| Racism in Dating
Posted: 2/10/2009 10:03:30 AM | Only1DayWalker,
Even if it is "...probably pretty darn equal amongst the races." then it's still racism. And pointing out that racism has never happened to your black friends speaks to your misunderstanding of what racism is. Why only use that with your black friends? Couldn't it happen to your Asian friends? Or are they considered white?
Your other examples in your first paragraph aren't instances of racism, but discrimination.
It seems (and I'm always happy to be wrong) that you're not allowing yourself to see what is truly real. After all, life is about perception. Some of us will fight it our whole lives, others will rise above it, others won't even realize they're contributing to it, so on and so forth. | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 2/10/2009 10:25:53 AM | @ Pleasantly Human:
Why only use that with your black friends? Couldn't it happen to your Asian friends? Or are they considered white?
and your racism shows..you obviously have assumed that racism by definition cannot impact or affect a 'white'/"Caucasian" person?
that thinking in itself is racist..it clearly shows..when a group of 'non-white' people attack, beat up or shout "white trash" at a white person, unprovoked (based solely on skin tone), wouldn't that fit a definition of racism?
also maybe you are a little North American -centric but there are places where whities are the minority and are routinely discriminated against | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 2/10/2009 10:35:53 AM |
It's still all based on assumptions. As an elderly woman, maybe his age frightened her. My grandma refers to blacks as "coloreds". This made me curious when I was in my pre-teens, so I asked her, "Grandma, would it be OK if I married a black guy". And she proceeded to tell me that love sees no colors.That if I loved him, she would love him. HOWEVER, if she was walking alone and there was a young man coming her way, she may cross the street out of fear because she is elderly, regardless of his skin color. Assumptions are dangerous and fuel the fire.
I understand your point. Yes there could be other possible explanations. But I still think there is a realistic chance that race could be a factor. Especially if the only tangible difference between the black man she crossed the street to avoid and the white man she didn't avoid was race. Perhaps all other tangible factors ( age, body type, wardrobe etc ) among both men were about the same. Besides I would generally keep my viewpoints to myself unless it was overt racism.
And thanks for taking the time to reply to my question and comment on my comment.
You are welcome. | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 2/10/2009 10:41:23 AM | Compleat Man, now you're making assumptions.
I could've used any race other then Asian including white. Why assume that I don't acknowledge the broad brush of racism when I'm commenting on that very fact?
I actually used Asian because of a previous poster's comment (PhotoMan). Who felt that whites and "Orientals" were apart of his race. But that blacks and Filipinos were not. It made me giggle. And unfortunately is a rather rampant miscategorization...the Asian thing.
But that's a tangent. More importantly, it's a known fact that on the global scale whites are a minority. Don't assume that black Americans (because we're a minority in America) don't know the true diversity of the global population. | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 2/10/2009 11:14:53 AM | | I'd LOVE to date women of other races but I never meet them at my klan meetings. WTF? | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 2/10/2009 11:38:51 AM | She didn't "not avoid" any white man. It's still an assumption and that is dangerous
I wasn't talking about your grandmother in particular. I was using a general example where a woman walks right past the white man. But crosses the street to avoid the black man. As stated before, the only tangible difference between these men is race. I don't think stating that race could be a reason is any more of an assumption that any other possible explanation for this.
This can apply to other things as well. Suppose 2 women tried out for some type of contest. One woman was slender. The other woman was obese. All other traits among both women were about the same. The contest slot was given to the slender woman. I think you could make a reasonable case that body type was the deciding factor. | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 2/10/2009 11:46:31 AM | | I read the Post , did not seem like a rant ,, as for a Black Predsident , i agree with you , it appearrs times are changing ... but change is like a comet in the sky , first you see a bright flash ( Obama) and then you see the comets tail( American Public ) , which can take decades to catch up to that first bright flash .... I am not even from the US . I am Canadian , but being so close we see all that happens to our American cousins ...... I agree anyone who does not wish to date outside of their race , should at least be civil n polite ! and for all those who think outside the box , its impossible to date outside your race , as we are all of the Human Race.... | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 2/10/2009 1:50:23 PM | Only1DayWalker:
Some things are just human nature, and I wouldn't assume that she crossed the street because you were black, unless you were able to speak to her.
This was not a bad neighborhood (quite the opposite), and I was going to an expensive university. The fact that she looked at me, crossed the street, went ONE BLOCK, and crossed back to continue walking where I had been, is not "an assumption" - and her actions were sufficient for any reasonable person to make the same conclusion.
It sounds to me that you have taken issue with many people based soley on the color of their skin and your assumptions. I'd give us the benefit of the doubt.
If your client had been black, would you have drawn the same conclusions? How about if she was hispanic?
I haven't taken issue with anyone. I am reporting my observations and making very reasonable conclusions based on actions. I didn't go into all the details of conversations that transpired between myself and that client before and after we met in person, but there was a MAJOR change in her tone after meeting me. Where did I say ALL of my white clients are like this? Where did I say EVERY elderly white woman avoided me on the sidewalk? For that one woman who did, I can say with pride that 20 others have asked me to help them cross a busy street or reach a high-shelf item in a store.
The assumption being made is YOURS, as you imply I am against many people because of the actions of a handful. | |
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kg124
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Joined: 1/16/2008
Msg: 109 | |
| Racism in Dating
Posted: 2/10/2009 2:00:51 PM | Thank you for your posting only1daywalker. I am going to take your original points, in turn as I see them.
This seems odd. Most of my friends are white and I've never seen or heard them say or do anything like what is described here.
Being that I am 40, I can say that in my experiences, most people who have racist tendencies, will only repeat those types of comments around those people they feel support those ideas. It would be safe to say that since you dont seem to feel that way, your friends probably dont as well, which is why you havent heard anything from them.
I have a question for you, out of curiosity, if you email a white girl and she isn't interested, do you automatically think it's because you're black?
That is a very good question to ask because I can see where that may have been a thought. However the answer is no. I do not immediately think anything negative that happens do me is due to the color of my skin.
I think you might have missed the purpose of what I wrote.
I totally understand and agree that everyone has their own preferences on who they like and who they would like to date. My issue was with how it was relayed when someone wasnt interested. I am sure you can understand that. I would hope you would want someone to be civil towards you and refrain from disparaging remarks if it were you.
Obama winning by a land slide has pretty much proven to me that racism in the United States is pretty much dead.
Maybe you dont remember or you and your friends didnt see this during the elections, however I do remember people on predominately white liberal media outlets taking shots at Obama. They compared him to hussein, the had cartoons drwan up with him in traditional muslim attire (The New Yorker Mag). Please dont let your guard down in thinking rascism and discrimination are things of the past. | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 2/10/2009 2:37:45 PM | I thought your statement was in regards to another person's comment. So this is a make believe scenario? How can I debate that? But yes, absolutely in that situation it would be racism.
It was an example based on previous actual instances in my life. | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 2/10/2009 2:58:05 PM |
Unless you know for a fact by speaking to her, that it wasn't because she was elderly and you were a young, strong man, but in fact because you were black, then yes, it's still an assumption. There are too many possible reasons for that having took place to assume it was because you're black.
We were the only two people on the sidewalk at the time. This was not Broadway we were on, but a quiet suburban street in a residential neighborhood near the college campus.
Where did I ever imply any of the above? // Please show me where I did this.
From your earlier statement:
It sounds to me that you have taken issue with many people based soley on the color of their skin and your assumptions. I'd give us the benefit of the doubt.
That is your assumption based on what you have read. You are assuming that I was assuming. "It sounds to me" implies your opinion. I could take up a lot of bandwidth explaining the details of what I initially posted, but there's no reason to do so.
Your life experiences are such that you haven't seen the behavior that some of us are referencing, and that's fine. But to suggest that other people's experiences and conclusions are "assumptions" because of your interpretation is shortsighted. As I noted, I was lucky enough to grow up in a town where background was a non-issue - but that doesn't mean I haven't experienced racism elsewhere, and thus don't recognize it. | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 2/10/2009 3:08:57 PM | Wow that is wild...I'm happy I'm here to Lurk,that's out and out rubbish(excuse my language) that should result in immediate termination.Their is nothing wrong with being racist(I mean besides the ignorance and intolerance) but the racist name calling is defiantly adding insult injury and should not be tolerated by this site.If you hate me because of the color of my skin keep it under your clansmen vial and bring it up at the next racist rally...racism for the loss  | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 2/10/2009 4:55:36 PM | | Some people are just ignorant and will never get the big picture.I can't understand how some people can let hate consume them that much,and I doubt we'll ever see a time when people don't judge on stupid stereotypes and ignorant upbringings.Just remember,those women will have sons and daughters one day,and so it will continue.... | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 2/10/2009 5:01:56 PM |
I really do appreciate the time you all took to further explain your situations.
And your perspective is appreciated as well.
And racism does occur internally, meaning from within the same group. I've been called an "Oreo" plenty of times by other blacks.
One of the points I had hoped to make from my initial post - in referencing my thoroughly integrated school classmates, the 6 year old at the same location as the elderly woman, and my godson drawing the picture of me - is that children generally don't "see" race. It's usually something they will be taught by an adult or a peer who learned it from an adult. So until that generational thought process is stopped, racism will continue. | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 2/10/2009 6:07:02 PM | | Well, firstly, I would say that discrimination will always exist in this world whether it be on the basis of race, religion, culture, or anything else. Maybe I am being negative in relation to human nature, but I would be extremely happy to be proved wrong on this issue of discrimination within my own lifetime. However, race relations in the US has improved significantly over the 40 years or so since the "I have a dream" speech of Dr. Martin Luther King. This is strongly supported by the fact that Barack Obama was recently elected as the 44th President of the US. The United States has come a long way in a relatively short period of time, and I am extremely proud of it. But bad people or those seeking to insult or to cause pain, injury, or even death to others for whatever reason, including race hate, have not ceased to exist even in America. And, yet, once again, although it is not perfect, I am still very proud of the United States. | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 2/10/2009 6:30:04 PM | Racism will always co-exist with stupidity.
There's no cure for stupidity, so we just deal with racist BS. I just happen to be on the fortunate side of racial stereotypes, except for the small johnson thing.
As a kid, I grew up in the only state racist towards whites, Hawai'i. In a twist of irony some of the exact racist stereotypes white America created for Japanese-Americans in the 1940s applied to whites on the islands. I remember once a month we had "beat the haole" day. I remember my great uncle, who still hates haoles would yell at my cousins or me if we had any white friends. | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 2/10/2009 7:18:08 PM | I actually find it hard to comprehend that the OP received such abusive replies from other people on POF, could this not be reported to the moderators?
I am part of the generation who had it drummed into them from a very early age that racism was wrong, and that has shaped my whole attitude to race relations (as it has most other people in Western countries). In fact I have hardly ever witnessed any racism over the course of my life other than some anti-white racism from certain Asians when I was at university and a couple of comments from unsavoury white people on occasion.
Certainly pretty much every other white person I know has been pummelled with so many negative observations on their own history through the media and modern education that they are paranoid to be seen as racist. It could even be said that few white people are 'proud' to white, despite the innumerable, wonderful achievements reached by white people and white society over the centuries. What a shame.
Maybe I had a different experience to all you North Americans because I was born and brought up in England. | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 2/10/2009 9:38:04 PM | I guess when you put your hand in the cookie jar, you just never know what your going to get!
I can't believe that this is the first time you have encountered these kind of people.
Unless this is the very first time you have contacted women of another race.
I live in the real world and see no shock value to this at all. Anyone that is amazed or surprised really needs to wake up!
I have received replies that are way worse then that from women of my own race, (the human one). Some even came unsolicited, just to make sure I knew they were not attracted to me!
Feeding their hate by showing them it bothers you so much actually makes them feel even better about doing it!
Just pray for them, someone needs to! | |
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kg124
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Joined: 1/16/2008
Msg: 119 | |
| Racism in Dating
Posted: 2/10/2009 11:17:15 PM |
I can't believe that this is the first time you have encountered these kind of people.
Unless this is the very first time you have contacted women of another race.
I live in the real world and see no shock value to this at all. Anyone that is amazed or surprised really needs to wake up!
No it is not the first time I have encountered racism or negative comments. It is the first time I have ever said anything about it tho. Perhaps you dont see shock value in exposing this type of behavior, however based on the responses, some people do.
My sharing of my experience created dialogue. Instead of saying "Oh it happens, get over it", we opened a line of conversation. I think it has been a good thread, a good discussion and something good is coming out of this bad experience. | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 2/11/2009 12:15:26 AM | | wow... Im sorry to hear there can be people that rude!! | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 2/11/2009 1:36:36 AM | wow. i figured there were some closet racists on this site, just like any other site, but for them to outright say comments like that to you? man, that's just f*ucked up. unfortunately the vast majority of racism is an attitude that's passed down from friends and family members or media. the other part would simply be bad experiences.
i'm not surprised at all that there are racists here cuz they're everywhere. some are rite out in the open with it, others r in the closet and you'd never know who they are unless they made themselves known. i am surprised that these females would even bother replying with such negativity. their intention was clearly to hurt you cuz they could've easily not replied at all. for one, i'd report them to the pof police. for two, i'd learn from it and realize that there will b people like that here and anyplace else. u shouldn't let their stupidity ruin your search for a good dating prospect. | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 2/11/2009 1:45:47 AM | I am so sorry that you have received those terrible racial comments. That says a lot about the people replying to you. If I were you, I'd report these responses to the administrators of Plenty of Fish and try to get those respondents removed from this website. On the other hand, please know that there are many of us who value all types of people and would never judge someone based on race. Don't let a few vicious people get you down! I have had terrible responses from a few people, too, and let them know how disgusting I found their comments. Just block those people from sending you any more email.
Judith | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 2/11/2009 2:13:40 AM | Dear OP,
-To have preferences is normal. To insult based on race, physical traits, beliefs, etc is wrong. So you are right, they are wrong. Give them the importance they deserve: NONE.
- People that insult people just out of the blues are definitely people that are miserable with themselves. Like some poster mentioned, be happy you know how they really are so you can avoid them.
-Some people join POF to throw all their bitterness in the forums or in the in boxes....they are wimpy and need to cover themselves behind a computer screen. They know if they would do it out in the public they would be treated as outcasts!!!!
-I'm Spanish and once in POF I was so badly insulted by an Anglo POF'er because of being such, personally I laughed so hard and must admit I told him a couple of my ideas about people like him. He was from some of those 15 people population lost towns in the middle of US and he was divorced!!!! You wonder why???? I reported him to POF and copied his quotes...NOTHING HAPPENED.
-I am proud of my heritage, we have a very rich culture and no insult can make me feel more or less than what I think of myself. To tell you the truth, I feel luckier than most, I come from a great family background and have been exposed to worldwide cultures through my studies and reading.I can carry a conversation with mostly anyone. Do you think a John/Jane Doe's comment can make a dent on my self esteem/mood??? NO WAY JOSE!!! | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 2/11/2009 2:18:50 AM | Yes, and I forgot to mention. Racism is a reality. It exists. We just have to give it the importance it deserves: NONE. They will get tired of being ignored.
Unfortunately lately we have heard the rising news about hates crimes....this is where we need to take action and punish accordingly. Those people need to be put away. | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 2/11/2009 7:53:19 AM | I live in London UK and although I wont say racism doesn't exist; it is not prominent here. You can be blue with pink spots no one cares and There are probably just as many if not more interracial relationships than people dating from the same ethnic background.
It is a shame that such ignorance still exists in this world | |
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