Tor73
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Joined: 1/11/2009
Msg: 249 | |
| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 5/23/2009 12:12:07 AM | | What statistics are you referring to? Fact is the mother ends up with the mother by the courts by default. The only way the father can get full custody is if the mother abandons the child or otherwise is proven to be unfit. Guys always get the short end of the stick on that one. Then the courts usually put a restraining order on the father because the mother claims she feels threatened by him or she moves somewhere new and doesn't give the father the new address. Then their is also the factor of why they divorced. If it was because she cheated on him then the father may have doubts as to if the child is even his. And if she refuses to take a DNA test that usually confirms it for him. Me personally I have a daughter that I would love to see but my ex is so vindictive I am lucky if I get to have her for the weekend. I don't currently know where she lives and according to the courts it is none of my business, but she has told me she is thinking of moving across the country soon and then How can I see my daughter. So I don't like to hear this crap about deadbeat dads when I know that sometimes it is really vindictive mothers that only use their children as another paycheck. | |
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Tor73
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Joined: 1/11/2009
Msg: 250 | |
| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 5/23/2009 12:29:40 AM | Does that make me any less of a mother simply because of my age?
Yes it does. I had my first child when I was 32, because that is how long it took for me to find someone that I thought was mature enough to raise a child. I dated many women in my younger years, but I knew how to practice safe sex. But apparently some people are to tempted to have unprotected sex because they say it feels so much better. Then they accidentally end up with an STD or pregnant and think that although they were not practicing responsible sex that they are still responsible enough to raise a child. As for me, my child was planned and I've never had an STD and never will. If I am dating a girl and she ask me to have sex without a condom I stop messing with her all together. What you have to understand is it says a lot about your character when a girl ask a guy she is dating to have unprotected sex, and it is a big red flag. Because it means that she likes to have unprotected sex, (i.e. has done it before) might have an STD, might already be pregnant by someone else and need to have unprotected sex to cover it up, or might be looking for that meal ticket. | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 5/23/2009 9:17:01 AM |
Yeh I know what you mean. Sometimes I think girls are brainwashed into thinking that having kids is a prerequisite for being adult. I mean while boys are running around exploring the woods, building forts, and getting into fights; girls are playing with there dolls, playing house, and dreaming about meeting prince charming and what their wedding well be like. But what happens is that when they are finally old enough to get out and meet guys without having to worry about their parents interference they are still took young minded to act responsibly and practice protected sex. So they end up pregnant from a relationship that serious enough to continue and end up here. So the question isn't why are there so many here. Their is so many hear because it is common. The big question is, that now that they are hear looking for someone new have they learned how to identify a good man? And the even bigger question, now that they are single with a kid and still not that grown themselves, do they understand that they can no longer be self centered, and need to put the welfare of their child as their first priority? Play time is over and its time to grow up.
I am just sitting here in awe. This post is brilliant!!! Thank-you for summing up the entire issue so succinctly. | |
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Tor73
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Joined: 1/11/2009
Msg: 253 | |
| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 5/23/2009 7:04:46 PM | I love this string because the whole thing is so ridicules. I mean really girls love to call a man a dead beat dad when he's no longer hanging around, by default. But the weman never get auto-labeled for there bad choices. No they just love to play the victim role and have a shoulder to cry on. And I know so many guys that love to be that shoulder for an easy quicky. Those shoulders aren't there for the long haul ladies, they don't want the extra baggage that you bring to the table from the last failed relationship.
Here's point two; most women don't know how to be independant and are so scared to be alone that they will quickly jump into the next man's bed as soon as they are single. Come on ladies, take some you time. If you think that your last failed relationship failed because of your ex and that you did nothing wrong you really need to wake up. It takes two to tango and you choose to be in that relationship. And if you are using the excuse that you didn't know he was a certain way then, well maybe that's the problem. You choose to move faster than you should have and got yourself in over your head before you knew you hit the quick sand.
Here's my suggestion young baby mommas; take some time off and be alone for awhile. Reflect on all your failed relationships and I think you'll see the common denominator: YOU. But the good thing is that that's all you really have control over. You can't change or fix someone else you can only fix yourself. So until you realize what mistakes you made and change alter your choices the same results will occur. Be a good role modle for you kids and don't allow screw ups and drama into your and your kids lives.... | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 5/24/2009 1:00:06 PM |
HOW did you do it?
let me share.Before my daughter i worked in an orrthodintic office. I had mony saved from that. I worked in daycare before and after her birth ( hence illiminating Daycare costs) Got paid well and worked after school and then when 11th grade was up i worked in daycare full time for 2 years. Went back to school Paid for her to go to a privite daycare and finished school.
It's all about managing your money and not being selfish. I could have busted my saved money on shoes, clothes or whatever else was in fashion when i worked at the ortho office. Instead i made the choise to save it. I also could have gotten cable. internet and other un nesessary things in my home, but i didn't. I used a pay as you go phone, I shopped secound hand and was very frugal.
Last year I finialized her fathers visitation and payment schedual and he contributes to her finacially. He is now married with 3 kids, one on the way and he is 26, living off welfare and struggling because he decided to waste his money ( and at one point drained me compleately) and s0 now he is penny counting and ripping off the system. I only speak to him when I have to so he isn't even much of a factor in our lives anymore.
Now I'm in college. My child is in the 3rd grade, excels at piano and has won awards for her art, though not national acclaimed ..yet..lol..she is my pride and joy.
as for the adoption thing. I'm not going to go all into it. But it factored BIG time in my choise to keep my daughter even at the age that I was. | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 5/24/2009 6:49:08 PM | just becuz we aer parents and we was to young to have kids doesnt mean we are bad parents alot of use was never ready but we tryed hell neven some of use tryed to stick in there and make the relationship work but in my case my sons mom ran me off i wish i had my son she never cleans her house the boy cant walk any where in the house without him fallin on trash or what not i wish my son didnt have to live the was he does its heart breaking and for the person that said the fasthers that run off go get your facts straight my sons mom wont let me see him and i work and everything else she doesnt she just sits around all day thats it \\
so you you people out there judgeing us young fathers out there
some of us are still trying out there and never will stop trying
i changed my life style to he would have a father
so dont jugde us just becuz you messed up and your worthless | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 5/24/2009 7:30:30 PM |  welcome. I am not the only mother who has done what I did and I'm sure there are many other young parents like myself. But I felt the need to stand up and say HEY we aren't all deadbeats or lazy moochers and immiture whiney brats who would rather be out downing a keg. | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 5/24/2009 8:25:22 PM | | It's not that the rate got higher. It's that the teen got smarter and stayed in school. Not to say that getting pregnant in High school is smart, but I did it, and I wouldn't trade my little boy for the world. Not only that but I finished school, went on to post secondary, finished that, am going back to furthur my education again. I work, have a student loan, pay my rent, and we are doing great. | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 5/25/2009 10:31:56 AM | liebefish and natasha85, you made lemonade from lemons....is that not what life is about? Adversity really doesn't remove all the fluff from who we are and exposes us to be exactly who we really are.
Whether you wanted to have babies at such a young age or not in your cases is rather irrlevant because you are assuming responsibility for your choices and not sitting around waiting for some man to come along and take care of you and your child. I don't expect to see either of you starting a poor me thread about single parenthood and the men who are the fathers of your children. | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 5/25/2009 10:41:34 AM | And hasn't it come to that point? With all the options that are legally laid out to young unmarried ladies that if they decide to proceed then assume the responsibility and don't assume that the guy will step up.
History repeating. | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 5/25/2009 10:50:05 AM |
don't assume that the guy will step up.
Doesn't it seem sad that many women don't assume that the guy will step up? what does that say about men and women and the state of our ability to trust each other and build lives together?
People get disappointed by other people all the time, this is but one situation in which is it possible. We all have choices and none of should be pointing fingers elsewhere or blaming others for the lives we live today (unless of course we were blindsided by a mac truck leaving us physically changed forever or other similar situations over which we have absolutely no personal control in the outcome of events).
Ever notice that even in those other situations, we seem to play quite a few "what if" games before we finally accept that it is what it is and we are powerless to change history? | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 5/25/2009 12:39:18 PM | Oh but we did soullady, it was roe vs. wade- been around for thirty years or so.
If you've actually read the trancripts from the trial the lawyers who argued for it told the court that all women want this right to abortion, maybe they should have consulted everyone?
It seems that those who would get an abortion are vastly outnumbered by those that that would call them murderers. | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 5/25/2009 4:10:20 PM | quote
"It's natural for them to have children at that age, it is considered their 'prime' by the majority. Some scientists may claim the perfect age is 28 or so, but I was born by a mother that was 24 and I had distinct advantages over my elder brothers who were born years early (when my mother was 16)- however, I don't really agree with it purely for the fact that I'm JEALOUS, yes, I said it, of women MY age having children, and I don't. They often wanna date me too, in fact I have several "single parent moms" in my inbox right now... and quite frankly, I don't really want to take care of another mother****er's kid. =)
So I'm definitely against it, even if it's quite natural. "
Oh my dear my lord! This is the best and most brutally honest post I have read. Now here is a man who doesn't care about getting online "brownie points" from women, unlike the gutless 'yes mam' attention seekers who kiss ass as if they're going to get laid. You sir, deserve a medal. And yes, jealousy is definitely valid in the human psyche.
But I think you're missing the fact that, as stated in their profile, 100% of single moms on here are NOT looking for a father. "rolls eyes" | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 5/25/2009 4:20:53 PM | wtf, regardless of what the transcripts say, noone can speak for all women anymore than anyone can speak for all men or all of humanity. That has to be the weakest argument I've seen in a long time on this topic.
Even if it seems that those who would get an abortion are vastly outnumbered by those that would call themselves murderers, that simply means that not every woman will get an abortion so to assume we should is playing russian roulette with your sperm.
As I teach my 15 year old son, do not have sex with any woman you are not prepared to have a child with and parent with for 18 plus years........ | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 5/25/2009 4:42:08 PM |
Yes it does. I had my first child when I was 32, because that is how long it took for me to find someone that I thought was mature enough to raise a child. I dated many women in my younger years, but I knew how to practice safe sex.
And oddly enough you are single and a father apparently so even though you waited until the ripe old age of 32 you did no better picking a good partner than the single mothers regardless of their age and the parenting abilities of the other parent.
The simple answer is that people are having sex when they are young, ergo young single mothers just as there are older single mothers. I know plenty of people in their thirties that wound up pregnant because for a long time, most women were unaware that antibiotics rendered birth control ineffective, there is such a thing as an unplanned pregnancy when people are actually being responsible outside their having sex when they are too young and yes, for most people 18 is still too young.
Sitting here and painting all young parents as poor parents is ridiculous and ignorant because I know many older parents that are not good parents and many young parents that are exceptional ones whether they are still with their partners or not.
There are some young girls who do want to have a baby young, usually socio-economically disadvantaged because they do believe that it will somehow magically make them an adult and because they mistakenly believe that the whole left in their lives from their own poor parenting experience as children will be filled by the baby.
What remains important is whether people take care of their responsibilities. Women are not incapable of caring for themselves. On this page alone, one young woman explained how she was able to take care of herself while managing a baby at a young age. I know another woman that has posted to this thread who had a baby at 19 and walked several miles to a job to earn the money to care for that child. When she did marry, it had nothing to do with someone helping her to shoulder the financial responsibilities of she and her child, it was because the man was a decent man and they had a wonderful marriage before he was taken from her much too quickly. Others have graduated high school, gone on to college and have supported their child(ren) alone very well both financially and in every other way.
I waited until I was 27 to have a child and my experience with my stepson led me to believe that my ex would be a good father, he is not. As for the courts? Most courts are moving toward joint custody when people's circumstances allow it. We were able to get custody of my stepson when everyone said we couldn't so remaining bitter about all women and how horrible we are is ridiculous as is looking at the age of a parent instead of the quality of that parent.
And while jumping from bed to bed is a poor situation to have your child in, seeking a good person to be in your life in a healthy way is good for a child because that child just might be able to see that people can have loving, healthy relationships and from that example, hopefully do a better job of choosing a mate/parent than their own mother or father did.
The vast majority of young women who wind up pregnant young do so because their parents do not talk to them enough about sex and the choices they will make if they should find themselves pregnant as a result of their decisions. I recommend that my children do not even date someone in high school if they do not have qualities that they could see themselves married and/or parenting with someone. Does the person do well in school and if school is not their thing, at least intend to graduate and have some sort of goals upon which to build a life? What kind of relationship do they have with the opposite sex parent, do they treat that individual with respect. For my daughter, does the father or stepfather of the boy treat his wife well? I have a friend who got pregnant the first time she slept with her boyfriend. She was around 22, they did marry and are very happy but that is not the norm. My daughter also knows girls that wound up pregnant the first time they had sex or the first time with the new boyfriend. | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 5/25/2009 5:40:56 PM | liebefish and natasha85, you made lemonade from lemons....is that not what life is about?
But this is what I do not understand. Many of these teen girls got pregnant on purpose, and even the ones who got pregnant by accident still CHOSE to have the babies, so they are all in the situation of being teen mothers by choice. Why would they purposefully give themselves "lemons" from which they could make lemonade? Why would they WANT to give themselves a hardship?
Adversity really doesn't remove all the fluff from who we are and exposes us to be exactly who we really are.
Whether you wanted to have babies at such a young age or not in your cases is rather irrlevant because you are assuming responsibility for your choices
Why is it irrelevant? Why should we pat them on the back when they CHOSE to be in this situation? | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 5/26/2009 11:45:58 AM |
They seem to like it for some reason and then come here and act noble for being a masochist.
That, and what's worse is they want society to be more "helpful" to them instead of "judging" them. Well, married adults who have children don't usually ask for extra help from the government and society. If all married couples asked for and received financial assistance, who would be left to be the actual wage earners? | |
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