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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 10/28/2009 8:59:22 PM | That's most women and girls greatest fears is being raped
You know, hyperbole like this is why I think it's hard for some men to sympathize with rape victims.
I mean, come on, this is really your greatest fear? So women should fear rape more than death? More than the loss of a child? More than being afflicted with a debilitating disease like MS, Parkinsons, or breast cancer? More than a nuclear war, natural disaster, or a terrorist attack? A penis being forced into a woman's vagina is more horrible than any of these things?
Look, a sexual assault is still an assault. And assaults happen every day. Sometimes people walk away from them without any serious physical damage. Some people come away from them crippled and with massive internal injuries. Every assault, sexual or otherwise, involves trauma and the use of force against someone. Just because the assault is tainted by sex, doesn't mean that I have to accept that it's more heinous than any other.
Therefore, it should be treated as any other crime. Meaning that if there isn't enough evidence to prosecute, it should be dropped. A claim of rape should be backed up with solid physical proof and should always be treated with skepticism until this can be provided. And yes, a woman's sexual history should be fair game in a rape trial.
Otherwise you have incidents similar what happened to the Duke lacrosse team. They were the real rape victims in that case. They were raped by the justice system and the media. And all of because of one mendacious woman's word.
Anyway, I can't believe that I'm allowing myself to be dragged into another thread about rape. This is the last one. | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 10/28/2009 11:50:50 PM | | lets call the police and put the guy on a predator list and castrate him. grow up and get off your pc high horse. it was obviously in bad taste, moreso obviously said in front of the wrong people. jokes are all about context, and knowing your audience. im sure everyone pointing their finger at this guy has let something offensive or politically incorrect slip from their lips before, it was just around people you knew it wouldn't offend, maybe what the op doesnt know is how they talk when hes not around, maybe his fragile psyche was the only one offended. | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 10/29/2009 1:34:33 AM | your girlfriend's BF is probably a rapist. good to go, you just had dinner with a rapist.
i don't trust anyone but my family, so if i was there, i would have reported it. i had an ex-friend who joked that he'd kill and dismember prostitutes. do you think i ever associated with him again?? **** no. And i did call the cops on his ass.
he turned out to be a cocaine-fiend liar, but still... i'm not going to be that passive guy.
imagine if it was you. wouldn't u want help? | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 10/29/2009 8:44:29 AM | | I would have said, "Guess what, a**hole? You aren't going to be with me tonight, but first let me warn this woman about you before I walk out the door." ...and then I'd go warn her. What she chose to do after that, should he approach her, is up to her. At least I'd have left with a clear conscience. He, on the other hand, would likely figure it was a good opening to approach her - cuz that's what an idiot would do and the guy in the OP is definitely one. | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 10/29/2009 10:03:21 AM |
I was out with a Feamle Friend and Her BF. We were all enjoying our food at the table when a nice looking woman walked by. Friend's BF looked at the woman and Looked at me smiling. I smiled back and that's when he turned to my friend and said, "Lucky I'm with you or else I would've raped her tonight!" Then he started laughing. She looked stunned. I know I was shocked to her that as well. The evening after that was sort of tense and we finished and left.
I'm shocked that she didn't say anything to the guy. Maybe he does that all the time. Who knows.
But I wonder what the women on here would do if their bf did something similar?
I think this woman/girl should have kept silent, ended the evening per normal and never spoken to this guy again. I try very hard to not be overly PC, but joking about rape tells me this guy is one of two things. He is either a potential rapist or simply insensitive to the torment of sexual violation. Personally, I think anyone joking about rape should be punched in the side of the head every time the word leaves their mouth. | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 10/29/2009 10:08:46 AM |
I mean, come on, this is really your greatest fear? So women should fear rape more than death? More than the loss of a child? More than being afflicted with a debilitating disease like MS, Parkinsons, or breast cancer? More than a nuclear war, natural disaster, or a terrorist attack? A penis being forced into a woman's vagina is more horrible than any of these things?
Death is death. It's the end of it all or the beginning of a new phase, whatever happens to exist. Everything else you mentioned is horrible in it's own right.
Rape is, in it's simplest form, a violation. The most sever violation I can think of. It's someone else basically saying 'You're a piece of meat to me, and I can do what I want, when I want. You are never safe. Ever'. When someone goes about their life never feeling safe, never knowing who will attack them, it creates a feeling of hopelessness. The damaging effect of rape is not the physical 'penis being forced into a woman's vagina'. It's the emotional damage that makes it so bad.
Hope, or lack of hope, can be one of the biggest factors on how a persons life progresses. IMO, yes, rape is worse than murder. | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 10/29/2009 10:11:28 AM | "You know, hyperbole like this is why I think it's hard for some men to sympathize with rape victims.
I mean, come on, this is really your greatest fear? So women should fear rape more than death? More than the loss of a child? More than being afflicted with a debilitating disease like MS, Parkinsons, or breast cancer? More than a nuclear war, natural disaster, or a terrorist attack? A penis being forced into a woman's vagina is more horrible than any of these things?
canoga77
->Yes being raped when it's totally against your will could be much worse than even death, cancer, natural disaster etc for some women and to be a penis forced into someone's vagina, you should beat up, tie and sometimes chalk her and by doing so, you could not only give her life long mental sufferings from the trauma, but also permanently damage someone's organs physically. I think you are totally Fvcked up in your head if you can't sympathized with rape victims.
Think about your mom, sisters, daughters being rape victims. What about yourself being raped? How do you feel now?
I'm 100% sure you would be one of the 25 bystanders watching and cheering a 15 year old girl gang raped by 5 guys if you were there. You are the lowest of the low and a sad sad human being. Shame on you! | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 10/29/2009 10:17:21 AM | Even offhanded remarks, such as this, are often indicative of subconscious desires and tell a true story of a persons "inner workings".
It doesn't matter how old or how much this person had to drink, what matters is that he said this. I would certainly not be around this person any longer and would definitely invest in some pepper spray because now he knows you.
Don't mean to be an alarmist but worked with enough of these types of people in my past life (I was in the mental health field). | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 10/29/2009 10:48:25 AM | Yes being raped when it's totally against your will could be much worse than even death, cancer, natural disaster etc for some women and I think you are totally Fvcked up in your head if you can't sympathized with rape victims.
You obviously can't read. Nowhere did I say I don't sympathize with rape victims. I said that statements like the one I quoted are one of the reasons people like this woman's boyfriend don't take the subject seriously.
Think about your mom, sisters, daughters being rape victims. What about yourself being raped? How do you feel now?
I would not want to be raped nor see anyone I know raped. I would not choose death over rape, though. I value my life too much.
You are the lowest of the low and a sad sad human being. Shame on you!
You don't even know me. Get off my back. | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 10/29/2009 11:03:53 AM | "That's most women and girls greatest fears is being raped"
Canoga77,
->Being raped is one of the biggest fear of most of the women indeed especially whenever you turn on the TV and can watch rape cases on a daily basis. You never know you could be a next victim. so basically women have to deal with the fear of being raped every day when we walk, go out at night, date with strangers from online dating sites and even stand at the bus stop alone during the day. I could feel the fear of being raped much closer and more frequent than any other fears you mentioned above with my ordinary daily lives.
So Don't even say a word and don't even try to assume superficially you could ever imagine how much women could fear about being raped if you can't picture of you or your acquaintance as a victim. | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 10/29/2009 11:07:13 AM |
Hope, or lack of hope, can be one of the biggest factors on how a persons life progresses. IMO, yes, rape is worse than murder. WOW! sure am glad none of you guys were around 40 years ago!!! (I'd be dead) But, guess what.....I'm alive, the rapist is dead! hahahahahahahahahaha | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 10/29/2009 1:21:16 PM | Hypersensitivity to words is what causes the problem not the words. If you give the words power then you give the person speaking them power. Did anyone think he would honestly rape the woman he was speaking about? In fact I don't believe the op at all, I read his updates and they seemed ridiculous and intended to incite more anger. Even if the guy did make comments regarding raping the ops sister, I think he was probably trying to get a reaction and oh look he succeeded, in fact he succeeded so well he's got a bunch of people on a forum reacting in just the way he intended.
If you want to understand how desensitized today's youth is go look at a website like 4chan. They purposely post gore and porn in the same thread, they discuss STD's in the same breath as they discuss religion. To them there is no boundaries, they can speak openly and jokingly about anything. They aren't worried about your feelings because your feelings don't affect them.
Let's be open and honest in our discussion though, if you've never said anything that could be regarded as offensive I will be shocked. Who hasn't said something they considered funny to later find out that others didn't think it was? This guy is guilty of being insensitive nothing more, overreacting to it fueled the fire and now he knows your trigger.
Oh and my sister was raped and got pregnant as a result years ago. I don't think rape is funny or sexy. | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 10/29/2009 1:41:28 PM | I'd be pissed off if I were in the situation of the g/f sitting at the table not because of the word rape...lord knows that's an ignorant word to use when saying you would like to get your rocks off with someone you find attractive but that's on top of the disrespect. It would be because the guy pretty much said, "If you weren't here to stop me, I'd be hitting on someone else." So, in my case, I'd be the first out the door to not stand in his way...ever. I'm the first to agree it's perfectly alright to admire someone's looks and comment on them...I do it all the time about both men and women, but there's a line to be drawn when you're in a relationship between commenting on someone's attractiveness and carrying it to the point with a comment that makes it sound as though it's too bad you're with them and getting in their way. With guys who are pigs such as this, if you sit back and take the comments, they only escalate because the more they get away with by demeaning you like that to your face, the more it escalates. As far as him figuring I over-reacted and he now knows my trigger of expecting respect (if that can be called a trigger)...it's a moot point because I wouldn't stick around so he could pull it again.
vvvvvvvvv ahhh...I see...clarity is good (I'm not immune to misinterpretation) | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 10/29/2009 1:47:23 PM |
. As far as him figuring I over-reacted and he now knows my trigger of expecting respect (if that can be called a trigger)...it's a moot point because I wouldn't stick around so he could pull it again.
chameleonf I agree completely with your response, I was referring to the op's trigger and the fact that the op went back to be abused more. The best response for guys like this is to simply walk away, you can tell him why, but it's a wasted breath he doesn't care and never will. I was making a point that the guy wants to shock people, he likes the reactions he gets, he thinks it's funny. | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 10/29/2009 8:41:40 PM | it's completely out of the line.
It's a tough decision to rule someone out coz of one word but words reflect deepest feelings within the heart.
there're people who's fantasies about rape, (benigned ones), they do role playing with their bf/gf, however, it only happens in the bedroom and with your sweetheart, but not spoken out esp. to a random woman. that's not fantasy, that's RAPE. | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 10/29/2009 10:35:04 PM | One problem is that the younger generations are using negative words like "gay" and "rape" and think that they're funny. When playing games online you'll see them used. They have been desensitized and really don't seem to have a clue that what they said was offensive
I have 5 kids from my youngest at 14 to my stepdaughter at 26. When people refer to the younger generation I have to believe my kids have this covered. None of them would ever say anything like this even as a joke. It is not something they are saying or that should be taken lightly. Even if it was just a joke it shows what he thinks of women and I would run like hell. | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 10/29/2009 10:48:00 PM | I would like to say words are meaningless...for they are just words.
We at some time have use the line "Actions speak louder than words"
I spent many years with a man with this kinda mouth...all said in fun, more like said, for the "Shock Factor".
Hard for many to swollow this kinda humor or an attempt at humor..not so funny but again "just words".
Personally I would have made a point of unmasking my dismay in the said comment. | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 10/30/2009 2:12:53 AM | | Laughing so hard !!!!!! He has a great "shock value" to his girlfriend I bet. Without knowing the guy personally I think he has a great sense of humor tho it is perverse. I fully understand what he was talking about . . being a guy. I doubt that he is or ever would be a sexual predator but he seems to have certain amount of contempt for woman that he blows off with statements like that. He actually sounds like a great guy that has the gumption to actually say what he is thinking . . .wish my friends were as honest. If I mentioned what I heard women say I would get hate mail and be banned from this site . . . .so I wont . . . smile. | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 10/30/2009 5:41:51 AM |
Personally I don't have a problem with dark humour
So then, are we to take it that if your girlfriend where to elbow you in the ribs as a good looking man walked by.....and in front of a group of your mutual friends said, "Man, if you hadn't been here tonight.....right there is the guy I would be going home with to F*** his brains out!"
The fact of this being about some little wannabeamansomedaybutafraidmydickwontmakethegrade...."manboy" LOL! Good one!...Ohhhh, the fact that he's too stupid to use a little freaking DISCRETION about his fantasies is not even the point here. This twit is not a "rapist", he's a big mouth attempting to compensate for what he does NOT have in the manhood department.
He's verbally abusive; making such comments which serve ONLY to hurt someone, and to attempt to make himself look studdly...IS "abuse". He offended another male (the OP), another sign of an abuser...he doesn't care about the comfort levels of others around him, he's just interested in his own amusement; and, he tries to pass of his bad manners as...."a joke". Abusers ALWAYS use the "I was only JOKING", "you just don't know how to take a joke", You're too sensitive", blah, blah, blah......as a defense for their abusiveness.
Even if you exclude the fact that the comment was about "rape"....the fact still remains that this has demonstrated his immaturity, his selfishness, his abusive nature, asocial behavior, a lack of respect for both his girlfriend and their "relationship".
His "girlfriend" and the OP should never accept any lame apology which directs itself ONLY to making a distasteful comment about "rape". His issues are FAR deeper than just being socially inept. | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 11/10/2009 5:08:28 AM | | I would have definitley made some kind of comment to him on the spot, but if she was too stunned or to embarrassed or shy or whatever, then she should say something to him later (let's hope). As for me, I would get a new BF. I wouldn't even want to be around someone who even jokes like that.....its sick and ugly. Tell her to get a new BF. She's worth better than that. And you know what? She may always be thinking in her mind now what he thinks of other women.... if he wants to rape them in his mind. Tell him to get his mind out of the gutter and leave ... quick. | |
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