| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/14/2008 2:02:26 PM | A man shall leave his parents and cling to his wife and the two shall become one flesh>>>Is that a Bible quote? If so, I wish I could email it to his Mom
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Yes, this is a quote from the Bible. It's found in Genesis chapter 2 verse 24.
My son was just over. He wants to marry his g/f next year. He was at their house first getting drilled about this and that. In many ways it sounds like my situation reversed. I told him to live away from his in-laws so that they, and his future m-i-l in particular, won't have any power over his/their life.
I should note one major difference between his and my situations is that at least his g/f sticks up for him and backs him up, while my ex never did! | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/14/2008 4:49:56 PM | I was once married a mama's boy for 3 years. You cannot change him and either you stay married to him and live this life. I picked to divorce mine,because it didn't get any better and I wasn't willing to live this kind of life. It is not your fault! It is his fault, because he made a choice to put his mom first. Believe me, mom knows this and she is loving every minute of it! Also, if you want them both to win, continue to stay unhappy and they will know that they both have won! Yes......you are heartbroken,but life goes on! May I suggest that you go into some sort of counseling to help you move on. I did....and it helped me. If I can survive this, so can you!
I faced another divorce and had to go into to counseling to find out why.........and I was marrying men who needed me or who were needy. Everything will be fine.......and you
will survive!
Good Luck...... | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/14/2008 4:56:50 PM | Sorry you have a broken heart...
Some men just cant grow up...move on...find someone else...
Merry Christmas.... | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/14/2008 5:50:01 PM | | momma's boys make horrible boyfriends/husbands. If a man can't stand having the umbilical cord cut, he needs to stick with his mom and not get into serious relationships. Unfortunately, most momma's boys are set in their ways and will go running to mommy at the drop of a hat. It all depends on how you deal with things...if it's something that bothers you then drop him like a hot brick...if it's something he is willing to compromise with you on, then it's worth giving it a shot. Just my 2 cents!:) | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/14/2008 5:58:25 PM | Where do you find these men at and why do ya'll get involved with them? It's not their faults that they act the way they do and end up a disappointment. It's yours for choosing to STAY with them. You all do it to yourselves because ya'll SETTLE for this behavior. And yeah, a lot of women do settle even though their mentality, or lack of any, makes them think otherwise.
OP and the rest of you that come on here and complain about men, remember that. So instead of trying to or hoping to change men or overlook certain things like a good sum of ya'll do, just don't get with them to begin with. | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/15/2008 12:14:18 AM | "Momma's boy"
I read that and just said...YUCK! Now don't get me wrong, there's ALWAYS going to be a stronger bond between mothers and sons just like there is between fathers and daughters. What does matter is how far people take said relationship. One experience of mine...His mother totally won me over. In the long run she knew that he'd do anything and everything she said. And she, his mother, was right! | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/15/2008 7:11:17 AM | Totally agree about not dating just yet, give yourself time to heal.
To godezzofchaos, I did read, I was first married to a momma's boy, got divorced, then found a wonderful man that I was married to for over 20years, till death do us part, been a widow now for two years (he was NOT a momma's boy). It hurts to loose a number 1, also. | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/15/2008 7:49:13 AM | | hi this guy gave you signs from jump street.you most likely missed it because you thought he was good looking.in terms of the mom a good mom will let her son grow up and stay out of his personal life to fail are not she can be there if it doesnt work out.my question is why would you want to be with a 35 year old man who lives with his mother he is never going to be the man you want him to be. | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/16/2008 7:19:52 AM | Awwwwwwwwe, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Don't discount Message #59 -- that's some powerful stuff there.
Momma's boys love strong women who will Mommy them. Also, when you are healed enough, look at a pattern of competing with another woman (maybe it was your Mom).
In the past, I'd attract the Momma's boy and then "fight" with his Mom over him, that's a replication of my childhood, where my mother was the strong woman I competed with my Dad over. It might be different for you, in terms of who it was, but the same dynamic.
Just take it easy and give yourself time to grieve. You'll be fine, though it doesn't seem like that I know.  | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/16/2008 8:23:14 AM | Judi, give him one last chance (with a date and time as a deadline) to come and get anything he wants of his stuff. If he ignores you, put anything that's any good on Ebay, and throw the rest away. You can't move on surrounded by his stuff.
Maybe mommy could come and pick it up for him, though it doesn't sound like she can fart, unless her son is there to smell it. So I wouldn't count on that! | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/16/2008 8:28:40 AM | It's not their faults that they act the way they do and end up a disappointment.
I'd like to know whose fault it is. I guess we could blame their mothers, but these are grown men with (supposedly) brains in their heads who are knowingly allowing their mothers to run their lives and run off any girlfriends they might have. The mothers know exactly what they are doing, but these men are making the choice to allow it to happen. It's no one's fault BUT theirs.
But I totally agree with avoiding them altogether. The first time someone showed me that mommy was more important than me (and i'm not talking about canceling dinner plans for moms open heart surgery, I'm talking about canceling plans to take perfectly healthy mom to the grocery store), I would be HISTORY. | |
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10of6
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Joined: 8/27/2008
Msg: 87 | |
| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/16/2008 6:19:10 PM | | ^^^^ You really must watch/re-watch "Manchurian Candidate." Now there was a momma-son team from hell. | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/16/2008 6:48:22 PM |
Did he leave any good stuff?
Dayndaze, sometimes I swear we were separated at birth. 
Beware of any adult who has never had their own place. | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/16/2008 8:07:25 PM | | This has nothing to do with his mom, this has to do with you and him. Blaming his mom is pitiful. | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/16/2008 8:19:05 PM | | let her have him. Imagine how he'd be treating you as mom instead of his source of lust. good riddance. Is this really a big enough issue girls? does this reallly exist out in the world? home to mommy? | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/16/2008 8:26:37 PM | ~OP~ God I wish you would have contacted me BEFORE you dated this man!! I know we've never even encountered one another before, but I could have clued you in. AUGH ~ nightmare in stereo: the man and the mom. EEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Dear me ~ I would have died had my son turned out to be a mommy's boy. What would that have said about me? That I have an inability to live my very own life? inability to let go of those who grow up? or that I simply refuse to let him be a man? That's pathetic.  You can add another spin to this as well, as I'm quickly finding out: some "grown" men (and most likely some women as well) who are overly attached to their "friends." I wonder if my SO can function without his one specific friend. I don't know if either of them could sustain life for one day without the other one's permission, acceptance, yammering on about personal stuff, etc., etc. All that yacking back and forth wears me out and I'm not even the one doing it.  I don't know OP ~ I think we need to rethink things sometimes, these emeshed attachments just don't seem very healthy or adult to me. I hope you make it out unscathed. And much better luck next time!  | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/16/2008 9:10:56 PM |
I think we need to rethink things sometimes, these emeshed attachments just don't seem very healthy or adult to me
I dunno about you but I'm genuinely worried about her she hasn't posted for a few days
it's uncomfortable being on the edge of my seat like this. | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/16/2008 9:21:59 PM | | Okay I can understand momma's boys loving there mom and all, but to a point. When it becomes when Mom controls 35 year old son and everything around him that REALLY SUCKS!! beyond past 20 years old he should have manned up from time. OP that sucked for you and I'm sorry you had to deal with that. And now you know that if you don't like someone like that cut them off. | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/16/2008 9:44:41 PM | all i can say is what others have stated......RED FLAGS!!!!!  | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/16/2008 11:14:40 PM | I had a mummas boy once...he kept going back to his mums to live...she did his washing and cooked his meals... (not to say that I didnt do the same thing, but it just wasnt quite the same....I didnt use the same laundry detergent or buy the same ingredients as she did)
There is no changing them, no matter how hard you try...
I am so glad we are not together anymore...she was an interfering old cow who apparently wanted what was best for her son....and that was not me!!
Trust me, you are so much better off without them....he will always take her side, always listen to her advice, and always run back to her and tell her everything when something goes wrong.....
Its not you, noone will ever be good enough for her precious little boy.
sorry if i have babbled on a bit.. and you are right, it is his mums fault....she brought him up that way unfortunately..
Hugs | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/17/2008 3:05:10 AM | Mommas Boys - The men aren't grown up at all, they're frozen emotionally at like age 12.
The moms -- they are using the son to get emotionally what they couldn't get from a man. | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/17/2008 3:42:50 AM | Re the Opost
The issue of two women, a GF and a mother "fighting" over the "attention" of a guy is as ancient as humankind. Sometimes it is the mother that is the "controller", sometimes the GF, sometimes both. And they both tend to use some type of "emotional blackmail/angst" to claim that attention.
I once almost married a woman who wanted us to live next to her mom's place so that she could babysit out future kids. Of course, I run like Forrest!
Some men are Momma's boys while some others respect their mothers enough not to abandon them when in need plus never to take a "emotional blackmail" sheit from a woman, any woman, be it GF, mom, sis, daughter, etc etc. The guy in the Opost sounds like case A, but of course the source is a tad biased. | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/17/2008 6:54:50 AM | ~RO~ I agree. I wish the OP would respond. These situations are so difficult.
~OP~ Let us know how this is playing out ~ it's not easy, but with some support here, you can get through it!! I promise. There is life after an overly-emeshed familial situation such as this and there are plenty of kind, good, healthy men who LOVE their Mothers ~ but don't require them to survive, make decisions or otherwise forge relationships with other women. | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/18/2008 6:06:16 PM | Thanks so much for all of your posts and especially those that are concerned. I am ok! It's all a HUGE mess. Me and his Mom had it out via email. She said some very hurtful things. I blamed her for all his problems. His problems are a lot deeper though.
It all sucks.
Thanks again for all of your responses.
Judi | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/18/2008 7:16:42 PM | | I know the feeling. I once dated a momma's boy. His momma called him everynight. Even interrupted us when we were making out. I know his mom was part of the reason we broke up. He told her everything about me. Yuck! No more momma's boys for me. | |
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