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 bcsofnc57
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 76
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Ever heard the saying....Page 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Btw, in another thread on a similar subject, someone stated it isn't cheating if both parties are aware of all 'other' activities. I agree with that too.

What? So if your spouse cheats, but tells you about it, it isn't cheating? Yes it is still cheating. If you both agree it is ok to have sex with other people, then it isn't cheating.

I don't understand cheating, there is no reason to cheat. I don't even remotely understand how it even crosses a person's mind.
 HarDayKnight
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 77
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/8/2009 7:45:40 PM
I don't think I've ever heard a cheater agree with those words, so I'll go out on a limb and say... Yup. Once a cheater, always a cheater.



And for those rare occasions when this isn't true... So sorry, but this is part of your punishment for poor judgment. You can't expect an automatic pass on your say-so. Especially if you've worked it out in your mind that you were correct in doing so... the supposed "one time you did it".
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 78
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/8/2009 8:24:53 PM
These cheating threads are always the same. Cheatees always respond passionately and adamantly "shit once/always, cheaters are scum". Anyone who actually has cheated either won't post or will lie and chime in with the cheatees. Anyone who doesn't think cheating is a terminal illness gets branded a cheater by the cheatees. Personally, I don't think a cheater is necessarily going to cheat in every single one of their relationships. But the probability is quite high. I'm not sure how a cheatee can reconcile with a cheater with 100% probability that the cheater will remain true after reconciliation. I doubt I'd go there.
 Iangetoverhereplease
Joined: 3/5/2008
Msg: 79
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/9/2009 8:02:29 PM
" Once a cheater always a cheater " is right ! and with cheating comes lying . That's what I've found after I found out . As they say " once biten twice shy " , well now I'm very shy .
 Me Leona
Joined: 7/31/2008
Msg: 80
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/9/2009 8:05:08 PM
Very well put Bikeman. You've been here on the forums long enough to have seen this topic discussed ad nauseum , it sounds like. I concur with your conclusion. I really don't understand the attitude of once a cheater, forever in life that person is doomed to repeat the behavior. I really cannot understand that attitude. I do agree that once someone cheats, it's very very hard to remain in a relationship with that person. I do agree that some people are inherently distrustworthy and repeat this type of behavior their whole lives, but not everybody and I don't agree necessarily the majority... but then, what do I know? I'm not a statistician, I'm very much against labelling, typecasting, judging, generalizing and assuming anything about anybody -- I believe each person is an individual and should not have to be lumped into a category without getting to know them. Once a cheater, always a cheater? Once upon a time who didn't do something they regret, or feel ashamed of? Once a bulimic, always a bulimic? Once a smoker, always a smoker? Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic (well yea according to AA, but you don't have to drink). Humans have choices and recoveries people.
 TheDirtyBen
Joined: 8/25/2008
Msg: 81
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/9/2009 8:12:56 PM
OP: I have heard the saying and hear it quite often in here. Usually by women.

Whether or not it is a valid saying?? I could care less.

Why??

Because I'm not hanging around to find out if they are always a cheater!

I'm actually surprised that this isn't a redundant topic.

I would have expected to see the tattle-tale patrol in here by now.
 WanderingRain
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 82
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Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/9/2009 8:16:15 PM
Cheaters and liars get lots of action, though. So isn't that a good thing? Aren't we all attracted to bad girls/boys?
 janus20
Joined: 1/1/2007
Msg: 83
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/9/2009 11:25:31 PM
People don't change! If they don't make a conscience decision to stop behavior, what is innate will take over. It is in their nature, and behavior and history has a way of repeating itself.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 84
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Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/9/2009 11:32:01 PM
I'm actually surprised that this isn't a redundant topic.

I would have expected to see the tattle-tale patrol in here by now.


I'm a lil miffed at the "look it up and see if this has been a thread before" statements. Just because something's been a topic in 2007 with posters who are no longer here (if they've had any luck fishing), why can't we refresh a topic with the new bait and fisher persons? ie. delete the old threads and make them new again. Anyone who's way old here can skip it if it they've heard it all before.
 ohthereugo
Joined: 2/12/2008
Msg: 85
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/10/2009 4:28:57 AM
I wonder if American people have lost their way
 wickedlovely
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 86
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/10/2009 4:53:32 AM
I have two things to say.

1. My opinion about cheaters, most of the time they will do it again. Sure there are exceptions to every "rule". I guess it is not impossible to learn from a mistake and grow a spine.
2. The notion that men are cheaters and women have affairs - I saw this a few times early in this thread. WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP! Whatever guys think this are sick in the head and certainly to be avoided as it points to a real chip on the shoulder. It is equally disgusting, man or woman. Not to mention, I think these posters are really backward. If I had to pick who was looked on more harshly by society, I'd probably pick women. The adulteress is looked at as a whore....because she is, of course.

On a personal note, I was utterly betrayed by a cheating husband (here on known as "my childrens father")...and yes, his character is flawed big time in other areas as well. The adulteress involved, was a serial adulteress (her hubby told me this was the THIRD affair he was AWARE of...eeewwww). So, my children's father and his new flame both cheated out of their marriages. Interestingly, they just married and have a baby on the way. Will be interesting to see what happens with them. I'd never caught him cheating in the 10 years we were together, but he was an abusive a##, selfish and a liar. She is 10 years older (shocked she is having a baby), so maybe she is thinking she'd just better settle down as she is gonna start looking really old soon? Especially having a baby in her mid-forties and working a demanding shift work job - ouch....
 WannaCStarz
Joined: 4/5/2007
Msg: 87
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/10/2009 5:03:20 AM
interesting post. and interesting answers.

and here's my 2 cents.

i was married to a cheater. I didnt really know he was cheating. I loved him so much. He was a control freak. Even monitored the minutes i was gone to the corner mart. I didnt add it all up.

We were each others FIRST marriages. He is now into his 4th marriage and according to my daughters and his 2nd x...he cheats on her too. Im a firm believer that people can CHANGE , but thats only if they truly want and try to. This refers to abusive situations and cheating ex, .....anything that comes in that circle. Alot of it has to do with trust issues. Once that trust is broken, its hard to ever trust again. which leads to more cheating because of the simple fact of impatience, waiting for trust to be restored. Yeah. Viscous circle.
 Blade of the Bunny
Joined: 10/18/2008
Msg: 88
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/10/2009 5:27:35 AM
Yes, the die is cast. No one can ever absolve themselves from this type.

I'll go out on a limb here and state that a lot of naysayers were always innocent and would never stray(heavy sarcasm).

In our youth we do things that we're biologically predisposed to do yet some of us strive to modify that behavior, we are capable of evolution.

Not everyone makes the leap from neanderthal to homo sapien but it does occur.
 Blade of the Bunny
Joined: 10/18/2008
Msg: 89
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/10/2009 5:32:03 AM
I'm a lil miffed at the "look it up and see if this has been a thread before" statements. Just because something's been a topic in 2007 with posters who are no longer here (if they've had any luck fishing), why can't we refresh a topic with the new bait and fisher persons? ie. delete the old threads and make them new again. Anyone who's way old here can skip it if it they've heard it all before.


Thank you for this! I grow very tired of the hall monitors here(with their eye-rolling and cynicism), some of us newbies would appreciate the chance to freshen up topics as well. I whole-heartedly agree if they don't want to read these "redundant threads" don't click on them, lest we deny them a reason to whine, piss and moan. Thank you again Chameleonf for stating this.
 wickedlovely
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 90
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/10/2009 6:44:47 AM
I agree. Forum searches can be great for additional information, but I really don't care if there is a similar thread that already exists. Rolls eyes at hall monitors as well....
 butterflie_1207
Joined: 12/5/2008
Msg: 91
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/10/2009 7:15:01 AM
I guess we've all heard the saying, but I don't know if it's always true. As far as I know, I haven't been cheated on, and I know for sure I never have cheated.

I have trouble believing that people can change any behavior, with the exception of cheating. I'm sure there are those out there who won't ever be faithful, and I'm sure there are those who will always be faithful. Making such a blanket statement seems wrong to me, just like any other blanket statement about a particular group of people. I
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 92
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/10/2009 7:48:58 AM
I'm not a statistician, I'm very much against labelling, typecasting, judging, generalizing and assuming anything about anybody -- I believe each person is an individual and should not have to be lumped into a category without getting to know them.

I wonder if there is any accurate research done which indicates the percentage of the population which has cheated. I wonder if it is in upwards of 50% of the population or more. If that's the case, adamant cheatees are doomed to be single if they continue to beat a dead horse with a negative attitude.

Humans have choices

Exactly; the cheatee can choose to date a person who interests them, has done nothing to earn distrust, and treats them well; just like a person who unfortunately has cheated on someone, possibly in their distant past as a young adult, and learned from the negative experience and made positive changes in their life. To err is human; to forgive divine.

Still, lots of charming conniving cheaters are simply scum. Do they comprise the majority of cheaters? Who knows? My guess is there are as many once-and-only cheaters out there as there are cheater-repeaters. Best thing to do always, and this goes not only with cheating but with other qualities or behaviors which prompt you to make short-sighted knee-jerk snap judgments based on your limited life experiences, is to weigh the situation intelligently and use some common sense when judging someone.

I read this same sort of nonsense ad nauseum in similar topics like "I can't date a short guy; they're all little Napoleons", or "don't date single mothers", etc. I'd love to read a linked article about cheating; if anyone has any good links, please put them into your post.
 tlm92
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 93
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/10/2009 8:17:37 AM
Definitely not true. There are exceptions to all rules that seem to be standard and proven.
 OhioCountryCharmer
Joined: 10/6/2008
Msg: 94
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/10/2009 8:20:18 AM
Some people can change themselves although I would say if the cheated on someone else they will eventually cheat on you also.
 Me Leona
Joined: 7/31/2008
Msg: 95
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/10/2009 8:29:59 AM
I remember Michael Douglas was known to be a notorious cheater and womanizer. Now that he's happily married to Catherine Zeta-Jones, I wonder if he's faithful. Something tells me if he ever got caught cheating on her, he'd not only be very very sorry, but lucky if he survived! (She's one tough cookie me thinks)
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 96
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/10/2009 8:44:13 AM
Some people can change themselves although I would say if the cheated on someone else they will eventually cheat on you also.
What if they cheated on someone they dated while in college, then got married after college, stayed married for 20 years, he/she raised three kids, and has an amicable relationship with their divorcee. Is this person going to have the scarlet "C" tattooed to their forehead?

I remember Michael Douglas was known to be a notorious cheater and womanizer. Now that he's happily married to Catherine Zeta-Jones, I wonder if he's faithful. Something tells me if he ever got caught cheating on her, he'd not only be very very sorry, but lucky if he survived! (She's one tough cookie me thinks)
Catherine would probably kick his arse!

Devils Advocate; what about Brad Pitt? He probably makes most women moist in their panties, great philanthropist, however he's probably one of the most notorious cheaters today. Women would cut this cheater some slack for sure if he showed up at her doorstep wearing some nice cologne and carrying a box of chocolates.
 wickedlovely
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 97
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/10/2009 9:26:39 AM
Nope, I wouldn't give Brad Pitt any "slack" if he showed up on my doorstep. I'd take the chocolates and eat them while on the phone with Angie. Anyway, I do think the very young MAYBE deserve slack for being inexperienced and niave. For example, when I was 19, I was a beach nanny for two summers. One summer, I dated a married man in his 30s that owned a surf shop. I wasn't cheating, heck I was single, but it was still an IDIOT thing to do and wrong, wrong, wrong. It was the one and only time I ever got caught up in something like that. I didn't feel good about it in the end...so I didn't do it again. I did enjoy the summer being showered with attention, time and gifts from a really sexy guy dreaming about him leaving his wife and marrying me (yeeeeaaahhhhhh, RIGHT!!!). Also, the guys wife KNEW about it, so I'm not sure it was even really cheating. Still, icky and something I regret.
 Me Leona
Joined: 7/31/2008
Msg: 98
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/10/2009 9:30:00 AM
Devils Advocate; what about Brad Pitt? He probably makes most women moist in their panties, great philanthropist, however he's probably one of the most notorious cheaters today. Women would cut this cheater some slack for sure if he showed up at her doorstep wearing some nice cologne and carrying a box of chocolates.


I don't know about that. I liked him A LOT more before he left Jennifer for Angie. It tarnished my view of him and diminished his hotness greatly, at least in my eyes. NEVER would anyone interest me in cheating just because they were physically attractive (and rich and famous).
 Autumn Marie
Joined: 7/11/2007
Msg: 99
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Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/10/2009 9:31:57 AM
Some people who have been a cheater, be it once or numerous times have gone to therapy or seen someone about it, and have apparently really turned themselves around -- to quote loosely, Cheaters, hosted by Joey Greco.

Most though, never shed that slime skin they have, and continue to cheat, and then eventually in life they wonder why they are alone and old, and why no one trusts them.
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 100
Ever heard the saying....
Posted: 1/10/2009 10:09:38 AM

to quote loosely, Cheaters, hosted by Joey Greco.
OT: I love this show. It's like waiting for the train wreck you know is going to happen. The same thing always happens. If the lady is being cheated on, she physically attacks her partner. If the guy is being cheated on, he feels compelled to physically attack the other dude. It's sort of like what someone stated here: typically the woman's cheating is viewed as an affair, but the guy is always the rat. That (sad but true) is the stereotype.

The funniest episode I saw was a lesbian cheating on her partner with a dude. That one was a belly splitter.
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