|
|
|
|
|
| I find people judge too quickly online, but meeting in person
Posted: 12/17/2008 12:03:59 PM | | ^^^ Perfectly said. That is why I personally want to meet rather soon. All the back and forth e mails can come to a major hault when I meet the guy in person!! Some people are NOT who they say they are, old pictures and have major issues. And they are pretty noticeable within a few minutes. People can be whomever they want on here, but once you meet them, it is pretty appearent who they really are. | |
|
| I find people judge too quickly online, but meeting in person
Posted: 12/17/2008 12:45:00 PM | I have written some people off just based on their picture alone, as shallow as that appears. The truth is, there's just a certain look that turns me off completely. I can't explain it, but I CAN say that I've realized how shallow and quick to judge I was, and taken a chance and met with some of these guys...and nothing. It was just as I suspected it would be, there was just no chemistry at all when we were face to face. On either side (for the most part, although there WERE a few who put up a fight, which makes me want to just go back to sticking with my first impression).
I had to quote this again....this is my thought exactly.
I have several times in my life second guessed myself and tried to ignore my lack of attraction or my feeling that there would be no attraction to someone and met or dated them, only to find out that I was right in the first place.
What happened instead was I had a confused guy on my hands that wasn't sure why I talked to him in the first place if I wasn't interested...or thought I came out to meet him based on interest. No matter what guys say about wanting to be given a chance, it quickly turns into "being led on" or "used" or whatever when you give them a chance and realize you shouldn't have bothered. | |
|
| For Online Dating, There Are Double Standards
Posted: 12/17/2008 2:22:31 PM | I noticed that mostly everyone applies a double standard when it comes to online dating, the reporter included.
Most of the people know exactly what they look for in a relationship. Some other think they know, and they are completely unrealistic.
Where does the double standard start?
It is very easy to identify in a profile something you do not like and move on.
Any reason is good enough to reject someone online.
However, it is harder to do the same thing offline.
My own experience shows that standards relax when you get to know someone in the real life. I thought I knew what I wanted, and yet many times I was ready to accept something that I would not have accepted when meeting someone online.
What is the thing that no website can substitute is the true way of being of someone.
Even the pictures may be tricky to interpret. I happen to have a workmate very good looking. However, all the pictures of her I have seen area really ugly. This woman just doesn't look good in pictures and that is the reality. I have a problem getting good pictures too.
Over the years, I reached the conclusion that online dating has some patterns and trends. I do not trust someone online who looks too good, because that kind of person should not even go online to find a date. That means that they have some undesireable traits such as being too picky, or emotionally unavailable or some other things... | |
|
| I find people judge too quickly online, but meeting in person
Posted: 12/17/2008 6:21:35 PM | Sorry, that was badly worded, Trailgirl.
I don't necessarily mean writing a profile that appeals to everyone. I think I just mean a profile that appeals to the person that you would WANT it to be appealed by, you know? Because it's very tough, sometimes, to communicate on the internet how you are in real life. ESPECIALLY when it comes to humour. | |
|
| I find people judge too quickly online, but meeting in person
Posted: 12/17/2008 7:31:20 PM | I do see your point.
But for argument's sake, I give people the benefit of the doubt
and meet them in person usually a public place.
I tend to get a lot of attention from pretty women now that I am
in top shape.
Let's say at the gym if someone new has started to pay attention
to me, I will watch how they interact with others, how they carry
themselves when they think no one is watching etc....
This for me is a good indicator on whether or not I will date someone.
But I can't always judge that either, maybe someone had a bad day
at work, a relative or friend passed away etc.... These factors will
obviously temporarily alter someone's behavior and attitude.
I'm just curious at what type of "look" you are referring to? Do you
see it in any of my photo's?
I've never been told I have a "look" by anyone I've dated.
I was dating someone for a little over a month (didn't work as she has to move
out west) who said that I was caring, a bit of an ahole (in a good way), playful,
have a great body, excellent lover, a heart of gold, have direction intelligence
and ambition, very fit and sexy.
That was really nice to hear.
The only reason it isn't lasting with us is because she has to move
for a job to Alberta.
We actually met on Craigs List.
The profile that I have here, I used on CL and sent her the same
photo's as did she.
Within a few days we met for the first time, got a long soooo well
that we were intimate on the first meeting.
It was nice that it didn't turn into a one night stand as it's not my thing.
Just sucks that she has to move, but I'm ready to move on and be
friends with her it's all good.
I don't see a rebound effect with this one.
But my point for sharing this story is that we met online and both
of us liked every thing about one another and it worked.
It's weird, I've had better luck meeting people on Craigs List than
POF.
This is something I find strange
Any how, I just find it frustrating that the women I want to date
from here never reply yet on Craigs List they do????
I don't get it??? | |
|
| I find people judge too quickly online, but meeting in person
Posted: 12/17/2008 7:36:00 PM |
grkboy,
Sometimes the women here make me feel like skata. No replies, no interest, no nothing and so I gave up. Honestly, I am at the point where they and this online dating BS can all pretty much go to hell.
I originally joined this place in March of this year so disregard the join date. I quit because I had enough but came back here for the forums.
IRL, a 36 year old bum with nothing going for him gets tons of women chasing him. No car, no money, nothing. Wants me to buy him drinks because I'm the responsible one that's worked for almost 20 years. To say that by all means is screwed up is an understatement.
The bums that women chase come to me. And these same women wouldn't give me the time of day. How fvcked up is that?
I don't know if this will help, but I'm going to share something with you...a big revelation that came to me years ago.
All my life I was the nice guy who was constantly and consistently passed up by women. In my late teens and early 20s, I was the typical doormat. I can see why now I failed back then. However, from mid-20s on, I carried myself as a rather confident gentleman, but yet still failed. I attributed those times to the fact that I was still building my life and career, I am very average looking, and I treat women well...when it seems all the attractive women I've met only seemed to get wet for those who treated them badly. They got hot for the game players...the "challenges".
So with my 20s and early 30s being basically experiences of being passed up for thugs, bad boys, jerks, etc. (yet all these women complain to death how they so want a "good man") AND all my actual successes (dating and/or RL) being with women who had some big red flags, some big "catch" to them...I felt like my options in this world were women I was not attracted to and/or women who were full of baggage.
As my 30s started up, I noticed how many of the women I had known and seen around my social scenes more or less "damaged" themselves. I know some women here will get steamed by my usage of the word "damaged", but I don't care. I'd see these women get knocked up by douchebags and get abandoned. I'd see these women become psychological messes from years of bad decisions when it came to men...men they thought they could change. I'd see them blimp out, or mess up their lives. Some of them then had the audacity to then think I'll gladly be their backup plan in life and take care of them.
Now then...one night after yet another crush pushing me away to chase playas, I went to a birthday party at a bar and met some local bar rat. Pretty girl, but the typical bad boy chasing flaky immature screwed up female. Through the whole night I basically stopped being my confident good guy self, and instead acted like a**** arrogant prick. I treated her as if the only value she serves to men is just sex.
She got drunk, took me to her place, and had sex with me.
When I woke up the next day and left, I realized that I had been seeing things all wrong. I didn't respect this woman...even now. I looked at all the women I had met who basically tossed away the "good man" to try and change a scoundrel into a "good man".
I realized that these women really are not of any value to me. That even if I had snagged one as a GF, it would have ended up as a miserable experience. I realized I needed to demand more out of the female species.
This is why I take on the attitude I have had to not make love a priority. To learn to be happy alone. To not allow a woman into my heart unless she EARNS IT. I'm not talking about making women jump through hoops, but more that I stopped seeing these bad boy/jerk chasing women as possibilities, and instead saw them all as wastes of human flesh. I looked at all those women the same way many men look at a 400-lb woman. I grew to the point that "lust for bad boys" was an instant dealkiller for me when I met a woman.
Look where many of them are now. Even you'll see it. They are the screwed up ones who rode through life on their looks, partied, and thought someone handsome, wealthy and exciting would be waiting for them in their late 20s. They're now in their 30s crying about how they might not get a chance to be married and have kids. You can see they wasted their lives and probably passed up a lot of "good men" because of their lust for an unrealistic fantasy.
When you speak of women who pass you up to be with the "bums", you need to do as I do. Stop seeing them as any kind of value to you in your life. See your "loss" as one divorce you won't have to face. One nagging child of a woman you won't have to deal with. One liar who might start off as "wonderful" to you, then turn into an selfish **** when she's got you locked into a RL or marriage.
This is where you start demanding more out of the opposite sex, and you lay on the ultimatum...where you will not be anyone's man if they can't live up to the basic requirements of respect, kindness, and understanding. You will not give any of these human wastes a backup plan in life. So when they screw their lives up, they can then spend their lives alone wondering why they could never find a decent man...playing the victim card til they die.
The other side of the ultimatum is that the woman who DOES fulfill those basic requirements will be treated like a queen. She will be loved, respected, cared for, and never treated badly. Many nice guys and decent guys need to learn to only give the "nice stuff" to women who DESERVE IT. Make them earn that. So when you open a door for them, they'll say "thank you" and smile. So when you buy them flowers, they'll appreciate it and love you for that. So when they speak of you to their friends, they'll speak highly of you...not talk like you're their patsy or speak of how they might want to look for better. This is when you know you have a good woman.
Believe me, when I lived my life on the idea that it's all or nothing...things became clear, and I didn't feel alone anymore. I didn't have this feeling that my life is nothing if I didn't have a woman. I instead learned to fulfill my life on my own...and made a GF or even a wife an added bonus.
4 months ago I met a good woman...and it's amazing how many other women envy her now...women who would have passed me up had I been single and alone. Not fronting an ego, but if you truly are a good man to women and not a doormat...then don't feel like it's a crutch. See it as you are BETTER than the guys who can't treat a woman well...and see the women who pass you up for those losers as losers themselves.
I hope that helps at least a little. | |
|
| I find people judge too quickly online, but meeting in person
Posted: 12/17/2008 8:24:49 PM | This most certainly helps quite a bit.
I will reveal that I was in therapy especially during my body
transformation. I started seeing how women and people in
general were treating me much better.
The therapy has really helped me become a much stronger and
better person. It especially taught me how to love myself whether
dating or alone.
This last several week relationship I was able to very quickly
disconnect emotionally from her in just a few days. As hard as
it was to do, I realized it is the best thing for me to do.
I definitely have seen your point that giving up the nice guy
for a short time did get me laid by hot women earlier this fall.
But I have realized it's not me. I learned to have balance and
am very playful instead.
I have developed my game so that I can be nice, yet still show
my masculine side.
Recently this has gotten me quality women both phsyically,
and mentally.
This is what I will continue to do as I deserve the best.
I do appreciate your story as I've shared these same experiences. | |
|
| I find people judge too quickly online, but meeting in person
Posted: 12/17/2008 8:39:32 PM | Just remember that a man should not give up his integrity or dignity to get a woman.
And a good woman is the one who presents herself as something you desire (both physically and intellectually), but likes you because of who you really are...not some act or fantasy. Even if she's not in love with you, a good woman will appreciate a good man, not think his good nature is a sign of weakness.
Just live your life for you...and let her find you. Believe me, I'm 35 and it just seems to happen that way for me every time. Even my current. | |
|
| I find people judge too quickly online, but meeting in person
Posted: 12/17/2008 9:17:49 PM | Thanks again, you are right!!!
That's what I've been trying to do, I've been hooking up with
really hot women.
It seems to last a month or so and then fizzles out. Lately, I've
been the one who seems to let them fizzle out as I've realized
that the person is not for me.
It kind of sucks but is better for the individual in this case me.
I just think it's weird that I haven't met one person yet on Plenty
Of Fish that I'm interested in. I have been luckier in meeting
potential mates on Craigs List.
It's too bad that the women in Montreal on POF are not responsive
as it would be much simplier considering I do have a some what
busy life and don't go to clubs or bars.
Oh well, like you said take it as it comes and let her find you while
loving yourself!!!
Agree 100% | |
|
| I find people judge too quickly online, but meeting in person
Posted: 12/17/2008 9:33:17 PM | I agree that you are judged more on line. I also think it takes a certain amount of intrigue to get someone to want to meet. Unless you have a ton of free time, I think it would be difficult to give everyone a chance, so we become more selective.
In real life, we are already out and about doing our business, so we aren't taking up time just to go meet someone. We actually end up multi-tasking....lol
I get approached way more in real life than on line. But I would also rather meet someone in real life than on line too. | |
|
| I find people judge too quickly online, but meeting in person
Posted: 12/18/2008 11:09:47 PM | | I never really put into account on the individual whom I am corresponding with online. The truth is, yes, people tend to judge too quickly (which is a shame) because, you really do not receive the full extent of a person, based soley on photographs or even interaction through messages. | |
|
| I find people judge too quickly online, but meeting in person
Posted: 12/19/2008 10:49:34 AM | | Your ' 7% rule is absolutely right- but just as you can get drawn in by a compelling novel or magazine article, you can get drawn in to 'virtual world' by someone who writes well, and creates an attractive image of themselves- recently happened to me- I wanted to get together fairly soon after contact, and she kept asking if we could stay at this level a little longer, her 'inner guidance' was telling her to do this, so eleven days, 25 emails, and several two hour phone calls later, as I was starting to feel very connected, , the day before we were supposed to meet- she tells me that her ' inner guidance' is suddenly telling her that we are not suited, several parallel references to ' the universe' intuitive hits'etc but no specifics, to do with me or her, and that was that. I know I should have insisted on meeting sooner, but she was very poignant in her requests for more time, and I just trusted her, when it turns out I shouldnt have, so i'm feeling like an idiot- so the lessons for me are; beware of content- free intuitive guidance, and a reluctance to meet in person after a reasonable amount of initial exploration | |
|
|
|
Home
login 
