| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/28/2008 10:52:26 AM | | Obviously the OP never has been in a relationship with someone with a mental disorder or illness. Casting judgment on others who have been is ignorant and intolerant. | |
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| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/28/2008 11:37:29 AM | | I just had a brilliant idea. If I go around saying I won't date women who would never date me anyway, I would feel a lot better. Like if she is way out of my league, "Sorry, I dated a beautiful woman once, uh uh, never again." | |
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| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/28/2008 11:39:41 AM | one bump on the head .. that's all it takes
and for some - it doesn't have to be that big a bump! 
Love this:
If being sane is thinking there's something wrong with being different...I'd rather be completely ****ing mental. | |
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| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/28/2008 11:47:33 AM |
I just had a brilliant idea. If I go around saying I won't date women who would never date me anyway, I would feel a lot better. Like if she is way out of my league, "Sorry, I dated a beautiful woman once, uh uh, never again." .
Necessity is the mother of invention. I have a feeling you wouldn't have to be so creative. Those girls are just chasing you around and you don't even have to think twice about the ones who don't. You just like to take a walk in the other guys shoes once in a while, and that makes you a better man. | |
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| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/28/2008 3:19:34 PM | Hey, I've got an idea. Let's all ditch our personal preferences, even though we have the option of being with someone who matches them, just to have complete strangers on the internet think better of us.
Does that sound f*cking brilliant or what? | |
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| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/28/2008 3:30:57 PM | My Ex husband suffers from diagnosed depression. Never again. All the meds and therapy never made a bit of difference over 15 years. I supported him through every manic episode, fights with neighbors, co-workers and strangers and 12 hour naps. I got tired of being his rock.
I concur with your first sentence, if a man I was dating told me he was diagnosed with any mental disorder I would distance myself romantically. 20 years of supporting and trying to get someone else help was enough. It sucked the life out of me. I could offer nothing but friendship. Call me immature or weak minded, I could care less. | |
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| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/28/2008 3:44:23 PM | OP, please tell me you are joking about "fake disorders." There is nothing funny about mental disorders to those dealing with them and family supporting them. To make light of it is very insensitive....
Personally, I think too much negativety has been said about mental disorders. People suffering them have a hard enough time dealing with the issues at hand to be dished on a dating site for them. Bottom line is - get educated if you find out someone you are interested in has a disorder, 99 percent of the time, the information you know from word of mouth is not totally true.
I have a friend who is bi-polar. She is on her medicine and if you were to meet her, you would have no idea she was bi-polar.
Oh, and I guess when I got help for depression 9 years ago after the death of a loved one, that makes me less valuable as person? Wrong... | |
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~tag~
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Joined: 2/7/2008
Msg: 58 | |
| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/28/2008 3:49:49 PM | Sometimes, there are levals of mental disorders. Some are more 'demanding' and emotionally draining. While someone may have EMPATHY for you, it does NOT mean they have to date you.
We ALL get to chose who we will or will not go out with - and sometimes, drama and emotional vampires can help call those shots. Like it or lump it, that's just the way it is. | |
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| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/28/2008 5:30:44 PM | Maybe all of us misfits SHOULD have our own site.
Plenty of mentally imperfect people.
Then all the beautiful, perfect people who are "oh too good" for the others can stay here.
Plenty of SNOTS. | |
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| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/28/2008 6:38:43 PM |
Maybe all of us misfits SHOULD have our own site.
Plenty of mentally imperfect people.
Then all the beautiful, perfect people who are "oh too good" for the others can stay here.
Plenty of SNOTS.
A wise man once told me: "You just have to learn to roll with the punches."
Nowadays, you just have to learn to roll. That ain't how we roll, brother. | |
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| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/28/2008 6:40:01 PM | | IMHO The problem lies with the person using the label as an excuse- "Oh, I can't do that because I have OCD...." or whatever. It makes me crazy! You know you have the problem, get help or get over it. We all have problems! | |
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| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/28/2008 6:46:56 PM |
"I won't date people who have been diagnosed with mental disorders"
I mean honestly, I see if someone doesn't want emotional baggage, but that's a totally different thing. Mental disorders are just labels assigned by some wackjob pseudo-doctor based often based on cursory judgments, so by just judging someone based on that, you're effectively ignoring the circumstances and reasons for why they (felt) the way they did. And not everyone has problems for 'life'. So, saying that one does not want to get involved with someone with 'baggage' is understandable (though, in my opinion, immature and weak minded), but people ought to have the guts to actually try to empathize with the person instead of casting instant judgments which may not even be acccurate.
What about:
I won't date anyone who has a kid(s).
I won't date anyone who is (Plug in Race).
I won't date anyone who doesn't have a job.
It's all preferences. Nothing to get irked about.
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| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/28/2008 6:59:32 PM | I wouldn't take it personally. Everyone has the right to turn down someone for their own personal reasons. I tend to be pretty open with guys I date right away about my bipolar disorder and how it affects me.
Not everyone is educated on mental illness and they assume that we all must be alike, especially if they had a bad experience with someone, who suffers from a mental disorder. There's still a lot of ignorance out there when it comes to educating the general public on these kinds of disorders.
But the one thing I've learned, is that many more of us, suffer from this stuff, then we realize. So many of us, have depression, anxiety, OCD, A.D.D., post traumatic stress syndrome, etc. Unfortunately, these disorders have become quite commonplace among the human species.
So, don't take it personally if someone rejects you on that basis alone. Either they had a bad experience with someone, or they just don't want to deal with someone who suffers from some of the stuff we have to deal with every day. And that's their personal choice obviously. You might not agree with it, but they still have the right to make that choice, even if it's an intolerant one.
Just know that there are plenty of people out there, who won't judge you and dismiss you for this issue. I was worried about this myself for many years, and didn't date at all because of it. But once I did start dating, I ended up meeting plenty of compassionate men who didn't mind it, and some who had some experience with it themselves.
There are lots of compassionate people out there. Don't give up hope on finding them. | |
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| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/28/2008 10:09:11 PM | You are all absolutely right. I apologize for being insensitive. Mental disorders are emotional problems, but that doesn't stop them from being real, pathological medical conditions. Because I have never been officially diagnosed with anything and am of the tender age of 22, that means that I have no experience and have no idea what I'm talking about. I should get a PHD from an accredited university before speaking on these matters. While I am a complete nutjob similar to Tom Cruise, I hope that getting a PhD in these matters will make me less of such a nutjob.
This thread is full of my self-aggrandizement and nonsense, and the nonsensical nature of my posts show that I not only have no idea what I'm talking about, but probably have problems myself. Maybe I should see a professionally trained doctor of emotions. | |
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| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/28/2008 10:24:14 PM | Right on Mary Freakin' Poppins!
Keep it coming Readyornot57!
There was a lot of intersting/maddening things said about this a few days ago also under posts about people w/ PPD and another thread about some other diagnosis relating to Paranoia.
Search it! | |
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| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/29/2008 12:57:19 AM |
Maybe all of us misfits SHOULD have our own site.
Plenty of mentally imperfect people.
Then all the beautiful, perfect people who are "oh too good" for the others can stay here.
Plenty of SNOTS.
Can you please tell me WHY anyone who has the option of being with someone who doesn't have a diagnosed mental disorder should pursue someone who does? I'm really failing to see the logic in this.
Why should anyone subject themselves to something they don't HAVE to? Relationships are difficult enough without the additional challenges.
I spent a year with someone who is bi-polar and she chose to drink. The combination of alcohol and her medication brought on psychotic behavior.
I absolutely will NOT risk ever being in a situation like it again. If there's anyone who objects to this, well, that's just tough sh*t. | |
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| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/29/2008 4:13:40 AM | I don't know that you have any real experience with someone who has a mental disorder but I would think that if you did, you would change your mind here a little.
On my days off work, my ex-husband would show up at my work demanding from my co-workers to know who I've been talking about and who I've been meeting for lunch. There was no one. Oh did I mention that he came in to my work wearing full camo and an 8" knife strapped to his leg? He was not diagnosed while we were together. He joined the USMC after we split and was later kicked out on a Psychiatric. I do not know what the diagnosis was and I don’t really want to try and find him to find out. I just remember fearing for my life and the last month before I left and don’t really want to try that again.
I’ve dated a guy who was admittedly bi-polar. He explained that he would not take medication because he didn’t want to take a pill to make him someone he is not. Things were fine for about a month until we started spending longer periods of time together. Though I was never in fear for my life with this guy, his behaviors were something I could not deal with.
To answer your question, yes. I would date someone with a mental disorder IF and ONLY if they are under doctors care and are taking the medication that is necessary to modify their behavior. | |
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| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/29/2008 4:47:23 AM | addition for poster....
yes a few
yes they were hard work....but also lovely people..they live they breathe and feel..sometimes better than us partially sane slipper wearers do.
obviously those who are needy arnt worth investing time in..in there own way they usually come across as sane or mega normal....but to me thats never really part of medical condition its just how some destructive people are..dont need a label for that lot
ps i will be geting new keyboard later as some keys dont work like shift etc lol
x | |
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| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/29/2008 4:54:54 AM | | I was married to someone for 18 years who had (at the time) an undiagnosed mental disorder, and of course who refused to see that he had a problem or get help. I would NEVER "knowingly" sign up for that again. Sorry, been there, done that, got the invisible scars, never again. And I don't really care what that makes anyone else think of me, because only after you live what I did for HALF YOUR LIFE, that's when you get to criticize MY choices for my future. | |
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| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/29/2008 6:22:13 AM | Mental disorders are just labels assigned by some wackjob pseudo-doctor based often based on cursory judgments, so by just judging someone based on that, you're effectively ignoring the circumstances and reasons for why they (felt) the way they did.
Brilliant!
And you arrived at this factual conclusion by doing what?
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
teaching piano and attending "some" university.
Of course you know far more about mental disorders and doctors than anyone else on planet Earth.
We should all listen to your wisdom instead of the Dr.'s pseudo babble....
Speaking of being a few fries short of a Happy Meal...
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| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/29/2008 6:44:13 AM | | apparently you haven't dated anyone bi-polar, that is no label... Even with medication my heart goes out to those people! There is no way I would ever date a person with a mental disorder ever again. It isnt baggage... they have serious problems mentally, and even with drugs sometimes its hard for them to control a situation. | |
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| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/29/2008 6:50:14 AM | | Some years ago I suffered with clinical depression which required a hospital stay.After a year in out-patient therapy,I was able to taper off all medications.Now I do not tell most people about it as I see my doctor regularly and know that she monitors my mental health along with the physical and says "You have been very well for several years".If I am with someone for the long haul ,I would certainly feel obligated to let him know about my issues. | |
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| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/29/2008 7:18:13 AM | I'm the exact opposite OP...I don't think much (not in a bad way but in a serious way, as in a potential partner) of anyone who would dismiss my depression as insignificantly as if I was suffering from a common cold. That shows me that we wouldn't be suitable.
It takes a special (not better, just special) person to understand and accept this...I'm not even sure I could be that special if I myself wasn't afflicted with depression....do you know what I mean? And that doesn't make me or anyone who isn't willing or who simply doesn't want to deal with this any lesser on the human scale than any other person.
Another thing...a sense of entitlement (people HAVE TO accept everything about me or else they're shallow/ignorant/judgemental blah blah blah) is one of those trait that I find most unappealing in a person.
No one should have to "put up" with anything or anyone, let alone something as serious (yes it IS serious) as mental illness when they're looking for a new girlfriend/boyfriend/potential lifelong partner.
And let's not confuse those who are already in a long term well established relationship and one of them later gets diagnosed with a mental illness okay? It's NOT the same thing.
To put it quite simply, I wouldn't want anyone to "put up" with me for many reasons...I mean, what the hell?? I might suffer from chronic depression, but I am still a very capable and worthy person with many good qualities.
And I deserve (like everyone else) to be loved and cherished, not "put up" with. And I want to be loved and accepted for ALL of me, including my dark side, which isn't so dark when someone looks at it under the light of day.
I managed my "depression" without drugs or medication and although I'm not a shining example of "good" mental health, neither do I qualify as their "evil" poster child.
As far as empathy...this is what I "expect" from people OP, and I use the word "expect" loosely, as I expect nothing (it's more of a wish or a "I hope")
I hope or wish that people in general can accept me for who I am, dark side and all, and I'm happy to say that most people do. This includes family members (of course), friends, neighbors, co-workers, casual acquaintances, etc.
But when it comes time to look for an intimate relationship, such as that of a very close and special friendship or a potential partner/mate, it's different.
I understand and totally (and absolutely) get the hesitation/confusion/ reticence that many, if not most people experience when I tell them about me.
And trust me...tell them I do..it's more like I hit them over the head with it to be honest with you. Haha.
Anyway, I just thought I would give you a different perspective from someone who although might not have travelled on the exact same path as you, has at least walked in the same direction as you, right alongside that same ( and sometimes lonely and sometimes difficult) path...good luck to you OP:) 
JMO
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