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| | Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?Page 33 of 34 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34) | | Staying together for the sake of the kid just increases the number of 911 calls for domestic violence. | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 7/25/2012 11:40:47 PM | A local park shuts down at 10pm (curfew for the young ones) All the kids who were active playing sports, etc now choose to go out with their friends.. to do what?
I would blame the local community/system rather than technology. | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 7/26/2012 7:51:11 AM | Your right, it doesn't make the man a loser. Here is what does make the man a loser: Why is the girl on a dating site when she had such an amazing man that got her pregnant? Shouldn't he step up to the plate and make her an honest woman? Where is he now? Lets say that they just decided to not get married and he is supporting her and the child. Do you know of anyone in that situation that is supporting an out of wedlock child and the mom that he got pregnant? If you do know one that is steping up to the plate how many more do you know that are not steping up to the plate. I bet that you would have maybe 5% of guys that would help out if they chose not to get married. With younger guys, and I am only assuming that 19 year old women that have 5 year old kids were with younger guys, I doubt that many of them can support the woman and her child in the first place. They can hardly support themselves.
That does lead us to another point. How many 19 to 25 year old girls with kids do you know that are able to support themselves? I seem to have read that many of them don't make it to college and chances are don't have the kind of job to support themselves at that age. Then again some people seem to think that the men that got them pregnant are decent blokes that will step up to the plate and take care of their new families. | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 7/26/2012 4:28:49 PM | | You're wrong Sanxia.. More men step up then run. Doesn't make it any better that even 1 runs, but regardless of wedding bells men stick around more often then they run, in any age bracket. Although the younger the guy the more likely he is to run, that's just immaturity talking. It's not right, it needs to change, but that's the truth. | |
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Siks6
| | Joined: 7/11/2012
Msg: 805 | |
| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 7/26/2012 4:38:30 PM |
because a child really does need both parents
I disagree on that one. As I stated in another post that I responded too which I believe it was you. It depends on the child ... You cannot speak for ALL children out there. | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 7/27/2012 4:49:30 PM | | A child does need both parents.. doesn't mean that they can't be ok with just one. Fatherless boys and motherless girls really miss the other parent when they are in their teen years especially. There are just somethings I can never teach the boy.. and some things a dad can't really teach a girl. Fatherless girls tend to have issues with men. Motherless boys tend to lack compassion and understanding. | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 7/27/2012 7:15:35 PM |
How many 19 to 25 year old girls with kids do you know that are able to support themselves?
I did it. I worked really hard starting at 19, didnt start out making a lot but we got by,was bringing in an awesome cash flow by 21, and was married, stable, had a good home and life to give my family, and trying for my 2nd child at 24.
My children never went without. Some even say they are spoiled. | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 7/27/2012 7:19:11 PM | | I think it's more accurate to say that children need both male and female role models, not necessarily both parents. For instance, a have a girl buddy that lives with her mom and her daughter. So her daughter only has female role models at home, and her teachers at the elementary school are all female as well. So she will probably not see much that regard until maybe middle/high school, and the damage will surely have already been done. The trend is even worse for boys because girls can associate with women. Boys...not so much. And the way Confuzzled framed it, you'd think that the child always ended up with the opposite sex parent. Obviously the case is that women win the mass majority of custody battles, and the mass majority of people to run from their parental obligations without it even going to court are men. So it's two-fold in that respect. The exposure to male figures depends largely on uncles (if mom has any male siblings), grandfathers (if mom's dad is still around), new boyfriends (when she is ready to expose her child to him). I would say male teachers, but society likes to believe that if you're a man that wants to work with small children, then you're a pedophile. My first male teacher growing up (aside from the PE teacher and the Music teacher ) was in the 5th grade. | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 7/28/2012 7:25:23 AM |
I think it's more accurate to say that children need both male and female role models, not necessarily both parents.
I don't know why people feel the need to downplay the importance of GOOD LOVING parents, and suggest that any old role model will do just as well, except maybe to spare the feelings of those single parents who were ujnfortunate enough, through no fault of their own, to be stuck with a lkousyh situation where they had to get rid of the other parent for sanity and safety. There's no substitute for a GOOD LOVING parent. I realize that some single parents are currently doing the best they can by getting positive role-models in their childrens' lives; but no amount of good teachers, or Scout Masters, or Big Brothers are a substitute for a GOOD LOVING parent. I commend single parentys who are doing the best they can with a lousy situation, but it sickens me to hear this Politically Correct pap about "positive role models" being every bit as good as a GOOD LOVING parent. | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 7/28/2012 9:10:31 AM | ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And the way Confuzzled framed it, you'd think that the child always ended up with the opposite sex parent
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I did? So fatherless boy and motherless girls.. and then I mentioned fatherless girls and motherless boys.. so.. ok. whatever you say.. And yes the trend is they end up with the mom more often then the dad, that fact doesn't negate that kids need both parents or that single father households are on the rise, so we will see more motherless homes in the future.
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I would say male teachers, but society likes to believe that if you're a man that wants to work with small children, then you're a pedophile
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I have never heard this outlook?? Neither did my parents or any of my friends parents! I think I'm glad I don't live where you do! There were male teachers (actual classroom teachers) in my sons elementary school, and there were long lists of boys who wanted to be mentored by them. I can't comment on mine.. I don't remember elementary school, but I know there was a whole bunch of them in my middle school.
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I think it's more accurate to say that children need both male and female role models, not necessarily both parents.
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In a sense yes. Role models are important.. but as has been so eloquently pointed out in numerous posts here and otherwise.. if their not the parent it's not their responsibility. My friends, my brother, my male family members love my son, and will do anything for him, but he's not theirs, so he's not first in their life. Role models are a good second or back-up, but it's not the same. A role model doesn't share everyday life with the child, even a part-time dad, will find himself juggling real life with his child, because kids are inconvenient. If you're just a role model and Johnny gets sick, then bring him home and life goes on. If your the dad and Johnny gets sick on your watch, time to juggle your schedule If something important comes up on daddy's watch, then the child learns how to deal with that. if it happens while with a role model, the the child is most likely brought home. Kids learn how to deal with real life through their parents. In most cases men will handle just about every situation differently then woman, so it's important to have both parents around, so the kids can see this. Role models are a good thing, but they do not replace a parent. My son has a few male role models in his life, they do not discipline when he acts up, they bring him home, they always do super fun stuff and end the day with ice cream, that is not reality, they always talk to him and listen to him, which is good, however they don't necessarily give advice I would condone, which in theory would be different if it was his father as in theory we would have an idea of what the other parents expectations are. I mean jeez, I had to tel the one guy that if my son starts talking about having sex or doing drugs or drinking or smoking or running away then he needs to tell me. He thought that would be confidential and he didn't wanna break the bonds of trust with himself and my son. Seriously? The men that are in my sons life are great wonderful people, but it's not the same and it doesn't replace having his actual father around.
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don't know why people feel the need to downplay the importance of GOOD LOVING parents, and suggest that any old role model will do just as well, except maybe to spare the feelings of those single parents who were ujnfortunate enough, through no fault of their own, to be stuck with a lkousyh situation where they had to get rid of the other parent for sanity and safety. There's no substitute for a GOOD LOVING parent. I realize that some single parents are currently doing the best they can by getting positive role-models in their childrens' lives; but no amount of good teachers, or Scout Masters, or Big Brothers are a substitute for a GOOD LOVING parent. I commend single parentys who are doing the best they can with a lousy situation, but it sickens me to hear this Politically Correct pap about "positive role models" being every bit as good as a GOOD LOVING parent.
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Absolutely correct! My son is involved in all of those organizations and it's not the same. Defaulting to role models is not something you use as an excuse for an absentee parent. Not to mention. Scouts are expensive and you have to qualify based on income for big brothers and then wait until they find a "match" which doesn't always mean a "match".. they're not anything like having the other parent around. My son also knows that these men, while they are good people, are not his father and he knows it and he can feel the difference. | |
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Siks6
| | Joined: 7/11/2012
Msg: 811 | |
| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 7/28/2012 9:43:25 AM | | I still think it boils down to the child and what circumstances are involved. My boy for example, never had a mom and never will have one. Its been him and I only since birth. So.. that being said. He doesn't know any different or have any feelings towards something that he never had to begin with. It is completely different if a parent leaves later on in their kid(s) life, that I do understand if the child feels like their is something missing. So all in all, kids that are in the same boat as my boy really don't need a secondary parent at all... | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 7/28/2012 1:20:25 PM |
So all in all, kids that are in the same boat as my boy really don't need a secondary parent at all...
Your situation is very unusual. It does not suggest that children do not do better with both parents, if both parents are relatively well-adjusted, non-headcase material (surprisingly, this is most parents, in spite of what some would have us believe). | |
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Siks6
| | Joined: 7/11/2012
Msg: 813 | |
| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 7/28/2012 2:24:09 PM |
Your situation is very unusual. It does not suggest that children do not do better with both parents, if both parents are relatively well-adjusted, non-headcase material
I'm not saying who would do better than who. I am just implying that there is no need for a woman/mother figure or whatever you call it in my situation.... | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 7/28/2012 2:52:00 PM |
don't know why people feel the need to downplay the importance of GOOD LOVING parents
Because when you get knocked up by a loser, chances are that they aren't a "good loving" parent. So you make lemonade. Obviously, the -best- scenario is to have 2 involved parents, but when that can't happen, you just do what you can.
I have never heard this outlook?? Neither did my parents or any of my friends parents! I think I'm glad I don't live where you do!
You live in Colorado Springs. I lived off of Flintridge and Academy for most of my life. I was class of 02 at Palmer High school.
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/story?id=5670187&page=1#.UBRTpmEe4Qo
"…I was okay with our teacher assignment until I realized that not only is my son's new teacher a man, (wait for it Mitch McDad, don't get your boxers in a bunch just yet), he is also young and single! What's a young single dude doing teaching fourth grade anyway?!""
http://www.seattlepi.com/local/article/It-s-elementary-Male-teachers-rare-1190340.php
At one of his first jobs in New York, male teachers were expected to keep the door to their classrooms open at all times -- an unwritten policy that didn't apply to female teachers.
In another teaching job, parents complained to his bosses that his hair was too long.
"There's just that extra eyebrow that gets raised, or someone who wants to sit in (on the class) the first week," he said. "People, point blank, would say, 'Why exactly do you want to spend time with children?' "
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/national/time-to-lead/part-2-the-endangered-male-teacher/article4330079/
The most troubling deterrent men cite is the fear that society - for historical reasons - is suspicious of a man who enjoys working with young children. And a new study from Nipissing, where researchers have delved into the male-teacher shortage, suggests the fear is warranted.
In a recent survey of 223 male elementary teachers in Ontario, nearly 13 per cent reported they had been wrongly accused of inappropriate contact with pupils.
The study, to be published in the McGill Journal of Education, found the incidents ranged from a male teacher chastised for holding the hand of a female student to more serious accusations that took weeks to resolve.
http://www.edutopia.org/male-teacher-shortage
"If you started paying teachers $150,000 per year, you'd see a lot of guys going into the field," admits Bryan Nelson, founder of MenTeach. Other key reasons behind the male-teacher shortage, according to MenTeach, is the stereotype that teaching is "women's work," as well as possible fears of lawsuits around accusations of sexual abuse of children.
(out of the comments section)
Excuse my cynicism here, but I've personally been told by numerous teachers that they would not want a man teaching their lower-elementary-age child and that the parents in their respective districts don't want them. They've even gone so far as to say that if their child were assigned to a male teacher they would demand that their child be assigned to a female teacher.
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As a certified teacher in Elementary, I think unless the issue of discrimination against hiring is addressed by the EEOC then there will ALWAYS be a shortage of male teachers on the elementary level. Here is Florida, there is an attitude that by principals never hire a male teacher then they never have to worry about any child in the school being molested. That assumes that all men are potentially molesters. | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 7/28/2012 3:12:47 PM | ~~~~~~
Because when you get knocked up by a loser, chances are that they aren't a "good loving" parent. So you make lemonade. Obviously, the -best- scenario is to have 2 involved parents, but when that can't happen, you just do what you can.
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But that's not what you said the first time. It's not more accurate to say they need good role model.. it's more accurate to say they need their parents. And it's not an excuse or and out for the deadbeat parent.
As for the other stuff.. this isn't where I'm from. I just got here, so perhaps I don't know the local stereotypes. The people I do know here don't share that opinion. I'm sure the reason is that teaching is considered a female profession that men are just starting to break into. I guess they will encounter similar issues and encounter similar roadblocks as women did when they tried to enter in male dominated professions. I, however, don't share those prejudices nor does anyone I know. I asked for male teachers for my son whenever possible. Just goes to show how ignorant and judgmental people can be. That's what needs to change. | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 7/28/2012 7:07:12 PM | But that's not what you said the first time. It's not more accurate to say they need good role model.. it's more accurate to say they need their parents. And it's not an excuse or and out for the deadbeat parent.
I was trying to keep the mindset under the premise of the whole "single mothers aged 18-22." I'd reason to say that the majority of the mothers in that age range have minimal involvement from [loser] dad.
Those links I posted aren't localized to Colorado, or even your personal network. They're from all over the country.
I don't know if I would say men are "just stepping into" the profession, seeing how the first universities and the Library of Alexandria were ran by men. But this is getting a little off base.
umm....
Single mothers aged 18-22...there are lots of them. | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 7/30/2012 4:59:43 PM |
don't know why people feel the need to downplay the importance of GOOD LOVING parents
Because when you get knocked up by a loser, chances are that they aren't a "good loving" parent. So you make lemonade. Obviously, the -best- scenario is to have 2 involved parents, but when that can't happen, you just do what you can.
I guess my difficulty is the "any old role models will do" attitude, that makes it so easy to dismiss the importance of a solid family. | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 7/30/2012 5:06:14 PM |
I guess my difficulty is the "any old role models will do" attitude, that makes it so easy to dismiss the importance of a solid family.
Not quite. In the absence of a loving spouse-bio-parent in the family, male role models are selected quite carefully.
I would not take any dude off the street and ask him to "be there as a role-model" for my children.
My childrens male role models consist of my Father, my Mothers new Husband, my Significant Other, and my late Husband's family members, Close friends & colleauges, our pastor and the fathers who volunteer for our church. These are amazing people who have much to offer a child in the way of love and guidance. | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 7/30/2012 6:22:40 PM | ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I guess my difficulty is the "any old role models will do" attitude, that makes it so easy to dismiss the importance of a solid family
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If this were true there wouldn't be so many single unattached women.. It's not hard to meet a man and be with him, what's hard is meeting man with substance who you have something in common with, get along with and can fall in love with and having him reciprocate those feelings. That is the problem regardless of parental status. | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 7/30/2012 10:43:05 PM |
It's not hard to meet a man and be with him
what's hard is meeting man with substance who you have something in common with, get along with and can fall in love with and having him reciprocate those feelings. That is the problem regardless of parental status
The problem is that too many women end up missing out on a lot of "men with substance" because they ended up with a loser in the first place...
Maybe if more women were a bit more discerning in who they pick, sleep with and or get impregnated by, they'd spend less time with a loser, or as a single mom raising a loser's kid(s)... and have more time to meet that "man of substance" and not have the problems in the first place... | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 7/31/2012 5:02:49 PM | ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The problem is that too many women end up missing out on a lot of "men with substance" because they ended up with a loser in the first place...
Maybe if more women were a bit more discerning in who they pick, sleep with and or get impregnated by, they'd spend less time with a loser, or as a single mom raising a loser's kid(s)... and have more time to meet that "man of substance" and not have the problems in the first place...
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Perhaps.. but i know just as many childfree single women as I do those with kids and actually know more married or remarried single moms then I do childfree women. So it seems the trouble is finding a match rather then it having to do with your parental status. | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 7/31/2012 11:36:11 PM | Yes, there are quite a few of us young single mothers out there. I was 18 when I got pregnant. I could have had an abortion and killed an innocent person. I could have put him up for adoption instead of being the bigger person and raising him on my own. The guy I was with wasn't necessarily a loser, either. He was much older than I and actually recently divocred because he and his wife were unable to have children. When we found out I was pregnant, we discussed the options and, at the time, I was leaning more towards having an abortion and continuing with my life. But there was a little voice in the back of my head that kept telling me to keep the baby. So I did. We fought endlessly over it and he turned out to be a cruel person, saying things that should never be said to anyone. Yes, I live with my parents because it would be incredibly irresponsible of me to live on my own on my salary and "mooch off the system", because that's clearly what ALL young single mothers do. No, I just know my limitations and my parents have never once told me that they feel I'm taking advantage of them by living here. I don't leave my son other than when I go to work so it's not like I go out and party every weekend and am a drunk, slobbering mess. I do work a full-time job. I do put in the hours and it is rough. There are so many days that I wonder if I made the right decision. Then I come home to my son and all my questions are answered. Yes, I did.
No, I was NOT content to becoming a mother at such a young age but who dares turn their back on a miracle? Some of the best things in our lives are completely unplanned, yet do we scorn it because society says we are too young? No? I didn't think so. | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 8/2/2012 11:10:34 PM |
. The guy I was with wasn't necessarily a loser, either. He was much older than I
so let's see now, not a loser, but older, taking advantage of a younger girl, and then " We fought endlessly over it and he turned out to be a cruel person, saying things that should never be said to anyone. "
And obviously he's no longer with you after knocking you up....
Ok, I give up, how do YOU describe a "loser"....?
Seems to me the guy was a classic example based on what you posted... | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 8/2/2012 11:14:35 PM |
Perhaps.. but i know just as many childfree single women as I do those with kids and actually know more married or remarried single moms then I do childfree women.
Ok, how is a "married or remarried single mom" a single mom??????? Once they are married or remarried they are by definition no longer "single"....
So it seems the trouble is finding a match rather then it having to do with your parental status.
Maybe the single childless ones are smarter and more discerning in their choices... | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 8/3/2012 1:04:23 AM | The problem is that too many women end up missing out on a lot of "men with substance" because they ended up with a loser in the first place...
Maybe if more women were a bit more discerning in who they pick, sleep with and or get impregnated by, they'd spend less time with a loser, or as a single mom raising a loser's kid(s)... and have more time to meet that "man of substance" and not have the problems in the first place... ~m_church~
^^^That's quite an interesting theory that is not at all related to the thread title...but since you went there let's take that arguement and spin in and turn it into an entirely different direction.
The problem is that there are way too many young men who have not had adequate role models in their lives.
If we were to disect the issue and really look into the problem, I would say that even now society excuses young men from their "indiscretions" even if a girl were to become pregnant.
Gone are the shotgun weddings (we should seriously think about shotgun child support hearings though) and so are the honourable intentions when it comes to men treating women like ladies.
Instead our society is still condoning boys, by letting them use and and allow them to continue treating young girls like whores. Who pays?...YOU...and ME...Trust me in the end peeps...these kids we are raising in this generation will be responsible for our rights and care
They will pass down their hate and disrespect to the next generatiion..and the next...The attitude HAS to change!
I certainly hope all you guys have enough money stashed for a good retirement home to make sure that the attitude you guys continue to perpetuate does not come back to literally bite your ass when your older because your sitting in your filled up diapers...
Before you judge church...look into the mirror, because I am quite certain that your mother, grandmother would not like the terms or implied comments you have made on this thread.
Single Parents account for 1/3 of the voting population. I wonder how the vote will shake out in the next 25 years if people continue to refer to mother's as being "loosers" because they made the choice to keep their baby.
Meet your next generation peeps...the numbers are great and the annomosity is continually perpetuating! | |
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