| Why does it seem that men dislike intelligent and witty women?
Posted: 12/17/2008 9:46:17 AM | Turn this around to "do you want to date every intelligent and witty man you know".
Consider that rhetorical.......the thing is that you are excluding all other factors which no doubt you wouldn't do if you were deciding if you wanted to date someone.
I find it wise myself to turn things around to how I would feel/think/react if I were in the other person's place. Works really well so far!!  | |
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| Why does it seem that men dislike intelligent and witty women?
Posted: 12/17/2008 11:18:29 AM | I would consider myself intelligent and witty. I cannot honestly say what mens opinions of me are because being BBW tends to keep them at bay. Shallow, yes they are for the most part. I am just me. No bells or whitsles or flashing lights. Just me. If they like me they do, if not oh well.
For all of those shallow men out there they are coming to get you!
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| Why does it seem that men dislike intelligent and witty women?
Posted: 12/18/2008 4:48:17 AM | I hate to say this, I really do, but I find that most women who are book smart, have a tendency to see the world through blinders and forget that there are men out there who work for a living, wear blue jeans and a t-shirt and have degrees in engineering. Not all of us are the suit and tie type.
Yes, sometimes I have to put the suit on, and I wear it when the situation demands, but I am more comfortable in blue jeans a t-shirt a good pair of broken in hiking boots driving around in my jeep with the top off.
What I am saying is look a little deeper than the cover, because you never know what the pages within hold. The guy in the suit may look good, but thats all there is a guy who looks good, and the guy sitting in the corner with a dress shirt on, blue jeans and looking a bit scruffy about the edges could hold your interest all night.
Luke | |
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| Why does it seem that men dislike intelligent and witty women?
Posted: 12/18/2008 4:51:24 AM |
(hippiebookster) ... but are men intimidated by this?
Okay, OP, against my better judgement (going by the principle of, "No good deed ever goes unpunished!"), I'm going to tell you something very important:
Nothing pisses off a majority of guys like suggesting that they're "intimidated" by something.
KB | |
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| Why does it seem that men dislike intelligent and witty women?
Posted: 12/18/2008 4:59:38 AM |
(CassaGo) I am the sort of HUMAN who cannot let misinformation be out there--if you tell the entire bar that Nomar Garciaparra played for the Mets, am I supposed to keep my mouth shut?
What harm, EXACTLY, does it cause you? Do you love your SO more, or appearing "right"?
A big part of wit and intelligence is knowing WHEN to apply it.
KB | |
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| Why does it seem that men dislike intelligent and witty women?
Posted: 12/18/2008 5:46:19 AM | we all have our preferences of what we'd like in a potential romance, but no matter how closely a prospect might 'fit the bill', if the attraction's not there, it just isn't going to amount to anything more than a few fun nights and friendship, imo
for some, physical attraction doesn't necessarily take intelligence/classy behaviour etc into account... the initial chase might easily be inspired by something about the person's looks...
but when it comes to keeping that initial interest, that's when the inner qualities often shine
the thing is; to find someone with whom there *is* initial chemistry too...so that they are interested in getting to know that inner person and can enjoy all the qualities that they will find with them
if they find someone more attractive, in their internal/external qualities, it only makes sense that they'd prefer to be with them - and if they're not in a committed relationship, then there's nothing to hold them to trying with the person they're already with | |
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| Why does it seem that men dislike intelligent and witty women?
Posted: 12/18/2008 8:39:25 AM |
What harm, EXACTLY, does it cause you? Do you love your SO more, or appearing "right"?
I'm not sure that I ever said it caused me harm, other than it makes me cringe and squirm and then explode with the correction. And I'm not talking about "appearing" right (negative spin noted and not appreciated), I'm talking about the fact that there IS a right answer and a wrong answer, and if you spout off a wrong answer ima correct you if I know it to be untrue. IDK--why does anyone hate lies?
I'm sort of picturing Cliff Clavin from Cheers in my head--he told outright lies and everyone knew he was a bumstead for doing it, yet they rarely corrected him and just shook their heads and said, "Oh, Cliff". Me? I wouldn't be friends with that pathetic liar.
In any case, you didn't exactly answer my question, which was, "Do other people just let that sort of thing go?" If you have a friend who is constantly spouting lies, you say "la dee da, no biggie to me, it causes me no harm"? I really have no idea if people do or do not, and sincerely would love to hear the answer. | |
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| Why does it seem that men dislike intelligent and witty women?
Posted: 12/18/2008 11:25:51 AM | I think you have been meeting the minority of men around here. When I engage in a dialogue with potential friends they appreciate my wit and intelligence. I have not met a man yet that would continue to correspond with me if I didn't have these attributes, nor I with them.
Don't worry if you stay around here long enough you will find out how many charming, intelligent, and witty men there are here who love a woman to be able to hold a conversation with them.
Good luck. | |
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| Why does it seem that men dislike intelligent and witty women?
Posted: 12/18/2008 12:01:50 PM |
I really have no idea if people do or do not, and sincerely would love to hear the answer.
Does everybody need to be right? No. Are people who always seem to need to be right irritating. Often.
I realized I learned this trait from my father (who's a right cantankerous know-it-all), and worked on letting it go. I know a lot, and frequently I was/am right. But the need is not to correct a mis-truth, it is to be seen and acknowledged to BE right. It is personal validation need. An ego thing. Those with this need just rationalize it more flatteringly as a desire to correct injustice against some kind of universal concept of 'truth'.
I was much happier when I let it go and, I believe, a more likable person. These days it's enough for me to know I'm right.
Back more on topic; the answer is that it 'seems' that way to the OP because she's making an incorrect deduction from personal experience allied with a childishly solipsistic world-view; "it happens to me, therefore it happens to everyone".
Like a lot of posters have pointed out; there's a world of difference between intelligent+witty and conceited know-it-all+tedious jibing. In my experience, those who need to claim either of these traits usually don't have them. Those who do let them speak for themselves. Just sayin | |
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| Why does it seem that men dislike intelligent and witty women?
Posted: 12/18/2008 1:02:20 PM | Does everybody need to be right? No.
That wasn't the question, but nice try.
==============================
childishly solipsistic world-view; "it happens to me, therefore it happens to everyone".
Oh, you mean like this:
I realized I learned this trait from my father (who's a right cantankerous know-it-all), and worked on letting it go. I know a lot, and frequently I was/am right. But the need is not to correct a mis-truth, it is to be seen and acknowledged to BE right. It is personal validation need. An ego thing. Those with this need just rationalize it more flatteringly as a desire to correct injustice against some kind of universal concept of 'truth'.
I'll re-state that there ARE objective right and wrong answers to many questions and circumstances (and not just concepts of truths), but I guess that makes me tedious and irritating. | |
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| Why does it seem that men dislike intelligent and witty women?
Posted: 12/18/2008 4:12:24 PM |
(CassaGo) I am the sort of HUMAN who cannot let misinformation be out there--if you tell the entire bar that Nomar Garciaparra played for the Mets, am I supposed to keep my mouth shut?
What harm, EXACTLY, does it cause you? Do you love your SO more, or appearing "right"?
A big part of wit and intelligence is knowing WHEN to apply it.
KB
The above is a post that all women need to memorize. So many women tolerate no faults in other people at all and they love to be "right" -- never mind how destructive that is to any social interaction. In the grande scheme of things, do you really think that reproving someone will make them learn? No way! They'll hate you embarrassing them even if they eventually do admit they were wrong.
Here's one law of social interaction: let the other person talk and if they're wrong, let them be wrong. The more knowledgeable people can wink and share glances, and everyone goes home happy. No-one gets injured. No feelings get hurt. No enemies are made. | |
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| Why does it seem that men dislike intelligent and witty women?
Posted: 12/18/2008 4:27:22 PM | Plenty of witty and intelligent PEOPLE out there who are simply not attracted to one another OP, so perhaps that's what you've run into.
Now me, I don't tolerate stupidity well, but as I've matured, I've realized that being a ball buster about it wasn't doing me any favors. It takes a lot of grace to keep your mouth shut when you are in the company of someone who spouts misinformation. Just smile and change the subject. That's how an intelligent and classy woman (or man) should handle it. | |
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| Why does it seem that men dislike intelligent and witty women?
Posted: 12/18/2008 4:38:39 PM |
The above is a post that all women need to memorize.
Ooh, I call gender watch on Aurora! [men are just as, if not MORE, likley to be the know-it-alls in the social situation. I call such men "the smartest little boys in the world".] It's just that men get their feelings hurt more easily when called on their BS. I mean, egos bruised.
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Quite frankly, if so many people weren't wrong so much of the time, I wouldn't even be having this debate.
I think a better "law" of social interaction would be: Stop running your mouth if you don't know what you're talking about.
Or its corollary: If you are unsure what you are saying is correct, couch it in language such as, "I am not sure but I think that..." | |
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| Why does it seem that men dislike intelligent and witty women?
Posted: 12/18/2008 4:50:52 PM |
I'm not trying to sound arrogant by any means, but are men intimidated by this?
I don't think many men are intimidated by women who have class and brains, I think they're turned off by women who feel they have to prove it all the time by competing with them.
I have a friend who told me once that men felt threatened by her accomplishments. She portrayed herself as a very intelligent, confident, self-sufficient woman who could handle just about anything thrown at her and make it look easy. And yet she confessed to me that inside she's often a nervous wreck, she just refuses to show it to others. Out in the real world, she said, you can't let anyone see anything they deem as weak, or you'll get taken advantage of, walked over, completely over-looked. I think a lot of us are like this: we're faking it because our world is menacing and threatening, and we're afraid.
Like my friend, I used to feel that I threatened men and that I should downplay my strengths. I was emotionally responding to a lie I was telling myself. I wasn't downplaying my strenghts, I had to let go of the act that I even had those particular strenghts. The only way for me to be intimate with someone is to drop the fake qualities in my personality and be humble enough to tell the truth, to reveal my real strengths.
I was whining to a friend once about this very thing and she said to me, "Maybe the solution to your problems is to stop trying to prove you're a better man than he is."
I've never forgotten that advice. Sexist though it sounds, it's been extremely useful to me in intimate relationships in which him being a man, me being a woman and us being really good at bumping uglies is the entire foundation of the relationship. | |
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| Why does it seem that men dislike intelligent and witty women?
Posted: 12/18/2008 5:47:37 PM | When I think of women you age who are classy, intelligent, and witty, Scarlett Johanssen comes to mind. Britney is on the opposite scale. But Scarlett doesn't put out for just anyone. Britney seems like she does, even if she doesn't. So guys her age go for Britney over Scarlett, because they think they have more of a chance getting laid with Britney, than Scarlett. But when they want someone to marry, they prefer women like Scarlett, because few men can stand inane chatter for more than a few hours. Why do you think men get up and go home after sex? If they REALLY liked hearing you talk, they'd stay, and hear you talk.
I was whining to a friend once about this very thing and she said to me, "Maybe the solution to your problems is to stop trying to prove you're a better man than he is." Friggin' genius. Whoever gave you that advice ought to be made Relationship Counsellor of the Century, and win the Nobel Prize for Peace too.
I've never forgotten that advice. Sexist though it sounds, it's been extremely useful to me in intimate relationships in which him being a man, me being a woman and us being really good at bumping uglies is the entire foundation of the relationship. You're an even more friggin' genius for listening. You've just learned the most valuable piece of dating advice any woman could ever be given. | |
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| Why does it seem that men dislike intelligent and witty women?
Posted: 12/18/2008 9:03:34 PM |
Does everybody need to be right? No. Are people who always seem to need to be right irritating. Often.
No...can't say I've read every word but scanned the posts....and not the topic..so why are you introducing the "being right".
*scracthing head* Correct me if I'm wrong (is this the coat closet...haha) I thought it was about men disliking intelligent and witty women. Wowsers...tough room, I don't have a coat to check because I live in Florida and it was over 80 today. Pardon my confusion.
More often than not I hate it when I'm right, and it's not me who says, it's my friends who I know well and give the blunt, honest objective...I don't like being right, more often than not...steer this tugboat back on course.
First off, it's a broad painted generaliztion, there are a few men (only are aware from reading forum posts) that don't dislike intelligent and witty women, but just can't deal.
Not any of the men that I've known or been friends with.
Get back to what's being asked...and it's NO! NO NO and NO.
Men (whatever broadbased nonexclusive mishmash of the male gender...sidebar...neither gender likes being lumped with every other person that shares the same genitals...ehh) so it's not about that at all.
It's that the OP hasn't had the men that she'd like to respond to her and her profile be head over heels and inexpicably enraptured that she is self-proclaimed intellingent and witty.
It's obviously back on her, my guess is the men that DO or would find her intelligent and witty she would discard because they're too.....blah blah.
My best advice to the OP is that door swings both ways...so why would an intelligent and witty male want to make contact with or want to date you. Consider that rhetorical.
The door on the saloon that you're swinging open with your OP, it will swing back and hit you in your ...umm rear.
If in your experience here, you're frustrated or disappointed becuase the intellingent, witty men aren't tripping over each other to contact you...hmmm....what's wrong with this picture. Again....rhetorical.
Just my personal opinion, I've been here longer and probably..yeah do know more men here than you do (as friends..still) Your OP is insulting to men, you insinuate that you are such a fabulous catch...in your own assessment that they'd be blithering fools not to crawl all over each other to contact you.
I'll forward you a blank reality check...on my account in my name..and I'll cash it.
There are so many fabulous men here, if you find yourself wading in a kiddie pond that's on you.
Like attracts like...if you have to protest...why not be frank and honest and if you could reword your OP....why don't the men here want ME. Again, rhetorical...blah blah...don't try to put it back on the men here. They know intelligent and witty and it's very appealing...it doesn't mean it's you.   | |
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| Why does it seem that men dislike intelligent and witty women?
Posted: 12/19/2008 1:51:44 AM | | Hippiebookster, why are you so sure that it is your class, intelligence and wit that is making them dump you? There could be many different reasons you are being dumped and they may have nothing to do with your self proclaimed intelligence and wit. . Maybe they just discovered after a few dates that they weren't as attracted to you as they were at the beginning, for whatever reason..It happens you know...... | |
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| Why does it seem that men dislike intelligent and witty women?
Posted: 12/19/2008 2:34:30 AM | Well I'll tell you one thing, there are more women posting to this thread than there are intelligent and witty women whom I've had the pleasure of knowing in the last decade. So, yeah, maybe lots of women aren't quite as great as their mothers tell them they are. Same goes for men.
I can vouch for the following wisdom: I get hit on by young guys because of my looks, but I ain't no Barbie. Not in personality or mind. Those young guys don't get scared of the whole brains and humor thing-- they aren't cynical to punish you for having a personality.
It's the older guys who don't know what to do with a smart hot chick, in my first-hand experience. And as horny as the younger men are, they won't (on the whole) jump you the way an older man will. I guess there's more respect.
You may disagree with me, which is fine. But someone should tell it like it is, from the opposite perspective. So there you have it.
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