| Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/27/2008 9:04:06 PM | KG124, I'm really sorry to hear about the experiences that you have had on this site. For a person to respond back to your emails with such hate is so uncalled for. They could have easily ignored your emails or like you said, responded with, "I'm not interested." Unfortunately, this country is still full of ignorant, close minded people. I wish you the best in your search. Don't let those emails discourage you from pursuing other women that are not the same race as you. There is nothing wrong with dating outside of your race. I happen to do so myself.
Good luck and take care! | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/27/2008 9:37:52 PM | Well Ive never had that happened to me, I guess ive been lucky so far, but If I had someone say that to me or any ignorant racist comments It wouldn't bother me, I would say " thank the Lord" because if a person is that ignorant why would I want to get involved with stupidity? and they are too stupid to know they are stupid.
Im not saying others haven't experienced it and to that I would say just laugh at them and tell them " ooops i hope you weren't under the impression that I give a sh1t what you think? do you?" | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/27/2008 10:38:48 PM | I can't believe that POFers would actually use that atrocious language. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that situation OP; it is down right ridiculous that women can spew such asinine remarks.  | |
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kg124
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Joined: 1/16/2008
Msg: 29 | |
| Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/28/2008 6:03:17 AM |
Just out of curiousity, have you always dated white women? Or is it something new you' thought you'd try since Obama was voted in - thinking maybe it might be easier to cross the racial line? You've been on here for almost a year, yet it was only in the last week (as well as being since he was voted in) that you received such hateful replies? Seems kind of strange to me, to say the least.
I have always dated outside my race, whether its Caucasian women, hispanic, blue, purple, fat, or skinny. That has never had anything to do with it. Yes I have been on here for over a year and I have been in a relationship so alot of that time my profile was hidden (deactivated). Maybe its because I have been out of the dating scene for so long and didnt realize this still went on.
Obama being elected had nothing to do with my dating habits by the way. | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/28/2008 7:39:25 AM | | Wow that is stiff stuff! I have dated racists before, extreme racists. They've told me stories about getting hit on by members of other races, then they go off on racial tangeants. Its a turnoff. | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/28/2008 8:43:32 AM | OP
You have every right to get on a soapbox...I must be lucky...I've not had anyone say anything quite that ugly since I've been here.
It's sad when I say that I'd rather hear a man complain that women don't respond back to his emails versus THIS. | |
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ml456
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Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 32 | |
| Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/28/2008 9:08:10 AM | | When I was on a different website, a few people sent me racist comments because I stated that I'm generally attracted to black men on my profile. These comments came from white men and black women. | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/28/2008 9:58:11 AM |
I have always dated outside my race, whether its Caucasian women, hispanic, blue, purple, fat, or skinny.
Surely "fat or skinny" do not make people "outside your race." And with your own racial requirements, would a black woman contacting you also get rebuffed, however nicely? Because you don't date black women?
You'd think being the object of discrimination based on your skin color would make you more open-minded about ethnicity (not really "race" as another poster pointed out), not less so. Unless you're trying to imply that black women are also sending you these hateful emails? | |
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kg124
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Joined: 1/16/2008
Msg: 34 | |
| Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/28/2008 10:56:07 AM | I date any race. I was just making a statement using "fat or skinny" as an example. I will date anyone regardless of skin color. No, it wasnt a black woman that sent those emails so all I can speak to are the "ladies" that did.
If what I wrote offended you Ms Major, I do sincerely apologize. Again, that was not the intent. | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/28/2008 10:57:38 AM | Dude,
Fear not the person that to your face tells you that he or she hates you for whatever reason, color or otherwise. FEAR the ones that claim that are not racist that feel like they like "YOU PEOPLE", those are the real bigots, the ones that indicate that YOU people should have your own churches and schools and may as well your own restaurants and if anything, because they are fair, a part of the restaurant exclusively for YOU PEOPLE. The problem is that they find all kinds of justifications all in good faith, all with good intentions.
If you look at countries that have a mix of races, such as Latin America, you will realize that the US is about 100 years behind. These things are not achieve overnight. And even when achieved, that will not eradicate racism completely because racism is also fed by scape goating, thus charging a particular group with all the ailments of a society.
So dude, hang in there and realize that there's a long way to go, but at least is going and progressing. | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/28/2008 11:33:56 AM | Its does not surprise me on bit because since I have seen on this forum I have seem these empty headed mutants type slather on making veiled and not so veiled racist statements.. but the people who I focus on most are the cretins who defend them or try to mitigate the vitriol by saying "ooh the person meant well" "ooh he is just ignorant and doesn't know".. blah blah.... oh bullshyt- .. The meeley mouth apologists are worse than the bigots themselves.
OP - we share a common experience and history in this country...Do realize that the forum is a microcosm of society at large and yes although we have Pres Obama, there are a plethora of racist dullards who are still stuck in 50's..
I have had the opposite experience when a white guy will send me a message and if I tell him I'm not interested he is like "Oh wow you dont wanna date me cuz im white"..
my response "pulease..stfu and get over yourself " .. | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/31/2008 8:13:51 PM | I got a lot of heat for a post I started on another message board I used to go on about race. It was kind of a "I'm another white person who's just woken up about race relations in this country". I suppose my post sounded ignorant, but that's because to a certain degree, it was.
This is something that white people just don't have to deal with on a daily basis, and I know it irritates some black people when some of us finally are more "aware" of what black America has had to deal with all their lives.
Unfortunately I think many white people are still racist to a certain degree, even if those who aren't aware of it, because it's so deeply ingrained in our subconscious. The trick is, to become more aware of it, and recognize it for what it is. For me personally, I was always aware of racism existing, but not apparently of the subtle subconscious racism in my own brain, until a couple of years ago.
I can't imagine what it's like being a black man (or woman) in this world. It must be very hard sometimes. I have been guilty of rejecting some black men who've contacted me for dates based on their race alone. It was more a feeling of, I should only date what I'm familiar with. But I've probably missed out on some good guys because of it. It's a shame that sometimes, we worry about what others might think of us, and reject new people in our lives because of it. And sometimes, whether we want to admit it or not, that involves race.
However, no matter why you reject someone, putting someone down with racial slurs, is never, ever, ok, period. And I am sorry to hear that you were so disrespected by some of the women who sent you such horrible replies. Barak Obama may be president, but I think racism is still alive and well in this country. Just like sexism, ageism, etc. It may be more passive aggressive these days, but those "isms" are still there, unfortunately.
All I can tell you, as a white girl who's just recently come to terms with my own subconscious racism that I wasn't even aware of until a couple of years ago, some people, are always going to be racist. No matter how nice you are, no matter what a wonderful person you are. No matter who's president. I could say "don't let it get you down", but I'm not you, and it must hurt you after a while, especially if you are constantly on the receiving end of it.
All you can do is realize that even though it's still out there, many of us, are becoming more aware of it, and I think that's a good thing. Because that, is what brings change. There are plenty of women out there who will see you as a person, and not just your skin color. Don't let the "bad apples" of white society make you feel completely hopeless about our race. I know it's frustrating that it's taken some of us so long to "wake up" to this issue, but some are truly trying. But it doesn't mean you should have to tolerate disrespectful behavior.
The women who sent you those messages are simply, not worth your worry. They are just simply, jerks. You are a far better human being then they will ever be. I get nasty messages on here sometimes from men, who are sexist pigs and decide to just send me a nasty message because for whatever reason, they are angry at women. It's not ok and it's not right, but it happens. Dating sites attract all types, and sometimes, that's not a good thing.
Hang in there. I know there are dating sites for just black men and women, if you get tired of this one. If mixed raced dating sites get too annoying for you, take a break from them every once in awhile. Also, the internet allows people to just be rude, where they'd never have the guts to say these things to you in person. Take a break from internet dating from time to time and meet people in the real world. Internet dating can make us kind of jaded and bitter sometimes, if we stick with it too long. It can also sometimes bring out the worst in us. (I speak from personal experience)
Anyway, sorry, this is a bit long and rambling. I tend to feel more strongly about race issues these days, since I've finally "woken up" more about them in the past few years and I'm not as ignorant as I allowed myself to be.
Hang in there hon and don't give up hope yet. | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/31/2008 8:36:36 PM | | Ursula...from reading your posts I get the impression you are thinking that the OP should date only within his race........are you? | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 1/1/2009 12:16:28 PM | Not at all. My concern was that he appeared, from his opening posts and subsequent ones, to ONLY date OUTSIDE his race. It appeared that he eliminated black women from his dating pool -- discriminating against them the way he felt discriminated against.
The OP has subsequently cleared up that issue by explaining that that is not the case, for which I thank him. | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 1/1/2009 12:32:21 PM | | To the Op, racism is horrible and no one has the right to treat someone like that. Next time report the person and get them kicked off the site. There is no excuse for that kind of thing in this world. | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 1/1/2009 12:35:59 PM | Ursula, the OP had no issue about being discriminated against, per se...He simply (and rightfully so) was deeply offended at the harsh language that supposedly civilized adults were using to communicate disinterest. Discrimination, or what I like to call 'preference' is natural; it shouldn't however be expressed with vitriol or venom in a civilized world.
To the OP, I wanted to take a moment to relate to your topic. It's shameful indeed that we are into the 21st century and there are still people with these outdated ideas regarding race, class and culture. There will always be those who are willfully ignorant of the truth, or simply fearful of the unknown; both of these attitudes can breed hate and intolerance. As a few others made the point, I will co-sign the notion that you are much better off knowing that these individuals are beneath your standards and in my opinion, beneath contempt as well. I understand your need to vent; your strength will be found in your ability to continue your search unburdened and undaunted.
Keep fishing, and best of luck... | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 1/1/2009 12:55:00 PM |
Discrimination, or what I like to call 'preference' is natural; it shouldn't however be expressed with vitriol or venom in a civilized world.
Agreed. I simply wondered if his dating 'preferences' were contributing to the negative responses he was getting. | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 1/1/2009 1:42:35 PM | | Yes, there is no excuse for the barbs you got. As another poster said, be glad these people showed you their true colors and hence did not waste a second more of your valuable time. Also, as you point out we have our first black president, that is huge step forward for a country with such a history as ours. On a personal note, I teach school and we read, "Roll of Thunder My Cry", by Mildred Taylor. When I read outloud and have to speak some of the slurs in the book, it is like I have thrown ice water on my students. There is almost always an audible gasp. I personally like to hear their shock and outrage, it reminds me how far we have come. On a personal note, I really don't date outside my race and I'm not sure why. I see people of all races who are good looking, but I am not physically attracted. I'd like to think it just boils down to nothing more than a preference, but in my heart I am not sure what to make of it. | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 1/1/2009 3:03:10 PM | JJJJJEEEESSEEE!!!!!!!
Peoples ignorance can be so gross, I hate to see any human being done this way.
It is truly ignorant and pathetic. There is no excuse for this mess to even be happening. | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 1/1/2009 4:00:07 PM | My granny used to say "sometimes it's a compliment when people don't like you as it means you have nothing in common".
OP I have to say I agree with her  Check the box marked "NEXT", move on and spare a second or two to feel pity for the poor soul who does end up wining, dining and perhaps even marrying these ugly hearted women.
The soul has no colour and we are all equal in the eyes of God. | |
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Sushiq
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Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 46 | |
| Racism in Dating
Posted: 1/1/2009 4:06:26 PM | | Oh come to Canada the white woman black man thing is all the rage here. Right cdn-iceman? | |
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Sushiq
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Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 48 | |
| Racism in Dating
Posted: 1/1/2009 4:47:11 PM | | Cdn-iceman You took english right? I made a statement and asked if you agreed because you are blk male live in canada and identified yourself as not having similar problems dating white women. Are you defensive for a reason? | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 1/1/2009 4:51:43 PM | | Do I sound defensive? I just asked you what you point was ? is that how you ask questions ? | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 1/1/2009 5:03:39 PM | | WOW, when i read that i thought to myself whoop there goes another one! Angry ppl seem to seek out a reason to vent so they find someone or something to target.Seems the net is full of these kind of natured ppl. I chalk it up to small minded and uneducated pee brains, that im sure along the way have experienced some kind of hatred in life themselves so have to release their anger on society.kq123 dont let it bother u to much, PPL of that sort stay stuck in life and will see what goes around comes around, and it doesnt have to be u to dish it out,if they havent already,they will eventually hit a block in life will be unable to move forward in life simple because they are small minded ppl. | |
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