| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/19/2008 1:33:14 PM | the sad part is how did we get into that situation, when I was growing up... it wasn't a big deal and maybe we were more aware of limitations.. but do think we had the nut's around then also.. grin..
the suggestions from others are good.. always make sure someone knows where you go and when to expect you back.. and it works for both sexes.. whenever I meet someone for the first time, they have my number and even if we don't get along at all and I picked up the person, would always make sure she is home safe... but too many crazyyeees out there.. and it applies to both sexes...
before you go to someone house, ask if you can bring a friend the first time, if all is cool, he/she will be ok with the extra person, if not.. then I would be following Forrest.. 
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/19/2008 1:57:07 PM | U have a good quality as far as the trust issue...specially this day and age....take your time..relax and if relaxing is a problem...well soo is the guy....move on...and one of the biggest mistakes is having to be with someone!Your guy will come along....he will!Good luck with your search Girl! | |
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/19/2008 1:59:06 PM | I'd treat it a bit like hitchhiking
I used to do alot of that
traveled Europe alone in the 70's
I always looked the person straight in the eyes and let that make the decission.
If anything felt the slightest bit odd or bad ... I just said no thanks.
Never made decissions in bad light conditions or after drinking.
Phobias are hard to shake ... you may need councelling if it persists.
I'm thinking you need to interact with guys in social situations more so that you become more comfortable and familiar with the difference between guys acting dangerous and being dangerous. | |
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/19/2008 4:16:58 PM | This has all been very helpful. I was worried about it getting deleted before I could read them all thoroughly but it would appear that the moderators are having a good day.  Name, phone number, and vehicle description I have heard of before and my sister always knows when I am going on a date. With many of the suggestions posted I feel better about how much I have thought this through. 90% of the precautions suggested I have thought about and others have been most insightful I appreciate them all.
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/20/2008 6:53:51 PM |
I'm thinking you need to interact with guys in social situations more so that you become more comfortable
I am a social freak. Men do not imtimidate me in everyday circumstances but when it come to dating it is when I get defensive. Scared of being hurt, emotionally and physically.  | |
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/20/2008 9:14:32 PM |
...watch how he treats people that it is not in his interest to impress ... every guy whether a jerk, nice guy or predator is nice to good looking women ....watch how he treats not so great looking women ...watch how he treats and refers to people that are nerdy ...if he pokes fun at the less fortunate/less attractive.... treat him like the plague
This person has such sage ideas... very wise.
I've tried to treat "evil" women like the plague and people call me a chauvanist jerk. When it comes to my fellow men who are... um, "impressionable", its uncool to bully a bully... whats with that? I don't even mean physically harming anyone but people always perceive you as you act, not for what you are... but watching someone's behavior is a great idea to find a safe date. Oh and do it in public, yeah good advice folks :D
I mean, have the date in public. *cough* | |
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/20/2008 9:24:10 PM |
you should probably talk with a doctor about this
I'm not crazy or overly paranoid just, well I don't know how to explain it. I'll just wait until I'm comfortable and then go. Life is full of chances and I am not going to hide in a closet my whole life. | |
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/20/2008 9:35:51 PM |
Take a self-defense class. If sexual assault prevention is what you are worried about, take one focused on that, because a good one will teach you things well beyond physical techniques to protect yourself, as well as techniques designed to deal with someone larger, stronger and more experienced with confrontations than yourself
Agreed. Although I'd like to add:
Make sure you practice those techniques on guys who are bigger, stronger, etc (after all, that's who you'd be training to defend yourself against, right? )
Also, it'll be a big help if the self-defense class focuses on dealing with the "fight or flight" response -- you don't need to be freezing up when attacked. | |
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/20/2008 9:55:45 PM | I don't understand what some people mean when they said "live a little".
Does it mean humping is the only way to live??
oh well...
Coming to the OP's dilemma:
As some others have pointed out, going out on a few dates with him should give you a comfort level. Another thing that could dispel your doubts is to meet his friends. That would tell you a bit about him. He might act all different to impress you when it is just the two of you out on a date. But his true self is more apt to come out when he is amongst his friends.
You shoud only go if you have no doubt at all; and when you feel comfortable. If you had to ask that question, I would say you are not there yet.
Happy fishing. | |
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/21/2008 8:03:01 AM | | you are not being paranoid more than you should. get to know someone first make sure someone knows where you are. be armed, even if just with mace and be prepared to send out the message "I'm playing if I want only!" be ready always. once you are comfortable, then let loose. smart girl. | |
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/21/2008 8:12:39 AM | I think you should make it very clear about what to expect when you get over there.
If you aren`t ready or interested in them to have sex with them you should tell them straight up that you are only coming over as a friend,not a booty call.
If you aren`t comfortable with certain people ,you shouldn`t even bother hanging out with these people one on one. | |
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/21/2008 5:32:58 PM |
I think you should make it very clear about what to expect when you get over there.
If you aren`t ready or interested in them to have sex with them you should tell them straight up that you are only coming over as a friend,not a booty call.
But how do I do that without seeming high maintanance or like a spoiled brat. "Hey, I'm coming over but no touchie" ? I don't want being careful to be why men pull away from me. "No, I'm not coming over because I don't trust you." that is hard to say without it being something that bothers them. | |
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/21/2008 5:59:28 PM | When I dated I did something similar to what sonja71 did !
I had a system. I got to know the man first - on line - on the phone - then met in public - only when I felt comfortable enough to meet. I left all the details I had about the man with my kids and a friend - the meeting place - and had a mid-date call from a friend to check up on me! I also gave myself a cerfew time so that my kids knew when to expect me home! I never went to anyones home unless I had dated them a few times and I really felt safe with them. The entire time I dated I still gave my whereabouts to my kids! | |
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/21/2008 6:23:41 PM | | You need to take some chances..........as hard as it may seem. You could meet a guy for 3mths in public place and him be a crazy person. Just make sure that when you do meet him in private that your friends know the phone number, the address and that you have a safe word when they call to check up on you. There are not written rules for anyone to follow.......just keep your eyes open and you should be fine. I like to keep a can of mass in my purse........you just never know. | |
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/22/2008 1:21:31 AM |
I like to keep a can of mass in my purse
working with my connections with military and police to get my hands on the good stuff. When 21 I will always keep a fire arm on me not necessarily for dates but general protection. I grew up with guns and am a very good shot but too bad laws prohibit young women, such as myself, from being able to legally protect ourselves with something that barks here but bites way over there
lol
knives work too and would be more useful if attacked but it would be awkward to keep my hand in my pocket the whole time. I'll just stick with the schedueled phone calls lol | |
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/22/2008 1:36:13 AM | Jesus christ, meet some good people i guess. Im sure i dont understand because i have no chance in this ever happening to me. Its hard to wrap my mind around it. Its embarassing to be a man hearing that a women is thinking about these kinds of things.
Maybe i was raised right. The first time I do anything sexually with a women there is never "drinks" involved. I want to know she wants to kiss me or whatever because of me, not a long island iced tea. I just have to much respect for myself to do anything otherwise.
Between all you and "I", I almost went to jail for a long time when I was 17. I was at a party (HS) , I walked outside around the corner to take a piss(classy i know) and I came upon a guy on top of this girl in the bed of a truck, she was screaming kind of loud saying stop stop no no ect. I pulled him off and hit him, he fell down, i kicked him in the head, he passed out. He ended up having a shattered orbital bone( eye socket) and a major concusion. Ended up going to court blah blah, I was facing 5+ years. I took the stand to get a few words in. I said " wouldnt you want someone to do that for your daughter"? I never said sorry and I said I would do it again. I got 6 months in YA. Us as men HAVE to do that kind of thing. I dont know why i got off on that rant.. | |
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/22/2008 1:40:07 AM | Life is not paved with gold, but with potholes.
You gotta rely on your instincts and have faith.
It's a crap shoot, otherwise, stay in your room... | |
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/22/2008 1:49:22 AM |
I said " wouldnt you want someone to do that for your daughter"? I never said sorry and I said I would do it again. I got 6 months in YA. Us as men HAVE to do that kind of thing. I dont know why i got off on that rant
D.A.M.N you got 6 months for that? Jeez my dad would kneel at you for doing something like that for me. I just don't understand the justice system today. More and more people stop trying to be good citizens everyday b/c they risk it all being turned agianst them. ugghh such a screwed up world to be in
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/22/2008 1:56:17 AM | | Yeah I think saying that scored points with the judge..fuk that kid. Id kick his ass if i saw him today | |
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/22/2008 2:03:58 AM | | LOL, would you be around if a guy did that to me??? Jeez, with the way the world is today I'm suprised not more people are completely concealed to their homes. I'd hate to see aguy try toattack me though. With no weapons, this lady is going to put up one hell of a fight. I will more than likely lose but I won't be the only one in pain. I'm not a violent person by nature but I can and will fight back as long as I am conscious and able to move. | |
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/23/2008 6:58:07 PM | Always public dates for awhile, and make sure to listen to your "gut" when you're with them. There's a reason we have women's intuition. To help protect us.
And remember, lots of seemingly "nice" guys are using date rape drugs. Don't eat or drink anything they offer you if you go back to their place. Offer to get water and food for yourself.
Never go to someone's place without your own car. Make sure you keep your purse and cell phone handy just in case you'd start to feel uncomfortable.
If a guy gets "irritated" or "angry" because you don't seem interested in sex right away, or going back to his place to "hang", run the other way, as fast as you can.
Don't believe words. LOOK at their actions. If actions don't match words, don't go over.
One out of three women will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime. So, there is NOTHING wrong with being extra cautious these days.
Stay safe girl. (but have some fun too) | |
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/23/2008 7:19:14 PM | | i agree with sonja71, you should have a safety system in place. i always call someone-even leave a voicemail, or email someone all the info i have on who i am going out with. and i even put there info on the refrigerator before i leave. unlike sonja71, i don't hide it. i also make it known to my date that is exactly what i am doing. | |
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/23/2008 8:12:36 PM | Tigress....you do not go anywhere with anyone until you feel comfortable and I mean completely comfortable.
If you get a gut feeling about someone, do not excuse it, our gut is what should lead us and if we listen, it won't fail us.
Learning to trust someone is a two-way street and as a single lady you have to be extra cautious about who you allow into your life and how close they get. Meeting them in public is always a good idea, never go anywhere with anyone until you know them well....and take a roll of quarters in a sock and maybe some pepper spray JUST IN CASE... | |
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/24/2008 7:22:51 PM | the great and irritating Tom Lycus has a rule for all women to follow...never be alone with a guy you have no intention of having sex with ! Period..if you are not alone with him..you can't be raped..end of story... Don't go to this guys house until YOU make the decision that you want to sleep with him. Now none of this excuses a guy actions in a rape case ( rape and sex are 2 different things)...but don't go to his house and it can't happen ...
All that being said..really listen to the little voice in your head, before you go to a guys house/ are alone with him...any warning bells...bolt! | |
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