| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/24/2008 7:54:43 PM | errr. if her gut is telling her to keep her foil hat on and never leave the house, then it would seem she might not need to 100% trust her gut.
They make this thing called a double date, I'd look into it. | |
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/24/2008 8:30:53 PM | Excuse my spelling, I'm from Quebec. (french schools only)
Just take it easy, go slow. You can invite them over to your playing feild, make sure someone is there. Heck you can even have sleep overs that way. When you finally feel ok with them, then you'll need to trust them. If that doesnt work there's alway the chastity belt. lol
just kidding.
Really though, i can imagine that this style of dating can be harder on the girl then the guy. | |
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/25/2008 12:50:53 AM | First off, buy some mace and a cell phone. Then take it slow. First date, drive your own car and meet in a public place, drive your own car home, same for the second date. On the third date go some place where you can have some privacy, but there are still other humans within screaming distance, parks and campgrounds are good ideas. Work your way to more and more private situations from there.
Generally, I like to give him a brief opportunity to show his evil side if he has one in a situation where I could still save my ass if I had to. Then I extend the time I am alone with him until I feel safe. | |
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/25/2008 7:11:34 AM | Trust has to be earned... The fact is that date rape is real and there are healthy fears and protecting yourself is not a bad thing. I would think if you have met with the person is public several times you might has some feel for what he hasd in mind. My mother said five dates will tell what he is realling interested in. But there are in my own opinion certian culture that think that a women who entertains a man alone ias a whore and that you are looking to be raped. The more machismo the culture the man comes from the more porblems I have had... don't take it personal it's about how the values women.
Until you are comforable with being with someone you should always have an option of checking out of the date (my grandmother would say make sure you have bus fair or if you are married they call it mad money. Remember even wifes get raped...).
Better to be cautous and not have unwanted injuries... | |
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/25/2008 8:51:09 AM | Damn ..... I'm Canadian .... all this talk of guns ... knives ... mace ..... makes me sick.
That is the problem with this society .... lack of general trust and lack of people sticking together to stop the idiots.
You should realize that its people carrying guns that cause people to use guns and its the innocent that get shot more often than the guilty.
knives ..... well ... they tend to cut you more often than any attacker.
mace .... its illegal in Canada ... and rightly so.
your brain and speech is a better weapon than any of those things ... learn to use it.
fight or flight .... is wrong .... its fight to flight. [Only fight enough to get away]
if you are worried take a defendo course .... it is meant to defend against everything.
the strongest man will be felled by a blow to the adams apple
or a twisted finger ... or poke to the eye.
if you are in mortal danger use charm and deception until the vulnerability opens ... make the blow and then run and call the cops..... its their job.
to the guy who got 6 months ..... that's because he went over the line by kicking the guy after he was stopped and down. ... that is called excessive force and is very illegal.
It shows a psychological problem and probably anger management counselling should happen. | |
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/25/2008 9:13:22 AM | Thorb, you're out there man. What's wrong with mace? I've never met a guy who felt he was wrongfully hit with mace by a woman.
LMAO @ your defendo course. Is it a good idea? Sure. Does it also lead to a false sense of security for many women? Absolutely. Don't put yourself in the position to rely on minimal skills against a stronger opponent.
Actually, if a woman could effectively wield a knife, it would be THE Most effective weapon she could have, as far as inflicted damage. | |
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/25/2008 7:57:04 PM | this has all been very helpful thank you
I'll stick with public for now, he'll have to wait for me to decide
If he's worth it he'll wait for "alone time"
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/26/2008 2:12:43 AM | Unfortunately you often do not realise due to effects of the drugs you have been drugged let alone remember the events that may have happened after, so follow the advice given ....... but add to all that .......
Drink only water you cannot spike that without the other persons knowledge as lsd, rohypnol or ketamin taste like shit in water......
Buy your own drinks preferably.
If you feel whoozey, without warning get home quick by ringing a friend to pick you up. Whoozy ness can happen within five to ten minutes of drinking a spiked fluid.
There are some real creeps out there so also go with that instinct of yours but don't trust any man until he has given you good reason to trust him.
From someone who has had their drink spiked to bad effect. | |
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/26/2008 8:33:27 AM | The actions of less than one in a hundred now affects nearly everybody. I think the worst bit is the media. They generate social "lockdown" in the minds of the populace.
You should (hopefully) be able to suss out those who spike the drinks of others. They have to be missing out on social skills, be leer's, know the black market drug trade, the demographics of the individual etc. etc. Be a cynic.
Leave your dating details with a trusted friend. Better still, date where your friends will be around but not engaging you, so if something happens they can pounce. 
The last time I was spiked was last year at the age of 50 by a 28 year old female friend. It wasn't a "date drug", it was something else to stop me going home to sleep. She wanted my company. Its my body. She's history now.
Go to a plenty of fish meet!  | |
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/26/2008 2:16:55 PM | | I have friends that meet only at restaurants, they have friends that go and eat at the same place to be there if needed. I dont do this myself since I make sure I know the person pretty well before meeting but I do go the public place route and people always know where I am going and who with to be safe. if you are that fearful professional help is not a bad suggestion. | |
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/26/2008 2:34:28 PM | very good ideas. basically i would add:
1. A friend of yours can 'accidentally' come over when you meet in a café or a bar you introduce them and then your friend leaves. ('Hi nice to meet you sir! with a stronghand and a strong hanshake') lol
2. Dont't accept a date if there is no recent picture on his profile
3. If he is ok, he'll accept any place of meeting, he 'll accept you call a friend of yours in front of him during your meeting.
Basically as a man , we guys need to make her more comfortable, ie if a girl is a bit uncomfortable at the beginning this is what i suggest her. | |
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/26/2008 5:24:23 PM |
Does it also lead to a false sense of security for many women? Absolutely.
I wonder if that's because some people take those courses only once or twice, then think they're able to kick a**. I'd think it'd take more than that to get good at the techniques (at least against a stronger, resisting attacker).
Actually, if a woman could effectively wield a knife, it would be THE Most effective weapon she could have, as far as inflicted damage
From what I've read on different martial arts boards, a good place to learn that would be a good place that teaches Arnis, Escrima, or Kali -- I don't know much about those arts (except for what I saw on Fight Quest), but it looked like something my mom and my sister would find very useful. (probably be pretty useful for a small guy like me, as well) | |
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/26/2008 5:51:22 PM | | Learn to protecr yourself if you are worried about it. Enroll in some serious martial arts training. Keep up with it. Trust your instincts but don't let fear run your life. As a survivor of date rape when I was young, I can understand your fear but at some point you have to decide if your fear is controlling your life. If it is, then find a combination of things that help you manage that fear. Knowing how to take a larger opponent long enough to get away is good. Keeping an eye on your drink is good. Trusting your instincts is good. If it's a crippling fear, getting therapy is good. I believe 95% or more of the world is good but the other 5% gets the attention so don't let your fears overwhelm your common sense. | |
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/26/2008 6:04:03 PM | you need to take a chance sooner or later or you will always be alone, after 4 or 5 dates if your at ease with the guy then you should have no problems with going back to his house, not nesscarily for sex but for anything. and it wouldnt hurt for you to give the guy a little poon once in a while, let loose, be young and have some fun and stop being worried about every little thing.
This is absurd commentary..you don't need to give anyone "a little poon" once in a while until you're ready and invested enough to do so.
I think that you should keep dates public until you do know someone well and feel that you are safe, no matter how many public dates it takes until you feel that way. Your feelings are valid and reasonable; the people met on dating sites are perfect strangers who you know nothing whatsoever about. It takes time to trust and most especially if you are intelligent and semi-cautious, which you should be. In my opinion, it's best to take one's time these days. Anyone who doesn't respect your feelings isn't worth the time it takes to bother to explain them. | |
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/26/2008 6:06:19 PM |
the people met on dating sites are perfect strangers who you know nothing whatsoever about
I think that's the case for people met just about anywhere. It's rare that you start dating someone you have known for a while. It happens but it's rare. Internet dating is no more dangerous than meeting someone from anywhere else. | |
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/26/2008 11:36:29 PM |
From what I've read on different martial arts boards, a good place to learn that would be a good place that teaches Arnis, Escrima, or Kali -- I don't know much about those arts (except for what I saw on Fight Quest), but it looked like something my mom and my sister would find very useful. (probably be pretty useful for a small guy like me, as well)
Kali is a beautiful art, but ANYONE with half of a brain will tell you that when it comes to an altercation with someone wielding a knife is that Winners drip, Losers gush. When it comes to a person with a knife the smartest defense is to run. There are both sides to that coin, and I'm all for cross training in as many arts as you can. There is good in almost all of them but that is a different discussion. Likely for a different forum.
I think that pepper spray is by far the easiest defense most women can have next to self awareness. Don't put yourself in a situation that you can't get out of. Don't go anywhere in their car, etc. | |
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/27/2008 6:01:11 AM | The best person to know when it comes to a guy is his ex.
All this talk of drugs, knives and guns... Get a grip, please! | |
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/27/2008 8:02:36 AM | | Wow, there are a lot signs and warnings that you could learn to pick up on, but there is no golden grail and it only takes one perv to ruin your well-being. I suppose if you don't have the confidence to deal with that sort of situation you would do well to err on the side of caution when making decisions of putting yourself in a situation that doesn't feel right and best of wishes to you. | |
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/27/2008 10:41:38 AM | | maybe u need counseling to get over ur fear.. or just date at public places until u are confortable... and if not then u are gonna be single forever! | |
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/27/2008 2:20:16 PM |
the smartest defense is to run
Agreed, the art of "Nike-do" should definetly be the first thing to use when someone decides to attack you.  | |
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/27/2008 5:19:43 PM |
With all of the weirdo's out there how can you truly judge who would be okay and who could possibly be dangerous?
It is easy, the honest and sincere ones will always offer you candy 1st and drive vans. | |
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/28/2008 1:45:53 AM | My fear is not in need of professional help. The idea of being raped is scary but I am not hiding in my shell. I take precautions like most in that my sister and mom always know where I'll be going and who with and know that I will call to give them the heads up (always) arrived safely and what not. I don't meet guys at night on the first date and for the first few it will be public. I do feel like I can read people pretty well. I'm sorry if I stereo-typed most men into this category. No, for the most part everyone is just looking for someone to love. My fear is only a small thing and it is under control. I do not fear what could happen, more like fearing what it would do to my life. Even so, it is not a problem.
Thank you all,
oh one more thing,
Even more frightening is that in another thread you say you would like being choked during sex. Your statements are indicative of a an unclear, mixed up mind; not a very rationale person.
My fears are only when first getting to know someone and beginning the dating process. Yes, once I am in a committed relationship (WITH SOMEONE I ALREADY TRUST TO BE ALONE WITH) then the idea of choking lightly etc. is appealing. It is hard to trust someone like that when you don't know them.
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/28/2008 2:13:21 AM |
My fear is not in need of professional help.
That's not what you said in your opening post.
You said you even had fear of going over to a guy friends house to hang out.
But now your all good! (?)
Fear of rape yet like to be choked out....
Funny what people will do for attention, then again when it's not the attention they want! | |
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| Fear of Date Rape.....
Posted: 12/28/2008 3:34:02 AM | | my worse fear is going out with a civilian who purchase guns to 'protect' themself... | |
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This is classic! 
