| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/29/2008 10:53:26 AM |
I guess I should add that I hang with people who have emotional disorders all day for my work, so I just know I'm not going to have a lot in common with people who make generalization about mental illness, so I woudn't date them. But I respect that they admit that they feel they are too intolerant to accept someone with a disorder. I'd rather know up front that they are going to bail when the going gets tough and their partner needs help and support. Just out of curiosity, how many bi-polar men have you dated who refused to refrain from drinking alcohol while on medication?
I wouldn't, but not because of the LABEL. I look at behavior. If they aren't doing what they need to do to manage their illness (which would include not mixing drugs if that's what the doc says), they aren't ready for a realtionship, so I wouldn't get into on. I would be a friend, though.
This is why it bothers me when people drop labels, as if it absolves them of their behavior in the relationship. "My ex was bipolar". I'm like, "SO?", and I think they are trying to paint a person in a bad light who might actually be better behaved than THEY were in the realtionship. If they would say, "My ex had fits of destructive rage and refused treatment and counseling, and it scared the sh*t out of me", I'd say they did the right thing to detach from the relationship. Besides, people don't change behavior if it's working for them. | |
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| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/29/2008 11:14:17 AM | I suppose it would matter what kind.....probably wouldn't have a problem with arachnophobia or any of the phobias as long as they could still travel, but on the other hand guess that eliminates the agoraphobics and aerophobics.
But sociopaths and NPDs really get on my last nerve and dating land is flooded with 'em. | |
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| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/29/2008 4:31:29 PM | | They are even more dangerous when they haven't yet been diagnosed or learned which meds they should be taking. Unless you are a Doctor with a degree in Psychiatry, you shouldn't be dating. | |
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| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/29/2008 4:42:44 PM | | Thank goodness I chose a different line of medicine. Call the Inspector General, there's a guy claiming to be a Gynecologist in the mental ward! | |
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| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/29/2008 4:52:42 PM | | Irespire,Im curious why is it weak minded and immature not to get involved with someone who has baggage? to me baggage means they dont have their life together, Why would someone who has his/her life together want to take on the added responsibility with someone who cant get their life in order? | |
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| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/29/2008 4:57:07 PM | Not to answer for Irespire, but some people are able to find a greater purpose in life. One guy wrote a book called "A Purpose Driven Life," and he might have touched on it.
I sort of just took the title and ran with it. I found a purpose and it drives me. Sometimes it drives me through rough neighborhoods, but I still go along for the ride. | |
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| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/29/2008 4:58:22 PM | because refusing to date someone with 'baggage' usually isn't about that, it's usually that people are too weak minded and stuck in their comfort zones to try to make it work. i mean seriously, its just the easy way out to date only people youre mostly comfortable with. but in the long run, it represents immaturity and lacking because you have much more potential to grow with things that are out of your comfort zone than with those that are in. especially because people with 'baggage' are probably just in a bad situation, its not a permanent thing
but i would question your definition of 'having ones life together' in the first place
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| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/29/2008 7:58:28 PM |
because refusing to date someone with 'baggage' usually isn't about that, it's usually that people are too weak minded and stuck in their comfort zones to try to make it work. i mean seriously, its just the easy way out to date only people youre mostly comfortable with. but in the long run, it represents immaturity and lacking because you have much more potential to grow with things that are out of your comfort zone than with those that are in. especially because people with 'baggage' are probably just in a bad situation, its not a permanent thing
but i would question your definition of 'having ones life together' in the first place
Yeah, well, my "comfort zone" consists of NOT being romantically involved with people who have been diagnosed with a mental disorder and choose to drink. I've been down that road before, and this person opted to play with guns during one of her episodes.
I'm not going to risk being in a similar situation. I've known many other people who have been diagnosed as being bi-polar, and they're not convinced that drinking is harmful to them, as unbelievable as that sounds.
So, sorry. I don't owe it to ANYONE to be with someone whose been diagnosed with a mental disorder when I have other options.
Hell, you COULD live in a tent, but do you really WANT to? | |
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| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/29/2008 8:02:30 PM | It says funny things about society when most would prefer to date a stripper, porn star or prostitute over someone who has a emotional disorder that they have in check.  As for me I would take the guy who is clinically depressed and taking care of it over the man whore who has 5 kids by 5 different women , divorced 3 times and would rather "play" with his money then support his kids ,yet is considered "normal" by society. | |
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| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/29/2008 8:04:56 PM | | I don't think I think this way but if they have a certain disorder I've had a very bad experience with I'm definitely on the watch out. But I guess I figure there are so many screwed up people in the world who don't admit it, that those that do aren't actually that bad. | |
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| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/29/2008 8:23:03 PM |
It says funny things about society when most would prefer to date a stripper, porn star or prostitute over someone who has a emotional disorder that they have in check. As for me I would take the guy who is clinically depressed and taking care of it over the man whore who has 5 kids by 5 different women , divorced 3 times and would rather "play" with his money then support his kids ,yet is considered "normal" by society.
So, is it some great sin to hope for someone who doesn't fall under ANY of those categories??
They're not as rare as many would like to believe. I've had great relationships with great people before, and I'll have one again.
The best part is, *I* will decide what kind of person they need to be. Not anyone else. | |
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| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/29/2008 8:28:06 PM | 
Good one Validar,
Think "redeeming qualities" and go on a mission to correct the injustice!
Oh! The humanity.
Don't force change, just teach if you can. If they are unteachable, you will discover that soon enough. Best of luck. I hope to learn as I teach, or I wouldn't be much of a teacher. | |
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| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/29/2008 8:43:29 PM |
So, is it some great sin to hope for someone who doesn't fall under ANY of those categories??
They're not as rare as many would like to believe. I've had great relationships with great people before, and I'll have one again.
The best part is, *I* will decide what kind of person they need to be. Not anyone else.
Wow the point I was making flew completely over your head didn't it? I was giving an "EXAMPLE" of what is normal in our society. The point is the "example" I used is it's preferable and acceptable to date the man whore , then to date someone who has an emotional disorder that they have under control.
I have been out there in the dating world and seen what is considered normal and dateable and I would much prefer someone considered abnormal by society. That was my point. Get it now??? | |
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| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/29/2008 9:10:32 PM |
Wow the point I was making flew completely over your head didn't it? I was giving an "EXAMPLE" of what is normal in our society. The point is the "example" I used is it's preferable and acceptable to date the man whore , then to date someone who has an emotional disorder that they have under control.
I have been out there in the dating world and seen what is considered normal and dateable and I would much prefer someone considered abnormal by society. That was my point. Get it now???
Perhaps my question mark went over YOUR head. I simply asked you a question. Why the condescending attitude? | |
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| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/29/2008 9:45:24 PM | Yeah, because everyone with a 'diagnosis' is exactly the same. And everyone who has some kind of 'diagnosis' and drink is exactly the same. I mean, you owe it to a person to at least see beyond the stupid label and try to look at their real attributes. You can't expect someone to go so far beyond their comfort zone as to ruin themselves, but they ought to at least take small steps over time, which they don't.
Then again, can't exactly see that happening because idiots don't really look for meaningful things anyway for the most part. So in that sphere, 'mental illness' will be a deal breaker, of course.
I COULD live in a tent, but there is no real moral reason to do so. It doesn't reflect anything about me, really. | |
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| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/29/2008 10:12:54 PM | Ok Irespire... STOP...... STOP this bullsh1t about feeling sorry for yourself!!!! nothing pisses me off more is where people whine about stupid things, so what if you been diagnosed with a disorder, and so what if some don't want to meet you get over it, its called life and life sometime isnt fair, just ask some starving children dying of malnutrition in one of the those f*cking third world country?
I read a Thread about a woman who has 6 kids all under 10 and cant find a date? and you think you have it rough? | |
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| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/29/2008 10:28:13 PM | Here I thought Irespire was the sane one with the empathy for another. Maybe that is his disorder, and I have it as well. Sorry, CDN, but you are out of line in my opinion, regardless if he is feeling sorry for himself or because you feel no empathy.
Of course we could always sort out other defects and place blemishes too. Then we could take out certain religions, and hair colors, height, weight, and so many other things. Gee, lets just turn into a fascist society and throw a party for the perfect people.
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| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/29/2008 10:46:28 PM | Off Topic, but...
After reading most of this thread, and noticing...
*** Hm... OP has Ranting listed in the Interests section of his profile  ***
I've decided to not participate in this thread after all, folks... G'Nite. | |
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| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/29/2008 11:19:05 PM |
I mean, you owe it to a person to at least see beyond the stupid label and try to look at their real attributes. You can't expect someone to go so far beyond their comfort zone as to ruin themselves, but they ought to at least take small steps over time, which they don't.
I don't owe anyone a damn thing. I only owe it to myself to make decisions that are best for me in terms of who I decide to pursue. Are you applying any sort of logic here or are you just ranting?? I'm leaning towards the latter.
Yeah, because everyone with a 'diagnosis' is exactly the same. And everyone who has some kind of 'diagnosis' and drinks is exactly the same.
I don't care if they're the same or not. I am not taking the risk of landing myself in the situation I was in before, and involving myself romantically with someone who is bi-polar again only increases the likelihood that I will. As for those who drink, yes, they ARE the same. They are people gambling with their lives. Antidepressants and alcohol do not mix.
I COULD live in a tent, but there is no real moral reason to do so.
And there is no "moral reason" for me to knowingly pursue someone with a mental disorder as a potential romantic partner. I find it disturbing and astonishing that you or anyone else thinks anyone who doesn't want to should. What the hell do you have against people making decisions for themselves?? | |
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| I don't think much of people who do this
Posted: 12/30/2008 1:58:22 AM | Everyone has a different perception of "mental disorder". I was married for almost 20 years to a malignant narcissist, and after that roller coaster, I can say with vehemence "NEVER AGAIN". If i even got a slight whiff of that attitude, I would walk away no questions asked. It is just not in any way close to being worth what it costs. Those kind of personality disorders are out of the question. Same thing with someone who has a drinking problem that they aren't addressing. These people just aren't available to carry thier share of the responsibility for taking care of the relationship, and I'm done carrying other people's baggage FOR them.
On the other hand, if you're talking about depression, or some kind of anxiety, AND the person you're talking about is aware of the problem and taking positive steps to address it, then by all means, I wouldn't be afraid of that. I have no problem, helping, assisting, being a real partner and carrying the baggage WITH them, and that's what makes all the difference.
My current fiance had been through 2 pretty bumpy relationships before we met, and he was definately a little towards the depressed side. I was slightly hesitant to get inolved, but gave it a shot, and it was the best decision I ever made. It's amazing what genuine compassion and love can do to help heal those kinds of issues. | |
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