| Scars, do they scare you (guys)
Posted: 12/30/2008 3:08:12 PM | | I don't have to worry about that ever happening. I don't have enough hair left or the right kind of vehicle that women would want to get naked with me in the first place. I used to be very open hearted and accepting, but online personals have shown me the most important thing when looking for love is to never settle, ever, for any reason, and so now and from now on I will compare any woman who is daft enough to express interest with some imaginary ideal of perfection, and if she has one clogged pore, a hair out of place, or teeth that are not only bright white and symmetrical but pristine and un-chipped at the atomic level, I will regard her as hideous and turn up my nose. | |
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| Scars, do they scare you (guys)
Posted: 12/30/2008 4:26:08 PM | I battled this question for along time myself. I have had 4 open heart surgeries and my last one was when I was 16. I was so scared that I would never have a man that would look past my scares. I have three of them. One large on my chest (my zipper), one across my right shoulder in the front, and the third one across my shoulder blade in the back of my left shoulder. I use to wear turtlenecks or anything that would cover them up. Even****es (if you don't know what they are, they are almost like a bib you can where to blend into your clothing) to hide my scare. One day I woke up and said f*ck it, if no one liked it f*ck 'em.
I see it as this. It was a really hard battle to beat my heart problem, and it is just daily proof to myself that I am a survivor and that I can take anything this hell we call earth can dish out...So bring it on, I thought.
My life has been so much better since I have not been living in fear of what other people think of me. I believe that the surgeries and the scares have made me a strong person. It has taught me to stand up to people and for myself. I just had to love me for me and the way I am. Now that I have no problem with that nothing can stop me. 
I have had many gorgeous men in my life, that have had WAY more problems than me. My scare was the least of the worries.
There are men out there that see people for the inside, and not what is going on, on the outside.
 Julya | |
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| Scars, do they scare you (guys)
Posted: 12/30/2008 4:29:17 PM | scars... am a surgical & ICU nurse by backround; have seen a lot of really bad wounds that turned into bad scars; & they never bothered me. Its just part of the person.
Dated a man for a very short time who had open heart surgery; I saw the top of his scar (open shirt collar, pulled down just a bit) & didnt bother me. I worked in an open heart surgery ICU for yrs so this was a very common scar to see. He was certainly more important than the scar.. but it didnt work out & I have had to move on. Had nothing to do with the scar.. great personality, fun guy but .. sigh | |
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| Scars, do they scare you (guys)
Posted: 12/30/2008 4:29:38 PM | If she looked like a butcher block I'd be more afraid of her doctor! Thats one referral I don't want  | |
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| Scars, do they scare you (guys)
Posted: 12/30/2008 4:57:11 PM | I have had 3 surgeries, one of them is why I am still here today. I have scars, and not once have I ever been made to feel less like a woman for them. I have just mentioned them in brief before we ever think about getting intimate. I am a survivor and there are scars that go along with that part of my life.
I have also had two 10 lb children and there are road maps on my body that tell their own story.
I would just tell your friend to mention it in casual conversation and then again before getting intimate. Like the guys said..."don't let it be a shock factor"
There is no reason for your friend not to date, the ones worth keeping wont even see the scars.
A lot of this is how confident you are in yourself as well. If you are shy and timid about yourself your partner will be timid with you as well.
Mary | |
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| Scars, do they scare you (guys)
Posted: 12/30/2008 5:40:42 PM | They really don't phase me that much, but if they are substantial a quick "hey don't be freaked out" would probably keep me from being caught off guard.
I've got a few nasty scars myself although I have lucked out with avoiding them in really noticeable places besides my hands.
Surgery happens, crap happens, and in the case of a friend of mine, IEDs happen. (She calls herself Ms. Frankenstein now, has a good sense of humor about it) | |
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| Scars, do they scare you (guys)
Posted: 12/30/2008 5:45:52 PM | isaid, It depends on the woman. Over a year before my ex became such, she had breast reduction surgery despite my 'does-not-count vote ...and it was more her personality which reminded me of Frankenstein than her scars. She then had a C-section months before she went along w/ her "Mummy" for a divorce, but even before then she'd managed to turn me off to her sexually.
The woman whom I met from another dating website and lasted nearly a year...before I came to Pof, was very self-conscious for the disfigurement of her "Muffy" courtesy of one baby too large. She proved to be a 'piece of work' despite all that she said prior and shortly into my being fine w/ her character and what she bore for scars. It was her attitude towards sex that had 'sold me' on her, even if she made me wait...and I can wonder in hindsight for why. It wasn't "Muffy's" 'scars' that turned me off for her, but the hypocrisy.
Moving along to my current SO, and the one who felt too right not to drive the mere 600 miles to first meet her, she had open-heart surgery at age 29 ...and still has the scar to show for that necessary operation, but it doesn't bother me in the least. Compared to my ex-wife, who didn't need her surgery ...and that was $7K poorly spent, this woman is an angel who's still got enough of a lovely body and attitude for me to appreciate when she's not letting other critical-to-her-heart matters ...and mine too, get in the way of what we both enjoy doing w/ one another. If you're looking for Playboy material in a girl/woman, realize that many pictorials are put through PhotoShop to remove the blemishes. Any man worth calling himself one will know and accept these for the woman worth knowing. | |
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| Scars, do they scare you (guys)
Posted: 12/30/2008 6:04:28 PM | This is why I don't get too upset about 4-wheelers, which are inerently unstable nor snowmobiles. You die ot get maimed. Ten snowmobilers died in the past week in their horribly polluting two-stroke egines.
If you live, as Big Daddy James used to say; wounds heal, chicks dig scars, and men fear them. | |
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| Scars, do they scare you (guys)
Posted: 12/30/2008 6:54:21 PM | Re post 35 as it relates to the Opost:
"....Scars on a man are very sexy. A scar adds to ones character and appeal...
.... nuff said "
Hm, err, not nuff said actually, because, hm, err, the topic of this thread is scars on a WOMAN not a man. | |
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| Scars, do they scare you (guys)
Posted: 12/30/2008 7:33:05 PM | | In my opinion it's more about her learning to embrace what she has... scars... I know having a couple myself that the person who is bothered the most is probably me.. not only that it makes it impossible to have that washboard stomach... grrr... but those are MY self imposed terms of what beauty is.. and I look around me and most of the time the ones facing me have some imperfection but don't even seem to notice and they have love in their life and go on... I think maybe what might be helpful if she is closing off is to see a therapist.... then find the guy.... | |
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| Scars, do they scare you (guys)
Posted: 12/30/2008 10:44:51 PM | Scars are not scary, people who judge a scar as if part of personal human character are scary. There is actually a very large proportion of men who will judge his partners sexual attraction after giving birth as psychological dissassociative sexually, this is no surprise as males are much more visual than females. Some women will rally to augment their bodies to please their partners preoccupation with outer vanity ... only to get the short change later in life when he trades her in for a new model. Long term relationships and the substance of the human animal that can successfully pair bond relies on resiliency and extreme intelligence as well as empathy and compassion not all men are this evolved nor will they ever be .. sadly we still live in a world that caters to this depraved mentality and we offer the same deprivity to our young females ... worry about how you look not about who you are. We are fighting a losing battle of the dumbing down of societies females where brain power and the ability to think and develop new levels of conceptualizing for the bare necessity of survival in a very destructured future is imperative or we will perish as a species.
Scars ... we ain't seen nothing yet , but anyone living at this time in history will soon see more than they care to because we are in deep trouble and there will be no one unscathed from what is about to occur on this planet .. even if you don't believe that the person in front of you who has a scar is not part of you with the same scar .... then you better wake up because life unblemished is impossible in chaosville and we are heading down the route to chaosville, as the next great depression is about to unfold. Scars , the biggest scare will be the people that believe that they are impervious to boarding the flight plan of our world in complete and total chaos. Scary people are scary ... scars they are just scars.. the world and the unevolved are in for a wakeup call.
My mother often said that until you see many dying among you .. you cannot truly feel the depth of the preciousness of all human life... she witnessed the destruction of WW2 as a young girl and she always said that unfortunately society sometimes needs to be retrained a torturous lesson ... North America will not be immuned to what happens in the next war, whether it is famine or catastrophic flood , and maybe some people who pay little attention to anything past their own nose will finally feel depth beyond what they see on the outside . If you cringe at deformity of human flaw of what you perceive as masterful design then ... you are cringing in death of yourself, it is only carried in the defiency of one. | |
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| Scars, do they scare you (guys)
Posted: 12/31/2008 3:11:36 AM |
Hm,err, not nuff said actually, because, hm, err, the topic of this thread is scars on a WOMAN not a man
Hm, err, I know that, but hm, err....last I new, we are ALL allowed to speak our mind/opinion in the threads. And hm, err, last I knew, threads were not supposed to be polarized/directed to only one specific group, excluding others.
Therefor, I wanted to add how I feel about scars~to show that there are people in this world who don't look for perfection.
Hm, err...I didn't know we had "thread police" we were to report to prior to posting to get permission to speak. My mistake | |
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| Scars, do they scare you (guys)
Posted: 12/31/2008 4:58:51 AM | Re post 38
It is very true, as other posters have also pointed out that scars and related on women are judged, by some people, in a different way than in men (that is why a position/POV on men's scars was IMO "not enough" in addressing the topic, see post 39, w/o an opinion on women's scars as well). Maybe part of the difference is due to men being more visual, maybe not, I agree with post 38 that humankind in general has taken in recent years a turn towards superficial beauty and that women have been a "victim" of that, but men have as well. We also see that in the way we treat old people in our societies, ie in a very ugly way. The usual definition of beauty these days is thus indeed "scary", also as to the collective effect it has on people and the psychological pressures it puts on them. Intellectual beauty is under-rated, although I predict a comeback on non-materialism n general partly due to the deep ongoing economic crisis that will leave many scars on the economies and societies of especially OECD countries.
Internal scars are in effect much more scary and ugly, albeit not as visually apparent, but often they do become easily apparent, that is for example why discussion before dating is a good safety policy. It is the search for the potentially internal scars in other people, especially a new date, that is causing many people fear or a turn towards psychology books in an effort to learn how to detect them early. For some men, that is a foreign language, and the search for internal scars often proves more that it is open to faulty conclusions, but as was posted by another poster beauty is in the attitude and that beautiful attitude is usually a moderate one, for both sexes.
May the new year bring us fewer scars or at least, more wisdom!
 | |
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| Scars, do they scare you (guys)
Posted: 12/31/2008 5:39:35 AM |
This is why I don't get too upset about 4-wheelers, which are inerently unstable nor snowmobiles. You die ot get maimed. Ten snowmobilers died in the past week in their horribly polluting two-stroke egines.
My wife has scars from an apendix operation as a kid and two C sections, as a person that plays hockey, I don't mind the scars at all. I've been riding quads for 10 yrs and have yet to get more than a scratch from a branch and I ride agressively, on a track or tight trails....plenty of air time. Most of my scars are from bicycle accidents with idiot car drivers...then a few from hockey and other sports. Only one is from a motorized vehicle, layed a street bike down in the rain..and it was minor. Don't get a chance to ride snow mobiles much but I ride like theres not tomorrow and still unscathed.
Scars are a sign of living.
And we use the term, pain heals, chicks dig scars, glory is forever. | |
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| Scars, do they scare you (guys)
Posted: 12/31/2008 6:01:51 AM | | I don't believe a couple of small scars would be a problem. However, I can understand that a lot of scars might be. It may be considered cosmetic and probably not covered by insurance, but cannot plastic surgeons remove scars? Since it is just on the surface, it shouldn't be that expensive. | |
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| Scars, do they scare you (guys)
Posted: 1/1/2009 2:07:14 PM | Why if you are a person with self confidence would you ever consider spending money on getting surgery to remove a scar just to please any potential partner you may have.
I understand if you want the surgery for yourself and your own self esteem, but I would never consider doing it for another person.
My scars are a part of who I am and they each tell a story. To know me is to know my story and if you accept it great, if not.... SEE YA. | |
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| Scars, do they scare you (guys)
Posted: 1/1/2009 5:58:12 PM | Personally I like scars. In most cases they are sexy, maybe that's just me though.....
I think of them as added personality :)
Could easily fall in the "Sexy-Ugly" category.... | |
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| Scars, do they scare you (guys)
Posted: 1/1/2009 6:17:23 PM | I think back to the original post about this woman's scars being severe... unfortunately unless there are medical reasons like obstruction they would see it as cosmetic... I know I checked into it... and the other problem can be if it's in the midsection is that some people have adhesions along with scarring and to remove any could create more adhesions... vicious circle... so if money weren't the issue which tell me what simple surgery isn't gonna cost you a few thousand then medically it might not be possible for her anyway.
There are many scars with the human race and external scars can play havoc with a person to the point of internal... but as with physiological scars we do have psychological ones too... great point to bring up... to embrace yourself and your perceived imperfections according to (whom?) society says you are ready for the world.. and it's healthy... we can go one about the worlds sins for a bleak future and it will lesson our ego's perceptions? That only lasts for as long as it lasts.. I think of 9/11 and tell me are we living in the grips of it today over here? No.. do we have every house flying a flag? No... we always revert backward...
One last note I think of the latest face transplant that's been on the news.... this was a woman ostracized by those around her... life had become unlivable... she had life endangering surgery... was it worth it? I think so... and I'd do it in her situation... | |
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| Scars, do they scare you (guys)
Posted: 1/1/2009 6:22:32 PM | | I had a girlfriend who had a breast reduction about 2 years before we got together. And her breasts looked like a state highway map. They were bad. It's definitely a shock at first, but in no time at all I was perfectly comfortable with them. | |
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| Scars, do they scare you (guys)
Posted: 1/1/2009 6:23:31 PM | For me if it ever got to the point of being intimant, I would think that the two of us would be pretty darn good friends... And if that's the case, I already love you for you. No pre-existing anything would make me turn back. :) Relax, if you're true in your nature, you are already a beautiful person.
peace | |
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| Scars, do they scare you (guys)
Posted: 1/1/2009 6:43:33 PM | Scars are a very personal type of issue. There are as many varieties of scars as people who have them.
I have meet ladies who have scars, usually from caesarian sections. The vast majority of them are nothing to be alarmed or be turned off by. Another person who posted on this thread said;
Any man worth being intimate with will look past these superficial scars and see the woman inside. Any man judging her because of her scars is not worth it, and is shallow as well. Unfortunately, she may have to meet a few Mr. Wrongs before she meets Mr Right, this is the world of dating for all of us.
There is no right or wrong sides on this issue. Why is it that if someone (man or woman) is turned off by scars, a lesser person for that?
The most important thing is that the two people who are going to be intimate and naked with each other, be candid about any thing they could imagine the other person might be concerned about or potentially turned off by. That could be things like; scars, implants, stomas, amputations, hair pieces, glass eyes, prosthetics, et al. | |
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| Scars, do they scare you (guys)
Posted: 1/1/2009 6:46:35 PM | Eh - I have more than a few of my own - so no - wouldn't bother me in the least.
On the upside - she wouldn't complain about mine - so all the better. | |
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| Scars, do they scare you (guys)
Posted: 1/1/2009 7:21:37 PM | Referring to HSJS and hair pieces...
Chuckle chuckle ... 
Watch pulling my hair too hard please.... lol .... might end up in your hand....
K-I-D-D-I-N-G.... my hair is natural.... well the length is... do I need to confess coloring???? | |
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| Scars, do they scare you (guys)
Posted: 1/1/2009 7:24:31 PM | Nope. I've got my share of scars and my wife had breast cancer and leukemia and a number of reconstructive surgeries. When you love someone the scars don't mean that much. Well, that's what I think anyway....  | |
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