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| Do most women hate sex, and only do it to please men?
Posted: 1/3/2009 6:21:48 PM | I like the honesty wildman, but I'm curious to know how men not allow the emotional attachment?
How can you keep "tapping that ass" and not get attached? what do you do different?
Sex is just one element of the journey to attachment for me. If I know upfront that it's not going any further that sex, I would never allow myself to get close enough to become attached. It really is not that hard to become detached from the act if you seriously put your mind to it.
Wildman...Wildman....Wildman.... You love to stir the pot dont you?
I thought that's what these forums are for, makes for great discussions. | |
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| Do most women hate sex, and only do it to please men?
Posted: 1/3/2009 6:21:48 PM | OP, any man who thinks he has women "figured out" is a fool. They're mysterious, and the enigma is part of the attraction.
That being said, in my experience, in terms of online dating, there are 4 primary categories that I've encountered.
1. the "bitter and angry" and "not dating", who post a lot, seeking validation of their bitterness. Often such women are "afraid" of "rejection", so tell themselves that they "choose" not to date, because of "what's wrong with men". Some were abused, and think protecting themselves, means that they must "control" their fears, by "controlling" any man who might be interested. Generally, men who will willingly subject themselves to being "controlled" are not the men that they'd be interested in. So, they don't really date, and blame men for that, rather than owning their own experiences.
2. Almost a corollary to group one, are those women, who have allowed themselves to become virtually "undateable", and instead of changing things that they can do, they accuse men of being "shallow". Since they, like group #1 aren't dating, they theorize about what they'd do, if they were dating.
3. those who have lost interest in, or never had, much of a sex drive. Often, rather than admitting that, they propose some complicated paradigm, that holds sex out at the end of some long series of hoops a man must jump through first. Like group #2, there may not be many "takers", for which they will blame men, proclaiming that they're "just out for sex".
4. The vast majority of women, who view dating as an exploration of intimacy, both emotional and sexual, with a man, who they like and find attractive. Of course, most women dare not express their view, out of fear of the vocal amongst groups #1, #2, #3 jumping on them, with name calling and criticism.
In my experience, real life dating, whether from online or in real life, does not exhibit a whole lot of conflict over sex in a dating relationship between 2 mature adults. The forums can paint a false picture of the "normal" female perspective, IMO. | |
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| Do most women hate sex, and only do it to please men?
Posted: 1/3/2009 6:27:43 PM |
Do most women hate sex, and only do it to please men?
Not if the guys are doing it right.
Pythagorus, as you so confidently put women in 4 major boxes...what about the emotionally available, successful, intelligent, attractive woman who just happens to be selective in her choice of partner??? Or is that someone that wouldnt pick you anyway? | |
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| Do most women hate sex, and only do it to please men?
Posted: 1/3/2009 6:33:05 PM |
Pythagorus, as you so confidently put women in 4 major boxes....what about the emotionally availabe, successful, intelligent, attractive woman who just happens to be selective in her choice of partners??? Or is that someone that wouldn't pick you anyways
And the hits just keep on coming. I am sure Pythagorous will want to respond after he recovers from that smackdown. | |
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| Do most women hate sex, and only do it to please men?
Posted: 1/3/2009 6:39:34 PM | Sex is just one element of the journey to attachment for me. If I know upfront that it's not going any further that sex, I would never allow myself to get close enough to become attached. It really is not that hard to become detached from the act if you seriously put your mind to it.
OP ... Thats the way I feel ... I know that may affend a lot of women and maybe some men ...
I wanna ask you ... Why do atleast some men still feel that if a woman thinks that way then she is not a woman ? ... Its like even if the guy just wants sex he is still exspecting the woman to be a cling-on because they had sex ... I dont get it ...
Do guys think that women have to be a cling-on and are not allowed to enjoy sex like they do ? ...
Do guys think there is something wrong with him if she dont ? ... Cause thats not it at all ...
AnglFlyn
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vedin
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Joined: 9/25/2008
Msg: 31 | |
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| Do most women hate sex, and only do it to please men?
Posted: 1/3/2009 6:52:00 PM | Do guys think that a woman have to be a cling-on and are not allowed to enjoy sex like they do?
I can't speak for other men, But the woman I am having sex with should be having just as much fun at it as I'm, I want her to be having just as much fun as I'm, Her having fun is a huge turn on for me, Who the hell want to be having sex with a rock?. Most of the time once I drop the hammer, I'm ringing her bell.
The best sex is with someone your in love with
I wonder if that's why I keep asking my right hand to be exclusive? | |
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| Do most women hate sex, and only do it to please men?
Posted: 1/3/2009 6:52:23 PM |
The best sex is with someone your in love with.
That is not necessarily true. I presume many want it to be...but great sex can happen with someone you are not in love with just as easily as with the one you love, the experience can be lacking in that department. It might be true that the best "relationship" is with the one you are in love with....but it will likely be only in part due to sex. | |
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| Do most women hate sex, and only do it to please men?
Posted: 1/3/2009 7:03:02 PM | Really there are women like you out there? Then how do you explain this constant barrage of whiney" I was used and kicked to the curb after he got what he wanted" threads I see in the forums 100 times a day?.
Because, my dear wild man.... if we get kicked to the curb, then we have to start all freakin' over with someone new...and we aren't going to be gettng any sex until we do.
See, it's exactly the opposite of what you think. We aren't bitching b/c we had sex with the guy...we are bitching because we had sex and now we don't get to have any more sex. LOL (ok I"m speaking ONLY for myself here)
And *I* for one find sex to be far better after the first 1-3 times with a guy... so if I have sex with him a few times and then he ditches me...well that's just when he had finally found my love buttons. So dang it he's leaving before he's a really good lover. What the hell good does that do me?
And...I am a perfect example. I truly love sex...love love love it. Lots and lots of it. And I started up w/a guy I met in real life...and yes we had sex about 3 times. Pretty good sex...and yes it got better each time.
He was supposed to come over tonight. It's been over a week since I've seen him. I was making dinner, was excited. Got all prepped for it. Bubble bath, perfume, shaved all the important areas, wore a new shirt, with my new jewelry. Dancing around the freakin kitchen in a really good mood.
Then he freakin' blows me off to go out w/his buds to the bars.
Totally deflates me. But then the kicker...oh yeah, he needs *space*, didn't want to tell me. He was the one who even suggested tonight! And last night on IM, he said all sorts of nice stuff about how much he likes being with me.
So...used and abused? Nah. But blown off? Yes. Am I pissed off? Yes. Very very much. Becasue we all know what "space" means.
Now, he really did nothing outright wrong - we weren't dating...we were "hanging out" or "hooking up"...but I sorta figured being this early, we were also still getting to know each other and tonight was supposed to be part of that...to see if there's more.
BUT...getting ditched after he got some sex? And now I am back at square one? That royally sucks...he ditched me JUST when I was starting to get into a groove with him...to really enjoy his company, and sex w/him.
Is he an aszhole? No...more or less typical. I told him, flat out, if he had told me he needed "space" a few days ago, then I wouldn't have been upset. It was making plans and then blowing me off at the very freakin last minute (as I was stirring the dang spaghetti sauce) that really, really hurt me.
All he had to do was say "Hey i've enjoyed spending time w/you (aka sex) but I'm really not ready to jump into seeing you on a regular basis, a little too much like a relationship" and I would have been fine with it. Disappointed, but fine. Instead I feel like yet another guy has duped me and made me feel worthless...like crap.
I am still seeing Dk who I've been seeing "nonexclusively" for the last 4 months...but there are some problems there as well and getting to know this new guy was hopefully part of my emotionally separating from Dk. Geez...I was actually telling Dk about tonight and he says "wow, he's more of an aszhole than I am". Um, yep. Nailed that one. So it's not like poor me is all alone in the world...it's not that. It's just that I did like new guy and was sorta hoping we would continue "seeing" each other and perhaps even decide to formally date maybe (and become exclusive at that point). I had high hopes...didn't see this one coming.
So... no I don't have sex to please men. I have sex because I love it. and when I get dumped after having sex w/a new partner, it's not that I feel "used and abused", it's that it sucks that I don't get to continue having sex w/the new partner. LOL
Kaylie...who wil probably regret opening up this much come morning... | |
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| Do most women hate sex, and only do it to please men?
Posted: 1/3/2009 7:24:27 PM | Pythagorus, as you so confidently put women in 4 major boxes...what about the emotionally available, successful, intelligent, attractive woman who just happens to be selective in her choice of partner??? Or is that someone that wouldnt pick you anyway?
I'd put such women, primarily into category 4, based on my experience. Selective would be a normal expectation for anyone, who is reasonbly confident, and has something to offer. The OP didn't complain about women, who choose not to date him. Nor would I.
Speaking of which, I'm perfectly satisfied with my experience in dating post divorce. Thanks for asking. | |
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vedin
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Joined: 9/25/2008
Msg: 36 | |
| Do most women hate sex, and only do it to please men?
Posted: 1/3/2009 7:27:55 PM | Well I suppose its different strokes for different folks and what you are saying is valid.
By way of explanation from my point of view I will attempt to define what I mean by being in love.
Love entails a combination of elements; physical attraction, emotional attachment, sensitivity to a partners desires and that sensitivity being reciprocated. There exists a comfortable intimacy and trust that allows open communication where both participants are happy to express their desires in an unselfconscious manner. In short the notion of trust is there and with trust comes joy.
There is the crucial element of romance (a word not used much in these forums), which enhances the experience of being with someone in and out of bed, to a marvellous degree. For me there is nothing more wonderful than spending a day with the one I love; walking, talking, sharing activities and culminating in blissful physical intimacy beneath the sheets. It’s the total package that does it for me.
Simply having sex without romantic intimacy just doesn’t do it for me- so I don’t bother with that any more.
I wonder if that's why I asked my right hand for a commitment.
You don’t need to ask-your right hand; iit’s your obedient slave!
but great sex can happen with someone you are not in love with just as easily as with the one you love,
Agreed but great sex is not the best sex! But I know what you are getting at.
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| Do most women hate sex, and only do it to please men?
Posted: 1/3/2009 7:42:25 PM | Re the Opost
I do not buy that "emotional attachment" stuff either. In most cases, it mean a dependency culture/psychology. Two people can have sex with a strong emotional bond but not be in any rush to turn it into a commitment or LTR potential thing. And not as many men go for "sex with emotion" as it is claimed (except of course for robots). Plus many more women engage in the occasional 1 nite stand than they care to admit. But many people, men and women, have sex with people they like, not merely perform a bodily function!
But myths are potent. | |
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| Do most women hate sex, and only do it to please men?
Posted: 1/3/2009 7:58:51 PM | A long long time ago in a land far far away a group of heterosexual males in positions of power confided in one another that to get fvcked by a****would be degrading, humiliating and painful therefore no one would want that and anyone who got that was in a state of sacrifice, gift giving, martyrdom. This is where the myth that women don't like sex came from.
Being the recipient of male sexuality is degrading to everyone.*
What woman would want to suck c0ck? Be taken roughly? Be penetrated brutally?
None.
Therefore those who indulge these desires of men are giving, understanding, loving, sacrificial, martyr type folks. It also puts men in the position of always having to pay for sex. If she gives it, then he owes. This is perhaps why some women don't want to give up this stance. As long as he owes she has control over him. She has power in the relationship.
"After all I did for you, I let you take me, penetrate me, do wicked things to me, the least you could do is pay the bills, take all the blame if something is uncomfortable and do all the icky jobs, now give me some money I'm going shopping, oh and I'm taking your car, one of those little lights is on on my dash and you told me not to drive it when that happens. Buh bye."
It's an old, old construct.
*This same kind of thinking is prevalent in medicine as well. If a man had blood gushing from his d!ck he'd be pretty darn sick. If his belly and breasts swelled up and a human being popped out of his d!ck he'd be pretty darn sick. If milk gushed from his breasts he'd be pretty darn sick. And so on and so forth infinitely. This is why normal, healthy female functions are tended to by physicians and described with words like "symptoms" and why uteruses and ovaries are routinely yanked for "dysmenorrhea" and yet men who are dying from prostate cancer die with their testicles intact. | |
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| Do most women hate sex, and only do it to please men?
Posted: 1/3/2009 8:07:39 PM | OP ... I can't speak for other men, But the woman I am having sex with should be having just as much fun at it as I'm, I want her to be having just as much fun as I'm, Her having fun is a huge turn on for me, Who the hell want to be having sex with a rock?. Most of the time once I drop the hammer, I'm ringing her bell.
Thats the way I see it too ... The guy getting off over and over is a HUGE turn on ...
In my earlier post I was thinking about what was said to me years ago and I am thinking MAYBE the guys were feeling that because I didnt "cling" to them afterwards it hurt them and they thought something was wrong with them thus they took it out on me in a very hateful way ...
There is no sex better than making love
I wonder if that's why I keep asking my right hand to be exclusive?
My reply ... I agree that making luv is the best sex but just sex is SO MUCH FUN ... Maybe I should ask bob to make it exclusive .... oops where is he ? I think I dumped his sorry plastic wanna be shaft in the closet ... lol ... He isnt any good with out a man ... lol ...
kaliecat ... I liked reading your post ... You were just telling it the way you feel about sex and relationships ...
AnglFlyn | |
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| Do most women hate sex, and only do it to please men?
Posted: 1/3/2009 8:22:33 PM | Yes most normal woman enjoy sex just as much as men do. But there are times when one wants to experiement in something that may make us uncomfortable. Sometimes we feel we have to do certain things to please a man and we may not be into everything he is into. When a couple decides to become sexual you need to talk and discuss fantasies what is and is not acceptable and if you both can live with the answers then there is a chance of a loving relationship. If a woman only does things to please the man and it is causing her pain that is an unhealthy relationship and that is not true love if he knows it is hurting her - he may be a sadist - RUN GIRL. But normally woman and men can have amazing sex and love. I know I enjoy sex when I am in love and the man loves me back just as much. But it takes time to build that type of a relationship. Men should stop the crap trying to get us in the sack so fast - get to know us - truely know us and when we are both ready - Love is worth the wait. Maybe it is 2 dates maybe 2 months. Stop putting a number on when you must have sex. It hapend when it happens. Patience also shows you care about the person.
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vedin
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Joined: 9/25/2008
Msg: 41 | |
| Do most women hate sex, and only do it to please men?
Posted: 1/3/2009 8:36:47 PM |
Love is worth the wait. Maybe it is 2 dates maybe 2 months. Stop putting a number on when you must have sex. It hapend when it happens. Patience also shows you care about the person.
Here , here well said! Call me old fashioned but I really enjoy the process of courtship! | |
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| Do most women hate sex, and only do it to please men?
Posted: 1/3/2009 8:38:05 PM | Men should stop the crap trying to get us in the sack so fast - get to know us - truely know us and when we are both ready - Love is worth the wait. Maybe it is 2 dates maybe 2 months.
No thanks.
In my experience, if a man and woman are truly "into" each other, and each has a strong sex drive, it doesn't take 2 months to figure that out.
For every 1 time that "works", there are 10 times, where each wastes the other's time for 2 months, and the primary driving "need" that propels men and women to seek each other out for dating goes unmet. For every 1 woman who claims to have a "great sex drive", provided one "waits for the time to be right", and it turns out to be true, there are 10, who aren't all that interested in sex to begin with.
Some people aren't sexually driven, and don't have a strong libido. Men try to hide it, while women like that claim it as "virtue". Men and women are different that way.
Most women, in my experience, do like sex, and most women, when into a guy, want to act on it. When one or the other doesn't, it's a good indicator that he/she "just isn't that into you", or that he/she doesn't have a strong sex drive.
Just my opinion, based on my experience. Your mileage may vary. | |
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| Do most women hate sex, and only do it to please men?
Posted: 1/3/2009 8:47:49 PM | | Personally, I love sex when I have a partner that is good and adventurous in bed. If the person I am going to bed with sucks and is only out for himself, then I can't waste my time with him. | |
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| Do most women hate sex, and only do it to please men?
Posted: 1/3/2009 8:59:22 PM | Men should stop the crap trying to get us in the sack so fast-get to know us-truely know us and when we are both ready-love is worth the wait.
OFF TOPIC OFF TOPIC..... This thread is about sex, what's love got to do with it?
I do wonder though, Are you giving that speech to guy wearing that clingy black dress" The one in your profile that leave very little to the imagination?, Honestly if you go out on a date with a guy wearing that dress, would you not be pissed if he didn't try to get in it? | |
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| Do most women hate sex, and only do it to please men?
Posted: 1/3/2009 9:00:24 PM | I'm throwing the B.S. card on that one Awesomeone08.
"Based on what I've read/heard on here and many other places I think that at least large minority of women don't have sex just for having sex (at least not at first). They do it as something to ensnare a man in a relationship, or as something that is a necessary evil if they want one (i.e. a relationship)."
I can't imagine where you are getting this information from, we do like sex just for sex. We have sex with men we have no intention of getting involved with for whatever there might be; too young, not relationship worthy, good in the sack but not really our type, etc. I love sex, the older I get the more I want. Sex within a relationship is great... if it's a good relationship, if it isn't then its no different than a hookup, just physical.
We should all just stop playing games, if a guy is straight up about his intentions, and a women is too and both consenting adults, then nobody gets hurt. No harm no foul, it's when one or the other invests themselves emotionally and the other isn't, that's where the hurt comes in. You can't get a man to fall in love with you with sex alone, and you sure as hell can't keep one that way either.
I do many other things to please a man, but if I have sex with him it's because I want to, not to trap him. Men aren't wired that way anyway, and any women who deludes herself otherwise is a fool.
So I say, do what you want with whom you want, and if you don't want to, don't.
2 if by sea has added her two cents (sense). | |
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| Do most women hate sex, and only do it to please men?
Posted: 1/3/2009 10:18:03 PM | Women hate sex with bad lovers
Darling is it solely the mans responsibility to make sure the sex is good. I always thought that communication in the bedroom was huge when it comes to great sex, It takes two to tango, it also takes two to have bad sex. Instructions, Instructions, Instructions. | |
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| Do most women hate sex, and only do it to please men?
Posted: 1/3/2009 10:27:11 PM | | And sometimes there is crazy spontaneous combustion. Sometimes, the connection is there and everything just magically works....and other times, well, even with serious attraction and communication, it just doesnt work. Sadly. | |
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| Do most women hate sex, and only do it to please men?
Posted: 1/3/2009 10:31:43 PM | OP there are some men out there that make me think I want to have sex with them cause they are so mmmm and then there are those that I don't think I want to sleep with and once I have I want more, more, more........................LOL
I do like sex but it has to be with the right guy........................ | |
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| Do most women hate sex, and only do it to please men?
Posted: 1/3/2009 10:34:24 PM | Any chance this post was constructed to seperate the sexual wheat from the chaf? The OP doing his bit for the gents, and finding out who the ready and willing are in their regions?
Just a thought. | |
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| Do most women hate sex, and only do it to please men?
Posted: 1/3/2009 10:50:21 PM | Groan. Speaking for myself, as a woman, I have always wanted sex with *an emotional* attachment. Most of us feel abused if we are just a receptacle for masturbation. And don't play dumb. Men know how important emotional attachment is to women and some will play that trump card to win the prize. Those players ruin it for the guys with integrity, creating women with trust issues.
And frankly, men tend to regard women who meet their sexual needs without relationship regard them as sluts. You see it on the forums all the time. When men learn to respect one-nighter casual sex partners, they might experience it more. My fellow forum male posters, you hold easy lays to a lower human standard that you don't hold to yourself. | |
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