| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 1/17/2009 10:12:59 AM |
Must be you aren't? Or you can't handle confident women?
Ah, answer? no and no. I would remove the word confident (for the respect of confident women) and insert in the blank "****y".
Again, questions asked are assumptions. | |
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| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 1/17/2009 10:19:06 AM | | Most folks are scared joedil. Most have been burned and are afraid to approach the fire again. Even those who go the coffee date route often get afraid if it starts to look real. Fear is a funny thing. some folks translate it "face everything and recover" others "f*** everything and run" more of the later than the former around im afraid | |
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| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 1/17/2009 10:46:34 AM |
Fear is a funny thing. some folks translate it "face everything and recover" others "f*** everything and run" more of the later than the former around im afraid
NO LIE!
I've often felt like a fish out of water( yeah yeah sucky pun) because I got tossed back into singlehood by my husband's death. I had been married for more years of my life than I had been single, when I decided to check out Adventures in Modern Dating. I'll admit that this process has given me some "cautions" I didn't have before. Not only is there a lot of anger, bitterness and fear out there, but I've also found that a lot of the older guys who DO seem very anxious to date and get into a relationship are either pathologically unable to be single, or are looking for a nurse and a purse. I said a lot, not all,but definitely a significance that can't be overlooked. Add to that my growing enjoyment of living life on MY terms,and refusal to "realize", "accept", "lower expectations" or "settle" just so I'm half of an "us",and being single looks like Club Med. I'm not giving up, I would like to meet the love of the 2nd half of my life, if that's meant to be, and I will make a reasonable effort to support that hope( the Lord helps those who help themselves),but I ain't losing any sleep over it.
Cindy O | |
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| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 1/17/2009 10:51:16 AM | The two keys to life in the single lane are patience and persistence. You gotta keep your eyes open and your heart availible to love and be love but not jump in quickly. Gee girl you got it down right, your analysis also fits for women looking for a nurse and a purse. but not everyone is, some of us are really ok and are capable, its just gonna take time. the older i get the more i realize how important persistance is in just about everything. persistance at anything leads to the development of skill in that thing and persistance at anything gives "dumb luck" or "random chance" more of a chance to happen. stick to it c4 (no relation to c3p0 i assume). its all good. even the bad experiences give us learning and wisdom of a sort.  | |
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| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 1/17/2009 7:40:27 PM | Your question is this: As men age do they just give up wanting the company of a woman? The few I've met are only interested in someone taking care of them. I've been there and done that and am ready to just have fun.
EX. I met a woman 5 years older than me after my 1st wife passed, I always was attracted to older women, from my youth on, well this lady just passed away at 68,
I am alone again;so I don't think old men have anything against old women, as in my case two deaths in8 years is just too much heartach to take.
With that said, I don't want a young chick either, I have daughter 41 and 46
and I don't want to have to raise another child. I like mature women with self confidence, and her own mind. Even a little pushy and one who takes pride in herself and has a nice figure. Yes, I am a little shallow, but I was married with a beautiful woman who became a large woman and I followed suit, but now have worked my self back into a slim healty person.  | |
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| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 1/17/2009 8:55:02 PM | I don't agree that most men 50+ are afraid of getting burned again .
I think that by age 50 most men are so disillisioned with women in general
that the begin to feel there are simply not worth the effort ,
and women interpret this as fear ??? | |
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| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 1/18/2009 12:41:28 AM |
ladyc4 when I decided to check out Adventures in Modern Dating. I'll admit that this process has given me some "cautions" I didn't have before.
That is so true!!
Add to that my growing enjoyment of living life on MY terms,and refusal to "realize", "accept", "lower expectations" or "settle" just so I'm half of an "us
That is so true and something I think older singles need to really think about, and be honest about. Just because someone is older, doesnt mean we should EVER settle for the bones the folks eating at the table, throw us.
Am one of those optimistic and nutty people who still believe that the right one comes along if we wait, and often when we stop looking. | |
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| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 1/18/2009 6:56:02 AM | | Giving up is a state of mind. Yes, I have given up in trying to make things happen romantically. Ironically, it is when potential romance is the last thing on my mind that it happens. When I just go about leading my life (not on the couch watching TV) I keep running into new women to date. It just happens. | |
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| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 1/18/2009 9:43:50 AM | I hate to say it, but as we age, women begin to outnumber men.
So, this is my only hope? LOL
Such an interesting thread. Myself, I have planned the rest of my life as if I won't meet someone....but if I do, great. I am 51. I have to laugh at the testosterone comments.
I have met so many women who have been adverse to sex in general, it is hard to believe that it becomes important to them in later years.
The hurt and bitterness on the part of both sexes is apparent.
I always think, if no woman appreciated me in my youth, why would one in my later years? That nagging question has me doubt the inner motives of a woman interested in me at this stage.
We all need to believe in the sincerity of people we meet in the future, and I need to work on this.
Shirley, you go girl! A man would be lucky to have you.
In truth, I have stopped contacting women for a while because the rejection has been hurtful. | |
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| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 1/18/2009 10:02:32 AM | LOL no Shirly I dont think older men have given up dating. Im older and I feel that alot of women are stuck in there past,,maybe ur one in a bunch that isnt. As I date I realize how sad it is in my age braket that so many women have been hurt and burned and it destroys them so they go on in life jumping from man to man to try to find happiness. This is what Im discovering so its hard to find a quality women, and u get discourged and say why do I even look anymore and try.
So answer my question as women are emotinally driven creatures and men r usually not, why cant women get past there pasts? I had found my match so I thought, turns out there was and EX that she couldnt get away from so in turn I lost the woman that I really connected with and she connected with me. | |
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| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 1/18/2009 10:14:55 AM | Hey Parrothead
U sound like u are experienced at this LOL. Ur right I find alot of women cant let go of there pasts., I meet a few here and there and its worst trying to date as I am older than when I was 18.. Im afraid I have built up resilents after getting into a relationship and breaking up , I can recover fast that may not be a good thing, Its like building a claous on your hand to protect it. | |
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| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 3/15/2009 7:16:15 PM | | I think the problem is that all along what men wanted stayed the same but for women it has followed the arc of relationships by stage of life. There are some years now after the kids have gone that get wasted recovering from the end of the marriage. Then later the relationship that makes sense to women matches what men want and have to offer, so they can pair up again or just noodle along as friends among larger groups of friends, clumping together now and again. In these doldrums of heterosexual interest the women are dismayed of men and happy to chat amongst themselves. Time passes, men start looking not so bad again, the original husband seeking behaviors have been revised successfully, and the claws retract. There is a reason why old men do not act like young men around old women or their age around young ones. | |
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| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 3/15/2009 7:29:05 PM | | No not ready to give up and never will. We have a lot to give if we are willing to go there and not worry about it. Have been dumped a few times lately but not ready to roll over and play dead. Life is to be lived in the now, the past is to be forgotten about and the future is not here yet. And I am not a really older guy. | |
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| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 3/15/2009 7:31:48 PM | | I have not given up on dating women at all. I am on here to converse with women and have fun, get to know one another, go on a real DATE, and see where the road may lead. I miss the intertwining of my hand in a woman's hand, or opening up the door for her, sending flowers for no reason, doing the romantic thing. Does that sound like I have given up on women? I am 54 getting ready to have to old double nickel birthday. I sure don't feel like I am almost 55. I am me and age should not make anyone feel that have to put the brakes on life. | |
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| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 3/15/2009 7:44:11 PM | | I am fairly new here and took the first step by emailing a handful of men in my area and also tried to IM a few also, I rec'd one reply and then nothing else. I am wondering what is wrong? Have the older guys given up? | |
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| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 3/15/2009 10:05:30 PM | Have all the really older guys given up?
^^^ not just the older guys...some woman also. I personally feel, its the childish mind games many play and to be quite honest....Its getting real old, fast.
I cant stop but to think...here we are..adults...and theres way to much dang thinking going on and not enough of the doings..seems we analyze everything to death....maybe we should stop thinking and start doing? STOP thinking to much...lol.
Does anyone remember when we were alot younger....we saw someone we liked, we aprroached them then we dated.. then became bf/gf....there was no thoughts on this....we just did it. never a thought as to when to call him/her...or when to kiss or whatever the case maybe....it was natural instincts. And now...omg....everything has become so complicated and its even harder to persue anyone and who the heck made up the dating rules anyways...their so never mind...anyways...why cant we just interact as grown ups? its no wonder many are still single(even myself) why would I put my energy and effort into persuing when its always to dang complicated? rules suk...period.
big sigh.....walks away dragging her teddy bear in one arm and her book in the other on the comfy couch snuggling up to her precious dog.  | |
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| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 3/15/2009 10:46:44 PM | Sheesh I smile at some of these posts. No ladies I am not looking for a nurse. I nursed my wife through over 17 years of major medical illnesses. As a patient advocate learned a lot that helped give her 17+ quality years when the original prognosis was possibly less than six months to six years max. No I don't need a free housekeeper, I'm quite capable of cleaning a toilet, changing a bed and doing the laundry, although I admit I now have a lady to help around the house. I still work part time five days a week so I think it's nice at my age (80) to have some help. I don't need a cook, I think I can cook as well as many women and better than some. I have nourishing well balanced meals.
Keep your pets. I pushed a wheel chair and looked after my wife's needs. I don't need to follow a dog with a plastic bag, change the kitty litter or clean out the bird cage. Nothing against animals but I have seen people shout at their kids and sooth their pets. Lots of people need someone to care and for me people have priority over animals.
As for frail I just sold my canoe last summer, a 16 foot Grumman. Would still like to do the Nahanni River in BC.
As for romantic dinners with wine - fine I like it but I've stopped getting stung for significant dining bills for woman I barely know and may never see again.
Sex oh yes it's important but it does change with age. No longer the hormone driven race to have a genital sneeze, what's the rush if you're having fun.
And what's this twaddle about seniors not learning new technology. Hrumph. I've used computers since before some of you whipper snappers were born.
And no I am not going to chase 1000 miles away to have coffee with someone. And in Canada at least there are about 5 senior widows for every widower so perhaps some of you ladies should share LOL It happened after WWtwo when there was a shortage of men.
I am gradually giving up the idea of taking up parachute jumping, not sure my knees would take it. But enough of generalities. We, each one of us, is unique. I find lots of nice people and yes I found the lady of my dreams, 'til I found out more, perhaps too much, about here. And I would just as soon have an older lady as one too young.
Have fun and look me up if you're in town. I may be happy to see you and no I don't carry a gun in my pocket. | |
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| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 3/16/2009 12:04:16 AM | Hey Shirley
Ok, speaking from my own experience, yeh, we kinda have. We dont have the energy for the chase anymore. Does she like me? When should i call? Should I ask her out?
Its just too tiring. At least for me.
And women tend to be control freaks. Not all, but you have to admit its a tendency. And at our age, we dont need a mama. Or a rival. Or a dependent.
The other thing that makes us go..meh...is the fact we dont really need anyone at our age. Well, at least I dont. It always starts out good, but descends to bickering and dealing with "issues".
Man, I sound like a downer. I really dont mean to be. Its just that women are so high maintenance and I am so tired that its all too much bother.
But I know some real energizer bunnies who dont feel this way. They love fixing her stuff, driving 2 hours to visit her, doing crap for her all the time.
I want tenderness. That simple. Its surprisingly hard to get from women. Men are much more caring these days.
And the sex...meh. It doesnt rule our lives anymore.
But dont be depressed! You just need to make some adjustments and find a new way to relate to men. More as friends, with potential to expand into intimacy. ANd if you can find a guy who is into you..I wish you all the success in the world. Just the way to asked the question, you are a sweet, thoughtful person and I think any guy would be lucky to have you.
But me, Im just too tired. | |
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| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 3/16/2009 8:12:42 AM | @peace>>>Its just that women are so high maintenance
^^^again ..NOT all and it depends what your defination of high maintance is and thanks for clarifing..not all..woman are controlling. I believe in equal partnership.
@ Men are much more caring these days
^^ I have to disagree...i find most are so self absorbed into their own needs and wants and will do anything to get it, even hurt others, its all about them and their fixings.
I dont understand why two adults cant meet WITHOUT having any expectations and just enjoy one anothers company for what it is. what ever happened to just going to the movies..or for dinner without labeling it? everything is labeled now days....ridicoulous.
@OP..I do the best to my ability to living my life..not complaining for its a good honest living. I work hard at my job and its afternoon shifts....I am not to fond of it...but it pays my bills. I come home to take care of my little dog, for she needs me. on my weekends off, I try to keep busy, so I create projects or do some renovations or spend an afternoon with my gf and her boys. Would be dreamy to have a guy share my life with but at who's cost. Some are controlling, its their way or nothing, to clingy and needy, into party modes 24-7...they cant commit to only one....have no clue knowing what they want...they just lingure from one thing to another without any idea where they are going...these arent the type of guys, I am wanting in my life. I know what I want....and I wont settle for less.
there are some things I truly enjoy doing and with someones company but again...theres expectations on their end...so whats a girl to do. so to have someones company .... its like pulling teeth with some...i dont even bother to ask..pretty sad huh. I have heard some men that i know of...they wont go any where with their female friends because others might think they are dating...omg...they serious. unreal. | |
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| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 4/22/2009 9:42:50 PM | | I am 70. I just started dating a 74 yr old man who is quite active. Before him I was with a 78 yr old man who was very nice but not active enough for me. Bottom line. Keep trying. Mr Right for you is out there someplace. I met 2 other men through my walking buddy. Let folks know you are looking. That helps. It is like looking for a job. You have got to put yourself out there. | |
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| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 4/23/2009 4:39:29 AM | The few that I've met seem to have a life plan that's not flexible. If there's no room for me then it's their loss. I doubt if those few will categorize themselves as given up, but that's not the way I see it. .  | |
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| Have all the really older guys given up?
Posted: 4/23/2009 6:48:23 AM | daylillies2 wrote:
I find most are so self-absorbed into their own needs and wants and will do anything to get it, even if they hurt others, it's all about them and their fixings.
tallyover wrote
The few that I've met seem to have a life plan that's not flexible.
Ladies:
You've described the type of men I've been meeting, as well. They've been inflexible, set in their ways, their lifestyles etc. I wouldn't go so far as to say they've given up either. But, as they've gotten older and perhaps lived alone for awhile, their ability to compromise seems to have taken a powder.......
Oh yeah daylillies.......... there are "their fixings" types, other "wannabes",....."wham, bam, thank you mam c'ya around sometime"....... types too.
Be careful. It's easy to get suckered in by sweet talk, when all they want is a non-committal roll in the sack. Those kind of guys seldom give up. They're always on the prowl. | |
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