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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/15/2008 4:19:16 PM | If he's the same age as the poster, this is how the younger generation is talking now. I have been raped and I do find it offensive, but I also make sure that people know that when they choose to use that word. Unfortunately I do hear it fairly often in the video game chat. I try to remain objective and remember that over time words do take on different meanings and try to look at it through the other persons eyes and understand what they meant by it. It is a very old word and didn't always used to be associated with sexual violence, it only meant to take something with force (such as land or houses).
About 8 years ago I used to hear people starting to say "that's so gay" about things they didn't like and I stood up against it. Now it's much more common to hear it and it's probably too late, but the gay and lesbian groups are now finally making a statement against it. Try and tell me that isn't a slam on gay people, but I bet that many people here have said it or laughed at someone that said it and not thought once about what it really implied. | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/15/2008 4:21:58 PM | | It doesn't matter how old he is, that is totally unacceptable and there are no excuses ever, that would make it so....I've had enough experience to know when a person makes a comment off the cuff like that - it is something that he has either condoned or thought about..I don't think I'm being overly harsh or paranoid, just experienced.. | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/15/2008 4:23:36 PM |
in all reality she probably wouldn't have pissed on the best part of him if he was single how much alcohol did this idiot consume before he starts flying off at the mouth saying such asinine statements.
Are you for real? Even if he was single thats an inappropriate comment to make. Its one thing to say "she's f*ckin hot! I'd like to tap that" or whatever comments you males make about women your attracted to. But its a totally different ball game to say that you'd like to rape someone. I'm sorry but any guy that came up to me and said I'd like to rape you would soon be wishing he had choosen his words more carefully. Single or not joking about rape is disrespectful. Its disrespectful to your boyfriend or girlfriend. Its disrespectful to the other people at the table who had to hear such a vulgar comment and its disrespectful to anyone who has ever been raped and have to try and live their lives "normally". The fact that you don't see how this comment is disrespectful and are actually defending it with the excuse of him propably being intoxicated is repulsing. Drunk or not its not a comment that should have been made and if he talks in this manner when consuming alcohol then common sense says DON'T DRINK! | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/15/2008 4:49:47 PM | | OP - she probably didn't want to make a scene in public. Who knows - maybe she wised up and kicked his butt to the curb. At the same token, you should've stepped up to the plate and let him know those kind of remarks won't be tolerated. Sometimes, it pays to be unpopular, and that would've been the time it would've paid off. | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/15/2008 5:11:03 PM |
It doesn't matter how old he is, that is totally unacceptable and there are no excuses ever, that would make it so....I've had enough experience to know when a person makes a comment off the cuff like that - it is something that he has either condoned or thought about..I don't think I'm being overly harsh or paranoid, just experienced..
And I can tell you from experience with the younger generation that that doesn't mean that. You're being extremely judgemental. Are you saying that because I said I was going to "steal" a kleenex that means I'm really prone to robbing people and taking things that aren't mine? 
Many people (especially kids) say words that they don't realize the full meaning of because it's popular or cool now. Just look at how many people these days use the N word when talking about black people. Listen to rap music. Pay attention to the games out there like Grand Theft Auto. The kids are becoming desensitized to violent and hateful words. | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/15/2008 5:45:17 PM | dont see it as a red flag, stupidity yes, immaturity very likely, very offensive oh yeah
if he openly joked about it around 2 other women, hes not mentally ready to be near a woman, while i admit joking about rape is something one should never do
you should listen to how 13-19 year olds act, i help run 5 websites along with chatrooms for each of them, the majority is teens, said teens MAINLY the females (or the guys pretending to be females) are the ones joking about the rape, presenting themself as to be e-raped as its so put (internet raped for those not knowledged in internet chat of kids) then when some horny little kid does it, they laugh and act like its ok, its obviously a lack of maturity thing, but its getting all to common for rape to be a joke...
i ban people from the sites for it but theres always going to be another, obviously the internet is more prone to these types of jokes cause its not possible to actually BE raped on the internet, but the fact that even the females of the group joke about being raped shows some degradation of people in a whole...
as i said, i dont agree with these types of jokes, but in all honesty its like saying ima kill you while some people would argue killing someone isnt as bad as rape because the victim lives with the trauma, it holds the same basic outline, its wrong people get hurt and sometimes dont want to live themselves over it, but people still joke or say it out of anger, yet we dont chastise people for saying ima kill someone as much as saying i would/will rape em but then again i guess people think murder is funnier than rape
who am i to say tho | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/15/2008 5:54:59 PM | I live in the prairies, in Saskatchewan to be exact. One of the biggest crops here is Canola. Used to go by another name though.. rape, or rape seed . There's a town here named Tisdale, and their sign when entering town used to say "Welcome to Tisdale, Land of Rape and Honey"
For many years, they had this sign, until it became politically incorrect or something. Of course it referred solely to the crops, and bee farmers, but..well..people made a lot of tasteless jokes about it (land of rape my honey, and other such dribble).
It took me along time, when viewing a large quarter of land covered in yellow flowers, to stop calling it rape..but it meant nothing, it was the name of the crop, ya know?
What this guy said was in extremely poor taste, and he should have thought before he opened his mouth. Does it make him a rapist? Nah, I don't think so. I'd be more apt to follow along the same lines as the poster who mentioned the desensitization of youth to violence and their use of catch phrases. The gaming world has produced a lot of strange new meanings for words (pwned..like WTF?!), and kids just repeat them without truly thinking about someone being offended by it. It trickles up, into more mature age groups, and often into mainstream/top 40 radio as well.
I could be easily offended by many things I hear every day. Political correctness has made it very difficult to say anything without offending someone . I was told today at work that the reps on the phones can't wish anyone a Merry Christmas, as some people don't celebrate Christmas, and thus may be offended. Sigh. Tis true.
So, she should keep her eyes/ears open, and see if this is indicative of future behavior, or merely a comment he made without thinking, in very poor taste. Perhaps he realized afterward how stupid it was, and regretted it, but was to ashamed to admit it. One can only hope.. | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/15/2008 6:00:42 PM | breathlesshush you make a valid arguement and obviously from my post above i agree with it, tasteless humor is the corner stone of the comedy industry, while you dont think its funny, if a comedian says, i saw this bangin blonde walking down the road the other day, and thought to myself my god if someone didnt rape her they will be tonight, i guarentee hed get a pretty good laugh from alot of his viewers, obviously more younger crowd but the point is.
if its funny to them, they will say it in hopes of getting a chuckle from it, people enjoy a good laugh, i admit to laughing at tasteless humor, so long as i know the person wouldnt go threw with it obviously | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/15/2008 9:14:24 PM | | I would be totally stunned. Once I had wrapped my head around what the b/f had said, I'd look at my friend (not my b/f) and say, "I'm outta here," then leave. I wouldn't be able to look at or talk to, what would now be my ex b/f , ever. | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/16/2008 12:04:37 AM | | I'm sorry, but if you can't let an OBVIOUS joke roll off your shoulders, you have issues. Granted, it wasn't a good joke. There is nothing funny about rape, and he does sound immature...I don't think we need to burn him at the cross. I don't think you gals should have let that one bad joke ruin your evening together. Let stuff like that roll off. | |
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gcdeb
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Joined: 7/25/2008
Msg: 40 | |
| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/16/2008 12:28:57 AM |
I'm sorry, but if you can't let an OBVIOUS joke roll off your shoulders, you have issues.
guitarguy
If you are ever unfortunate enough to care about someone who has been, or becomes, a victim of rape, you may no longer be able to see the 'obvious joke'.
It is NEVER ok to joke about rape. | |
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gcdeb
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Joined: 7/25/2008
Msg: 41 | |
| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/16/2008 1:06:34 AM |
Many people (especially kids) say words that they don't realize the full meaning of because it's popular or cool now. Just look at how many people these days use the N word when talking about black people. Listen to rap music. Pay attention to the games out there like Grand Theft Auto. The kids are becoming desensitized to violent and hateful words.
All the more reason why adults need to stand up and be counted, and NOT let this word become a 'gimmick'. Just because kids are using it, doesn't mean it is RIGHT. It has taken YEARS for the message to get through to men about what is 'rape' and that it is NOT acceptable. To let someone get away with making a joke about it is just plain wrong.
If I had been at that dinner table, I would have made a strongly worded comment and left.
BTW, my son is 15 and I won't let him play Grand Theft Auto for exactly the reason you mention. It desensitizes people to violence. | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/16/2008 2:59:37 AM |
If you are ever unfortunate enough to care about someone who has been, or becomes, a victim of rape, you may no longer be able to see the 'obvious joke'.
Did you miss the part where I said I had been raped before? Not only was I raped but I became pregnant from it and my parents kicked me out of the house for it. Yet here I am actually on the other side of the fence saying he didn't mean it as most of you here are taking it and to give him a break and just explain to him that it was not in good taste and offensive. The real problem is too many of you are reacting emotionally instead of rationally and refuse to actually look at the situation.... or maybe you're just that out of touch with the younger generations.
It is NEVER ok to joke about rape.
Yes, but as pointed out before... it is okay to say "I'm going to kill you" and "I'm going to go postal". Joking about killing people is much more acceptable than rape. | |
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gcdeb
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Joined: 7/25/2008
Msg: 44 | |
| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/16/2008 3:15:01 AM |
Did you miss the part where I said I had been raped before.
Did you miss the part where the comment you quoted was directed to someone else?
guitarguy
If you are ever unfortunate enough to care about someone who has been, or becomes, a victim of rape, you may no longer be able to see the 'obvious joke'.
It is NEVER ok to joke about rape. | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/16/2008 3:20:50 AM | No gcdeb, I did not miss it. I agree with him. It was an obvious joke and I do see it. What is the difference?
you said
If you are ever unfortunate enough to care about someone who has been, or becomes, a victim of rape, you may no longer be able to see the 'obvious joke'.
But I actually am a victim of rape... and I am still able to see this was an obvious joke. Or is it just not right for him to say that because he's a guy?
Stop judging. | |
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gcdeb
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Joined: 7/25/2008
Msg: 46 | |
| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/16/2008 3:39:17 AM |
But I actually am a victim of rape... and I am still able to see this was an obvious joke. Or is it just not right for him to say that because he's a guy?
Stop judging.
Sorry, but the OP asked us for opinions, or 'judgements' if you will.
We obviously have different opinions on what we think is funny. Jokes about rape will never be funny to me. Whether they are delivered by a male or a female (not sure where that question comes from?)
And I too am a victim of rape, but it was a long time ago and not something that influences my opinion on this matter.
For the record, I also don't like people saying they are going 'to go postal'. I think that demeans the people who have been victims of that type of tragedy.
I've said all I am going to say on the issue. The majority of responders don't think rape jokes are funny, so I'm comfortable with my position. | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/16/2008 4:16:24 AM | We obviously have different opinions on what we think is funny. Jokes about rape will never be funny to me. Whether they are delivered by a male or a female (not sure where that question comes from?)
No one said it was funny. I think you're missing that point. Not even the person you directed your comments to said it was funny. People make bad jokes in bad taste all the time. We shouldn't knee jerk and kick them for it though... we should simply stop and talk about it and explain why it was in such bad taste. So many people in this thread would rather just cut off communication instead of trying to fix the problem. Ignoring something will not make it go away. | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/16/2008 4:45:57 AM | Well said ron9. !! I can't believe how calm the posters have been in their responses.
I was horrified when I read the post by the OP. What a Fuc..ing horrible thing to say to ones girlfriend!! WTF? His poor girlfriend.
To make a remark about taking a woman home is one thing... but to rape her???
I'm really angry about this but I cant say what I want to say because of Forum rules.
Your mate needs a smack in the balls and doesnt deserve a g/f. | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/16/2008 6:26:19 AM | These are the "Badboys" women (or this woman) is attracted to, classic example here. I have been out in parties and outings, where the boyfriend is a complete obnoxious fool...and I'm thinking "What does thsi woman SEE in this guy"
Or maybe he feels secure in saying whaetver he wants, since he landed himself a girlfriend? | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/16/2008 10:21:32 AM | If it is true there are "kids" or 'young people' so desensitized at the word "rape", (as well as other offense words) that they would use it so glibly.....not even fully understanding the violence behind the action, then we really have had a breakdown of society!
Teaching morals and 'Good Will Toward Men' starts (should start) in the home...seems a good part of every generation degrades a bit further...I wonder how much worse it can get...or are we do for an upswing of social conscious?
('Men" meaning, Man Kind) | |
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