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 TenaciousJ.R.
Joined: 8/28/2008
Msg: 26
Ever heard the saying....Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
People that cheat ALWAYS have a excuse as to why it isn't cheating when they do it. I think the phrase "once a cheater, always a cheater" is only part right; I think you will find people that cheat have a hard time being "accountable" to anything.
 sweetiekelly
Joined: 7/16/2006
Msg: 27
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/7/2009 11:09:07 AM
Thanks everyone!!!!!!
 EyesWideOpen46
Joined: 12/7/2008
Msg: 28
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/7/2009 11:26:46 AM
Here's a bit of a twist on this forum.....

Would you continue to date someone who told you that they cheated on their ex spouse????

Personally, I don't think I could and would not...oddly enough I have been on dates with men who have admitted to me that they cheated on their ex-wife.....of course what creeps into my mind is....hmm so if he and I get together would he cheat on me...

With the number of people out there to meet and date..why take a chance???
 F00L
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 29
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/7/2009 11:30:41 AM
People can change. If it were not so, life would be more easy to predict.
 Kindredpage
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 30
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/7/2009 11:39:10 AM
I definitely believe people can change. I think that happens by going through some major life changing event. Also some don't change and stay in the same place choosing not to grow from the mistake of infidelity/cheating. ButI try not to make sweeping generalizations "once a cheater always a cheater" there are to many different personalities/people in this world to throw that label out there on everyone that has made a mistake. If they keep repeating it that's when I might stick the label on
 soberkitty
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 31
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/7/2009 11:45:04 AM
I've heard the saying for as long as I can remember. Do I actually believe it? Not necessarily. I think maturity and wisdom can bring about changes within people that may change such character defects. True enough, I think some are wired without a clear conscious (or no conscious at all), lack of morals/integrity, etc, and will continue on whatever path they've chose to walk, with no regard to hurting others and certainly no self respect. Some people just really don't give a sh*t as long as they're getting what THEY want ~ selfishness to the core.

On the other hand, I think there are those too that live and learn from their mistakes, therefore not having to repeat such behavior. Regret, guilt and shame can have profound, life~changing effects, bringing about total awareness and change (for some). I have a feeling these people are the lesser in numbers of the 2, but I do have faith they're out there nonetheless. JMO

>>^..^<<
 sweetiekelly
Joined: 7/16/2006
Msg: 32
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/7/2009 11:59:40 AM
Leggygal, that is how I feel also.
 Red_Sasha34
Joined: 10/30/2005
Msg: 33
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/7/2009 12:02:39 PM
Many people define cheating differently... so it all depends on the meaning. And then its' interpretation.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 34
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History
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/7/2009 12:08:34 PM
If you had done a search you would have found a plethora of posts about this subject...but here goes.

No, not everyone who cheats will cheat again, cheaters cheat and like it but some people make a mistake and learn from it if they find they don't like their behavior. Even people who have cheated on everyone before, can and do find that certain someone and they never cheat again. Not something I'd count on, but it happens. Cheaters cheat because they want to, people cry often when caught because people fall or it, liars lie because they want to mislead you. Every once in a while something just falls into place and cheating happens that won't be repeated, again, I wouldn't count on that because for the most part cheating takes time, effort and planning, and a willing partner, so the likelihood of that all coming together without a hitch is about nil, cheating is something a person does on purpose and wanted to do it.

Most sayings are generalizations that most times make an assumption, one size has never fit all and never will. I think we know when we generalize that we are going to wrong as often as we are right, but some people live by generalizations, seems to be their comfort zone.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 35
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History
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/7/2009 12:24:30 PM
I don't believe in the saying that once you're a cheater you're always a cheater, anymore than if you once smoked you'll always sneak one, or if you once were a meat eater and changed to a strict vegetarian diet that you're going to sneak off for a steak - it's all a conscious choice. I'd wager to say that the majority of posters have been cheated on in one way shape or form. With the mindset that you'd never go out with someone who had admitted to cheating in the past, maybe that's why there are so many complaints about slim pickings for finding a relationship.
 JoeS71
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 36
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History
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/7/2009 12:26:25 PM

I have heard the saying my whole life "once a cheater, always a cheater"

What? So no one on earth is capable of change? There's no possibility for personal growth? What of stupid mistakes? Rather narrow view, if you ask me.

Flip side, would I TRUST anyone who cheated? Not unless they EARNED it back.... IN SPADES!
 Forumhobbit
Joined: 10/27/2008
Msg: 37
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/7/2009 12:38:37 PM
I can't say that the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" is ALWAYS true. Sure maybe 95% of the time... but what about that 5% that may have cheated ONCE and learned a very painful and valuable lesson and go through life carrying that lesson and vow to never make that same mistake twice? I know it's far and few between but not everyone is an idiot....some make mistakes and learn from them. So I think it's a case by case scenario and should you meet someone who has "cheated" in the past, use your best judgement to decide if it's something they may do again.
 js104c1
Joined: 3/7/2008
Msg: 38
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/7/2009 12:42:54 PM
Dont agree, cause people can cheat on partners they dont like anymore, but not on people they are in love with. So why do you stay with someone you arent in love with anymore? Well, we are all idiots.
 *topchef*
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 39
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/7/2009 12:57:16 PM
Sure, people are capable of change, but who wants to gamble that they have found the ~1% that have learned from their past cheating experiences. For that reason, I wouldnt knowlingly get involved with a cheater. POF....or so they say.
 Destiny246
Joined: 5/5/2008
Msg: 40
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/7/2009 1:04:41 PM
I tend to believe that --in general-- it is true. A cheater will continue to cheat. Yes there are those who cheat and then never do it again, but I don't believe their numbers are all that high--at least not in the younger ages (60 and below).

I know I was faced with all kinds of opportunities to cheat throughout my life. So were my exes and so was my bf. In fact he is an extremely personable man, was in sales and management, and traveled extensively--so there was plenty of opportunity for him. With every single opportunity I said 'no' and turned away. So did my exes and so did my bf. None of us had any inclination to cheat at all--no matter how unhappy we may have been at home. To us, cheating was just plain wrong--no matter what. No rationalizing, no questioning--we just didn't do it and didn't even consider it.

To cheat you have to put forth at least some effort to not only cheat but to 'hide' it from others. Lots of obstacles to make you stop and think. If you still go ahead and cheat--on some level you have to be rationalizing that it isn't 'quite' wrong in your case.

The only real way to keep from cheating is to believe with all your heart that it is WRONG and don't even consider it. So chances are if you've done it once, you somehow do not believe it is wrong 'in your case' and therefore there is a fairly great likelihood you will do it again.
 sweetiekelly
Joined: 7/16/2006
Msg: 41
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/7/2009 1:10:15 PM
Oh Red you have just made a point so I have another thread I will post real soon.
 canoist
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 42
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/7/2009 1:18:24 PM
If its casual dating, its not cheating ! !
If you want the relationship to become monogamous, but haven't had 'the talk' with your SO, its still casual dating, and its not cheating!
If you've both agreed, voluntarily and freely to an exclusive monogamous relationship, or if you're actually married, then its cheating.

Also, I disagree with the saying. My wife cheated on me once. She did it to try to get a reaction out of me, which she didn't get. Then she never did it again.

Canoist
 forumeow
Joined: 1/3/2008
Msg: 43
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/7/2009 1:21:57 PM
Wow, this topic really triggers my rant button, but I'll try to be "fair"...

Once a cheater, always a cheater... Yes, I believe that. Mostly because I've never met anyone who cheated only once in their life and never again on that or any other partner. Doesn't mean that person doesn't exist, just I've never met them. Don't think I know anyone who ever did, either.

And I will concede that if you are casually dating, and you are both aware that it IS casual dating, then no, I wouldn't consider that cheating. However.. in any kind of exclusive relationship... well, the word exclusive means just that.

There. Done with "fair."

Cheated once? More likely, only got caught once. I believe that if you are the kind of person who would cheat, you are also the kind of person who would lie about it.

And, oh-boy-howdy, just TRY and tell me, "It just happened." Your penis just JUMPED OUT OF YOUR PANTS ALL BY ITSELF! Oh, my God, call the Enquirer! I can see the headlines now about your magic penis that overpowered you and forced you to follow it along... maybe they'll do a photo spread!

Can you tell that I've heard that oh-so-lame line before?


Many people define cheating differently... so it all depends on the meaning. And then its' interpretation.


My definition is really simple... if any part of my man's body is inside any part of a body that isn't mine... that's cheating. There's no "interpretation" needed. And no second chances given. Because I'm really, really, REALLY up front in relationships that cheating is the only absolute dealbreaker I have.
 pinkmews
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 44
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/7/2009 1:32:48 PM
Cheating ,well from a personal point of view ,married for eighteen years ,mainly unhappy was constantly unfaithful in my head and only in the last few months physically ,would i consider myself a cheater absolutely not ,living a lie ,scared ,and a lot less black and white than once a cheater always a cheater x
 sweetiekelly
Joined: 7/16/2006
Msg: 45
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/7/2009 1:33:34 PM
Very interesting Canoist!!! Did it not bother you?
 kjun harleyrider
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 46
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/7/2009 2:04:54 PM
well I think that it could be looked at a couple ways, if you're the person they were cheating with and you're looking for a long term relationship with that person then yea, the odds are they will cheat on you, why not ? it was ok before.....if you come upon a person who did and was honest about it and why, maybe not. I would judge the second more on there present actions than the past..........
 brown_eyed_woman
Joined: 8/31/2008
Msg: 47
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/7/2009 2:14:28 PM
These 'sayings' come about because there are enough examples to prove it 'true'. But like any 'saying' there are exceptions.

But for the most part, if someone cheats, it is LIKELY that they will again. There are no 'for sures' though.

One may cheat, and realize they feel sick because of it, and honestly never do it again, they learned a lesson...or perhaps they saw the hurt they caused, and wont do it again. While others dont care about the ripple effect they create. It's all about thier own sense of entitlement and satisfaction.

No easy rules on this one....but I am leaning more towards the camp of cheaters dont normally change.
 ichi-bon
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 48
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/7/2009 2:14:43 PM
I think that in 99.9% of all situations..once a cheater, always a cheater.........but I do know the exception. A couple met, both married.......their spouses were the cheaters.......they were thrown together because of this. After both marriages were dissolved they married.Total committment ever since then..........both think the world revolve around each other. I have witnessed this for yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaars.........and am amzed at it..........never ever thought it would last!!!!...but I do know there are exceptions to every rule. Maybe because of the pain inflicted on each of them from their former spouses, the would not do this to each other.
 Destiny246
Joined: 5/5/2008
Msg: 49
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/7/2009 2:49:57 PM

Cheating ,well from a personal point of view ,married for eighteen years ,mainly unhappy was constantly unfaithful in my head and only in the last few months physically ,would i consider myself a cheater absolutely not ,living a lie ,scared ,and a lot less black and white than once a cheater always a cheater x


I went through this. My exes went through this. My bf went through this. However, we still did not cheat. We waited until we were divorced or out of the relationship, COMPLETELY and totally, until we even DATED someone else.

To us there are no grays in cheating. To us if you are married or in an exclusive relationship and EVER have a physical affair (or even a mental affair in some cases) with anyone other than your spouse or significant other--it is cheating--pure and simple.

We see absolutely no reason why one can't wait until they are completely out of a relationship before moving on to another. I mean, if they just 'couldn't' wait the last time, there must be some reason for it, so why would they wait the next time?
 Me Leona
Joined: 7/31/2008
Msg: 50
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/7/2009 4:57:33 PM
I've also always believed that no one should cheat, if there's any desire to do so, it's obviously an indication that the situation at hand isn't being dealt with, which should be done FIRST. However, and that's a big "however" because I still believe that, but after having been married and experiencing what I have, I know that sometimes things aren't that black and white or so simple.

Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Ever heard the saying....