| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/10/2009 12:01:44 PM | You've already gone down the road of having the state go after this guy, so you've gotta stick to that. But if you could do it over, there are other options.
There is child support and there is spousal support. Its easy to object to paying spousal, but morally wrong to object to child support. If the paying ex could split the payment in two parts (child and spousal) he/she might at least see to it that something gets paid each month, which is certainly better than what you're getting now.
My kids (teenagers) recently switched households from hers to mine. So now instead of me paying her, she's paying me. But part of her payment goes DIRECTLY to the kids. I know that even if she and I get into a huge fight, that payment will continue. At least it is something.
Canoist | |
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| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/10/2009 12:04:51 PM | exactly misscrissee^^^^ the judgemental always come out when someone asks for advice around here for a legitimate problem.
Just get a better job? If it was that easy we'd all have better paying jobs
Just get a second job? And pay more for childcare ,work expenses and it really doesn't matter if your kids raise themselves because your at work all the time.
Sorry to hear of your situation carolanne. Seems you don't have much choice but to let the enforcement take its course and hopefully he will realize its easier to pay for his kids than to have to deal with courts and garnishee orders. From the behavior you describe it sounds like he hasn't accepted the situation for what it is and not paying CS is a form of denial. Maybe you should look into a restraining order. I know they are often inefective at prevention ,but its a good tool to prove your situation to police if it comes to that.
Good luck | |
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| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/10/2009 12:27:16 PM | Thank you Sylvester. Getting the state involved was a last resort. If the economy was booming I would not be sweating it nearly as much.
Earning more at my job is not possible, finding a second one on weekends is what I am trying for. | |
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| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/10/2009 12:50:35 PM | Get an injunction of protection (restraining order) if he threatens you in any way. You said he has threatend you before, what did he do? Keep a log of any threats, phone calls or what ever that might be considered harasment. You do not have to put up with that. An injunction or restraining order will be issued if you can show the court that you were threatend or harassed. Phone records can show harrasment, witnesses are nice but are not a requierment to show a threat.
You did the right thing going to the state about the none payment of child supprt. He is taking from the kids by not providing the support. You gave him plenty of time, so he messed up. The threat that he might harm himself is sad, but you can not let him use that to control you or to let him get away with not providing for his kids.
Make sure your home is secure. Keep yourself safe. A home security system is better then a gun unless you a trained and ready to use a gun. For you I would go with a home security system.
The big question is are the kids safe with him? | |
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| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/10/2009 12:56:11 PM | | He yells alot but I believe he is more of a danger to himself than anyone else. I do not think he would ever harm his kids. Me? Maybe but not his kids. | |
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| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/10/2009 1:57:52 PM | Carolann:
I used to live in Walden NY for close to 2yrs so I am very aware of the opportunities and perhaps shortcomings of what is available for single parents in the US.
As to subsidized daycare I was and for a few months eligible to use it 4 months after my separation since my youngest was 6yrs old. My requirements were of course only before and after school care.
I was lucky and to be truthfull used the poor single father scenario to get her into a subsidized spot after only 4months since my work and territory was over an hour away from home. Once the home was sold and all the bills paid off I was no longer interested in using the system. So I was paying the full cost out of my pocket...on my own....but then I was also able to have them covered longer into the evening. After all what good is daycare when you have to be there by 6pm and you are 4hrs away from home?
And yes the child allowance is in Canada a great situation for single parents as it can be as much as $250 per child I believe per month...so the next time you see a single parent complaining in Canada one should remember this little monthly cheque.....but fortunately.....I am receiving very little due to where my commission went...LOL..however......once 2009 is over....I may be back receiving a cheque.....much to my displeasure.
As to your access to your ex I give you high compliments as some mothers seem intent on blocking or eliminating any and all access. In my case I have always welcomed it...but then also realize that the children have always preferred spending time with me...so that choice is far easier for me. In fact for both I have been at times a full time custodial and for the one it has been almost 3yrs now.
As to dealing with manic depressive personality or bi-polar I can imagine it has been very challenging and difficult for you from an emotional point of view. It is already difficult be raising children alone without also having to deal with the emotional fallout or emotional baggage on the children that results from having an ex partner who suffers from these issues.
Been there and am still going through the issues as the children try to deal with the the same problems. Perhaps in my case the issue may have been PMDD?
As to poor choices on my part? Perhaps as I thought perhaps with the wrong head when I entered my relationship? I would never begrudge or turn-back the clock in respect to the situation that has blessed me with 2 wonderful and enterprising children.
But if I was to be completely honest there were red flags or warning signs that I either refused to acknowledge or thought i could live with. but they were choices i made and choices I have to accept along with the result....including having her have her dog attack me....which she also did to her bf before me.....and punch me saying any real man could take it....and wanting me to challenge her brother when he retaliated by slapping her back...
In my case; I am able to earn enough that will allow me to pay the bills and not require cs being paid. If I do legally to ask for cs I will have consequences that I am not prepared to deal with. My ex is again out of work. Once she does start working the amount she earns is not significant as she chooses to work in a field below her capabilities as it is less stressful. If she is forced to work in the higher earnings field...what might be the result? Well..since she has 2 siblings who committed sucide there might be one of the answers....or simply the fact the legal costs would never warrant the return.
Or taking the small amount that would be awarded would further reduce the existing relationship that she has with her children.
I never once suggested you were lazy. I simply asked what you were doing and how well you were employed since you so easily illustrated where your ex was.
I do have great sympathy for a large number of single parents who toil for long hours to provide for their children. i have little to no sympathy for parents who do not provide or complain about what they do not have because of the other parent.
In a perfect world we would all still be married and happy. LOL...now i might suggest I have the perfect world today....
The reality is sometimes the requirement I hear from custodial is not that they need the money but that they are obsessed with making the ex partner pay money even when they illustrate the reality that they are unable to work full time at a job. If you had suggested you were struggling and your ex was working and earning a good income I doubt I would have asked the questions I did. | |
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| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/10/2009 2:45:42 PM | Its the kids that pay the price. We may have more of a socialist network in Canada, but one child in six still lives in poverty in Canada - despite the subsidies, the Provincial child care benefits and Federal child tax benefits. Part of the problem is dead beat parents - male & female.
The Courts also recognize that custodial parents are loathe to return to Court to re-adjust after the initial order is made. Support is a hot button issue. We've had numerous domestic murder/suicides and everyone is fearful of rocking the boat. But what the hell do you do? If you do nothing, its your children that will pay the price in one way or another. Worse - what if something happens and it was within your power to stop.
You'd be surprised what mechanisms exist in government. Call and find out. Surely the US has some free services such as crisis lines, mental support services, etc... Seek counselling. If he is truly unstable he is a danger to everyone - you, the kids, and to himself. | |
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| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/10/2009 3:15:44 PM | You are not going to pin this on deadbeat parents. Although you said both genders you may as well have said just men. Immigrant families make up the lion share of those living below poverty. Furthermore you failed to mention the many couples who have the means to adopt but are forced to outside this country because many of those moms could have been unselfish and given the kids a better shot at a good life, but that wouldn't have been in the best interests of those children eh?
It is easier to have a child than getting anything else in this country, the fact that we have such an easily accessable safety net does not give a woman the right to just have children if they are not prepared to bear the cost.
You cannot use the it takes two to tango on this one either. Many single moms were pretty damm sure the guy they had an oops with was never going to step up or even if they did most likely would never earn enought to break the poverty line anyway.
They just EXPECT help and we have gotten way too lax as a society so instead of pushing the school boards to teach kids about life because we know that they don't get the truth very often at home and you won't let them do it properly and yes I can blame women for that considering half the kids are raised by single moms.
God the audacity that you could throw that into this thread.
What irks me after reading this thread is it is just another example of how little we cherish the vows we made at the altar. You ladies remember it was your special day in the white dress - 200 guests - 35.00 a head for the roast beef plate.
Richer (you like that one ) and poorer
Sickness ( deal breaker in this case)and in health
Good times and bad.
Carolanne it's a good thing you weren't the one who developed the mental illness or got sick eh, you'd have been up shytes creek. You hardly mention getting him help you seem very focused on the money.
And speaking of government dollars I would much rather increase the budgets to help a mentally ill person than a woman who had options concerning bringing a child into the world.
Mentally ill people can't help themselves and do not know what they go but I can bet there were a lot of women now faced with poverty knew full well what they up to.
The nerve. | |
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| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/10/2009 3:32:39 PM | I GUESS ALL I HAVE IN THIS.. I AM A MALE WITH THE SHOE ON THE OTHER FOOT. I HAVE MY SON FULLTIME AND I WENT AFTER CHILD SUPPORT FOR HIM. THEY ( D.S.S.) MADE HER PAY 55.00 A MONTH. SHE PAID FINE FOR 3 MONTHS.AFTER THAT.. NEVER GOT ANOTHER DIME FROM HER.
THEY( CHILD SUPPORT) DID NOTHING TO HER FOR NOT PAYING FOR HER SON. THIS HAS BEEN 5 YEARS AGO. KNOW WHAT I WAS TOLD BY THEM? SHE HAD NO JOB SO SHE COULD NOT PAY. THATS IT. IF IT HAD BEEN ME, I WOULD HAVE BEEN IN JAIL FOR NOT PAYING AND NOT HAVING A JOB.
I SEE WOMEN WHO GET 100 TO 200 A WEEK FOR ONE CHILD. IT DOES NOT COST THAT MUCH TO RAISE A CHILD AND YES I KNOW FIRST HAND.
I BELIEVE IT TAKES TWO TO MAKE THE BABY AND IT TAKES TWO TO RIASE THE CHILD. BUT! I CAN UNDERSTAND WHY "SOME" MEN RUN OFF AND DON'T PAY.
1. THE MONEY DOES NOT GO TO THE CHILD AS IT SHOULD.
2.IF THE ONE PAYING CHILD SUPPORT CAN'T PAY THEIR BILLS CAUSE OF PAYING CHILD SUPPORT OF OVER HALF THEIR CHECK IS GONE. WHAT DOES THAT SAY?
3.AGAIN, IT DOES NOT TAKE 100.00 TO 200.00 A WEEK TO RAISE A CHILD.
4. IT SHOULD BE HOW MUCH THE TWO MAKE AND NOT JUST THE ONE.
AFTER ALL,IT TOOK TWO TO MAKE THE BABY.
5.WHAT BILLS YOU HAVE AFTER IS NOT THE OTHERS PROBLEM.
I KNOW FIRST HAND CAUSE I AM A SINGLE PARENT. WHAT IS GOOD FOR ONE SHOULD BE GOOD FOR THE OTHER.MAN OR WOMAN. | |
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| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/10/2009 4:17:38 PM |
despite the subsidies, the Provincial child care benefits and Federal child tax benefits. Part of the problem is dead beat parents - male & female.
Another part of the problem is that not every job pays enough for people to ensure their children don't live in poverty. I'm not sure if you knew this or not, but not every child who lives in poverty comes from a single parent household. Where do married couples who don't make enough money turn to get their added bonus? Invite a swinger to live with them so they can snare them up on support?
There comes a time when you focus more on your own responsibilities and forego trying to find someone else to take care of them for you. | |
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| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/10/2009 4:52:30 PM | Another part of the problem is that not every job pays enough for people to ensure their children don't live in poverty. I'm not sure if you knew this or not, but not every child who lives in poverty comes from a single parent household. Where do married couples who don't make enough money turn to get their added bonus?
Trust me, I'm very conscious of the difficulties experienced by the majority of the population. Minimum wage doesn't cut it and many 2 parent families live at or below the poverty level despite both parents working. There is no middle class per se anymore - you either have it or you don't. I spent many years just putting one foot in front of the other...
You are not going to pin this on deadbeat parents. Although you said both genders you may as well have said just men. Immigrant families make up the lion share of those living below poverty. Furthermore you failed to mention the many couples who have the means to adopt but are forced to outside this country because many of those moms could have been unselfish and given the kids a better shot at a good life, but that wouldn't have been in the best interests of those children eh?
Not pin what on deadbeat parents? That many parents fail to support their children? That many includes men? That 1 in 6 children in Canada live in poverty? You're the one making links - not me. I simply said 1 in 6 children live in poverty and that many children are not supported by their deadbeat parents - male & female. What you infer is up to you and your own agenda. I worked family law too many years to argue semantics with you and am involved with social agencies at this point.
I agreed with you up the point that you basically said that single women should not be allowed to keep their children - the first paragraph... you lost me after that. And I'm not sure if I give you more credit than due by thinking you meant for the sake of the child - but western culture doesn't work that way. Who are you punishing? The child.
There was a US Senator - I believe his name was Lamb. He said society spent more money in the last 6 years of a person's life than in the first. He said he believed the value system was backwards and that society (US at that) should place more value on children. I'm Canadian - but I agree. I don't care whose child it is. Feed them, clothe them, educate them. No child left behind remember? Its up to everyone - especially parents to support the children.
It is easier to have a child than getting anything else in this country, the fact that we have such an easily accessable safety net does not give a woman the right to just have children if they are not prepared to bear the cost.
Uh yeah it does. We do not limit the number of children a woman can have. She does have the right - and I'm not going to debate it with you - that's another thread. The whole point of this thread is that parents (male and female) need to support their children based on their ability to contribute to the cost of the childs care - period. | |
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| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/10/2009 5:59:27 PM | | I am in a similar situation with my ex. I have lived on food stamps and cash assistance for the past 9 months while he has been working and living a life. I have been job searching for months now - was a stay at home mom for 6 years and it is biting me in the ass now - being out of the workforce that long hurt me. However, he feels he shouldn't have to pay child support, he looks at it as giving ME money, not the kids. I too have resorted to the court system to retrieve money from him - it's not worth arguing with him, we did enough of that before the divorce. The way I see it (now that I found work waitressing and can support my kids) the kids will eventually form their own opinion of him and he will have no one to blame but himself. Carolann you mentioned having to get a 2nd job, and that means less time with the kids. Unfortunately that may be your only option - someday they will thank you for it - after all you are doing it for them. Best of luck to you, I hope it all works out. | |
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| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/10/2009 6:29:06 PM |
There comes a time when you focus more on your own responsibilities and forego trying to find someone else to take care of them for you.
No, dude, women feel ENTITLED to that money. lol Not just that, but do they feel like they need to spend it on the child? Not according to some single moms I know. That's right, not only do they feel entitled to the money (sorry girls, you're not entitled to SHIT), but they also feel ZERO GUILT in spending some of the money on themselves. | |
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| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/10/2009 6:50:29 PM | This is not nor will ever be a gender issue. It is responsible adult vs the other kind. There are just as many women as men out there that do not deserve the title of parent. Whether it is using drugs, caring only about yourself, racking up too much debt or changing jobs every 4 months to avoid your wages getting garnished.
"Till death do you part" is only said in certain Christian religious wedding ceremonies. I, as well as many others do not follow that doctrine or had it said when we were married. | |
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| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/10/2009 6:55:29 PM |
Till death do you part" is only said in certain Christian religious wedding ceremonies. I, as well as many others do not follow that doctrine
You shouldn't have kids with someone that you wouldn't want in your life "til death."
Not saying that you have to stay in a relationship with them, but if you're with someone that you couldn't imagine being in their life forever, you might not want to have kids with that person. | |
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| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/10/2009 6:57:38 PM | Carolann, I think you are doing the right thing by expecting your childs other parent to live up to his responsiblities. If he hassles youm, get a restraining order against him, and consider having an order for him to seek mental health help before left alone with your kids.
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This is not nor will ever be a gender issue. It is responsible adult vs the other kind..
I am in absolute agreement with you on that.
I do not think he would ever harm his kids. Me? Maybe but not his kids...
harming you would be harming his kids. He needs mental help.
No, dude, women feel ENTITLED to that money. lol Not just that, but do they feel like they need to spend it on the child? Not according to some single moms I know. That's right, not only do they feel entitled to the money (sorry girls, you're not entitled to SHIT), but they also feel ZERO GUILT in spending some of the money on themselves..
Where have you been meeting the single mothers in your life?
I hope thats not another crap single mother generalization.
Cleansed, you make a lot of excellent points. I do however, believe saftey nets should exist, not to "coddle" people who make bad choices, but for the innocent victims of those bad choices (the children), dont go without anything a child should have.
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| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/10/2009 8:43:00 PM | | man its so sad that men cant get over the fact that what the whole issue is for, the kids guys need to understand its so hard for a single mom, what she has to do still holding it all to gether. im a firm beleaver in what gos around comes around. it sounds like your x needs some one on one counsuling, there are places ran by diferent state agencys, here in hawaii its called when i filed for devorce it was a reqirment that the cuples go to this if there were kids invalved. i think more then half the people that go to this end up geting back together. i no every situation is different and its hard. but check it out your state may have somthing like this. you sound like you are such a strong person. i hope & pray that your x gets the help he needs! just remember that its not your fault. take care... aloha! eddie p.s. sorry about the spelling im a banker i cant spell but i can count. =) | |
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| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/10/2009 8:51:19 PM |
The state has finally notified me that they will start going after him. I am terrified about how he will react.. He has always had a bad temper and every action he has had in the last 3 years has said he hates my guts. He has told me he still is in love with me. He has threatened me, called the cops, and made my life hell since the divorce. Has anyone dealt with this?
carolann...
I had a husband that was a Peter Pan with a bad temper. I had to get a restraining order on him after I experienced 43 harrassing & threatening calls in one day. That was 17 yrs ago when call display first came out and the RCMP recommended I get it to record his actions. Where I come from, a Restraining Order is only granted when there is substantial back-up for it. It cannot be granted on a whim. I say this because there are those that cry "drama" for no good reason, want a Restraining Order to punish the ex and then give the Police a bad time when they try to enforce it or they have no respect for what a Restraining Order is and play with it like cat & mouse with the ex.
If you are very afraid and have enough information on record to quantify a Restraining Order, I suggest you get one in place. It does work. My ex found that out when he was arrested and sat in jail for three days.
Then use the legal system to the fullest to get everything down on record and the formalities of child support in place. If you have a form of F.M.E.P. in place where you live, use it to the fullest. It's there for a reason.
This way you DO NOT have to talk to him about this subject. The courts and legal system talk for you.
If he hates you now, he hates you in the future...what's the diff? Now, you don't have to deal with him and your children will be looked after by him.
My kids are now in their 30's and when they were in their teens, he dumped his hatred and drama on them, blaming me for his hatred. Blaming me for his neglect of them because I had his wages garnisheed. They use to hard time me for "making" their dad hate me. I just shrugged my shoulders and told them he will get over it.
Now that they are adults and they now see that he had wanted to walk out and pay me next to nothing.
carolann...there are two VERY different camps out there regarding child support.
Canp One: The whiners and idealists who believe in Never Never Land and believe that "friendship" is the best way. The mother makes the kid(s) live in poverty and shortchanges her kids opportunities because of her foolish pride. "I can do this myself! I don't need his money!" Because it's all about HER and not the children who deserve to have Dad help raise them. Selfish women.
The father in this Camp? He's a no-show most of the time. He's out there holidaying in exotic places, has many excuses for not paying her or shortpaying her, has a budget that is required for full-on batchelor life-style that includes nice restaurants and great clothes. He's the one who butters up the mother and keeps her hoping until her anger gets the best of her. Then he gets nasty and threatening to her if she starts showing that she is not powerless and stupid.
The mantra in this camp? "It's over! The marriage is over! Get over it! Don't punish the poor guy!"
Camp Two: The sensible, no-nonsense settling of what is good for the kids and having it enforced. Mother's and Father's "feelings" do NOT have a place in here. It's what is best for the kids and bringing them the financial opportunities that being in a single-parent - one income family can give them.
BTW...being fair...it can be a reversed situation. Mother is not raising the kids, dad is. Mother is required to pay child support and it is enforced as much as the father's is.
This way, you don't have the drama and your kids will thank you for it later in life when they see the bigger picture.
The kids that had to go without because mother refused child support and allowed Dad to be a deadbeat? The grown-up kids are not ahppy with her and in fact have no respect for her. You see, you can't fool kids for very long.
Sorry...it's been so long, but it is a sensitive subject for me.
My ex? He hated me for 16 years. Refused to talk to me. Went on and on to anyone who'd listen to him about "the @#!*bi*tch (me).
I refused to have anything to do with him. Who would after he threatened to kill me and actually looked for someone to hire out to do it for him?
I kept my cool and used the legal system for what it is supposed to be there for. It saved me more times than I can count. He learned to behave himself. A Mountie who tough-talked him and jail time was enough for him.
The nice thing? At our beautiful daughter's wedding, he got up and spoke to the 250 people there. In tears, he thanked me for giving him a daughter who was beautiful, confident, loving, with great values and wonderfully strong and outspoken...like her mother.
In the end...respect wins. It is hard-earned, but it is worth it. | |
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| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/10/2009 10:44:53 PM | daisypetals01, I respect your opinion on the subject at hand but please keep in mind that no 2 situations are identical...When there is a real threat to another human's life, a restraining order does not guarantee absolute safety in every situation...When someone is hell bent on hurting someone, nothing will stop them...I am not one to spill all my beans on the internet so I will leave it at that...I also found your camp theory (particularly "Camp One") somewhat insulting...
Canp One: The whiners and idealists who believe in Never Never Land and believe that "friendship" is the best way. The mother makes the kid(s) live in poverty and shortchanges her kids opportunities because of her foolish pride. "I can do this myself! I don't need his money!" Because it's all about HER and not the children who deserve to have Dad help raise them. Selfish women.
Camp Two: The sensible, no-nonsense settling of what is good for the kids and having it enforced. Mother's and Father's "feelings" do NOT have a place in here. It's what is best for the kids and bringing them the financial opportunities that being in a single-parent - one income family can give them.
I, for one, am neither a whiner nor an idealist...I never "made" my 3 children live in poverty or deliberately "shortchanged" them...and don't personally know any other single parent who does...Selfish? Hardly...Camp Two would be "ideal" wouldn't it? Unfortunately, for Camp Two to be successful, both parties must be "sensible"...I went through the proper channels to obtain child support for my children...It is he that decided to not follow the court order...Yes, he spent time in jail for non-payment when the warrant finally caught up to him - but guess what? While he was incarcerated, the children were devastated...He was later released without paying the purge...Frankly, him being in jail was serving no useful purpose for anyone...I'd contact the authorities and have him arrested again but I choose not to do that - call me selfish, but I will not put my children through that again...He is now unemployed and I agreed to modification of the original court order...The court will deal with him in due time...I'm not looking to finance an Escalade - if he would only contribute $50.00 a week for groceries, I would be grateful...
I am happy that things worked out for you and you received your badge of honor...but this issue is not black or white - there are many shades of gray... | |
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| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/11/2009 6:27:41 AM |
Canp One: The whiners and idealists who believe in Never Never Land and believe that "friendship" is the best way. ...blah blah blah...
Camp Two: The sensible, no-nonsense settling of what is good for the kids and having it enforced. ...blah blah blah...
Were you on the panel that came up with the Federal Child Support Guidelines? Sounds like you're about as narrow-minded as they are. That's pretty much the entire premise of their book too, that in split families there are only martyrs and a$$holes... real people only exist in sustained marriages. | |
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| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/11/2009 6:55:05 AM |
The right to child support and the responsibilities of parents to provide such support have been internationally recognized. The 1992 United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child, a binding convention signed by every member nation of the United Nations and formally ratified by all but two,[8] declares that the upbringing and development of children and a standard of living adequate for the children's development is a common responsibility of both parents and a fundamental human right for children, and asserts that the primary responsibility to provide such for the children rests with their parents.[9] Other United Nations documents and decisions related to child support enforcement include the 1956 United Nations Convention on the Recovery Abroad of Maintenance, which was ratified by the vast majority of UN member nations.[10]
It seems to me that whether or not a parent should support a child that may not be living with them has been decided already and the powers that be have declared it is a right of the CHILD. It seems to me that only some people have difficulty understanding that child support is for the CHILD's benefit (both receivers and payers). Those that pay are stuck because they must pay it to the other parent and it burns their a$$ to have to give anything to someone they left or who left them. Those that receive it sometimes take it to the max, not out of necessity but out of spite to get back at the other parent.
For those that argue on this thread and on others that child support payments should be documented as to how the money was spent...it is impossible to account for it separately. Perhaps you want receipts from the other parent....how do you receipt the cost of food? One loaf of bread = x number of slices x number of slices eaten by the child....honestly...what a ridiculous expectation. We would have to weigh and document all food eaten on a chart or train the child to do it so that the other parent knows the money is being spent on them.
Rent for xsq ft home/# of people living in that home x # of those who are your children/50%? Same with utilities. Schools will have to start giving receipts to parents who pay for field trips and the like. We would have to save receipts for the purchase of school supplies, extra activities for virtually every purchase we make for our children. Forget it...it is never going to happen. The time needed to satisfy your demands is time better spent with our children.
If you take issue with the amount of child support set by the government, take it up with the government. Stop blaming and attacking the other parent. Stop whining about it because it comes across as "I hate my ex more than I love my children", unless you are ok with that impression you give. If you feel that you are unjustly screwed over, fight it. The only way that anything ever changes in the real world is through action directed at the people with the power to change it. Civil rights, women's rights, men's rights.....voicing your dissatisfaction in an open forum does nothing to change your circumstance, it only enables you to vent your anger and frustration. If you don't like the tables or the laws, fight them...join a group that is already fighting to have them changed or start your own. | |
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| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/11/2009 8:16:39 AM |
declares that the upbringing and development of children and a standard of living adequate for the children's development is a common responsibility of both parents and a fundamental human right for children
This is why Canada adopted it's own way of doing this. If Canada followed the UN's resolution, support would not be income based, it would be need based. You would determine a standard of living in each area and base any support accordingly. If that were happening, you'd probably see a sharp decrease in the number of people who think they're being screwed over. That's right, I didn't say it would be eliminated, it would decrease.
If you don't like the tables or the laws, fight them...join a group that is already fighting to have them changed or start your own.
The laws are already in place, but they're seldom followed. s.16(10) of the Divorce Act:
Maximum Contact
In making an order under this section, the court shall give effect to the principle that a child of the marriage should have as much contact with each spouse as is consistent with the best interests of the child and, for that purpose, shall take into consideration the willingness of the person for whom custody is sought to facilitate such contact.
s.17(9) of the Divorce Act:
Maximum Contact
In making a variation order varying a custody order, the court shall give effect to the principle that a child of the marriage should have as much contact with each former spouse as is consistent with the best interests of the child and, for that purpose, where the variation order would grant custody of the child to a person who does not currently have custody, the court shall take into consideration the willingness of that person to facilitate such contact.
For many it's less about the money and more about the time. It's hard to get that through to people who think money is the only driving factor in everybody's lives. | |
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| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/11/2009 9:17:47 AM |
...I hate my ex more than I love my children...
Wow. Thank you for that notable quotable. What a powerful thought. Makes me realize that I'm wasting my breath telling people "support is for the children", "think of the children", and "its your ability to"... wow. If that doesn't bring them up short and make them think, I don't know what will. Parents also need to understand that in most jurisdictions, access and support are two (2) different issues. You cannot withhold access if support is not paid.
I hate Family Law. | |
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| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/11/2009 10:57:48 AM | Carolann, he basically tied your hands as to what was to be done. You really had no choice. His being unbalanced really isn't your problem. He obviously can hold jobs -- lots of them. Many people have problems, but still need to support themselves. Does he live with his parents or something? I'm assuming he's standing on his own while you're also standing on your own with lots of extras on your plate because of his non-support. You said he's bad with money. So while you're cutting back on everything and looking for a second job to feed your/his children -- ooops! He's out shopping for fun toys. You don't need to talk to him. If need be, if he harasses you, file for a restraining order. He had the chance to talk to you about it. Now he can talk to the authorities instead. That was a choice he made -- not you.
I take real issue with some of the comments about child support in this thread. Two parents need to split the costs of raising children they produced. I also raised my son without the child support. It was tough. He didn't go without anything, but that was because of me. On the flip side, I went without a lot. It will take me a long time to get where I want to be for my future because I was the 100 percent supporter rather than getting any financial assistance from "dad." However, he was doing quite well during these years taking care of just him. It's not one parent's job to be the sole support, the sole caretaker and everything else. Yes, that does very much affect the children not only financially, but with the added stress in their living environment when one parent can't make ends meet. So for those of you who want to get back at your ex or to make sure she can't afford new socks or something she needs for herself because she's paying 100 percent of your part of the child's expenses, think again. | |
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| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/11/2009 5:43:35 PM |
You cannot withhold access if support is not paid.
And that's the way it should be. Damn. The MOST important thing in those childrens lives are ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS the time they spend with the non-custodial parent (assuming, of course, that the non-custodial parent is sane and fit to be around the child).
Using child support as a form of control over getting child support paid is among one of the sickest and most disgusting things I've ever heard in my life.
But you are right, I HATE family law. I hate a law system that demands money just be forked over to the other parent with no stipulations on how it is spent on the children (nor do they CARE if it's spent on the children). I hate a law system that defaults to every other weekend when agreement cannot be reached rather than noticing that joint custody is the best option for the children. I hate a law system that defaults that the woman is always the custodial parent unless she is proven unfit (which is almost impossible) and doesn't take the time to actually make a judgement call on who the BEST parent would be for the child (not just forking them over to one gender as long as they aren't complete wastes of flesh).
What most people don't understand is that those of us who pay child support do not begrudge the children the money at all. In fact, if it goes where it's supposed to, I feel better knowing they have that money. But those of us who pay child support understand that there is literally NO stipulations on how the money is spent. It's money handed over to the other parent with no real regulation as to whether it actually gets spent on the children.
And as such, those of us who pay support, **** about it every chance we get because of this. Not only that, but I'd wager that some people don't pay it for this reason. I'd bet if there were stricter guidelines on how the money was spent, there'd be more people paying it. | |
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