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| Do women want men to lie, or to be upfront about wanting sex?
Posted: 1/23/2009 4:08:27 PM |
I try to never have sex on a first date, I want to know the guy wants more than sex......and find that if a guy pushes that rule, the lay is what he is really after in the end.
NOW this is not to say I haven't ever broken that rule, I have, but have only had one good relationship come of that........and several times where the guy is never heard from again. So I am left wounded, wondering if I could have made it last if I had done something differently. Thankfully, i pick myself up, and try again......but it still hurts.
Lets see if I understand this,, you try never to have sex on the first date,, because you want to know the guy wants more than sex,,
So what you saying is sex is used as a tool,, unless you feel like having sex on the first date,, therefore,, it doesn't matter what the man attentions are or wanting something more,, because you decide if it's OK to have sex,, and there is nothing wrong with that choice,, but I see a double standard..
You broke your rule, was it to land the guy,,, or was it just to have good sex,, but either way,, the first is wrong,, using sex to land a guy,, and the second you did it because you wanted to with hopes it would feel good,,
In both cases it was your choice,, so why blame a man,, unless he held a gun to your head,, if that's not the case,, are you saying you are multiplied by a man , and can not make rational choices of your own.. if that is the case,, still it's not the mans fault that you can't make good choices,, we all adults arena;t we,, therefore shouldn't we all take responsibility for our own actions,,
Dating is hard enough and if someone is honest about what they are looking for, it helps.
I ask you the same question,, you break your rules without knowing a man,, and expect honesty,, but have you been honest,, you might have just wanted sex,, if not how can you expect to know a man on the first date and assume he will give you more..
I like to give women a lot more credit than that,, most women are very smart,, they have a clue what is going on,, so if you want to act naive,, please to not blame men when your attempts to have sex like it,, yet do not get a return phone call etc..,, or if your trying to land a man for with sex on the first date,, don't think we failed you,, you as woman failed your self,, by not accepting the consequences of your actions good or bad.. | |
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| Do women want men to lie, or to be upfront about wanting sex?
Posted: 1/23/2009 4:18:55 PM | Op, think about what you're asking.
Most, but not all, people who actually bother to join a dating site are bored with going out and randomly hooking up with people. It isn't surprising, then, that you see a lot of people complaining about being solicited for sex on the first date. For whatever reason some guys think that online dating is easy sex. The reality seems to be a lot of women going, "Mother f-er, I just met you! At least wait until we've had the appetizer, shit!"
No, women don't want you to lie about wanting to have sex. They'd much rather that you be relationship oriented. Your problem is that you're seeing what many of these women want is at odds with what you want, but the only solution you can see is lying.
Person 1: I want sex.
Person 2: I want a relationship and sex.
Now... person 1 can be a liar and claim to want what person two wants, but why not cut the horse shit and just look for someone with the same goals? At some point you have to honestly ask yourself whether two people with entirely different goals should see one another. | |
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| Do women want men to lie, or to be upfront about wanting sex?
Posted: 1/23/2009 4:45:25 PM | What the hell, Norm...is it your time of the month? Nothing she said warranted your way over used lecture. In fact, she showed more wisdom in her few words than you did in your novel.
Looking at your mistakes and your heartaches and gaining wisdom for the future is a lot more useful than pulling out the soap box for everyone else.
The fact is, there are more than two options. If a man feigns interest in a relationship with a woman, and her requirements for sex are genuine interest and sexual attraction, how exactly is heartache her fault?
The only thing you can do (other than attempting to change yourself) is wait until you're more sure of the situation. Which is what she's doing. Empathy. Remember? It hurts to be deceived.
Ok, I'm going to follow my own advice and put my soapbox away. | |
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| Do women want men to lie, or to be upfront about wanting sex?
Posted: 1/23/2009 5:28:21 PM | | I don't know if we (women) want that or not. I thought I did, but just recently a gentleman asked me out. I said ok and then it kinda fell through. We were gonna make plans at a later date, then a friend of his told me, "good thing you didn't go out with him, he just wanted to f*** you." hmmmmm. I was crushed, I thought he "dug" me, so I didn't take it so well that he only wanted a piece off as*. So that answers the question for me, if you aren't interested in getting to know me, then you aren't gonna f*** me either. Don' t tell me up front that is all you want, cause it won't happen. If you wanna be nice to me, do something social, talk a bit----then I'll f*** you. How about that? That's not too much to ask, right? | |
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| Do women want men to lie, or to be upfront about wanting sex?
Posted: 1/23/2009 6:02:00 PM | Looking at your mistakes and your heartaches and gaining wisdom for the future is a lot more useful than pulling out the soap box for everyone else.
It's interesting you say that,, I have had that same conversation today with a friend..
I agree hopefully we gain wisdom, but still,, wisdom does not release us from our mistakes by blaming someone else's.. Wisdom is accepting our mistakes and learning from them..
I 'll say this, I blame know one for my past or what my future may be,, I take full responsibility for everything that I have done in my life,, Yes the good and the bad,, I have never given up my control of who I am unwilling to some one,, therefore, even if mistakes were made,, I still can't and won't blame the other person,, because it's still up to me to say, yes, or no...
If a man feigns interest in a relationship with a woman, and her requirements for sex are genuine interest and sexual attraction, how exactly is heartache her fault?
Now where did I say it was anyone's fault.. My point is, stop blaming men for having sex on the first date..
I don't care what anyone has to say,, it's a first date, How much are we, both men and woman to believe what the other person has to say on the first date,, that is not to say we shouldn't take it as face value..
But what can a man say to make a woman sleep with him on the first date.. What promises must he make,, None I would hope,, but if he did,, How naive can a woman be, (I'm not talking about a teen) to truly believe all that crap with out getting to know something more about that man/or woman
My belief is women are not stupid,, they are very intuitive, smart, educated in the ways of some men.. We all make mistakes, we all make choices, that may become mistakes, because of poor judgment,, However,, a one night stand, it wasn't a mistake if things worked out according to his or her plan,, what ever that plan was,, it's only a mistake if it fails.....
My point there is,, both men and woman need to step up ,, take some responsibility for there actions and stop blaming the other person for being deceived, especially on the first date,,, when two people have sex.. because why would a woman have sex on a first date if she didn't want to? I can think of several reason but I'm not here to bash women, I can think of reasons why a man would have sex as well.. both the good and the ugly..
But still they both have to take responsibility for there actions, and stop blaming the other.. | |
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| Do women want men to lie, or to be upfront about wanting sex?
Posted: 1/24/2009 12:01:14 PM | All communication involves some sort of code. Language is a form of code. Gestures, both physical and symbolic are forms of code. To think that anyone reading what I'm saying knows exactly what I'm trying to communicate, much less what I'm thinking, is foolish. But understanding vocabulary (in the broadest sense) audience analysis and feedback loops are important tools.
When you meet someone new, you may very well think to yourself, "God Damn I'd like to fvck her (or him) silly." Eventually, the object of your desire might be pleased to know that thought ran through your head when you first met, but if those are actually the first words out of your mouth, I doubt you'll ever find out what it's like to fvck her (or him) silly. Why? Because our social code says that to utter that thought would be so out of the norm that it will most likely be seen as hostile, rather than loving.
What does this have to do with OP's original question? No one wants to be told a lie. A lie is intended to deceive. Who wants to be deceived? And can one ever justify deliberate deception?
On the other hand, that doesn't mean that every thought one has must be expressed verbally. If you know the code, analyze your audience and engage in feedback, you have a good chance of conveying the message you want to convey.
As many posters have pointed out, feigning interest in a LTR is a losing proposition for all involved. Screaming "I wanna fvck you" is likely to be unappealing to most folks. But if that's all you want, then you're doing yourself and the rest of us a favor by being honest about it. | |
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| Do women want men to lie, or to be upfront about wanting sex?
Posted: 1/24/2009 12:53:53 PM | The fact is, there are more than two options. If a man feigns interest in a relationship with a woman, and her requirements for sex are genuine interest and sexual attraction, how exactly is heartache her fault?
Let me ask you a question. If she is sexually attracted to a guy, why not just have sex with him instead of imposing additional requirements? | |
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| Do women want men to lie, or to be upfront about wanting sex?
Posted: 1/24/2009 1:34:50 PM |
My point there is,, both men and woman need to step up ,, take some responsibility for there actions and stop blaming the other person for being deceived, especially on the first date,,, when two people have sex.. because why would a woman have sex on a first date if she didn't want to? I can think of several reason but I'm not here to bash women, I can think of reasons why a man would have sex as well.. both the good and the ugly..
But still they both have to take responsibility for there actions, and stop blaming the other..
I agree. Both need to take responsibility. That doesn't mean ignoring the missteps of the other party. Like I was saying in the "First Date Sex" thread, if you really want to pursue a relationship with a man, having sex on the first date is a gamble. He may be faking interest in hopes of sex at the end of the date (which would lead to the "used" feeling), he may decide he's not interested BECAUSE you had sex on the first date, he may simply be unimpressed with your performance in bed (which would have happened anyway), or he may be genuinely interested and the sex could just be icing on the cake.
Gambling is fine, if you're into it. If I gamble, and I lose, then who can I blame but myself.
BUT, if I gamble, I lose, and I find out the game was rigged, I'm going to be pissed the hell off and raise some hell.
And I probably wouldn't gamble again unless it was people who had proved themselves to be honest. That would be taking responsibility for my actions, right? I mean, people can only do the best they can based on what they've got and the information they're provided. | |
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| Do women want men to lie, or to be upfront about wanting sex?
Posted: 1/24/2009 1:47:19 PM |
I gotta be me and I'm sure I'm the perfect man for some women who would rather skip the pretense and not let dating get in the way of the other stuff they have going on. You might even be persuaded after you realize that dating isn't all it's cracked up to be. :)
Trust me...I've only been re-dating for 3 months now, and I've already realized it isn't all it's cracked up to be. I've decided to train my BOB to cuddle and have stimulating conversation, instead.
And you're right...out there there's a busy woman who isn't a picky eater, loves to swallow jizz, and will pass up throwing glasses in favor of throwing encyclopedias! And you two will be insanely happy 
having the total stranger who happens to be sitting next to you at the pub while you are eating look over and say to you," Hey your`e cute, lets go to my house and fool around. I`m horney and haven`t had it in a while, how about you?" Sorry for some reason, that just doesn`t get me in the mood.
honestly, now..does that REALLY happen to a 48-year old "BBW" very often?
Ouch! Way to hit below the belt, Mr.!
do you know that as a 'big girl" (grown up woman) you have the option to say: "no...fvck off, loser" ?
how does that offend you SOoooooooooooooooooo much?
would it be better if no man was ever attracted physically to you?
I have absolutely no problem with a man telling me they want to have sex with me. Would I take them up on the offer? No. Because like Miss Frigid ****, that is not a turn on for me without other factors.
But, I don't find it offensive, and I'd be more likely to be friends with someone that's brutally honest than a snake in the grass! | |
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| Do women want men to lie, or to be upfront about wanting sex?
Posted: 1/25/2009 3:02:25 PM | Hey norm, back off! I would prefer to know a guy and trust him before I have sex with him........is there anything wrong with that?
My rule is a rule, just because I could have sex with any stranger, doesn't mean that I want too! There is such a thing as STDs and other unfavorable things out there. I would like to be able to trust the man I am with, and have the sex be more than one time, and then never again.
Wham, Bam, thank you mam.....not for me.
My broken rule ended up in a 14 month relationship, and could have been more....if I wanted to be a housekeeper and submit to his desires for me to give up my career and creative outlet. (I just couldn't change my entire life for him, not for all the love in the world) And it was a crazy thing, we had talked on the phone for hours before, and when he came over for dinner, things happened. I have no regrets over that.
But when a guy misleads, or offers a massage, and believes that when you say yes to that, you are saying you want sex....that I object too.
Give us some warning guys, don't be "I wanna f* you,"but a " I would love to have sex with you"...would be nice......don't be crude, but please broadcast how you feel........ | |
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| Do women want men to lie, or to be upfront about wanting sex?
Posted: 1/25/2009 3:32:29 PM | Hey norm, back off! I would prefer to know a guy and trust him before I have sex with him........is there anything wrong with that?
First I'm not picking or judging,,
No, there is nothing wrong with getting to know someone first,, I happen to agree..
Howver, when and if sex should happen on the first date,, I get real tried of,, it's the mans fault..
My rule is a rule, just because I could have sex with any stranger, doesn't mean that I want too! There is such a thing as STDs and other unfavorable things out there. I would like to be able to trust the man I am with, and have the sex be more than one time, and then never again.
Again good rule,, but that rule would also apply, even after getting to know some one,, lets get tested,, then wait,, and 4 or 6 mo later lets get tested again,, before having sex without protection.. | |
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| Do women want men to lie, or to be upfront about wanting sex?
Posted: 1/25/2009 4:02:21 PM | I have learned that pretty much all men are after sex, as soon as they can get it. Be it
direct, or covert, whatever, it is all the same. When a man asks me out, I assume that there is a sexual interest and this is the main reason he is asking me out. If there is no interest on my part ( which 99% of the time there isn`t) I don`t waste his time and go out. Why would I? I`m not going to give him what he wants anyways. Actually when a
man even comes up and tried to talk to me, I assume he is just trying to get laid, and I would surmise that most of the time I am right.
If I am possibly, possibly interested in getting to know the man, it may be for a short date, go dutch, nothing romantic, watch the drinks, my own transportation, anotherword, every single thing I can do to protect myself from the possibility of the man overstepping his boundaries, which often happens and trying to force or coerce something. It doesn`t make for a very nice date because I have my guard up so much that I can`t relax. But better safe than sorry. It`s all the forward scum out there that pushes it always to the point of confrontation( don`t lie guys, alot of you do it) that have ruined dating.
So for me , it doesn`t matter what they say or don`t say.
Actually, I would rather a guy just come out and say " Ya, wanna f*ck?" That way I know he is a piece of sh*t right from the start , rather than having to deal with a
ruined evening with a piece of garbage and getting scared. I`ve had both. I`d rather the walking trash just let me know straight up. | |
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| Do women want men to lie, or to be upfront about wanting sex?
Posted: 1/25/2009 5:00:24 PM | | when i meet a man and he acts excited to see me that is a turn-on. talking sexy and getting "fresh" is good clean, fun and a prelude to what comes later. sooner or later. not every relationship is going to lead to something serious. single means single. ..freedom to do as you please and it's no one's business. so if a man is hot for you and says so, big deal. | |
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| Do women want men to lie, or to be upfront about wanting sex?
Posted: 1/25/2009 5:01:25 PM |
I have learned that pretty much all men are after sex, as soon as they can get it.
Wow!!!
I will agree many men want sex,, I also know it's safe to say,, we don't just want it with any and all woman.. we are just as picky..I know I am..
I will also say,, at my ripe old age,, I have encountered many women and that all they wanted was sex,,
Stating from the day I was young enough to go out,,
I have learned a lot from cougars at an early age..
I was a male exotic dancer,, you will be surprised how many married women wanted a one night stand, as well as other women..
I was a technician for 18 years,, you would be surprised how many honey house wives there are.. or young honey collage students,, etc..
later on in life,, at age 43, I learned the words FB, FWB etc,, I have been out many times and have been approached with these offers,,
as well as being approached by married woman,, single women as well,,
my point is,, it's not just men who want and like sex,,
there is another forum going on,, why don't men approach women any more
1] we don't have to,, we get approached if a woman wants to have sex
2] why approach a woman, when a man knows what she is thinking,, all we men want is sex
so really what the point,, men are pigs,, we will just wait for the counter part pig to approach us,, and everybody is happy,,
Men can't win,, we lose for being upfront and honest,, yet it's assumed we are lying to you to get sex,, even if that is not our intent.. then if a man tells the other truth, meaning hey all he wants is sex, he is a pig, but honest,, yet the first guy might have been sincere as well.. | |
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| Do women want men to lie, or to be upfront about wanting sex?
Posted: 1/25/2009 5:46:45 PM | | This might surprise you, but some guys may actually be interested in having a long term relationship vs just some short lived fun. Now I know this probably only applies to a small percentage of us, but we do exist. So it ain't a charade! | |
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| Do women want men to lie, or to be upfront about wanting sex?
Posted: 1/25/2009 7:30:59 PM | This post has gone WAY off the subject, but I'll add to the new topic that seems to have appeared!
No matter what anyone says, male or female, both are humans and it is part of being human to desire to have sex! Not everyone has the skill to put that aside and focus on being relationship material (even if that truly is what they want). There isn't anything wrong with that, but I do think that person needs to be upfront about what it is they are looking for. Shouldn't pretend you are looking for something that you really aren't (ie: male seeking "friend" vs "intimate encounter"). I think enough people on here agree that if sex is the only thing you yearn for at the moment, there are plenty of others who desire that as well, so it shouldn't be so hard to find them!!!
Just would be nice that since there IS the option on here (intimate encounter) to say that is all you are looking for to actually put that that IS what you want!!!!!!!!!!
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| Do women want men to lie, or to be upfront about wanting sex?
Posted: 1/26/2009 3:03:30 AM | Both. Half dozen of one, 6 of the other.
They will SAY differently, but then again, men wouldn't BS them if it wasn't a true thing that worked.
I personally find the latter (upfront) to be the best technically skilled and interesting, they know it, they want it, and off you go. They don't "guess" at what they want out of life, or "hope" it happens. The other way (traditional lies) bores me, and is inefficient in this day and age, and does not prove intelligence, only that the man in question is typically too stupid to be useful, and too worthless to keep. Not even dogs and animals are forced to lie, so I guess those "gentlemen" are not even better than an animal.
As for a woman that falls for the first? So be it, it isn't hard to figure out what a man wants, and I could care less what they think about him (a wannabe player) anyway, if they fell for it, it isn't MY fault, nor my mess to clean up. Some of us grew up a while back, and don't fall for scams and cons, because we listened, and didn't "hope" it worked out.
Please ladies, do NOT blame the system YOU created, blame yourselves for not creating and maintaining a better PERSONAL system. If you won't stick to your own rules, why in the hell would men? | |
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| Do women want men to lie, or to be upfront about wanting sex?
Posted: 1/26/2009 7:06:10 AM |
A lot of ladies just want to get laid too, but don't want to appear "sluts".
Why is it that women are labeled "sluts" yet when a man does it, they are "macho" and/or just "being a man."
Soooo 2-faced!!!!!!
Nothing wrong with women and/or men having a safe and healthy sex drive.
Am I right or am I wrong?!?!?!?!
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| Do women want men to lie, or to be upfront about wanting sex?
Posted: 1/26/2009 7:24:53 AM | A lot of ladies just want to get laid too, but don't want to appear "sluts".
Why is it that women are labeled "sluts" yet when a man does it, they are "macho" and/or just "being a man."
Words are funny,, sometimes we as men and women judge ourselves, as macho or sluts. Even though other men and woman my not be putting that label on someone..
My thought is,, we are who we think and believe we are,, not what other people think of us..
Nothing wrong with women and/or men having a safe and healthy sex drive.
Am I right or am I wrong?!?!?!?!
I agree,,,,,,,, | |
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| Do women want men to lie, or to be upfront about wanting sex?
Posted: 1/26/2009 7:32:09 AM | When a man asks me out, I assume that there is a sexual interest and this is the main reason he is asking me out
of course! hell-ooooooooooooooooooooooo..
wow, 48 years old..did you just figure that out recently?
and what "EXACTLY" is 'wrong' with a man having a 'sexual interest' in a woman??
can you define the 'problem' (As you see it) here? is it a 'crime' ? a 'moral offense'?
you seem to say this as if you think it is a "sin" for a man to have sexual interest..it's actually quite normal for any man with relatively 'normal' testosterone levels, non-eunuchs..
for that matter, it's quite normal for WOMEN to have interest in sex, as well...unless they are suffering from abnormal hormone levels, or maybe have experienced a traumatic psychological event related to sex..or are truly "frigid" ..
I get the sense form your tone & postings that you have no interest in sex whatsoever..if that 's the case for YOU, fine..but don't assume that it is for OTHER women, or men..
if I just wanted to hang out and talk, I'd do so with one of my male friends...
God made us male & female for a REASON..
s-e-x-..it's not a 'dirty word'..
I have certainly experienced meeting women that wanted to have sex basically as soon as possible.. | |
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| Do women want men to lie, or to be upfront about wanting sex?
Posted: 1/26/2009 7:42:45 AM |
I get the impression that most women would prefer if a guy goes through the charade of acting interested in a long term relationship with them, taking them out and not broaching the subject of sex instead of saying right out that he wants to have sex with them. Is this what women really want?
Back on topic-Anyone who lies to get anyone into bed, is scummy.
If all you want is sex, then be real about it, put up an ad looking for only sex, and DO NOT lie about your intentions.
How anyone can think anyone likes to be lied to is beyond me.
If a man shows interest in me, I am going to assume that interest is sexual. I do not require him to undergo any charade. Either he wants a relationship or he does not. Just be honest. Yes, you will get less women in bed, but wouldnt you rather know they are there in bed with you because they chose to be, and were not lied to in order to get them there? If I were a man, I would take a ton more pride in knowing I was honest, and still getting with the ladies, then feeling like I had to trick anyone...but that's just me I guess. | |
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| Do women want men to lie, or to be upfront about wanting sex?
Posted: 1/26/2009 7:55:12 AM | Ahhh yes. Some of us do want a relationship. Some of do want commitment. However, ladies, the one thing to ask yourself, is what does any particular guy want with YOU. What a man wants is going to differ between about whom you ask.
What about her? She's sexy, but kind of nutty in some of the stuff she talks about. But I'd do her, I guess.
What about her? Wow. Now HER I like a lot.
Men, if some of the above posters are not to be believed, are not so picky about sexual partners as they are about someone they LOVE.
I may be looking for a relationship and looking to meet the "one", BUT that doesn't mean I am going to turn down sex if it comes my way and is something I want to try. Sometimes it crops up as I am getting to know the person, and there is really hardly anything more intimate to learn about someone. I am single, I am an adult, I am honest with the people that I am with about what I am looking for from them. Even I may confused about what I want sometimes (see "on the fence" about a girl).
We are not perfect, unlike some of the other posters above. I mean, look how picky they are and look at how many women they just won't have sex with. I am jealous of some of you guys. | |
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