| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/19/2008 11:29:41 AM | The defending of this person's actions has me shaking my head. It goes against the grain of rational thinking.
To tolerate any part of this persons view directed toward an other human being just shows how far our society is degrading.
Disgusting, period.
As long as his actions are being defended, so it will continue to degrade...and so it goes... | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/19/2008 11:34:21 AM | sherilyn70, I am well aware that it is a common fantasy.
There is a big difference between private fantasy, and the behaviours and attitudes this individual has already demonstrated.
He has already made several statements that suggest that he actually believes that sexual assault is acceptable and exciting to him. He has made them directly to people.
In fact, his refence to raping the OP's sister verged on being a crime. He did not directly threaten to rape her, but he did certainly intimated that he was imagining it.
You suggest, in effect, I am advocating that we should punish thought-crime.
First, you are well aware that there is a difference between the police speaking to someone in the course of investigating a case of serial rape, and arresting them for fantasizing.
Second, so what if it is a plot-line in stories. Murder is a plot line in stories.
There is a big difference between writing about murder and being interested, even unhealthily interested, in it, and intimating seriously that you would like to murder a specific person-- *in their presence.*
Analogously, there is a big difference between an unhealthy interest in s*xual assault, and compiling tapes of depictions of it, and intimating seriously that you would like to s*xually assault a specific person-- *in their presence.* | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/19/2008 11:39:58 AM |
In your previous post, you said that 8 college age women have been attacked in your town in the last few months ?
And you just had an encounter with some guy who comments about wanting to rape people, watches compilations of rape scenes, asks you if you ever thought about raping your own sister ?
Hello ? Why are you not in the cop shop right now telling them this ? Maybe they might want a lead on this case ?
Well the guy they are looking for is Black and this Guy is white. Well the thing also about the police are that they are saying that ppl are overreacting. So who knows if they would even take him seriously. | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/19/2008 4:58:11 PM | | I think we can all agree that rape is an issue that destroys lives. Perhaps the forum should discuss ways to change attitudes about sex and move in a direction that is respectful to women. To make comments equating sex with rape shows a lack of respect to women . You can say all you want about new ways of expressing orselves. In the end rape is rape, period. The lack of empathy of any male willing to equate rape and sex is a sad reflection upon our society. | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/20/2008 1:52:57 AM | sounds to me like the beginning of an abusive relationship. embarrasses her in front of friends, eventually having her all to himself, slowly errodes at her boundary lines and continues to see how abusive he can get........OR.....he's a neanderthal moron.
i doubt i would be with such a man or be friendly with even a female counterpart with that sort of comment deemed as a "sense of humor". but, should suddenly someone's true colors appear in that fashion, i would have ended that dinner and that relationship very quickly. somethings one does not joke about: rape, abuse, molestation of any sort of either sex, torture, et al. sociopathic humor is an oxymoron.
ps you mention not wanting to be around your friend anymore. that is what an abuser banks on. make sure your friend knows not only your opinion, but also that no matter what, you will be there for her in the future, "if needed". don't burn that bridge, it may be her only one! other than that, you need to "detach" if she is an adult and refuses to listen. detaching does NOT mean "removing" yourself from her life. also speak to a battered spouse counselor. i say spouse because more and more men are also now reporting. | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/20/2008 10:43:49 AM |
you mention not wanting to be around your friend anymore. that is what an abuser banks on. make sure your friend knows not only your opinion, but also that no matter what, you will be there for her in the future, "if needed". don't burn that bridge, it may be her only one! other than that, you need to "detach" if she is an adult and refuses to listen. detaching does NOT mean "removing" yourself from her life. also speak to a battered spouse counselor. i say spouse because more and more men are also now reporting.
I haven't burned that bridge of friendship, but I just will not be around her while he's around her. But she knows that if she needs me that I will be there. I'm more or less just keeping my distance to keep myself out of trouble. I don't like his weird attitude about rape and "getting" off about it.
That's just not for me. | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/20/2008 10:59:57 AM | I would be so embarrassed about his comment, I wouldn't want to be associated with him at all and I would end it, honestly. I can't be in a relationship where I'm worried that someone will say somthing so inappropriate in front of my friends. I would know he didn't mean it, and I wouldn't even care that he was saying she was hot, but it's NOT a funny joke. We wouldn't be a match.
My friend who is a contractor jokes that he rapes people everyday with what he charges, and I don't find that offensive, because it's figurative and not directed to a woman. | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/20/2008 12:15:27 PM |
My friend who is a contractor jokes that he rapes people everyday with what he charges, and I don't find that offensive, because it's figurative and not directed to a woman.
I've heard that phrase before as well so it doesn't bother me. But I think this guy is just a little warped because he takes women getting raped as some type of pleasurable thing for himself. So I'm just going to avoid him all together.
Better to stay out of trouble for Xmas. I have lots of shopping left to do. And my sisters will be pissed if I don't get them anything.  | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/20/2008 2:37:11 PM |
I'm shocked that she didn't say anything to the guy
Maybe she didn't respond because you were there and she had more respect for him than he obviously had for her at that moment. Maybe he makes a habit of shooting off his mouth before his brain is loaded. Shes the only one who knows for sure but as many have said, rape is NO joking matter.
JMO
Twisted | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 1/7/2009 10:46:40 PM | To the poster who believes rape as a fantasy is a sexual act that involves someone you trust and knows when to stop is not dealing with a full deck. Rape is Not knowing who it is and Not having any say and Not having control over the situation. Rape is about control and violence.
The other concern is the OP who laughed along with the guy. Sad state of affairs.
It astounds me there are women who have posted they would give the guy a second chance or tell him it is inappropriate in a private setting. Why ???!!!
Why would he use the term rape? That word was chosen for a reason.
Hypothetically if that man had raped a woman that night and asked the OP why they may be mad at him? Their laughter was seen in agreement with the action.
Scary. Very Scary.
Shiraz21 | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 1/7/2009 10:54:02 PM | | There's not enough BBQ sauce to keep me at the table with a pig like that. Rape is no joke. A call to a P.I. friend after leaving would have been my first move. Someone that so casually drops a load like that has some seriously fouled social skills and is probably in need of major therapy....... | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 1/7/2009 11:38:10 PM | I'll bet every woman is talking about how the leave him this and that...
Whatever.
They'd do exactly what your friend did-if it was their man-they make a face and sit there-then they'd go home with him.
Funny how women act as though they have a brain when it's someone else's boyfriend/ husband. But when it's theirs-we all know what they'd do.
Eclipxi | |
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Kixxie
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Joined: 12/4/2008
Msg: 142 | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 1/8/2009 8:01:37 AM | Although I have a dark sense of humor, there are taboos things about which to joke: rape is one.
If a man in my presence made a joke about rape, I would vehemently call him out on it. I cannot imagine dating a man who would do so.
If a woman joked about raping a man, would she be seen in the same level of severity in negativity as a man who jokes about it or even have a negative light shined upon her at all ?
I would be as blunt with her, too.
Yes and you'd probably say a man talking about having sex with another man was as well. Just because you don't understand it doesn't make it a crime.
Sherily, homoerotic sex is NOT the same as rape. Rape is about power, not sex. Rape doesn't happen because the perpetrator wants to get laid; it is an act to degrade and assert dominance. Rape is also different from S&M because those people agree on their roles.
Thinking about "anything" isn't a crime, but thinking aloud does give strong clues as to a person's character and innermost desires. I don't understand the mind of a psychopath, but I understand that killing people is a crime and it violates ethical codes/principles set forth by every society of which I can think.
I advocate free speech and wouldn't silence anyone, but neither would I be silent in my responses to those people. Let people ramble on--it allows me to know whom to avoid. In the case of the pedophile whose journal chronicled fantasies about children, it also gives the law a clue as to whom to keep an eye on.
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 1/10/2009 9:59:08 PM | I would have turned to him and simply said "Well guess what, that can be taken care of quickly.. Excuse me I need to go to the bathroom".. And find then find the nearest exit possible. Who wants a man so immature he hasn't the social grace to be taken around big people?
I pray to goodness she dumps him as quickly as possible. | |
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Lurtle
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Joined: 1/29/2008
Msg: 150 | |
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