| | Am I just a booty call?????Page 3 of 8 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8) | My opinion is at 35 you don't have time to waste honey. If you meet a nice guy tomorrow he is not going to want to hook up with a woman that keeps a sex buddy around. That is just my opinion, when it's time to get serious, you should just bite the bullet and cut your loses.
If you meet a new guy, all you have to say is that I had a friend, but it didn't work out. Im looking for something more serious. That sounds better than sticking around and lying to the new guy in hopes that he will see you as relationship potential. | |
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| Am I just a booty call?????
Posted: 1/1/2009 10:21:56 AM | Jennifer might be single, but she has kids. Her lifetime commitment plate has already been filled up. What's wrong with enjoying some leftovers?
I suppose if the Christmas turkey isn't cooked right, you might add some salt and improve the flavor. | |
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| Am I just a booty call?????
Posted: 1/1/2009 10:35:41 AM | | You know, before you completely throw in the towel, you could take a really novel approach and ask HIM how he feels about you and what he feels the true nature of your “relationship” entails. Perhaps he does have deeper feelings for you; maybe there is enough there on which to build something. What have you got to lose? Good luck. | |
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| Am I just a booty call?????
Posted: 1/1/2009 10:48:41 AM | | Yes--you are just a booty call--but at least you get him to spend the night--don't waste this year hoping for anything more--it will never ever happen. A man who is truly in love with a woman wants to take her out and involve her in his life--not just visit a few times a month for sex--and trust me--there is only conversation to get to the sex. Learn from your mistake before wasting another year on a man who is clearly using you. I have been there and waiting around for someone who is not worth waiting for is never good. | |
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| Am I just a booty call?????
Posted: 1/1/2009 11:21:57 AM |
Learn from your mistake before wasting another year on a man who is clearly using you.
How is he "using" her, anymore than she is "using" him? It seems that there's a fair exchange here, of each meeting the other's sexual needs. Is it really a "mistake"? Maybe I missed something, but where has she been shortchanged or deprived, and why is it a "mistake"?
Before the OP makes a decison based on the predictable "advice" to be expected on a POF forum, she should add up the plusses and minuses. As things are, she has a regular sex life, with someone she is comfortable with sexually, and with whom she has "great conversations". It's not everything, but it's more than a lot of people have, even some people who are still married.
So, if she throws away the current situations, how does she view her prospects "in the market"? Are there men lining up looking for the chance to date, with an eye on "happily ever after?". If so, why hasn't she already started dating one of them?
So, is the choice, realistically, between finding someone where there is mutual attraction and desire, and a reasonable chance for long term? Or is the choice between always sleeping alone, having no sex life, and yearning for what she already has, or to just enjoy what she has now, while hoping it might turn into something lasting? | |
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| Am I just a booty call?????
Posted: 1/1/2009 11:26:09 AM | | OP, I didn't get the feeling that you are feeling happy about what you have versus what you would not have otherwise. I got the feeling you are feeling used and that's why you made the decision to move on. I agree that if you're not sure whether this man has feelings for you or desires more from a relationship, it's a good idea to ask. It feels to me no matter what, you'd rather free yourself from this situation if he doesn't want more, so you can hopefully meet someone who has the same ideals as you do. | |
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ngat73
| | Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 58 | |
| Am I just a booty call?????
Posted: 1/1/2009 11:55:35 AM | It is what it is...even though you are sleeping with him, it does not mean you can't see other people if your needs aren't met.
If he serves a need for you in that aspect and you have been screwing a year, why change things right away, you are in your prime and will want sex, and you are already sleeping with this guy anyway. The only thing is you have to make sure to create boundaries in such a way that when the time comes whe you meet that special guy, the current guy will understand and back off graciously, otherwise, you may have problems in the transition.
I am not saying to be sneaky but I would keep my options open if I were you.  | |
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| Am I just a booty call?????
Posted: 1/1/2009 12:33:39 PM | | If I were that guy, I would "honestly" tell you that you are just a booty call. Unfortunately I'm not that guy, so you are just going to continue to be "lied" to. | |
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| Am I just a booty call?????
Posted: 1/1/2009 12:49:44 PM |
you are just going to continue to be "lied" to.
Lied to? How? In what way?
Seems to me to be a pretty straightforward deal, that happens 5-10 times a month, when they meet up in the club. The OP didn't assert any deception, so far as I can tell. Maybe I missed something? | |
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| Am I just a booty call?????
Posted: 1/1/2009 1:01:22 PM | I know a lovely little woman that has a similar kind of arrangement. She would have him over for supper and he would normally stay the night. On occasion he did take her out once in a while but it was rare. After a year of this she was not even sure if they were dating never mind if he was her boyfriend.
Well a year has gone by since then. He does not spend holidays with her and does not cramp his style by seeing her rather than going out with the boys. He is not there for her when she needs someone. She wants more from him but seems to accept it because it is better than having nothing at all. I myself could not do what he is doing otherwise I would be in his place. | |
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| Am I just a booty call?????
Posted: 1/1/2009 1:12:02 PM | | Not everyman wants to wear the ball and chain. Maybe he is afraid of these very suspicions and objectives that want to drag him down into the basement and throw him on the rack. Give the guy at least a little credibility, or get old and be an old shriveled spinster who has nothing to offer but paranoia and a cat named "Mr. Feelgood." | |
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| Am I just a booty call?????
Posted: 1/1/2009 1:13:58 PM | I have told him many times in the past year that I want more with him. He seems to always tell me he wants the same and that he is ready...Of course that is before he comes over that night....Then the nite comes and we dont get together again until a few days or so later. Makes me think he is telling me what i want to hear to get to my bed. I have to say I have cut it off before and then he has called about a week later when I dont answer his calls or texts and asks me to go to the movies or join him with a few friends to play pool. But then Im mad or made other plans that night and say No. This has only happened 3 times out of the year though. I usually always text him and let him know Im going to be going out to the club and that is when he usually goes. I think its the part where he tells me he does care that keeps me going with him. But in my heart I feel he doesnt mean it. When I first met him I was ok with being just a booty call but an interesting thing happened about 3 months into it, He had a seizure at my house. It really scared me and he never told me he had this health issue. That is when I got real feelings for him. He has the seizures a few times a month and he wakes up having them usually. He has had a few being with me since and yes he is getting help and taking medication for it. But though that my feelings got so strong. I do date other guys but I never want to get serious with anyone because I always hope he will decide he wants to be serious. I told him to move in with me once and he said he would but nothing came about. He is a teacher, a football coach, an activites director, a father, and does alot with his mother and brother so I feel he is a very busy man but I just dont feel that he wants a serious relationship with me. I have told him this is what I want and he always says it what he wants too but the next day its back to the same thing. Im sorry to be blabbing on and on and all your posts are great. You have really helped me to realize I am just his booty call. Yes some of you say to just keep it as it is but I do have such strong feelings for him and I dont let myself get involved with anyone else because of my hopes he is going to want something serious with me anyday. But Im just kidding myself....THANK YOU ALL and HAVE A GREAT 2009 | |
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| Am I just a booty call?????
Posted: 1/1/2009 1:35:50 PM | Pythagorous
"Ommitting"" as far as I am aware of is considered to be a lie. The deception is automatically there until the male communicates to her "otherwise". | |
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| Am I just a booty call?????
Posted: 1/1/2009 1:36:44 PM |
I do have such strong feelings for him and I don't let myself get involved with anyone else because of my hopes he is going to want something serious with me anyday...
Well that is it then. Doesn't matter if it is a booty call or FWB. It is hurting you by keeping you from what you truly want. You found your own answer.
He had a seizure at my house. That is when I got real feelings for him.
OP, that is dangerously close to "caretaker" status. Hey, I am the same way. It takes one to know one. I try to work on it, not very successful. Try to recognize if that is you, because it does help to see that about yourself. | |
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| Am I just a booty call?????
Posted: 1/1/2009 1:37:06 PM | Im not trying to tell you to do anything. If you are looking for what you got continue. If you want something better move on! I could not see myself trying to get serious with anyone after having some guy leave my bed that morning. We are not in high school anymore it is not about popularity or ego contest.
You want something serious, so you have to get serious. He is playing you and that's that. You wrote he tells you lies and gets what he wants and leaves. Think about it. Do you deserve that? Honey, if you meet a guy that is ready to get married and he hears all of this drama. I think you will be bypassed unless he is a drama king. If that is the case you better run! | |
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| Am I just a booty call?????
Posted: 1/1/2009 1:40:19 PM | "He had a seizure at my house. That is when I got real feelings for him."
WOW. So now I have learned to master my way into a womans heart. All I have to do is look like I'm dying, then she's all mine.:D | |
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| Am I just a booty call?????
Posted: 1/1/2009 1:45:13 PM | "Ommitting"" as far as I am aware of is considered to be a lie. The deception is automatically there until the male communicates to her "otherwise". .
Lies of omission are the least of your worries. Most people spend all day lying to themselves.
Of course, to come to either conclusion, you would actaully have to know the truth.
God forgot to tell me about all of the glories of Heaven. Does that make God a liar? | |
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| Am I just a booty call?????
Posted: 1/1/2009 1:47:46 PM | | Sounds as if you have slipped into a friend with benefits type of situation. Usually these relationships hardly turn into more, but yours could be different who knows.. | |
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| Am I just a booty call?????
Posted: 1/1/2009 2:26:24 PM | I don't like the way he'll only "come to the party" - ie invite you out - after you end it (or act like you're wanting to end it), OP.
He's playing you. He knows what you want; he'll agree to it in theory - but in practice? No, he's just there for a booty call. Sorry! | |
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| Am I just a booty call?????
Posted: 1/1/2009 3:17:14 PM | Jennifer, I wish you posted those last details in Msg1. It sounded like you regularly met at the club and then went back to your house. I need to work on my reading comprehension skills. Yes clearly you are a booty call. Are you JUST a booty call? Probably not, but that pretty much is the way he treats you. You've told him a bunch of times you want more but he doesn't come through. I recommend not continuing the booty call part of the relationship. Be strong and don't fall back. Sure you can be this guy's friend, but I certainly wouldn't invite him back to your home, and you certainly shouldn't invest more time, energy, and effort in this guy. Invest those things into your next real relationship. Good luck to you Jennifer and Happy New Year!  | |
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| Am I just a booty call?????
Posted: 1/1/2009 3:19:36 PM | talk to him about the way you feel girl. ~!
if he dosnt want the same then yes hes just using you plain and simple.
dont be a booty call if you dont want to | |
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| Am I just a booty call?????
Posted: 1/1/2009 3:32:42 PM | You really messed up.
You cut him off and said you wanted to go out with him then when he asked you out you were busy. You say you want a relationship but you sent the wrong message.
If you do this again cancel any other pans when he asks you out. If you really care for him and want a real relationship with him you need to say yes when he asks you out.
I personally feel that you may have some psycoloical issues that you may not be aware of yourself. Sounds like you intentionally go to the club to hook up with him. If you want him to change you need to change yourself too.
Try asking him to a movie or something you enjoy. | |
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| Am I just a booty call?????
Posted: 1/1/2009 3:45:50 PM |
I just dont feel that he wants a serious relationship with me. I have told him this is what I want and he always says it what he wants too but the next day its back to the same thing. Im sorry to be blabbing on and on and all your posts are great. You have really helped me to realize I am just his booty call. Yes some of you say to just keep it as it is but I do have such strong feelings for him and I dont let myself get involved with anyone else because of my hopes he is going to want something serious with me anyday.
OP, post #65 completely changes the complexion of the OP, which sounded as if this were a consensual FB situation, in which you developed feelings, and were seeking a way to "manipulate" this into something more.
With this last post, it seems like he is trying to "hang on", and implies a willingness for things, so that you'll "stay". I guess, the only thing to say is, if you feel that you'd rather have no one, than deal with the pain that comes from him not giving more of himself to you, then you should cut your ties and deal with your feelings, so that you'll be open to find someone, who wants more.
My guess, too, is that he's giving you all of himself that he's willing to give in a relationship. A lot of guys, after having been married and having a child, aren't looking, ever, to marry again, or live with someone. In his way, I suspect he's "faithful", and probably even imagines you to be his "girlfriend". Simply, though, you two are not "communicating" about your relationship, nor has he been willing to give you a "voice" in defining what that relationship should be.
He might, if you get him to talk, when you're in person, be able to work out something that works for both of you. Something short of 24/7, but something more structured than you've had. However, if your sights are set on "happily ever after", 24/7, then you probably need to move on. To get there, you'll probably have to accept going through a period of sleeping alone. | |
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