| Not right for me, I think
Posted: 12/22/2008 2:41:02 PM |
You are way to young to waste your time stuck in a relationship you do not enjoy. One of the most important parts of a relationship if finding someone you enjoy talking to and spending time with. Sex only takes up a fraction of your time together. Find someone who gives you as many sparks out of bed as he does in bed. Your brain is your most important erogenous zone. Find the man that appeals to it and you'll be a lot happier.
Damn... I need to take this advice. My current situation is very single but friends with benefits with one of my exes (who wasn't "ready" for something serious). Geez... sparks outside the bedroom exsist? I need to get me some of those. | |
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| Not right for me, I think
Posted: 12/22/2008 2:46:21 PM | travelsize
Your title says it all, not right for me. He probably is a closet republican. He puts you down on something so small, just think what he will do if it is really an important issue with you. That's right he will be critical and make fun of you for anything. I think he is not right for you. Dump him.
As for the shyness, you can just stop being shy. It's as simple as that. Say what you think, ask for what you want. All someone else can say is no or not agree with your opinion and that is all. NO dosen't hurt, you've heard it since you were little.
Trust me, I used to be shy until I was 16 and one day reality cleared and I discovered I was missing out on alot of life. So I started to speak up for myself and life got alot better. Now I can talk to anybody, anytime about anything.
Good luck with your new future! | |
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| Not right for me, I think
Posted: 12/22/2008 3:31:47 PM | OY! That doesn't sound like much fun. I agree, he doesn't seem right for you.
It sounds like you do get along in some ways, but this is a red flag to me: he could be a control freak who has to run others down to make himself feel superior. I'd be careful.
Ya, I'd break it off, tho' I understand how daunting it is trying to find a new date; the shyness perpetuates itself by intensifying every time you meet a prospect. Best I can think of to tell you is .. if you belong to any community clubs, sports or arts organizations, etc .. you'll find it easier to gravitate to another who shares the interest.
Best wishes. | |
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| Not right for me, I think
Posted: 12/22/2008 4:18:11 PM | Well let's see..there's no spark and he insults you daily about your polital views? I know if it was me, I would let him go. I have been in relationships where there was no spark and tried to make it happen, and I ended up wasting his and my time doing it. Also we all have our political beliefs and if the person I'm with has to remind me constantly how he thinks I should 'agree' with him and go to the left or to the right, then he has some control issues there. So bottom line sounds like he's not the guy for you and it's time to move on. Good luck!  | |
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| Not right for me, I think
Posted: 12/22/2008 7:07:21 PM | Let's see, he doesn't do anything for you to light a spark, either in or out of the bedroom apparently, and he can't discuss your political differences without being snide and insulting you. Definitely time to part ways with this guy.
People can have differing political viewpoints and still be compatible, as evidenced by James Carville and Mary Matalin. I'm sure they have disagreements but are still civil with each other.
As for there not being any sort of spark sexually or otherwise when you spend time with him, that should tell you all you need to know about continuing to see him. Ending things with him may or may not hurt his feelings, but as long as you do it with a measure of grace and are polite about it, then its his problem, not yours. And the way to deal with the shyness is to get out there and talk to other people, and not just to guys you're attracted to. Say hello to strangers or make a comment to start a brief conversation with people you encounter, say an older woman at the supermarket or a person browsing in the bookstore and you'll soon find yourself developing the self-confidence to talk to just about anyone. | |
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| Not right for me, I think
Posted: 12/22/2008 7:20:12 PM | Anyone who insults you for any reason is probably not going to give you much of a good connection. If you don't speak up for yourself it will likely get worse over time.
I understand being shy and not wanting to appear pushy or forward by expressing your own desires - but if you won't stand up for yourself, who will? | |
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| Not right for me, I think
Posted: 12/28/2008 5:56:47 AM | It's been about a week since your last post. How did he take it when you ended things? Based on the little info you posted about him, I'm guessing he probably got nasty and threw a few more insults at you. If this is true, please don't let it discourage you. All men are not as insensitive as this guy. Sounds like he has some serious insecurity issues. He makes himself feel better by putting you down. Men like that never change. Find someone that won't put you down.
Aloha!
DefenseEngineer | |
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| Not right for me, I think
Posted: 12/28/2008 7:55:11 AM | as everyone said, you need to break up with him, and it has nothing to do with politics.
the biggest thing I see here is the insulting/negative comments about you.Wether it be about politics, about how you dress, about your job, about ANYTHING, you shouldnt ever have to tolerate that crap from anyone, let alone a boyfriend. | |
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| Not right for me, I think
Posted: 12/28/2008 8:15:47 AM | If there is no spark, there is no spark. It will not appear only because you want it. You could possibly still be friends with him.
As for his insults, use even stronger "I" message about how much you object to it. His response to this will tell you a lot about him. | |
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| Not right for me, I think
Posted: 12/28/2008 8:32:29 AM | Travel...dump him. I have dated someone just for the sake of "having" someone to date before and this never works out. First he insults you about politics, what's next?
Don't waste your time being with someone who is clearly annoying you, only you seem to nice to say it outright.
Stop making excuses about staying with this guy...you've been dating 3-4 weeks, not YEARS.
Your shyness will pass once you force yourself to face your fears and realize what it is that makes you clam up and grow tongue tied. We all have moments where we can be uncomfortable and lack something to say.....this should not be a deterent to you getting back into the dating world. Why "tie" yourself to a man who has no respect for your political views (even if they aren't an issue for you, they obviously are for him)....its little red flags that may show the true light of how he will be down the road.
You've asked him to stop and he will not relent....move on and be happy it's not gone on longer than it has. | |
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| Not right for me, I think
Posted: 1/4/2009 1:48:31 PM | Hey TravelSize. I've been in relationships where the guy says mean or hurtful things thinking he's being funny, when the only one laughing is him. If he did it a couple of times and you made it clear you didn't appreciate the barbs, then he should have quit. If he doesn't, then he simply has no respect for you. You don't want to be with someone like that.
I'd say pck yourself up and know your worth. You'll meet someone who cares about what you think and how you feel. | |
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| Not right for me, I think
Posted: 1/4/2009 4:22:01 PM | JMO, I don't think it's fair to either of you to continue this relationship. Shy or not, you will find the right person for you. Since you say you do not want to hurt anyone's feelings, and I am sure you don't, just choose your words wisely. Who knows, he may feel the same way as you and this could be a relief for both. Good luck.  | |
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| Not right for me, I think
Posted: 1/4/2009 4:51:22 PM | | follow your gut instict....stop dating him. If he insults you about something like your political views, it is a sign that it will only get worse. | |
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| Not right for me, I think
Posted: 1/4/2009 5:52:42 PM | I totally agree, that fellow is not right for you.
I would agree with several other posters who say you can, indeed, do something about shyness. If you want to know more, get a book called Shyness: What it is, What to do about it by eminent Stanford psychologist Philip Zimbardo. You are fortunate to be young enough that you could prevent shyness from ruling your important life decisions, if you only decide to do something about it. Your shyness has led you to consider staying with someone who is insulting to you, rather than confidently tossing that fish back in the pond. It may also interfere with career choices. So be fair to yourself and learn to deal with it. You'll be glad you did.
And I also agree with another poster that you're cute. No need to settle, this early in the game! Go | |
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| Not right for me, I think
Posted: 1/4/2009 6:07:34 PM | | you have a bigger problem with this guy. he thinks you're too smart for him and he is trying to knock youi down to his level. arrogance of liberalism so time to move on. you're settling for a crappy situation because you think you're shy? come on, you are good looking enough to attract a better guy and you're obviously smart enough to know he is a drip. | |
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| Not right for me, I think
Posted: 1/4/2009 6:12:51 PM | theres a saying " people that setlle for what they got deserve what they get"
if you dont want to be one of those people, then break it off with him
im shy too but i'll never stay with the wrong person because of it | |
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| Not right for me, I think
Posted: 1/4/2009 11:23:59 PM | You don't like him. Why would you stay with him?
To overcome shyness, do what your shy about. I know it's pat, but really, what else IS there to do?
It seems you're staying with him because you're afraid of being alone. | |
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| Not right for me, I think
Posted: 1/5/2009 7:12:00 AM | Tell him you are not a Republican because Republicans are big government, big spending socialists and war mongers that want to dictate to everyone else how they should live their lives. Democrats at least have some restraint on how much they will run up the national debt. Republican have no restraint on spending.
Bush, just like Regan, was a big government spender and he turned Clinton's surplus into a $trillion a year deficit. Look it up. Republicans are either liars or stupid so they will deny it. However, over 80 percent o f our national debt occurred under Republican administrations. | |
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| Not right for me, I think
Posted: 1/5/2009 7:33:17 AM | | Listen if he is going to belittle your beliefs in politics the rest of the ride will something no one would care for. Minor control now major later. Find the republican dating site and go from there. You need to stop and reassess your self worth, that you seem to be a bit shy of displaying. Better to enjoy to cultivate friendships within your own circle that will allow you the safety to spread your wings and gain confidence. Gut instinct as pointed out is a asset and don't dismiss it ever. This guy needs a lesson in how to keep his negatives to himself, he is playing games now. Demeaning doesn't stop but will progress in time. Run like the devil. | |
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| Not right for me, I think
Posted: 1/5/2009 8:32:58 AM |
But Kelley - she IS a Republican.
Torquoise pixie, how embarrassing. It is obvious that I cannot read. | |
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| Not right for me, I think
Posted: 1/5/2009 8:34:31 AM | Reading comprehension is not important. As long as your facial features are symmetrical you can get pretty much any man you want. | |
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| Not right for me, I think
Posted: 1/9/2009 10:17:33 AM | I have been in your shoes before and I'm finally am beginning to be my good ole self again! (My ex was putting me down a lot) Be sure of yourself, you are not attracted to this guy and his demeaner is doing nothing for you but further pushing you away! why bother with him? face that fact and give him a taste of his own medicine. I know its hard to do, but we'll get there someday, good thing is I rarely have to talk to my ex and never see him around otherwise. But you really should pick yourself up and you'll feel so much more confident after getting rid of a man that puts you down. People should be good to each other, when kindness is not reciprocated, best to get away.
I have a saying that when a girl leaves a guy that was treating her bad she "gains some balls and loses the di*k" when a guy leaves a female that was treating him bad he "gains some balls and loses the t*ts" | |
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