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| Is it EVER okay to cheat? (Thanks Terry for the inspiration for this one.)
Posted: 6/22/2005 6:23:38 AM | thanks linguatic-
i agreed with those who made the argument that i didn't really owe him more loyalty than i had already shown. but i don't want that sh*t on my conscience in ANY case.
i just hope i can find that `needle in a haystack' and not waste the REST of my `peak', LOL
peace
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| Is it EVER okay to cheat? (Thanks Terry for the inspiration for this one.)
Posted: 6/22/2005 9:27:41 AM | Sympathetic bunch, aren't they, trialsguy? Easy to take the moral high ground when you're not constantly being kicked down the slope. I'm amazed to see all of the outrage against cheating, yet I didn't find one post against female circumcision.
Google female circumcision and female genital mutilation for some resources which may help. The most likely cause of your wife's disinterest in sex is psychological. Have you tried therapy? - for both of you, because you have a lot to deal with, too. One site I found was http://www.noharmm.org/toubia.htm. There are lots of sites venting outrage - and campaigns to stop it, but you have to look a little harder for sites which may help victims lead a relatively normal life.
Closer to topic, one post asked
who broke the vows first? Well, what about the "to have and to hold" part of the vows? There's no time limit in the regular version of the contract. What would a reasonable time period be before considering that part of the vows broken? | |
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| Is it EVER okay to cheat? (Thanks Terry for the inspiration for this one.)
Posted: 6/22/2005 9:38:43 AM | I think the reason there seem to be more 'moral' people on this forum is because the 'cheatees', not the cheaters were attracted to it. As for female genital mutilation, that would be another forum, I think. But if a man comes from a culture where he knows that sort of thing is sometimes done, shouldn't he find out first? And if he accepted an arranged marriage, or a marriage where both were virgins, it doesn't negate the vows.
I stick by this...if you feel you need to cheat, do the honest thing and leave the marriage. Just GO. | |
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| Is it EVER okay to cheat? (Thanks Terry for the inspiration for this one.)
Posted: 6/22/2005 10:00:41 AM | Trialsguy looks Caucasian to me! Maybe he didn't even know!
A part of morality is forgiveness, so I don't buy the 'moral' - its more likely self-delusion fuelling a self-righteous attitude which distracts people from the most effective reasoning to assure their future sanity and happiness. Some people may be devastated by cheating and I feel for them. But I also feel that they are being totally unrealistic. Just the statistics tells you that. Other people get over it and get on with their lives as a couple. Therapy tells you that YOU own your feelings. YOU bear the consequences of how you deal with them. Get rid of the fairy tale and get real!!!!! And don't get all soppy about the 'good old days'. A bit of research into what is known of sexual practises throughout the ages suggests they were no better.
I have an extremely close friend who left his wife because she cheated on him - about 18 years ago. He remarried and then lost his second wife. He and his first wife got together again and I've rarely seen such a happy couple. Why did he change his mind? - because he finally realized what a wonderful woman she was - and that was a whole lot more than his self-righteous attitude about self-control. | |
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| Is it EVER okay to cheat? (Thanks Terry for the inspiration for this one.)
Posted: 6/22/2005 10:38:26 AM | | UNder no circumstances should cheating be tolerated or allowed. People nowadays seem to go for the "Bigger, beter, deal. or " i was bored. all excuses. Cheating is still cheating no matter how you look at it. the attitude of "it was only 1 or a few times" is pathetic. it basicalyl sums it up that you dont respect anything about the person or the relationship. whats done is done. sadly, cheating seems to be so widely accepted nowadays, as if it is just another part of life. Hopefully, one day, everything can be set right again. People will frown heavily on cheating and stop doing infidelity altogether. For so many years, it was frowned upon and looked down upon, so what changed? Its a sad day when people can believe reasons given to cheat , if you want out, say you want out. thats it. I applaud your decision, as it is the mature and right thing to do to tell someone that if your not interested, to break up, instead of leading them on and decieving them to "get some on the side" only to be caught with your hand in the cookie jar. the only one you would have to blame is yourself. no amount of money, presents or justification would ever excuse it. All you know is that is you trust has been betrayed and that your emotionally and psychologically hurting, bleeding, and collapsing inside> collapsing, not from any visible wounds or injuries , but the emotional dmage done to your sould that tears at your very being. pain so horrid and detrimental that it could only be compared to near death experience. so just keep that in mind the next time you hear " the grass is always greener". I also believe that a person can die from an broken heart. its not the phyiscal injury, but the emotonal stress that is so severe on your body, mind and soul, that is just cannot take that kind of punishment and shuts itself down. no amount of medicine, docotors, surgeons, or money could ever revive , a lost soul. | |
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| Is it EVER okay to cheat? (Thanks Terry for the inspiration for this one.)
Posted: 6/24/2005 10:52:51 AM | | I don't care what anyone says about it, cheating is......WRONG. Especially if you're married, you not only hurt one another, but if you have kids they end up hurting more than anyone does. If you're dating someone it's not right either, if you don't want to be with someone all the way then don't commit. You're seeling the other person short when they have spent their time with only you and you betray them. | |
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| Is it EVER okay to cheat? (Thanks Terry for the inspiration for this one.)
Posted: 6/24/2005 12:35:00 PM | | NO, Absolutely not! It's totally wrong to cheat, and I believe the worst thing you could do to a person. It leaves them with emotional scarring, fear of future relationships, and low self esteem. Some people even have a nervous breakdown because of it. Cheaters should be extremely ashamed of themselves. I think its a crime, even though the law does not see it as one (especially with AIDS out, you are risking infecting your partner, and that is attempted murder!). If a person plans on cheating, then have the balls to leave your spouse, girlfriend/boyfriend, whatever they are to you..and then go about your business! | |
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| Is it EVER okay to cheat? (Thanks Terry for the inspiration for this one.)
Posted: 2/13/2006 10:54:06 AM | | I understand by "biblical sense" you were not using the bible for or against justification, but it did make me think. What is the stand of the bible on "cheating" or adultery? We automatically assume that it is wrong, because we know that lying or deceiving a loved is the wrong thing to do, bible or not. I am not religous, but I do read and I recall that Rachel gave her female servant to her husband since she couldn't have children. David had a military subordinate sent on a suicide mission so that King David could have his wife. Samson fooled around quite a bit for a single guy and he had God's favor for most of his life. Like many things I think the bible can be used one way or the other for what you personally believe in. I myself think that you should not decieve a loved one, but having said that, if you've made every attempt to explain or persuade your significant other and failed at every attempt... Well it just seems to me that if you cannot convince someone "who loves" you to have sex with you then that person may not be in love with you. Perhaps it's time to reconsider if you love them because infidelity will be part of the formula and the guilt that you will bury. | |
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