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| Having a hard time moving on....
Posted: 6/23/2005 7:43:07 PM | I can relate to the yo-yo. My wife and i split up last November, and now are finishing our divorce. In her opinon she did not "cheat" on me because we were "not together". I say after 8 years that a couple months apart does not make it ok for her to sleep with someone else; since I suspected her and the other guy and that is why i left.
Even after all that I have tried to work on things. She wants to "just be friends", but that is to hard I go up and down. that sad part is that in my head I know I just walk away after all that she has done, but my heart just has a hard time letting go.
It really kills your self esteme when someone who you trusted with all your heart cheats on you. That is really the hard part, well that and being alone.
How can I move on? | |
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| Having a hard time moving on....
Posted: 6/23/2005 7:49:38 PM | I'm sorry if I sound cold hearted, but....
You left her. Who she dates once you're out of the house is none of your business.
I'd hope that before you actually decided to end your marriage, your "suspicions" were pretty much slapping you in the face. You leaving, gave her the OK to do it. And, if she wasn't, your leaving told her you don't trust her. If the latter is the case, you're better off without her. How could you stay in a relationship without trust? | |
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| Having a hard time moving on....
Posted: 6/23/2005 8:33:48 PM | Well, I couldn't stay. And yes my hunch was confirmed. Before I left I asked her if that is what she wanted, and she said yes. That was November and by the end of December she was calling me crying telling me she wanted to fix things. I thought things were going to improve, we went to counseling. A week later, she says she doesn't want to fix the marriage, and she was back with the other guy.
I could go on and on, and I understand there is two sides to every story, but I never thought of leaving her for someone else like she did me. Am I perfect? NO, far from it. But there is a difference. The guiy she was cheating with was married and twice her age, 50. So what ever her reasons it boils down to a difference of opinion. she sees divorce as a solution. I view it as a problem. That is just who I am. There is right and wrong in the world. i made a promise to her and I, but more importantly to God. That has been the real hard part for me, how can I stop trying? | |
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| Having a hard time moving on....
Posted: 6/23/2005 8:46:30 PM | TO ALLYWEISER... you are welcome, I am not saying that it is maybe the right way but sometimes it is the only way, I myself have to just focus on fwd, if I look back for even a second, it hurts, and I get sad and messed up and it is consuming and I need to function, work and be a mom, I can't afford to be a basketcase, so I refuse to let myself look back, I shut it all out. I will look back, one day, and deal with it then but for now... this works, Dr Phil would probably string me up for my advice LOL but it lets me cope, live and be productive and keeps the "shadows away" that make you want to wallow in depression. It is ok to feel sorry for ourselves, for a bit, then we have to pick ourselves up, dust off and do what needs to be done, time will heal and this too shall pass. That.... and I do not know where I would be now without God and the peace and strength that I get from Him, He is my rock, and the one who never lets me down :)
TO DJIANE84... be careful, you are the one who will lose in this game, because of the position you are in at this moment, it is all a control thing, whether we like to admit that or not, it is. She has control...bottom line...if you want to come out ahead, you need to get control, which is not easy to do, and to get it you have to act like you could care less and push her away which will make her run to you...LOL I know , sounds stupid but... we all want what we can't have, we all want the challenge, which is why you still want her so bad. You really want to see her want you??? date someone and act like you are happy LOL The downfall about having the control is that once you have it you don't even want the other person anymore because there is no challenge, no chase, and you can have what you want and hence move on to wanting something else that is not so easy to get LOL aahhh such is life no wonder we are all messed up LOL
It is all games, no one wants to play them, we stress that we are not interested in them, hate when we are in them but they are still there...it is natural emotions that do it and I think to some extent it is beyond our control.
TO DOMEROTH....relax... and did your mom not tell you that if you have nothing possitive to say than don't say anything at all??? sorry had to say something about your rudeness I know it will probably let lose a free for all attack on me but oh well
TO CURLS KC....my heart goes out to you, I pray that you have peace and strength, I know exactly how you feel (been there, done that, got the t-shirt) but ...you only miss the guy you fell in love with, the guy you "thought" he was.....and he has been gone a long time, the one that took his place is not that guy and maybe never was, it still hurts I know...
The thing that amazes me the most is that at one point, someone nurtured these hearts and encouraged that love to grow and then almost emotionlessly, simply discards it as worthless to them anymore and you are left to rummage thru the rubble of the aftermath to salvage the pieces and crawl up out of the hole the bomb left and start the enormous task of repairing and rebuilding...which is where God comes in.. if you look up at this point in your life, He is holding out a hand to pull you up a bit faster, to help you dust off, listens to your sobbing and feels your pain too, His heart breaks watching you with your broken heart and then He whispers "you can do it, I know you can and I am right here beside you, I will help you feel stronger every day"...
My God is an awesome God:) I feel His love around me even in the midst of the worst life struggles.:)
God bless
.....and to all who are thinking about replying with some racist Christian bashing, save your keypunching, it clogs up my deleted folder
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| Having a hard time moving on....
Posted: 6/23/2005 8:56:43 PM | TO SOWHATNOW......she has broken your promise to God by committing adultry ( which by the way does count in God's eyes whether or not you are together or apart as long as there is no divorce yet) Jesus says there is but one cause for divorce and that is adultry, which leaves you free to go on and start again . It sounds like you are a believer so maybe try praying and asking to break the "soul ties" to her so your heart can heal and move ahead
(after some time of course...it is not good to jump into the dating scene, you need time to heal, rebound is not good and only usually hurts the next person)
God bless | |
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| Having a hard time moving on....
Posted: 6/23/2005 9:09:12 PM | snowbird,
Thanks. I'm just going with the flow at this point. It is hard to explain how I feel. After 8 years and then this I kind of feel insecure about myself. It stinks. | |
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| Having a hard time moving on....
Posted: 6/23/2005 9:24:30 PM | | kinda feel insecure??? LOL ya that is a given pretty much, take comfort in the fact that we all feel like that after there has been a betrayal or even just a breakup, but be careful, no one can make us feel inferior without our consent and no one can beat us up more than we can do to ourselves... remember WWJD :) | |
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| Having a hard time moving on....
Posted: 6/23/2005 11:45:01 PM | My bf of over 4 years left me 10 months ago and I'm still heartbroken. We were together since I was thirteen and I do really feel like things ended because we met too early! Usually when you've been together for 4 years you're startin to look towards a lifetime together right? Well at our 4 years I was just 17... too serious too early. It sucks.
We made so many mistakes just because we were so young! And now I keep wishing, if only I'd made those mistake with someone else who wouldn't have really mattered to me in the end! And if only I knew then what I know now! Oh well, what's done is done! | |
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~KC~
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Joined: 5/10/2005
Msg: 34 | |
| Having a hard time moving on....
Posted: 6/24/2005 4:05:03 AM | Thanks Snowbird... I have been lucky enough to have met some incredible people that share my heartache and I can talk openly without shame or umbarassment about my situation. I am more than eager to move on... but one cannot manipulate time or the future... so I will bid my time and deal with the issues as they come up and when they come up.
Hurts like hell at times - the feeling of being expandable and dispensable. But... she is a worthy woman... and as odd as it may sound.. I pray to whomever is above... he is worthy of her. Time heals all wounds and that is all I have now... is time.
Thank you for your kind and loving words. | |
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| Having a hard time moving on....
Posted: 6/26/2005 12:40:46 AM | | cooking, dressing, sketching, dancing...these are a few things ... but ... its ancient hx ... coffee, beef and brocholi... I'm not sure... rephrase the question to make sense to a mentard. Steve Austin. | |
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| Having a hard time moving on....
Posted: 6/26/2005 1:05:49 AM | djiane... moving only puts 3,500 miles between you and the person that's helped you to experience this sort of pain and heartache. you're only 21... experiencing this pain is good for you in the long run and it definitely won't kill you. as i've told so many people, you'll wake up one morning, realize the pain is gone and you'll wonder to yourself how long it's been gone by the time you notice you're not feeling it anymore. it's all just a part of life but i encourage people to feel that sort of pain to it's fullest because it has so many rewards if you look at it in a positive way. one of those positives is that you'll appreciate your next partner far more. you'll grow in ways you never expected unless you try to mask the pain or replace it with someone you don't care about, just to get you through it. take it like a man ;) you'll be fine, i promise ya.  | |
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