| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 7/12/2009 12:30:54 PM |
Like the guy standing next to you at the meat counter and mentions the chicken down the street is cheaper and better. He might actually be trying to open a conversation with you. Or the guy behind you in the check out line. I think we forget the possibilities. In our 20's everything was possible.
Oh I do notice them!! They usually ask me to toss their oranges when they see me tossing..
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 7/12/2009 1:42:28 PM | | Again, I have not given up , but I sure am frustrated LOL I guess I have no idea how to meet women. When I was young the bar was the place to meet women. Now ,it seems the women my age or younger dont go to bars. I keep hearing that the grocery store is a great place to meet people. I dunno , maybe I am shy, but I have this vision of me pushing my cart around the grocery store, trying to see if this attractive woman has a wedding ring on when suddenly she runs screaming STALKER< STALKER lol I do like the internet dating sites, because you assume that someone that is on a personals site, is single, is looking, but thats not always the case either. I find women my age or close to my age either dont post a picture, put up a picture that is years old , or before they gained 75 lbs and still list there body type as average LOL Average to me is correct body weight to height or within 5,10, 15 lbs overweight. No I am not looking for barbie , I understand that with age, women and men alike bodies change, but I am sorry , I just cant do fat . Then there are the women that are serial daters, they seem to want a string of men to date. Then there are the no sex before marriage ladies. Sex is not the most important thing in a relationship , but it is very important. If all you are wanting in a relationship is companionship say so . I am still young enought to believe that companionship without sex is just buddies. I dont want a buddy, I want a companion that loves me and that includes a healthy desire to be sexual also . Crap this should be an exciting time in our lives now that the kids are raised and on there own, we are reaching retirement age. Where in the hell are the women in my area that truly want a relationship. Also , I am so tried of writing to women who share my hopes, dreams, activities, and never recieve a response , atleast say sorry yer old , yer ugly dude, hit the road LOL that would be better than no responce . I think if a woman really is looking for a relationship, its helpful if she sometimes makes the first move also . | |
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| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 7/12/2009 2:03:50 PM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Amen cowboy.
I don't get it either. For the record I send my pic whenever I write to someone. And yes, everyone has different tastes but enough female friends have told me I could have anyone I wanted that I at least believe I'm not butt ugly. I write to very few and only when I share their hopes, dreams, hobbies, and desires. I don't believe my writing skills are the issue, but quite often there is no response. (Please don't go reading my profile now to help me because I've basically given up and just play with this thing.)
Having been to many Pof parties I can tell you that I've at least met their older and heavier sisters. And they did me a big favor. I think the decent looking ones get so many responses they get jaded, or perhaps overwhelmed with it all. So I've pretty much given up with the online thing, but I still try to look helpless by the cantaloupes hoping some fair maiden might rescue me. | |
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| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 7/14/2009 3:38:10 PM | I ofter wonder about this too...some of the men I seem to meet in thier late 40's early 50's are afraid of committment. Some of the reasons they give are..."My ex got everything in our divorce, Women only want a man if he has $., or they want a "partial committment" meaning, you keep living in your house, and I keep living in my house..
You see each other when its convenient. I'm not saying its only men that are this way some women are too. Or the flip side is men want the Younger women, the ones in thier late 20's or early 30's. Which is fine to each his own I guess.
The thing is if you put too many "restrictions" on what you want in a relationship your bound at some point to pass over something that could be great because you have either too "high expectations' or High Standards. At our age time is of the esssence..lol
I think we all have high standards in wanting to meet good, quality people but, when you expect Perfection, you have to realize...there is NO such thing as Perfect.
Personally at my age of 50, Im not into drama or head-games, I have learned from mistakes I made in the past. I'm a peaceful time in my life where Im not gonna be calling my guy on the phone all the time to chek up on him. Nor do I expect him to be with me every waking moment. I would be supportive and encourage him to do activities or hobbies he likes, that I may not. I think I have learned the true value of supporting and appreciating a partner moreso now. I feel much more secure in myself
Do any of you ladies wonder about men who are say in thier late 40's or 50's who have never been married? or have kids?...Some women I know say this makes them suspicious of a man's ability to sustain long term relationships or committments?
What do others think?..should it be a red flag?
Yeah I guess a lot of us wonder what it is the older guys are thinking too? | |
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| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 7/14/2009 3:48:17 PM | | I would like to meet a man my age who has not been married, as I have not been married. Most seem to perceive this as a red flag, a few do not. Every one is an individual, and saying that a man who has not been married cannot sustain a long term relationship or a committment sounds weird to us who have not been married, as to us people who are divorced sometimes could not keep a committment. Again, everyone has their own story to tell and I really try not to make any kind of rash decision about someone until I get to know him. It does seem as if many people make the blanket statement that something is wrong with us who have not been married based on one bad experience with a never been married man or woman. If someone is like that, I would not want him in my life anyway. By middle age it does seem as if a lot of men do not want to get married or get married again, or want a long term relationship of substance. Maybe they have been hurt so badly they just do not have what it takes to find love again. | |
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| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 7/14/2009 8:30:42 PM | | All the no's and your not good enoughs do tend to take there tool on ya, and yea after awhile I can see how the idea of giving up becomes more appealingl. It seems that half the women here think they should have some stud muffin that is 20 years younger then them, and as we get older we are not as attractive as the younger guys, so why bother? It seems that everyone is holding out for Mr perfect, but few realize that they themselves aren't good enough for Mr perfect, but they will keep holding onto their dreams and telling all the normal guys to get lost. So I've given up. | |
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| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 7/15/2009 12:42:18 PM | Why would I give up . I will just swim to calmer waters .We just have to fish for a nice kinda fish . I hate catch and release but a fish has to do what he has to do . You catch a fish that looks like an Angel fish and it turns out to be a Baracuda . Cut the line and keep fishin. | |
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| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 7/15/2009 2:00:13 PM | STOP THE PRESSES ... (if any of them are still running)
Robert Redford just married a chick 20 years younger than he is and ......
He is WAY older than me.
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WAIT .... he is Robert Redford ...... so nevermind. | |
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| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 7/15/2009 2:07:21 PM | | I just saw that when I was reading stuff online.....and she looks like an average woman.........can you believe it? I thought my age range of 40-60 was broad, maybe I should broaden it more, but then RR does not look like most men I meet who are in their 70s, dang it..... | |
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| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 7/15/2009 5:26:09 PM | there are also the men who want to jump straight into a full-on exclusive relationship after one meeting.
a lot of the older men who mess., me seem to want it all immediately.
they're not interested in a get to know you time, it's now or never.
i have high standards, my choice, and am prepared to wait until i find "him".
i'm not looking for perfection in a partner, to me that would be boring. if anything i like a man to be a little different.....no not weird!
i think i've grown up in the past couple of years.
i know......it took a long time!
i'm much more aware of what will bring me happiness and more at peace with myself.
i'd love to find "mr. forever after" and i hope to.....one day!
until then i'm happy to continue on as i am now, enjoying my life.... | |
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| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 7/16/2009 5:50:57 AM |
i have high standards, my choice, and am prepared to wait until i find "him".
i'm not looking for perfection in a partner, to me that would be boring. if anything i like a man to be a little different.....no not weird!
i think i've grown up in the past couple of years.
i know......it took a long time!
i'm much more aware of what will bring me happiness and more at peace with myself.
i'd love to find "mr. forever after" and i hope to.....one day!
until then i'm happy to continue on as i am now, enjoying my life....
That's the bump on the log approach. Sit there like a bump on a log. Guess what? There is no market for log bumps. That guy who is The One, he's someplace else having fun with someone who is not sitting around passively broadcasting their high standard contentedness. They met because she was actively interested and engaging, unlike her zombie sisters whose mantra of passive indifference sounds as the snoring of an impossible dream. | |
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| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 7/16/2009 1:48:37 PM |
there are also the men who want to jump straight into a full-on exclusive relationship after one meeting.
I have done that as well!!! Even when younger. Now we have the advantage of getting to know someone by emails and phone calls so if when we finally meet the chemistry is present……..I’m there.
a lot of the older men who mess., me seem to want it all immediately.
they're not interested in a get to know you time, it's now or never.
They do not have a lot of time left! It’s kind of now or never. You only get to know another by spending a lot of time with them.
i have high standards, my choice, and am prepared to wait until i find "him".
I do also; but I will know it is “Him” almost immediately. | |
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| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 7/16/2009 4:46:23 PM | ............and this coming from a self-confessed day dreamer.
sounds like someone got burned,
or tripped over a log.
that guy who is the One is going to have a hell of a good time with me when we find each other. | |
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| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 7/17/2009 5:58:16 AM |
As men age do they just give up wanting the company of a woman?
Be forwarned, most men on dating sites want to email forever! They aren't interested in meeting in person. Mostly because of their own insecurities.
Firstly, Shirley I think that for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows. And that for every searching heart there is a like heart searching, no matter how old or young you are. All I know is that the one sure fire way of NOT winning the lottery is to make sure that you DON'T have a VALID ticket in it.
Now...on to the first premise 'As men age do they just give up wanting the company of a woman?'
I sleep on my couch every night.
I do not sleep on my couch because I haven't got a very comfortable bed.
I do not sleep on my couch because I like falling asleep in front of the TV.
I do not sleep on my couch because I like sleeping on my couch.
I sleep on my couch every night because it has a back.
The feel of the back of my couch on my back is the closest thing that I have to the wonderful feeling of having the person that you love snuggling into to you as you drift off to sleep.
If this sounds absolutely juvenile then I must be that...juvenile, however I would wager that there are many other men like myself out there who, if they were completely honest would admit that they would much rather be in a loving, mutually satisfying relationship with a woman than put up with a very poor substitute - the back of the couch!
As for the throw away line about men's insecurities, yes sure men have insecurities.
In this day and age we are insecure about every thing in our lives that we do not have any real control over including but not limited to:
* Our ability to gaurantee to provide our families with a roof over their heads, food on the table, holidays to Disneyland, university education for our children, mega multiple orgasms for our partners, insurance against a plethora of modern day hazards, and
* Our rock solid confidence that the career path we have chosen has the remuneration level and permanence to fulfill that gaurantee.
Now personally, i'm dead sick of the couch and would dearly love to share life's complexities with a very significant other. So we are not all built the same are we? | |
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| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 7/17/2009 6:41:29 AM |
Firstly, Shirley I think that for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows.
Somebody hasn't been doing the math. It doesn't work that way - not even close. 
All I know is that the one sure fire way of NOT winning the lottery is to make sure that you DON'T have a VALID ticket in it.
OK, maybe math isn't this poster's strong suit... 
I'm sorry but I didn't like this post at all... and the sleeping on the couch part... sounds pretty pathetic...
Not all men become more pathetic as they get older however - some start out pathetic of course... but generally speaking, most men, older or not, would appreciate even crave the company of the RIGHT woman. If guys are giving up, it's because they have gotten in a rut and have given up on their "type"... they aren't pursuing the right woman for them.
Perhaps after settling for someone they cannot stand... for years sometimes... they don't think there really IS a right woman out there. Add that with the drop in testosterone that often accompanies the shift to old(er) age and you may indeed find men who have given up... in their minds. | |
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| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 7/17/2009 6:55:00 AM |
Perhaps after settling for someone they cannot stand... for years sometimes... they don't think there really IS a right woman out there. Add that with the drop in testosterone that often accompanies the shift to old(er) age and you may indeed find men who have given up... in their minds.
^^Wow, wow, and wow! Nam, I don't think you have any idea just how astute that comment was! Thought you were speaking of "my" past. Yes, indeed, it does work both ways in that respect. I wonder how/what it will take to get us both male and female to overcome this way of thinking. Tis truly our own detriment to happiness. | |
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| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 7/17/2009 7:18:00 AM | | I find that a lot of men are still in love with their ex wife, who after years of marriage to him couldn't stand him so she wanted a divorce. Many times the women seemed to use and abuse the men, but are good looking, so they seem to want a woman who looks and acts like she did, but whine that she used and abused him and had affairs. These men may not have given up, but to me they are not dating material for someone such as myself, who might not be a hot babe to them, but I do not respect or want a man who lets a woman use and abuse him or who is attracted to abusive women. Some seem to think that saying they have not had sex in ...... months will get them access to me and my bed, and when I say no they then react like a child who is told that he cannot have a toy and tell me they did not want me anyway that I am ugly or probably gay, etc. I know there are a lot of older men who act nothing like the men I have discribed, and have met many wonderful men on POF, who respect themselves and women and are way beyond this type of pain and behavior. | |
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| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 7/17/2009 7:43:17 AM | I don't like making sexist statements. So far what I have figured out is that men and women even through we think differently we have the same sets of problems with the opposite sex. So this really isn't a man thing.
Dating at any age from teenagers....to older adults is hard. Not easy. But putting yourself out there and making a effort the battle is half won. I network with people no matter where I am at my new attitude is smile. Be friendly. Put myself out and put the past up where it belongs in the past. Stay in the moment. Reach out and whenever someone reaches out instead of standoffish be friendly and warm. This had been hard for me until recently. I will no longer mix my past up with the future and label all men a certain way. I don't find it wrong to be where people my age are gathering I am in my peer group. Nor do I find it horrible to reach out to them. I won't let the past define me nor will I let it color a group of people that I want interaction with ....the pun being on action. Smiles great luck to everyone. | |
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| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 7/17/2009 7:29:53 PM | I just wanted to say that this is beautiful man, so heartfelt...almost poetic......Thanks for sharing.
Am_looking said: "Firstly, Shirley I think that for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows. And that for every searching heart there is a like heart searching, no matter how old or young you are. All I know is that the one sure fire way of NOT winning the lottery is to make sure that you DON'T have a VALID ticket in it.
Now...on to the first premise 'As men age do they just give up wanting the company of a woman?'
I sleep on my couch every night.
I do not sleep on my couch because I haven't got a very comfortable bed.
I do not sleep on my couch because I like falling asleep in front of the TV.
I do not sleep on my couch because I like sleeping on my couch.
I sleep on my couch every night because it has a back.
The feel of the back of my couch on my back is the closest thing that I have to the wonderful feeling of having the person that you love snuggling into to you as you drift off to sleep.
If this sounds absolutely juvenile then I must be that...juvenile, however I would wager that there are many other men like myself out there who, if they were completely honest would admit that they would much rather be in a loving, mutually satisfying relationship with a woman than put up with a very poor substitute - the back of the couch!
As for the throw away line about men's insecurities, yes sure men have insecurities.
In this day and age we are insecure about every thing in our lives that we do not have any real control over including but not limited to:
* Our ability to gaurantee to provide our families with a roof over their heads, food on the table, holidays to Disneyland, university education for our children, mega multiple orgasms for our partners, insurance against a plethora of modern day hazards, and
* Our rock solid confidence that the career path we have chosen has the remuneration level and permanence to fulfill that gaurantee.
Now personally, i'm dead sick of the couch and would dearly love to share life's complexities with a very significant other. So we are not all built the same are we?" | |
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| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 7/18/2009 7:10:27 AM | | I have not given up. I am finding it hard to meet someone from this site. It seems that I hardly ever get responses to my replies to a profile. This is what is making me just about give up on POF. I don't understand why, when you have taken the time to read a woman's profile and send a response, she can't just reply back with a thanks but not really interested instead of just read/delete or read and not reply. Am I asking for too much? | |
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| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 7/18/2009 8:13:13 AM | Joining this site 4-5 weeks ago I assumed I hadn't given up !
However, last week I was back home wth the family and my sister said to me " you look more like your brother everyday" if thats true them i'm doomed ! so I now consider myself on the verge of giving it all up for gardening ! | |
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