| in love with alcoholic
Posted: 1/20/2009 6:53:20 PM |
Believe it or not, it may be hard to hear, but you are just as sick as he is!
How true! Save you, heal you, love you! | |
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| in love with alcoholic
Posted: 1/20/2009 7:56:12 PM | I was married to and alcoholic for 16 years. He has been sober for the last 13 yrs. Before I could understand what he was going through drunk or sober I had to understand what I was going through. The most important thing that I can tell you is that you may need to go to a Al-Aon meeting. 1st and the most important thing in this relationship is for you take care of yourself. You said that he was physical and that you could have been at fault that you provoked him, no person may it be male or female makes someone do something that they do not want to do, so just know that you did not do anything to provoke him. Just remember you did not cause it, you can not control it and you can not cure it.
We all have to set boundries and we must live by them and just take care of ourselves. I hope that this little insight can help you. | |
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| in love with alcoholic
Posted: 1/20/2009 8:10:43 PM | Not only is this man an alcoholic, he is also abusive. One of the most controlling things an abuser does is to hint at suicide if you don't do as they wish. A good read for you is "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans.
Out of guilt, I spent 15 years with an abusive partner because he was suicidal in the beginning. I promise you, it doesn't get better - it gets worse. Are you up for it? Do you think your sons will benefit from such a stepdad? Why not suggest he move on with his parents while you consider what life with this man will be like? | |
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| in love with alcoholic
Posted: 1/20/2009 11:51:47 PM | | You could tell him that you care about him, so he knows he is still loved, BUT that as long as he is drinking you cannot have him in your life. Sometimes the most loving thing to do on a soul level is to take care of yourself first. If he loves you so much, he might reevaluate his behavior. If he can't quit, at least you have taken care of you | |
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| in love with alcoholic
Posted: 1/21/2009 7:58:21 AM | | Alcoholics are a waste of time and energy. They are in a downward spiral and will take you down with them. | |
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| in love with alcoholic
Posted: 1/21/2009 8:34:59 AM | Seems like the time has come for you to start thinking of 'you and your children'. It's up to you to seek a happy, healthy existence. When you do this, you show your children strength and what is right. It takes courage to break out of something that, even as bad as it is...is still in a strange way your comfort zone. Yes the kids will wonder what's going on..but they deserve a healthy environment, just like you do.
Don't worry about meeting someone healthy right now...go get your little family healthy and healed. You can contact your local community services and they can set you up for some counselling. It just takes that first step in the right direction. Trust me, when you do and you get further down the road and look back you'll ask yourself "What took me so long to do this".
Baby steps hun..one day at a time. | |
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| in love with alcoholic
Posted: 1/21/2009 9:25:20 AM |
I also am scared because he says he gets suicidal now when he drinks and depressed and doesnt want to live without us.
That sounds like the end days of my marriage - my ex only stopped drinking after I left with the kids and the police got hold of him.
You can see what choice I made - I left. At that point it was obvious that he wasn't interested in getting any help, and he was putting all the responsibility for his sickness on ME. And that wasn't right.
You have to protect yourself first and foremost. He is not being any kind of friend to you by telling you he'll kill himself. The next time he threatens to, call the police. They'll go round to his place, evaluate him and probably take him in on a 24-hr psych hold. That might be the wakeup call he needs. | |
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| in love with alcoholic
Posted: 1/23/2009 4:18:54 PM | I commend you for putting your story with so much personal feelings out here for everyone to see... and judge...as many have ....
You are gonna be fine..
I spent 4 years of my life with a man that was/is an alcoholic.. there are no words for the games and manipulations and bull that goes on in a relationship with someone who has that stinkin thinkin...and no words for the pain that your heart feels as you see them slowly killing themselves..
congrats on making the choice to move on and live your life.. your children will thank you ..and you can now have a life...
Don't feel guilty because you just did him a big favor... He isn't ready for a relationship til he can deal with his disease and that will take a long time a lifetime..
Keep the wonderful caring heart that you have but set boundaries and stick to them no matter what to protect yourself and your heart in the future...alcoholics are not just abusers of alcohol but they will abuse people as well physically but especially emotionally..if we let them...
I am proud of you... good luck to you and your children and your future..life is great ..enjoy it . | |
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| in love with alcoholic
Posted: 1/23/2009 7:26:56 PM |
congrats on making the choice to move on and live your life.. your children will thank you ..and you can now have a life...
Don't feel guilty because you just did him a big favor... He isn't ready for a relationship til he can deal with his disease and that will take a long time a lifetime..
Keep the wonderful caring heart that you have but set boundaries and stick to them no matter what to protect yourself and your heart in the future...alcoholics are not just abusers of alcohol but they will abuse people as well physically but especially emotionally..if we let them...
Those are wise and caring words with a special meaning tucked inside.
Normal people can plan lives. Alcoholics have one day, ie. "Today, I didn't drink." | |
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| in love with alcoholic
Posted: 1/23/2009 9:08:43 PM | | Most that turn to grog has a hidden agenda. Do we need to know what that is, nope. Let them figer that out. Till then will they see a light out of their misery. | |
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