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| | Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?Page 4 of 34 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34) | hipmomma, you stated that you "live off of the state but not out of choice. You don't want to put your children in full time childcare, you want to enjoy them."
I disagree very strongly with your statement. Everything you've done is a choice. You married young, (to someone you thought was decent but turned out not to be.)had children young, your marriage failed, and now you live off of the state. Those are ALL choices.
Not many of us would "choose" to put our children in care, we "all" want to "enjoy them", but we see it as our responsibility to financially contribute to the lives that we've "chosen" to create. I work, I have a very young son, and I still very much enjoy him. Standing on your own two feet, as you've stated "can be" easier said than done, but it can still be done, and very well at that. | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 2/5/2009 9:48:15 PM | well i can see jaxi  but to be honest you have to ask and wonder why they have kid by that age well they have that life i guess they choose that way but none told them to get knocked up at that age | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 2/5/2009 10:44:39 PM | ^^^Lmao, yes they do i tended bar in one. The lithe tan barbie-type blondes pulled in over a a grand a night easy. Moreso if they could get real acrobatic and shimmy up to the ceiling and back down on the pole. I learned some good moves to (try on my love in private), watching those girls, AND banked at the same time. I miss those days.
Working with crazy strippers was interesting. | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 2/6/2009 1:59:40 PM | | The OP and all the other posters who deem it a good way to spend time pointing finger at others and having a rant about what others do wrong would do much better sorting out their own lives. | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 2/6/2009 4:37:48 PM |
My point is why are so many young women having kids at an age where they aren't fully adults yet?
Things happen.
And it's really not your place to judge anyone; you don't know WHY it happened, or if they're married, if they were trying, if they're slutty, or if they were raped or whatever else. You don't know the circumstance so you can't really get an answer to really cover that. It doesn't really matter to me anyway, I think it depends on maturity. | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 2/6/2009 5:28:20 PM | It's natural for them to have children at that age, it is considered their 'prime' by the majority. Some scientists may claim the perfect age is 28 or so, but I was born by a mother that was 24 and I had distinct advantages over my elder brothers who were born years early (when my mother was 16)- however, I don't really agree with it purely for the fact that I'm JEALOUS, yes, I said it, of women MY age having children, and I don't. They often wanna date me too, in fact I have several "single parent moms" in my inbox right now... and quite frankly, I don't really want to take care of another mother****er's kid. =)
So I'm definitely against it, even if it's quite natural. | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 2/6/2009 7:09:33 PM | In a nutshell, way too many options at that age with no sense of responsibility.
North Americans are used to the 25+ for having kids, but in europe and asia 19 is not at all yonge. Its a matter of perspective.
For me the why part is more important.
..seen it, do it syndrome
..lack of sex education by family and/or schools
..lack of responsibility actions=negative consequences
..NO self esteem
..didn't learn a sense of "what Iam worth"
I must say I thank God every day that I have boys. | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 2/7/2009 2:23:54 AM | jaxi - let me rephrase as it seems my point hasn't quite come across right. When i say it isnt a choice, i simply mean that at this point in time, if i turned down the benefits I was on, I would be homeless, and I would lose my children. If you have no money, no job and no childcare provision in place what else can you do?
My youngest child is 7 months. And I am now looking to go into full time employment. In fairness many women haven't returned to work yet with their children at that age.
With regard to enjoying my children, I don;t know about your situation, whether you son goes away at weekends to see his father or if you are with him etc? But every other weekend my children all go to their father, so I will get very little time with them once i do return to work.
But as i said before, its not ideal or easy, but i am trying to do it. At least im not sat here on my backside not trying, content to live off others indefinately just because i can? | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 2/7/2009 8:29:49 AM | hipmomma I don't think I realized that your youngest is only 7 months old.. In all fairness I wasn't working at that point either, but was still on mat leave. I am fortunate in that I have found work that pays full time wages for part time hours, enabling me to spend quite a lot of time with my children.
I'm not sure what kind of field you're in, but if it's something that doesn't pay as well as you'd like, is there the opportunity for grants or loans to return to school for something more profitable? | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 2/8/2009 9:14:32 AM | | I've read pretty much all of the comments and I agree with the thinking that Jaxi said to bigmomma. It should be giving support also to the ones that have gone through many struggles but darn love is blind and we at times don't know where it will lead. | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 2/8/2009 10:46:36 AM | Jaxi,
I have thought about what you said:
Sadly in some ways, I am twice the Mother to my youngest son than I was for my eldest, at that age.
I had my second child at the age of 23 and I felt far better equipped than for my first one. For me, it had to do with already having an experience of being a mother, knowing which bits I could do with doing differently etc. And I have heard from some women who became mothers for the first time around the age of 30 and they found it quite difficult.
But overall, yes I am of course far more mature than back in my early 20s and mentally more fit to be a mother. Physically - not so sure, I had problems already in my 20s with my second one. I know two women who became mothers for the first time at the age of 40 and one had to have hormonal injections given for the whole duration of her first pregnancy and her second child was born prematurely. The other woman's child was born with an orthopaedic problem (legs in some sort of apparatus). | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 2/8/2009 11:14:15 AM | That's a very interesting thought Pixie. Of course I still believe that I'm more mature at 34 than I was at 21. (At least I *hope* so!!) :) But your comments about being a "second time Mother" might have been right on cue as well. I remember thinking that with my second son, I wasn't ready to jump at the advice given of the first well meaning physician or relative. I am more conscious of wanting time to "slow down" because I am all too aware of how quickly time passed with my first son, and how suddenly he went from being 3 years old to almost 14, and I don't know what happened to the years in between.
But lastly, I believe that in the early year's of my first son's life, I was still very relationship focused. I "wanted" to find someone to share my life with, grow a family with.......and now.......I am the least relationship focused that I've ever been in my entire life. I am very contented with just living life with my children, focusing on career goals, etc. I had a certain feeling of "bliss" upon the birth of my second son, almost a peaceful feeling....perhaps with knowing that I was "finished" with having children, and blessed to have been able to have 2 healthy happy boys. | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 2/8/2009 11:20:52 AM | I had my second child at the age of 23 and I felt far better equipped than for my first one. For me, it had to do with already having an experience of being a mother, knowing which bits I could do with doing differently etc. And I have heard from some women who became mothers for the first time around the age of 30 and they found it quite difficult.
But overall, yes I am of course far more mature than back in my early 20s and mentally more fit to be a mother. Physically - not so sure, I had problems already in my 20s with my second one. I know two women who became mothers for the first time at the age of 40 and one had to have hormonal injections given for the whole duration of her first pregnancy and her second child was born prematurely. The other woman's child was born with an orthopaedic problem (legs in some sort of apparatus).
I have to agree with this -
I'm a better mother at 23 than I was when my son was a born, but really...she's my second, regardless of my age. I know what's going on now. I don't have to worry about stigma from anyone I give a rat's a** about, and I'm more confident in my mothering abilities in general. I did my research into what I feel is right with my first, so I'm more educated now.
The same thing has been echoed by mothers of ALL ages....better parenting generally comes with subsequent children.
I'm sure maturity plays a role, but everyone has a different starting point. If you're relatively mature at 18, added maturity at 40 wouldn't make an impact on your ability to be a parent. Whereas, relative immaturity could make a huge impact.
I could have been a better parent if I was more mature, I'm sure. But my son is absolutely fine, and I was, by no means, ever a *bad* parent.
I read this when the thread first started and I just noticed it again and I have to comment:
I guess I don't understand this statement. How can kids NOT make the responsible decision NOT to have sex? Kids/teenagers are not stupid. They hear the statistics. They have sex education classes in school. Where are THEIR parents when it comes to morality issues?
Kids/teenagers ARE stupid. I love how people tend to flip-flop on the amount of intelligence they're willing to give younger people. When it suits them, youth are morons. When it suits them, youth are mature, mini-adults.
As a teenager, I was a flipping idiot. Statistics mean nothing to a kid/teenager, because it will *never* happen to them. Besides the fact that you may be overestimating the quality of sex ed that's reaching children.
Biologically, it's not uncommon for teenager's decision making capabilities to not be completely developed, but they're overloaded with the charge to make their own responsible decisions. Scary, scary combination.
Then you've got the parents who won't let their children mature so they can *protect,* them, and are totally surpised when the child makes an immature decision. | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 2/8/2009 1:36:03 PM | i think if us single mothers chose to have children early on it dosnt make us bad people i had my 1st at 17 2nd at 18 and my baby at 22 and i am a good mother who loves my children more than anything in the world!
i also have a good job and am training to be a solicitor while looking after 3 children 5 and under who need for nothing we have a lovely home and a close relationship with each other so i think it is old fashiond and very inconsiderate to say its desturbing think of our feelings and what we go through before oppiniating us. | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 2/8/2009 4:03:59 PM | So many young men are not held accountable for what they do. Alot of them won't step up to the plate and take responsibility for the children.
I still see too many men in their 30s and 40s at home with their mommy and mommy still spoon feeding(supporting) them. | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 2/8/2009 4:05:47 PM |
Kids can't make the responsible decision not to have sex
See, to me, therein lies the crux of the matter: the erroneous belief that teens must practice abstinence, that it is the ONLY responsible decision. Teens are going to have sex. There is no way around that, and anyone who thinks differently is burying their head in the sand. The RESPONSIBLE thing, as a parent, is to educate your children about sex, contraception, and disease LONG before they learn about it either in junior high or the hard way. The more people try to shove abstinence down their kids' throat, the more likely they are to rebel, and the less inclined they'll be to have open, honest discussions about what's troubling them with their parents. | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 2/8/2009 4:16:23 PM |
The more people try to shove abstinence down their kids' throat, the more likely they are to rebel, and the less inclined they'll be to have open, honest discussions about what's troubling them with their parents.
I agree 100%. Growing up in a Baptist home and Christian schools, there was no sex education, other than being told not to do it.
I wasn't necessarily "rebelling" when I started having sex. I was at the typical age where people begin making their own decisions, and I was "in love" with my boyfriend who was also raised the same way. I wasn't even sure how sex worked, much less how to prevent pregnancy. And, there was no WAY I could get on the pill. My mother would have fallen over dead.
We thought withdrawal was the best birth control method ever! 
Like the saying goes - You can tell your children to stay away from the pool, but don't forget to teach them to swim! | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 2/9/2009 6:56:23 AM | Ok.. OP.. are you ready.. this is a tough one..
We had sex.. to young.. and didn't take proper precautions or had it not work, or thought we were in love, got married to young and it didn't work out.
I know that's a lot to understand.. Do you need a break now???
Sheesh... | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 2/9/2009 7:52:48 AM | Q - Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
A - Because they are so innocent and have no clue what they are getting themselves into It's called the age of innocence! I think it is bad parenting and up-bringing as well. They watch and learn and nose dive in their teensFew aspire to be contributors to society. The rest strive to put a strain on the economic functioning.
On a funnier note, it's hilarious to see then hop onto a school bus with strollers
From the frying pan, into the fire! | |
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| Why are there so many young single mothers aged 18-22?
Posted: 2/9/2009 11:01:25 AM | I would LOVE to have gone back uni this year, but unfortunatly alongside my marriage ending I also had to give up my degree. Subsequently I won't be offered any more funding, and at £3.5k a year now it's catch 22. I'm restarting my OU degree tho is October hopefully, in Psychology. Im looking to work in public services, prisons, education facilities. Anything people based really, obviously now I don't have many qualifications to back me up, so I won't get anything very well paid right away. Although I did apply for a job today, actually working for the JobCentre, and that pays enough that I will actually be slightly better off than I am now. (Although not a lot, it isnt really suprising how many people do just choose to stay on benefits as it is made very easy to do so! - I for the record dont want to!!!) Fingers crossed, I should hear in about 10 days whether or not I have made it through the initial sift!
:) | |
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