |
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| first date sex
Posted: 12/26/2008 8:09:27 AM | Men want to date a girl that puts out easily. They don't want to marry a girl that puts out easily.
Of course, there are always exceptions..
With all due respect, that's a concept from the 1950s, that has had nothing to do with my life experience. My college girlfriend, with whom I had a 5 year relationship, and became engaged, was someone with whom we had sex on a first date. Ditto, my ex wife, to whom I was married for 20 years. In fact, every relationship I've had that lasted longer than 6 months, all began with first date sex, and there has never been a dating relationship that went beyond 3 dates, where we weren't having sex.
The social model that promoted "good girls don't", was based on the idea of a working husband, a stay at home wife, with a man as "head of the household". A woman was expected to be, or pretend to be, a virgin on her wedding night.
All that went out the window with women increasingly gaining equality in the workplace. Her future didn't depend on "marrying well", and women were "liberated" to act on their desires and needs, without focusing on "marrying well".
There are those people, for whom it's a matter of religious conviction, that sex outside of marriage is sinful. If two people share that moral conviction, then it's wrong to ever have sex prior to marriage. There is no moral distinction between first date and 3 months later. If they have that conviction, then there is no issue. However, if they disparate views on the matter, they are incompatible.
As rock man said, it's especially true with internet dating. Most people, prior to meeting, have spent a lot of time talking/emailing/revealing themselves. When they meet, if there is strong chemistry, it's been my experience that it's acted on. If it's not, it's been because there isn't a "there" there. Thinking that chemistry "grows over time" has been when I've tried to "talk my self into" a relationship, when it's not really there, and waiting is just wasting time.
So, in my experience, women who want to "wait" some extended period of time, have been women who either "just aren't that into me", or women for whom sex is not an urgent need. Either way, not a good match. | |
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| first date sex
Posted: 12/27/2008 3:26:11 AM | Not all guys want to date a girl who is THAT easy when it comes to sex. Yes, he did have sex on the first date as well, but that's ok if he did it. It's just not right that you did. lol
Sad but true. It's called a double standard, i'm sure you've heard of it. | |
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| first date sex
Posted: 12/27/2008 5:54:01 AM |
It's called a double standard, i'm sure you've heard of it.
Yes, there are still those who have a double standard. Generally speaking, that's not true of those who are well educated, or who have some level of success in the working world, where they interact with women in the work place.
If women are concerned about what the most ignorant sector of men will think about her, then she needs to work on her self-identity, rather than try to "earn approval" from those men. She should also factor in that in trying to be who she thinks a small percentage of men think she "should" be, based on a non-sensical "double standard", she is creating a negative impression with more successful men.
Much as some insecure men try to "pretend" to be what they think "women" will "approve", usually a weak, subservient, "yes dear" type, they turn off most women. Then they come online and post "nice guy" threads. 
Both "nice guys" and insecure women fail to accept the simple truth that women like sex, as much as men do. More often than not, women have as strong or stronger sex drive than men, as they hit their mid to late 30s and beyond.
Sex isn't always logistically possible on a first date, but I can't imagine having a 3rd date with someone, if it hasn't been sexual. Nor do I understand why a man and woman wouldn't get together again, if the sex was good.
In a nation (U.S.) of 300 million people, or 330 million English speaking people in North America, there is no "universal rule" that will explain every experience, so, of course, your mileage may vary. | |
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| first date sex
Posted: 12/27/2008 6:23:54 AM | I. don't believe in that standard myself. Isay if it feels like the right thing to do go for it,and there's always the second date.   | |
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| first date sex
Posted: 12/27/2008 6:36:40 AM |
So, in my experience, women who want to "wait" some extended period of time, have been women who either "just aren't that into me", or women for whom sex is not an urgent need.
I would add a third category: women who are control freaks, who use sex as a bargaining chip or power game and cannot experience any authentic or spontaneous enjoyment of sexuality. These often turn out to be the lousiest lovers, not surprisingly. | |
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| first date sex
Posted: 12/27/2008 6:49:27 AM |
I would add a third category: women who are control freaks, who use sex as a bargaining chip or power game and cannot experience any authentic or spontaneous enjoyment of sexuality. These often turn out to be the lousiest lovers, not surprisingly.
Oh please.
You know, not EVERY woman lives for her genitals and thinks it's just fine to have sex with someone she just met. That does NOT make a woman a "control freak" or a "lousy lover" simply because she has a little self respect.
Jesus. | |
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| first date sex
Posted: 12/27/2008 6:55:39 AM |
this is not the 60's people enjoy life
Spoken like a true youngster who knows nothing about the 60's!
FYI - the 60's was free love - NSA sex - communes, where shared love was the norm! Life was laid back - life was lived as we pleased! There were no threats of AIDS or anything more than a curable STD. You would have fit right in! | |
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| first date sex
Posted: 12/27/2008 7:07:36 AM | Ego & fear. To keep it short.
"Wow, that was awesome. She must've thought I was really awesome to do that right away. Hey! Wait a second! I'm not that awesome! Oh, no! What if she does that with everyone! There's no way I can keep this up! *hides under the bed for 3 days ignoring all calls*"
See.... ego and fear. | |
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| first date sex
Posted: 12/27/2008 7:18:52 AM | Well there have been many complaints on here about expensive dates, so this is
one way to probably combat that. Can't get much cheaper than sex on the first date.
(Just My Opinion) | |
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| first date sex
Posted: 12/27/2008 7:50:11 AM |
You know, not EVERY woman lives for her genitals and thinks it's just fine to have sex with someone she just met. That does NOT make a woman a "control freak" or a "lousy lover" simply because she has a little self respect.
If your notion of "self respect" is defined by how soon you go to bed with somebody or not, that's rather sad.
If a woman doesn't want to go to bed on the first date because she simply doesn't feel comfortable enough with the other person, or sufficiently attracted/interested in that particular person, that's perfectly fine.
I was referring to women who go in with rigid, preset rules based on the delusion that following these rules is somehow a reflection of her "self-respect" or "morality," etc. That's just ass-backwards. Likewise, a guy who has an ironclad "put out or get out" requirement is equally retarded.
Rigidity is retarded, period. | |
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| first date sex
Posted: 12/27/2008 9:15:49 AM | i agree with the being safe thing if it happens... but c .. this is where females or even some dudes get confused.. u met this person who u hardly know and gave it up.. i wouldnt expect a whole lot from her the next day... she shouldnt either... if i really liked her i wouldnt even attempt to on the first date... its all cir-cum-stance!! | |
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| first date sex
Posted: 12/27/2008 9:37:28 AM |
Men want to date a girl that puts out easily.
Well, let's see. I want to date girls I like and I want to sleep with girls I like, so wanting to sleep with girls I date seems sort of a no brainer. I'm not sure why I should want to do that any less on the first date.
They don't want to marry a girl that puts out easily.
Of course, there are always exceptions...
The exceptions being secure men who aren't hypocrites and who realize women can like having sex with them without needing to be persuaded. I haven't married anyone, but I have had long term relationships with women I've slept with on a first date and even a casual hookup. I never date women who regard having sex as ``putting out.'' If sex is a chore for a woman, I'll find one who isn't burdened by the effort. | |
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| first date sex
Posted: 12/27/2008 11:04:06 AM |
u met this person who u hardly know and gave it up.. i wouldnt expect a whole lot from her the next day... she shouldnt either... if i really liked her i wouldnt even attempt to on the first date. Earlier in the thread, rock man in post #79 summed it up nicely, in terms of online dating, and since this an online dating site, I believe that's germaine to this discussion. When you meet someone from online, it usually follows a couple of weeks of intense contact via email and phone. You probably know more about each other, if both are honest, than you would in 2 months of casual dating. What you don't know is whether the chemistry will be there or not. If it's not, right there on the first meet, you will never have overwhelming chemistry. Those who persist in dating, when the chemistry isn't strong, are usually insecure about their ability to "get a date", so they try to talk themselves into it, by pursuing an illusion that chemistry will "come over time", or else, what they really want is "companionship", rather than a great love/grand passion. In my experience, it's almost always a joint realization that you are "really into" each other, or else that you're not. IMO, it's not a good idea to have sex, if there isn't overwhelming chemistry, but it's dysfunctional to have sex, if there isn't. So, in my experience, either we don't have sex, because there's no "there" there, or else, we do, because there is. If we don't, then either "we're not into each other", or else, "someone" has "issues" with sexuality. For those in their early 20s, never married, it's a bit different. For those who are divorced with children, though, I haven't yet found an exception. It's a natural consequence, the one time in 3 or 4 first meets, that there's chemistry, we both will have that "I want you" feeling and act on it. | |
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| First date sex is great!
Posted: 12/27/2008 3:00:09 PM |
Notwow this may not have accured to you but your last girlfriends don't make up the whole female species. So that's good they held off till the third date and as you say for YOU it's a whole lot better then. For ME it depends on the womans skill not how long I've known her if it's better. I've know women for over 10 years that sucked then and suck now. Women that are quicker to sex generally like sex more then the ones that stick to rules like I'll wait a month or a till the third that. Of course like you pointed out there are exceptions of course. Hope this gives you better insight on what I mean?
Midnightstorms:
Perhaps the issue is that you enjoy the hunt, and I frankly, am looking for some type of relationship.
Yeah, the hunt is great, but you know, once you have some sort of relationship established, it makes it just that much better, and... grin... not only is the sex good, it is much more frequent then having to start all over again.
To each their own I guess. You mow your lawn your way, and I'll do it my way. | |
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| first date sex
Posted: 12/27/2008 3:19:24 PM | | too true i was 48 the first time i had first date sex and 50 the next time | |
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Rob_SA
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Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 97 | |
| first date sex
Posted: 12/27/2008 7:59:10 PM | Every relationship starts somewhere. If the chemistry/attraction is there and everyone agrees that it might be fun then why not go for it? I kind of get the impression that a lot of guys on the forums try to come across as a bit holier than thou as a defence mechanism, or to try and create an impression of some superior degree of morality. Maybe it's got something to do with Americans and their affinity for religion as opposed to we godless Aussies?
By the time we get to the first date/meet we've exchanged messages, probably chatted on MSN and had one or more phonecalls. If when we met in person I was attracted to the woman and she to me and we decided to have sex then I'd see our sleeping together as hopefully being the start of something great and long-lasting. | |
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| first date sex
Posted: 12/27/2008 8:02:25 PM | | I've always been a bit envious of the guys who could whip-it-out on the first night, point-and-click the right erotic software program in their minds...and HIT IT! | |
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| First date sex is great!
Posted: 12/27/2008 9:31:08 PM |
When you meet someone from online, it usually follows a couple of weeks of intense contact via email and phone. You probably know more about each other, if both are honest, than you would in 2 months of casual dating.
What you don't know is whether the chemistry will be there or not
Mello...You also don't know if anything they've told you is the truth until you meet them in person and have spent some time with them. That's how those Russian women scammers get away with it at all. Yes, we may think we know someone (some even enough to think they're in love) but its very easy to lie via emails/texting/im-ing and even with phone calls. How many threads have we read where the women suddenly find out that the guys they've been seeing for months are married? And similar ones?
Sorry....I don't engage in intimacy until I find that his actions speak louder than words. Its awfully difficult to see actions without meeting face to face, isn't it? To say nothing about going to a private place with a man who may be the next Ted Bundy - on a first date no less when for all anyone knows, everything personal thing he told you was a crock of shit. Is that really safe? ....Maybe I'm just old...or maybe its the single parent in me....but intimacy (for me) is reserved until I trust someone and that trust is not automatically awarded to every person I talk to - whom I've never ever met.
I personally like high sex drives and strong connection, it insures passion.
Midnight storms....If you're basing her sex drive by how quickly you can get into her panties, you're sadly mistaken. Some of us are just better at self control and are thankful for rechargeable batteries
the one time in 3 or 4 first meets, that there's chemistry, we both will have that "I want you" feeling and act on it.
Mello....If you're finding mutual chemistry in 1 of every 4 first meets...I think you should share your secret. It seems for the rest of us, it's more like 1 in every 50. You mentioned 2 ltr that started off with sex on the first date. Yet how many times have you had sex on a first date where it didn't lead to a LTR? Wouldn't that be a truer indication of whether or not it really matters? If you've had 1st date sex 10 times, but only 2 became long term, that means that 80% of the time, there was no relationship after having sex on the first date. That means 80% of the women (the majority by far) were not ltr material. The more 1 night stands you've had, the more its clear that those leading to a LTR were in a very small minority.
If women are concerned about what the most ignorant sector of men will think about her, then she needs to work on her self-identity, rather than try to "earn approval" from those men.
If it makes you feel better to that those of us who wouldn't have sex with you within three dates is based on what others think of us, you can keep deluding yourself. My self respect has nothing to do with how others perceive me to be but more about whether or not I am happy living my life and with the choices that I have made.
There are certainly enough threads from the broken hearted women who have given it up at the beginning and the guy disappears, to also make me think that most guys that do have sex right off ...are only out for the sex - period. Once they've claimed the prize, they're gone onto the next hunting ground. Yet another reason to wait until I know someone.
I think its safe to say that for those of us who'd rather wait until they get to know a person better before having sex, would be better off with partners that think similarly.
Just like for those where the number of partners doesn't matter to them, would be better off seeking out people who share the same ideas.
HR  | |
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| First date sex is great!
Posted: 12/27/2008 10:48:26 PM |
There are certainly enough threads from the broken hearted women who have given it up at the beginning and the guy disappears, to also make me think that most guys that do have sex right off ...are only out for the sex - period.
That has nothing to do with first date sex. Those women's problem is having sex for the wrong reason, i.e., they were hoping to manipulate a guy into a relationship instead of just wanting to have sex. Life is easier if one doesn't kid him/herself about his/her motivation for doing something. | |
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