| Why do We Keep Attracting the Same Kind of Person?
Posted: 6/21/2009 11:48:24 AM | This is an older thread, but still a good question.
The biggest lesson I've learned with dating, is we attract our same level of disfunction or "sickness". In other words, if you want to attract something different, that means you need to change you. There's still something "wrong" in you if you keep attracting the same types.
I tend to attract addictive types of personalities. Or needy types. I've had to learn that I need to change me, to stop attracting that type. Otherwise, the cycle never ends. | |
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| Why do We Keep Attracting the Same Kind of Person?
Posted: 6/21/2009 11:59:04 AM | | The answere is YOU. you want to attracted a different "type" of man then change what YOU DO. Its like trying to put a round peg in a square hold......you keep trying but it isnt working...... wow ..... try a different hole. | |
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| Why do We Keep Attracting the Same Kind of Person?
Posted: 7/4/2009 4:58:50 AM | We humans like to feel comfortable in our spare time. Hanging out with people who make you feel comfortable about yourself (they believe in what you believe, they achieve as much as you do, aren't smarter or noticeably dumber, etc), is something we do naturally to achieve that.
So, we attract a variety of people, w/ hot people getting better options  But we still "choose" who we are comfortable around, and those are the people we notice are attracted to us...b/c we're looking for it.
So, if you know this, and look for experiences rather than people, you may find...you get different types in your life. As the last poster said, too, going to the same places, where people like you are attracted to, helps you find people like you. You get a group closer to your interests, from which you'll choose a better fit...or just someone hot enough to make you ignore that. But, if you go that way b/c you're superficial, guess what? You found the "same" person "again". | |
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| Why do We Keep Attracting the Same Kind of Person?
Posted: 7/4/2009 5:05:25 AM | I would never even begin to get involved with someone whose entire focus was on work or his kid. It wouldn't get off the ground with me.
I attract the same type of guys over and over and get into relationships with guys who pretend to love me and at some point find out that they have one or more other love interests they have been hiding from me. This is while they are telling me they love me.
I cannot see how I am to blame somehow for this phenomenon. I would do something different if I knew what to do. | |
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| Why do We Keep Attracting the Same Kind of Person?
Posted: 7/4/2009 5:21:58 AM | When you meet these men do you give yourself ant time to get to know them first?
How fast do you find out that these men are workaholics?
Next time before you get into one of "these kind of "relationships ask yourself-"how do I fit into his life".It is really up to you what you are willing to put up with.good luck. | |
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| Why do We Keep Attracting the Same Kind of Person?
Posted: 7/4/2009 5:39:47 AM | The Laws of Attraction.
We get exactly what we focus on most in life - positive or negative. Even by thinking / saying "I don't want this, that or the other," we are focusing on "this that or the other" and that is exactly what we will keep attracting until we break the cycle.
Try focusing on exactly what you do want out of a relationship (or anything else), and think and act as though it is already happening in your life. | |
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| Why do We Keep Attracting the Same Kind of Person?
Posted: 7/4/2009 6:04:18 AM | | I don't agree with some of the comments regarding we attract who we are. I am a college educated professional woman, and rarely attract college educated professional men. My experience has been that the college educated professional men go for the women who are prettier than me as a rule (I am seen as an average looking woman to most of the men I have dated), but then maybe it is a godsend since appearance is not the most important thing to me about a man, and if he is hung up on looks he is usually not for me anyway. I like intelligent men, however to me intelligence is not based on the amount of education one has, and the older I have gotten the less important a man's formal education has become to me. I have found that since I have not been married, have no children and am short, plump and average looking with short brown hair, that many seem to think that I should settle for anyone that pays attention to me, as I am unmarketable since I am not the norm for women my age---divorced with children, of average height or taller, long hair, pretty face ( with or without plastic surgery, thin(with or without plastic surgery). If I did not have good self esteem I would have given up trying to date years ago, as so many people do not get to know someone who might be different from the norm who marches to the beat of a different drummer. | |
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| Why do We Keep Attracting the Same Kind of Person?
Posted: 7/4/2009 6:09:52 AM | His total focus was his kid, he was totally obsessed with his kid. he broke or cut short many dates with me because his son wanted him to do something (nothing urgent). He was totally obsessed with being the "perfect dad" to the exlclusion of all else.
I think I just dated this guy myself! | |
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| Why do We Keep Attracting the Same Kind of Person?
Posted: 7/4/2009 8:50:38 AM | We are continuously offered learning experiences from life, in an effort for God-Life-universe to get our attention. Until we are willing to embrace and integrate the lesson,these same situations will continue to present themselves. The importance of the lesson is to grow as a whole person, and ,thusly redefine what we want, from a higher perspective. Like a child, as they get older, they get taller. I remember the first time I could see the top of the refrigerator. I was so excited! But it was filthy up there!
My perspective had changed because of my literal height, and then I could see things differently. Allowing yourself to gleen the gift/lesson from repetitive patterns (relationships,thoughts,experiences), will allow you to not have to re-experience the same thing over and over again. What did I learn from this experience? What about this lesson is important to me? How does this lesson apply to the way I live my life overall? When was the moment I STARTED feeling uncomfortable? What thoughts/behaviors do I need to adjust, lose or adopt to use this lesson to help me?
All the answers to these questions are within YOU-generally we pile tons of stories, painful repetitive lies, and sorrow on top of these inner truths. So getting to your Light, your Truth, your Answers may be messy, dealing with all the other crap covering it up, but IT IS WORTH IT!!!! You can have everything you desire,
you just have to honestly know your desires to begin. | |
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| Why do We Keep Attracting the Same Kind of Person?
Posted: 7/4/2009 8:59:58 AM |
His total focus was his kid, he was totally obsessed with his kid. he broke or cut short many dates with me because his son wanted him to do something (nothing urgent). He was totally obsessed with being the "perfect dad" to the exlclusion of all else.
This is not someone I could ever take the slightest bit of interest in!
I crave attentiveness in a man. Any guy had better put his focus on me, or there
is no point at all in me sticking around. YUCKO!
As soon as I saw his focus was on his kid I would be so outta there!!! | |
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| Why do We Keep Attracting the Same Kind of Person?
Posted: 7/4/2009 9:28:59 AM | I'm sorry for what you are going through and completely understand it.
I, too, attracted the emotionally unavailable men in droves! I had to go inward a lot to uncover the "why" and for me it was familiarity. I grew up without the presence of a loving and strong father or brother, so my "blueprint" for relationships with men was all about trying to fix things that couldn't be fixed. I felt that someone significant failed to stand up for me earlier in life and that I didn't deserve anything better than that now. I finally realized that when a woman truly believes she deserves an emotionally available guy, she doesn't need to talk about it, she lives it. The wounded guys, the aloof men, the still-attached-to-someone-else guys, the guys trapped in the past of a love that got away, or WHATEVER it is that keeps them from getting emotionally close to you, those guys are a thing of my past now. I have learned to change the course in my life and never again settle for anything less than a great relationship.
I have learned to keep taking little steps in the direction of loving myself first, men second. My advice to you would be to build that inner belief in yourself that is so strong that it will tell you early on that a certain guy is emotionally unavailable and will eventually break your heart so you just don't go there. At this point, turn and run as fast as you can the other way into the arms of that man who will love and adore you and want to grow into a long term relationship with you for that special person that you are.
Good luck! | |
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rhodax
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Joined: 6/11/2009
Msg: 44 | |
| Why do We Keep Attracting the Same Kind of Person?
Posted: 7/4/2009 9:35:16 AM | | Its not that you're only attracting one type of man, its that you are only accepting one type of man. Think about all the other hopeful contacts that you declined and ask yourself why they weren't right for you but Mr. Wrong always is. | |
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| Why do We Keep Attracting the Same Kind of Person?
Posted: 7/4/2009 10:07:10 AM | i think that we get caught up in patterns of things that we are accustomed to deal with~~~
putting up with~~~~tolerating~~~~~whatever they may be. you tend to like the obsessive compulsive personality that focuses on something because deep inside you hope that focus will be you. you friend likes the smooth talkers because they are exciting to her and keep her from getting bored. when you are interested in a man just make sure that it is not the same personality trait that the other men had which always got you in trouble. in addition, hurt you in the past     | |
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| Why do We Keep Attracting the Same Kind of Person?
Posted: 7/4/2009 1:57:35 PM | You crave attentiveness in a man...and why do you think he cheats? B/c he craves attentiveness, as well. He pursues it differently. when he has opportunity, he feels he's allowed to take it. Or maybe he justifies disrespecting others, or justifies that if they don't know, its OK for him to take opportunities offered to him, rather than deny himself.
This is the way some people tend to find the same person, even tho they don't like the behavior that works against them. It can be their belief system, that unites them.
Other times, our problem is we want from a relationship, rather than try to share. We want someone to give us what we could give ourselves, and by doing such, we make ourselves victim to someone who can play us by giving us what we think we want. For instance, a player can get a gal who wants attention, by giving her what kind of attention she thinks she wants. She will be too busy trying to deal with the bread crumbs, trying to win him over, trying to get more attention to feel she really is worthy...that she won't look at him, and realize she's getting played. another woman, who is looking to share, may look at this player and decide, "hmm, there's nothing to share w/ this guy. He just wants another notch on the bedpost, he isn't looking for a relationship where we both share." | |
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| Why do We Keep Attracting the Same Kind of Person?
Posted: 7/4/2009 2:00:24 PM | | Just because he works two jobs does not make him a bad person. He works two jobs because it is expensive to live these days and he's trying to make something of himself. Would you rather him not work at all and live in a van down by the river so he can focus all of his attention on YOU? | |
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| Why do We Keep Attracting the Same Kind of Person?
Posted: 7/7/2009 9:19:56 PM | I'd like to know the answer too!! I keep finding the same type of guys.... I just want someone to be into me as much as I'm into him... Must be the damnn challenge! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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| Why do We Keep Attracting the Same Kind of Person?
Posted: 7/9/2009 6:38:50 AM | | Even though you say you want to be in a relationship, there must be something you're not saying because you are picking men who are emotionally unavailable deliberately. Maybe deep down you don't want a long term relationship and you need the reason to be 'their' fault. Maybe you're pressuring yourself too much about 'getting' a relationship. Something in you isn't ready. When you are ready, you'll meet 'him'. | |
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| Why do We Keep Attracting the Same Kind of Person?
Posted: 7/9/2009 6:50:33 AM | Why do you think we attract the same type of guy/girl over and over again?
That's easy. You attract the people with qualities you want, whether you care to admit that you wanted those qualities or not. Since you must obviously reject some guys, it's also evident that you have a role in selecting those guys from the pool from which you have to choose.
How can we break this pattern?
You first admit to yourself what you really want and when you find traits which are mutually exclusive, you figure out the trade-offs you would accept. If that doesn't work, you weren't being honest with yourself to start with. | |
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