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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > She dumped me but still calls?      Home login  
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 karenjane
Joined: 10/8/2008
Msg: 51
She dumped me but still calls?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
as u said she's leading u to a mental breakdown !!!!! change ur numba or jst dont reply , read the texts by all means but dont reply ... she will chase u more , not that u'd want her back , but its nice 2 see them hurt 4 a change........
 Amma63
Joined: 8/18/2008
Msg: 52
She dumped me but still calls?
Posted: 2/23/2009 10:55:47 AM
OP -

Do you realize that YOU are in control of this situation, and not the woman in question??

"Fool me once - shame on you"
"Fool me twice - shame on me"

She is doing this, because you are allowing it. I understand - easier said than done.......but YOU need to make yourself a priority - because she certainly isn't.

Move on and move UP - you deserve so much better!!~

Good luck,
B.
 Uncle_J
Joined: 7/15/2005
Msg: 53
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She dumped me but still calls?
Posted: 2/23/2009 11:12:15 AM
sounds like she's a real nutcase. possibly a psychopath. I would guess she doesn't like the fact that you are able to move on and trys to toy with you. Your a man, don't let a woman run the show like that. Show her whose boss, ignore her. You could brag to her about all the women you've been with but that would be stooping to her level. Just delete her messages and never talk to her again. That should send the message.
 ajsmith66
Joined: 9/14/2007
Msg: 54
She dumped me but still calls?
Posted: 2/23/2009 11:21:57 AM
i'm glad the original poster has been able to move on because i'm still stuck in the same posistion as him after 14 months.

The problem is ( i guess it was similar for him) is when you love someone with everything you have then no matter how much good or clear advice you recieve untill your ready to break the connection then it will keep going on and on just like it is for me.
For those who have replied saying the problem is not her its you, yes your right i am the problem, i can't let go of someone who changes my world everytime i have contact with her despite all the sadness it brings with it afterwards.
some people can just move on and look back and say ah well, unfortunatly some can't so readily.
I thought i had and joined up on here and met two lovely women, one could of even been the best thing to ever have happened to me but because i couldn't let go i screwed it all up.
I don't feel as bad as i should do really because even now i still think there may be a chance, god knows why. I'm not normally this stupid in anything else i do.

I know the day will come when i finally snap out of it, give myself a severe talking to and will be able to get on with things but untill that day comes i'm just stuck in a circle of joy and despair.

But to the point - some of you have given some great advice but some of you have been really harsh and it makes me wonder if you have ever really been in true love.
 railguy63125
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 55
She dumped me but still calls?
Posted: 2/23/2009 11:33:30 AM
Ok my two cents. You have to get a little mean about it. I was going through this not too long ago. Phone calls,showing up at my house or work, pretty much stalking material. Finally one night she showed up at my house drunk as a skunk. She had walked from her apt. because something happened with her new bf and he took her keys. Luckily I was at the anger/meanness stage in all this and I said"you walked here you can turn around at walk back home" and I shut the door. I havent heard from her since. Now I did hear through mutual friends the her and her bf are renting a house about 2 blocks from me. Ahhh the saga continues. So it wont be the last time she shows up i'm sure but I am NO ONES doormatt.

Just remember shoulders back, chin up and head high. Things do have a way of settling themselves.
 jasmin766
Joined: 12/21/2007
Msg: 56
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She dumped me but still calls?
Posted: 2/23/2009 12:16:32 PM
OPs, she is doing this because you are letting her do it.! Please stop letting her use you this way, put a stop to it. You will feel better.

Take care of yourself,

Jasmin
 TUCANPLAY
Joined: 2/14/2009
Msg: 57
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She dumped me but still calls?
Posted: 2/25/2009 9:52:55 AM
me and my ex had this he you to phonr me be nice then start we had beem togrther 6 yrs on and off he used to stay at mine then when had money go to pub thay ring when nowt else on get rid i did just at xmas ps im glad ive lost my phone goodluck
 1rose4440
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 58
She dumped me but still calls?
Posted: 2/26/2009 12:32:46 AM
Wow, this could have been my post. I have been doing this for 2 years. I loved him so much that I kept taking him back.

Then I realized that this wasn't love, not a healthy love, cuz he wasn't there for me. He always seemed to come back when I was finally getting my life back on track. and there I went again.

It just hit me recently that unless I changed I would continue to be his 'option' never his priority. So I actually deleted all contact numbers and addresses, it was like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.

I actually started putting myself out there to the rest of the world, instead of waiting for him to come back, and guess what? I am having a great time.

good luck to all of those stuck in this situation.
 avante
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 59
She dumped me but still calls?
Posted: 2/26/2009 2:27:53 AM
Hey,

From the sounds of it, she is in that comfort zone, and she is treating you like a back burner. You deserve way bettter than that.......I know that its hard, you need to be the man and tell her to **** off. I was in your shoes a long time ago and i told on my ex's to stop contacting me period. I told my ex that if she wants to call me every now and then to say whats up, thats fine. i told her that if she wants to call me on a regular basis to be my friend or for reconciliation, those two are not gonna be an option at all...it was hard but i had to do it for me. I am worth way more than just being a convenience. You need to say that you are better than settling for less.
 Keefeus
Joined: 2/22/2009
Msg: 60
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She dumped me but still calls?
Posted: 2/26/2009 7:16:44 AM
Well its all confusion I think!
I am in a similar situation, I have been with her for four years. we had a good relationship, of coarse it had a few bumps in the road but don't they all. I am still very much in love with her and my heart just wont let go even though my head tells me to. Earlier this week she told me that we need to try to go a week without talking to each other just to see how it goes (I am in Florida and she is in Georgia with some friends about 400 miles away). Well that lasted one day until she called me crying saying that she can't not talk to me and that she misses me blah blah blah. I was doing fine until she called kinda suppressed the emotion, but when I heard the sound of her voice the emotion got the best of me and I broke down. I love my SueBear with all my heart and soul but I just don't know what to do. I want to let go but I just can't find the strength to. She is supposed to call me tonight to tell me if I should pick her up or not, this has been going on for a couple of weeks now. I finally told her that this is the last time my heart cannot take this anymore. The only catch is I have 90% of her things she has no money, no car, and works at a cafe for about 40 dollars a week. that being said no way to pick up her things. I guess I am supposed to carry her things along with me. She says that she will come and get them in time but the fact is I don't want to be the keeper of her stuff. Do I have an obligation to? Ah like many other out there what do I do?
 tbone4437
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 61
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Broken hearted
Posted: 2/26/2009 1:25:48 PM
Well let me start by saying that I lost my wife in 06, due to cancer. I never thought I would find another. I did and know shes gone and broke my heart over something I said how I would have handled her KIDS tempertrantrums and such. One of them heard me and told the other etc. . I'm new to the dating thing again and things have changed sense I was there. She said that I should have offered to help with her bills and her finances (not haveing alot of money) I offered a couple of times and she turned me down so I didn't offer anymore. Well she left me and said that we were through , I tried calling and she wouldn't accept my calls or text mess. I was on the way to being over it then she texts me and I answer. She wants to know how things are going with my son and I . I call and talk to her and seems like we are going to try and work things out, There is some things she has to work out with her kids, she says she LOVES me and has deep feelings for me . She so called talked to her Kids , and then texted me telling me that we would not be able to see each other. I also found out that she is seeing someone else or at least dated in the past 3 weeks. I am at my last straw but I LOVE HER Deeply. Please HELP
 Keefeus
Joined: 2/22/2009
Msg: 62
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Broken hearted
Posted: 2/26/2009 6:35:49 PM
I think we all should just let go..... The name of this site says it best there are Plenty Of Fish!!!
 sunshine46133
Joined: 2/17/2009
Msg: 63
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She dumped me but still calls?
Posted: 2/26/2009 7:18:10 PM
I understand you exactly. I am in the same situation. That is the reason why I am trying to meet other people so I can move on but I just can't get him out of my mind. No one compares to him. I have put him on such a tall pedistol. I try to move on but then he will text me. I know he is just using me but I am the one who is letting him. Saying goodbye and changing my # is the hardest thing for me to do. Like you say someday I will snap out of this. I want to move on and stop hurting so bad.

Well good luck to you.
 ~SparklingRose~
Joined: 10/20/2008
Msg: 64
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Broken hearted
Posted: 2/26/2009 7:18:16 PM
^^^^ Answered your own question, Keefeus...

As to are you obligated to go, and get her?... deliver her things? ... whatever...? No.

Take yourself out of the game.

How? ... In your case, I would:

1. Move her things into public storage (they will be safe, and OUT of your face, and space - which having them around keeps her presence tangibly hovering.. you know this).

2. Mail her the storage key, the storage contract, and a note as to your new perspective: That this is what YOU need to do, that you sincerely wish her well, and good bye. Register this piece of mail (for your own protection - proof that it was delivered, and received), and mail it.

3. Go NC.

Her things, and her travel arrangements, are HER business to take care of... not yours.

Easy to do... like 1, 2, 3 ? Not in the least.

But, it does give the relationship closure; and, that's a better place then some people have to begin the healing, and moving forward, that is necessary .

 Bri75
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 65
She dumped me but still calls?
Posted: 2/26/2009 7:53:29 PM
Op I just went through this myself, stop doing it to YOURSELF! She does not know what she wants and may never know. Do not allow yourself to be there for her, move on. Do things with your friends to keep busy, time will make it easier for you. Good luck!
 masquebella
Joined: 2/7/2009
Msg: 66
She dumped me but still calls?
Posted: 2/26/2009 9:18:42 PM
She's playing you fool sucka, if you were meant to be together she neva would of left you to begin with . So take the message that GOD sent you and run wit it and don't look back . Get over that ho.... Even if it kills you get over her. Love is not suppose to hurt you and hell no you can't be friends because friends would'nt treat you in that manner that she did you just can't turn you off like a light switch. You keep letting her back n your life she's going to keep doing the same shit ova and ova again cause she knows you'll forgive her. Your better off by yourself. Relieve yourself of the future heartache . Start dating, get a hobby. Fuk that ho......
 Keefeus
Joined: 2/22/2009
Msg: 67
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She dumped me but still calls?
Posted: 2/27/2009 7:52:56 AM
Well spoken peeps and that is exactly what I did last night. Told her that I would put her stuff in storage pay for the first month and send her the key... after that its all on her. I mailed her my cell phone this morning (she has the contract) then she has the nerve to ask me to pay the bill because she cannot afford it and she has no reception there and she has a tracfone and asked me to buy the minutes so she can talk her family. WTF, who does she think I am? Well this time I'm not going to be there to pick up the pieces when she falls on her face. If she wants to be with someone and that has no ambition and no drive and will not get out of his parents house then so be it. Her loss!!!
 ichi-bon
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 68
She dumped me but still calls?
Posted: 2/27/2009 1:36:38 PM
But to the point - some of you have given some great advice but some of you have been really harsh and it makes me wonder if you have ever really been in true love.


Wow, I must be really insecure, have past boyfriends that were insecure, freaky, or something!! or maybe just a glutton for punishment !!

I am friends, good friends with EVERY single man I have ever had a relationship with, sexual, marriage, just dating, etc ......except one.

After the initial break-up...........maybe a few weeks, a month later one of us initiated the call. I have always wandered how two people can care so much about the other.......and then all of a sudden they are "POOF" out of their life.

I don't make friends or relationships like that.....so sue me !!
Just because we cannot get along as a couple, does not mean we can not get a long as friends and have a mutual respect for each other...and still truly care.

Aftr the end of my first marriage...my children and I spent a lot of time with an old boyfriend ( divorced) and his son. Nothing other than friendship....but we had a love outside of the " physical" and it held up even though the relationship had changed.
He died a few years before my husband,,,,and we both attended the funeral.

I had surgery about ten years ago. A man, past relationship, that worked at the hospital..saw me at admitting with my husband. He came to my room every night after work to see me, talked to my husband...brought coffee or other drinks for all of us.

When my late husband died, I received flowers from three different past male friends. My ex-husband came by the house before the visitation, came by a few times in the next few weeks to check on me or help with something. I talk to , probably two -three times a month .........a man I had a 4 year relationship with back in the eighties!!

One the other side of the coin..... my late husband wanted nothing to do with his ex. I understand the animosity, but not good for the children or grandchildren.

One year, in the middle of our marriage........I always tried to schedule my holiday family meals around his ex-wife's..........because I gave her honor due her, as the children's mother.....I joked we should just fix the dinner together......save us both a lot of time and money. Actually we did!!

The two of us done the cooking... ( everyone thought we were crazy!)....we met at a rented room with both she and her husband, my husband and I...and all of their children, grandchildren, and mine. It was a wonderful day. My late husband and her husband had a lot in common...work wise and they actually liked each other. It made it great for all the other family gatherings after that.

I never actually went to Bingo with her, but have sat at the same table with her , her daughter and mine...and shared a lot of laughs, jokes, etc.

I agree wholeheartedly that if you have been abused in a relationship..than to cut all ties is usually neccesary....but not if you are two ........secure in your own right........people that share or shared a bond.

I think nothing of calling up an old friend like that or getting a call. Sometimes we have talked about past things..sometimes subject entirely different.........we all have new lives, new loves, children, grandchildren, etc..........but the "caring" however different...doesn't change.

I agree with the man that thought you should find out her intentions, and then decide if you are up to dealing with her answer. She may just genuinely care about you and want a friend relationship. It may be YOU than comes on strong again, or want something she is not intending. I would come right out and ask her. .....if you are comfortable with being just friends and so is she........it is good. If not you have to do what you feel is right.

I DEFINITELY would not just ASSUME that because she contacts you.she is
a. using you
b. in between lovers
c. wanting control
d............and yaduh, yaduh, etc

Feelings and love are easy for someone else to tell you how to handle.not so easy to follow thru with. Follow your heart.
 ichi-bon
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 69
She dumped me but still calls?
Posted: 2/27/2009 1:38:55 PM
< It double posted........sorry
 jarbarian2
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 70
She dumped me but still calls?
Posted: 2/27/2009 3:29:07 PM
Yes. The guy she is with isn't meeting some emotional need for her that you provide. He is providing her the physical needs. So essentially what is happening is she is getting all of her needs met at the expense of you two guys.

This is called BEING SELFISH.

Don't feed her wants/needs at the expense of yours. Cut her off cold turkey. You have better things to do in your life than waste it on someone who is only using you.

Better put: "Never make someone a priority in your life who only sees you as an option."
 stnicholas
Joined: 9/17/2008
Msg: 71
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She dumped me but still calls?
Posted: 2/27/2009 4:49:16 PM
Here's the deal. She is using you to boost her self esteem when it runs low. As well, she is using your attention to her to shake this other guy's tree. Trust me on this. There IS another guy and he DOES know about you.

There's nothing new or original about it. It's a well worn old trick and hordes of previous posters are correct. You ARE allowing her to do this and to CONTINUE in doing this. It will not change as it's worked very well for her.

The solution is in your own hands. Get shut of her and STAY shut of her. It's not as difficult as your low esteem permits you to believe.
 ~SparklingRose~
Joined: 10/20/2008
Msg: 72
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She dumped me but still calls?
Posted: 2/27/2009 8:11:09 PM
Keefeus:


Well spoken peeps and that is exactly what I did last night. Told her that I would put her stuff in storage pay for the first month and send her the key... after that its all on her. I mailed her my cell phone this morning (she has the contract) then she has the nerve to ask me to pay the bill because she cannot afford it and she has no reception there and she has a tracfone and asked me to buy the minutes so she can talk her family. WTF, who does she think I am? Well this time I'm not going to be there to pick up the pieces when she falls on her face. If she wants to be with someone and that has no ambition and no drive and will not get out of his parents house then so be it. Her loss!!!


Sounds like maybe the phone call hadn't gone as peaceably as you were hoping it might have....maybe had losing battle argument #784? Well... if that's what it took for you to come to the final conclusion, that you're just not 'that guy' any longer - and, act upon it - so be it! And, you're right.. it's HER loss... and, not only when you're angry with her... remember that.

Well, Keefeus, as to your question I quoted in bold up there - harsh words here, but.... she figures your the same guy that always allowed her to emotionally manipulate you as she saw fit for the last 4 yrs. Reality is: You taught her that it was ok to conduct herself in your relationship by having always put up with it... possibly even catered to it. Wouldn't surprise me in the least if a fly on the wall (or the new guy she's hooked up with? That's what I gather from your above post) is hearing her say... "Well, damn! The nerve of him not only saying that he's not putting up with my shit any longer... but, now he thinks he's actually going to back it up? WTF.. who does he think he is ?!"

Congrats, and stay strong, even when she works her tears and whatever manipulation mode she's in at whatever given time in the future - that's why NC is imperative... you can do this.

Starting off by sending back the phone is great! Now, seeing as this is the weekend, perfect timing to get her stuff into the storage, and mailing off that key, and storage contract (remember to register that mail!) to her (aka walking the walk to back up your talking the talk you spoke with/to her on that last phone call) let that last phone call be last contact, and go NC from there on out.

To you and OP: NC, time, and space. When you run into those times of feeling down, crappy, guilty and/or whatever negative? Get busy catering to yourself in building your self-esteem and integrity back = moving forward. A tough journey but it DOES get easier, and it's oh so worth it.
 Keefeus
Joined: 2/22/2009
Msg: 73
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She dumped me but still calls?
Posted: 2/28/2009 11:36:42 AM
Well last night my phone started blowing up, I didn't answer it the first few times but then I did after she left a message saying that it was important in her crying voice " please, please, please pick up the phone and talk to me. I'm scared and don't know what to do." Then she dropped the bombshell on me I'm late , I may be pregnant. The first thing out of my mouth was why are you calling me you made your bed... lye in it..I hope that you and whats his face can take care of it.

She then tells me "Keefe if I am pregnant its yours, Iswear to you I have never slept with him, I am not doing anything with him we are just friends, I swear to you I love you Keefe I just need my space for a little bit I want to be with you but I just need some time by myself."

I told her to get a pregnancy test and find out and let me know. She says I have no way to go get one the closest store is 30 miles away (and it is ) and I have no money can you send me some money. OK yeah right she just needs some money. Well thats not going to happen I refuse to send her money. So this morning I logged in to Ebay bought a test kit and I'm having it shipped to her.

Bit now the question is, what do I do if she is pregnant? I'm not a deadbeat I do have a seven year old son from a previous marriage and I know how bad not having his parents together effects him.

Well if she is playing head games she sure knows how to!!!
 Michael0038
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 74
She dumped me but still calls?
Posted: 2/28/2009 12:09:44 PM
I understand how you are feeling used and angry, she knows you are vulnerable and she will play on this until you stand up and take no more then she will respect you and if she has anything about her she will apologise and offer to do it right with you but in my experience girls like that never change until they have dealt with there own issues. because who in the right mind would go around stepping on other peoples feelings purposely.
 GeriatricKnight
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 75
She dumped me but still calls?
Posted: 3/1/2009 9:59:39 AM
Humiliate her and shame her to hatred and she will stay away. If she really cared for you she wouldn't play games like this, so there is your motivation for anger.
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