| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/25/2009 7:33:28 AM |
hat's exactly it. YOu nailed it. It's not "child support." It's "ex-wife support" disguised as child support.
For Christs sake. Grow some cajones and man up. Dont want to support your kid, thene be a little more selective who you get all up in. Or get a vasectomy. Or both.
Seriously if you cant afford a kid you should not procreate. | |
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| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/25/2009 3:55:55 PM |
For Christs sake. Grow some cajones and man up. Dont want to support your kid, thene be a little more selective who you get all up in. Or get a vasectomy. Or both.
Seriously if you cant afford a kid you should not procreate.
Oh, In Canada you don't have to be the biological father to have to pay support for a kid... just have to be 'perceived' as a father figure...
So your argument is flawed... | |
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| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/25/2009 5:11:22 PM | Then Canadian men need to be extra selective in their choices. Dont go playing house with some broke single mom.
I see nothing flawed about arguin that people who can not or will not support their offspring need not procreate. | |
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| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/26/2009 10:45:24 PM | I just think it's terrible that there are ideas floating around that treat a man's repsonsibility to his children as if it's welfare!!!!
Document? Make a minimum/maximum payment determining the "need"?
Excuse me?
When my husband and I were together he was making a hundred thousand dollars a year. He was making that kind of money when we split up in 1992. The kids had a lifestyle that allowed them to be in elite sports (they are very talented), to enjoy travelling to different places, to have opportunities that such an income can bring them and that was the only life they knew until their dad left.
Initially, we were reduced to poverty as he took all the money in the bank accounts. He refused to give me any money until I had to get a lawyer and the court ordered him to pay. That was 2 months later after he left. The legal machine is timely.
He only wanted to pay $400.00 a month total for both kids and keep the rest of his money for trips, a single batchelor lifestyle that included payments for Mercedes Benz convertible, pricy clothes, a townhouse that had all the fancy amenities, and women.
Now....why should his kids live in poverty while he has this? Why should they give up the sports at which they were so good that that they went to Nationals? Why should they live hand to mouth while he lives on filet mignon?
He had to pay a percentage of what he made so that the kids could keep up a standard of living to which they were accustomed to. I made sure that they were able to keep up their sports and other extra-curricular activities and that they ate well and had nice clothes.
Now that my kids are in their thirties and are doing well for themselves, I am thankful that there was F.M.E.P. in place in BC for the sake of my kids.
Regardless, daddies...the law is fair. You pay a percentage of what you make.
And....most single parents are out there struggling. A place with 2-3 bedrooms for rent is prohibitively expensive. Then you add the utilities and the food. Then the extra-curricular activities...and on..and on...Who has time and the money to go out a blow it on nightclubs?
Just whiney fathers who want to treat child-support like welfare. Who feel they deserve to have a swinging lifetyle.
.Aren't your kids worth it? | |
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| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/27/2009 5:04:47 AM | Yes the KIDS are worth it but not the ex'es. One thing you may not admit to but somewhere in your thinking you married this guy and he was much more attractive because he was rich. If he fooled around on you then okay maybe he should support your lifestyle but when you look at the big scene is it really worth it to marry a woman that can so easily walk away from a marraige.
The way I gather it from the many posts here from single moms is they wanted the white picket fence 2.5 kids and two car garage. For a man to have a stay at home wife and all this, he needs to make a fairly good buck or he'd still be single.
Families are just being ripped apart these days for frivoulous reasons. I know right away there will be posts about abuse, cheating, etc. but that only comes accross as a blanket statement that all men cheat and all men are abusive etc.
You know if you chose a man for his potential earning ability and couldn't be his wife then decide to go , then just go. He isn't busting his hump out there for you anymore so why should you in any way get any fallout from his efforts.
If you want his kids to have what they had before then give him the kids and quit whining about how he just doesn't feel like he is going to support you just because you got the kids.
I think too many women miss that concept.
When I was married I worked hard for us, as a family. I didn't try to better myself on the premise that I was going to support two households. But it seems like all men should somehow be prepared to do so these days because his chances of actually staying married for the length of time to raise a child doesn't happen anymore does it. | |
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| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/27/2009 5:42:47 AM | Not directed to the Op in any way, or anyone else on the thread.
...just my thoughts...
If he/she was an a$$hole to begin with, he/she is going to be an a$$hole after the divorce. People shouldn't act surprised. Maybe it's time both women and men begin holding out for a higher caliber of person to mate with and create children with?
I'm 33 and although I was married once upon a time I never had kids. Why? We had all the money we'd need, and he wanted some children - but I knew that while it was my bed I made when I married him (lots of issues there I should have looked and listened to) - I knew better than to bring a child into a bad situation. When I found him in bed with my friend, I was glad I had never made children with him.
He was handsome, well off, and smart - but he was also cruel, cold, and mean...why would I make a baby with him? I still want kids someday, but I'm holding out for a higher caliber of mate to make them with. | |
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| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/27/2009 6:06:12 AM |
Regardless, daddies...the law is fair. You pay a percentage of what you make.
And....most single parents are out there struggling. A place with 2-3 bedrooms for rent is prohibitively expensive. Then you add the utilities and the food. Then the extra-curricular activities...and on..and on...Who has time and the money to go out a blow it on nightclubs?
Just whiney fathers who want to treat child-support like welfare. Who feel they deserve to have a swinging lifetyle.
.Aren't your kids worth it?
I have no problems with the idea I should be working and supporting my children...which in fact I do.
I just have a problem with laws or rules where one is expected to work and work full time while the other party is able to sit back and not work and legally this is acceptable.
And as to extra-curricular activities....pray tell where is that suggested that it is essential that they are able to be involved. I know married couples who have children in sports who have had to explain to their children they could not continue because they could not afford what was required to be in the sports.
Your probably just pissed that you did not hit the bank accounts first....but then...it is also a mute point as it is all accounted for under division of assets that is part of the legal process. And any functioning working adult who is finacially contributing will be able to survive until the dust settles.
Why should a parent who works and works hard to provide be forced to subsidize his/her lifestyle to support an ex partner who is unable or unwilling to work themselves or work in an occupation where they will earn decent income.
Whiney Dads who complain about cs..and whiney mothers who complain because of their inadequacies in providing for themselves and their children on the other side. | |
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| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/27/2009 6:17:00 AM | if you are truly scared for your physical safety, then contact the police and let them know
maybe get a restraining order if you can
if you are scared for his physical safety, then notify the people who will be handling the support collections... maybe wait until he's more stable to pursue collecting, in case it pushes him over the edge
good luck | |
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| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/27/2009 6:17:14 AM | I see some terribly false logic. If you have 2 kids living with you they eat up most of anyones budget. $600 is too much money to support two kids bills for the month? Can you survive on that?
With that they will have to rent 2/3 of an apartment, get themselves food, lunch money, field trips, clothing and transportation, pay 2/3 of the utility bills and provide themselves with 2/3 of the health insurance and dental care. And if they want to play baseball or take ballet lessons it has to come out of that too.
What most NCP do not take into consideration that by sharing or joint custody then you would also need a 3 bedrooms as opposed to a 1 bedroom apartment. Your bills would go up having two roomates. | |
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| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/27/2009 8:44:18 AM | Tagging him with the bi polar thing seems very easy huh carolann, perhaps he 's just pissed that his kids aren't really his anymore and you are pissed because you do not have access to his money anymore like when you were married.
Well guess what he isn't your husband anymore and you do not deserve aceess to his efforts. The fact that he is argumentative with his bosses wouldn't have anything to do with the fact you were able to crush his life take his kids and have a law system that enables you to this without any real regard for his well being at all.
No offence golfer but you need to stop with he is just a lazy bum who is shirj=king his responsibilities. Carolann husband is representative of a very small percentage of men who do not pay.
You seem to have absolutely no mercy for those who may not have lucked out and gotten their kids or having a job that pays well enough for it to come down to choice of pay support or eat.
73 percent of men who don't pat earn less that 10000 dollars a year, do you really feel that they all are lazy? You obviously are good at what you do so the money comes easy but what of the men who are earning 10 dollars an hour? Are they lazy.
I bet you they work alot harder doing those shyte jobs that you do in week. I bet you the girl that works at the local timmies breaks a better sweat than you do.
Seriously if you cant afford a kid you should not procreate. I imagine that few women should think this way too eh sweetness but when you have a built in get the money from the guy becasue he doesn't have any choice, only men should ever think about that
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| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/27/2009 10:11:56 AM | Angry much or just a pot stiring troll?
My Ex has been on anti-anxiety meds, lithium, paxil, wellbutrin and through a slew of doctors. His mental state or diagnosis is not something I made up.
He did not pursue custody and never has.
This is not a man issue this is a bad Ex issue. You are the one being gender specific.
His degrees were obtained during the marriage and give him a far higher earning potential than mine do. We both paid his student loans. A Director of Engineering at a 200 man company does not make $10 an hour. All I ask is he pay the share the courts ordered. Moving assets into his Mother's name do not show signs of him being all that mentally ill. Just when it is convenient.
Crush his life? Oh please we are all in control of our own lives, I just want him to help pay for the kids groceries and sneakers once in a while.
But I am still afraid that he will hurt himself but I cannot help him in that department. I spent 20 years trying to help him. | |
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| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/27/2009 10:20:55 AM | | so if you knew he was that screwed where in the world did it ever occur to you to crank out three kids with him was a good idea? red flags much...... I think as is common you just ignored that becasue you were selfishly wanting the kids, his health be dammed. | |
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| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/27/2009 10:27:43 AM |
My Ex has been on anti-anxiety meds, lithium, paxil, wellbutrin and through a slew of doctors. His mental state or diagnosis is not something I made up.
He did not pursue custody and never has.
This is not a man issue this is a bad Ex issue. You are the one being gender specific.
His degrees were obtained during the marriage and give him a far higher earning potential than mine do. We both paid his student loans. A Director of Engineering at a 200 man company does not make $10 an hour. All I ask is he pay the share the courts ordered. Moving assets into his Mother's name do not show signs of him being all that mentally ill. Just when it is convenient.
A employee who is on the medications that you suggest is also not going to acquire and or more importantly hold on to a job like a Director of Engineering.
If you are or have based your child support award based on this pie in the ski belief on what he should be earning then you are yourself creating an impossible target for him to achieve. So you are crying poor and crying what he could be earning...if he was healthy and fully functioning???which you have already clearly established he is not?
So how is it you appear to be suggesting that he is capable of doing and earning a level of income?
yet in the same breath..in the same Paragraph it seems you clearly establish that he is not mentally capable of holding down a job?
I mean...he is fully capable and fully functional..or he is challenged or restricted in his abilty to function and provide for both himself and his children? Based on what you have said i see he is not nor will he ever be able to provide for his children at a level you feel is appropriate based on his education. and to expect it or demand it ultimately will mean if he does something to himself down the road you are partially responsible and simply leaving it at the feet of the courts is chicken droppings.
My own view is my ex has issues and feels that as a woman she is above considerations in respect to finacially providing for the children. And at the same time there are issues that have caused her and her immediate family some tremendous problems.
So I do myself what is required. | |
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| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/27/2009 5:51:13 PM |
I just think it's terrible that there are ideas floating around that treat a man's repsonsibility to his children as if it's welfare!!!!
That i agree with, and very much so.
He only wanted to pay $400.00 a month total for both kids and keep the rest of his money for trips, a single batchelor lifestyle that included payments for Mercedes Benz convertible, pricy clothes, a townhouse that had all the fancy amenities, and women.
Now....why should his kids live in poverty while he has this? Why should they give up the sports at which they were so good that that they went to Nationals? Why should they live hand to mouth while he lives on filet mignon?
If he has made his contribution, what he does with the rest of his money is his business.
Unless he chooses to share more with you, why dont you do something so that your kids can play sports and not live hand to mouth? I love filet mignon too, and make sure i can live well enough to afford it.
And....most single parents are out there struggling. A place with 2-3 bedrooms for rent is prohibitively expensive. Then you add the utilities and the food. Then the extra-curricular activities...and on..and on...Who has time and the money to go out a blow it on nightclubs?
Just whiney fathers who want to treat child-support like welfare. Who feel they deserve to have a swinging lifetyle.
.Aren't your kids worth it?
Nice stereoptype of "most single parents.' I missed the memo that having kids must equate that you must be poor.
Yes, i know the cost of living is expensive. Tell me about it. Whilst i do agree that fathers should contribute to their children and not be a whiny beyatch about supporting their offspring, if they ARE indeed making their contribution, why begrudge them fior living a swinging lifetsyle? Im these times women have just as much opportunity to succeed as men do. | |
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| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/27/2009 6:31:06 PM | His child support is based on W2's during the marriage as is most. The courts don't pull the amounts out of the air. He is an Engineer with a ME and he has the ability to work or consult and contribute to his children's upbringing. He is under employed and living away from them be choice.
What a person was like at 24 is not necessarily who they are at 50. Whatever signs there may have been were not that apparent the first 10 years of the marriage, he was gainfully employed during that entire time as was I. I have always worked full time and I am supporting the household to the best of my ability and he does not contribute at this time. It is not fair to his children or legal. I'm going to let the state take care of the problem.
I'm done defending myself to those with chips on their shoulders or fake profiles with nothing better to do. | |
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| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/27/2009 7:06:21 PM |
If he has made his contribution, what he does with the rest of his money is his business.
Unless he chooses to share more with you, why dont you do something so that your kids can play sports and not live hand to mouth? I love filet mignon too, and make sure i can live well enough to afford it.
My..my...the assumptions are going wild here.
I did work..and still do work and make enough to eat filet mignon....
When a man makes a $100,000. a year...and he only wants to pay $400.00 a month for 2 kids....because...sigh...he wanted to take trips to Thailand, NewYork, Australia etc....I had to come to the realization that I had to make tracks to the best lawyer. My kids were not going to eat hamburger helper while he dined on filet mignon.
He ended up paying me $1000.00 per month and sadly...had to cut his lifestyle expenses down.
I didn't care what he did with the rest of his money....(he still had plenty to play with) as long as my kids had the lifestyle that they were entitled to have.
As far as him wanting the kids? He told me flat out when we split up that I can raise the kids and have full custody of them. He wanted to have his batchelor lifestyle and didn't want any responsibility anymore.
He is their dad and he has responsibilities to their upbringing. They should NOT have to pay for their parents splitting up. PERIOD.
I do NOT feel gulity...will NEVER feel guilty...and my kids who are now 30 and 32 thank me for standing firm.
The nice surprise? Their dad who tried to play the bitter card with me and tried to malign me for doing this is now happy that he has two very nice and well-adjusted kids and now he is glad that they stayed in hockey, dance, soccer etc. and he is glad that he helped pay for that.
Quit whining and make your kids lives a priority.
It's NOT about YOU. | |
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| Child support issue has gone through
Posted: 1/27/2009 7:21:31 PM | carolann....
The law is there for a reason. Use it. You cannot win with the naysayers and whiners.
Do what is best for your children in the long run. They will thank you. Mine did.
I have been through hell and back with my ex and now it is paying off.
He has grown up some and now is proud with how his kids turned out. I raised my kids without help from him except court-ordered monthly monetary payments that had to be garnisheed from his place of work. Isn't that sad?
There were noises from his corner every so once in awhile about my greediness, my revengefulness (these from his current girlfriends who phoned me up to blast me about taking money from him so that he lives hand to mouth) and my lifestyle.
There will always be "soapboxers" who crow about the unfairness and try to make you feel guilty. DO NOT LISTEN TO THEM.
Good luck! Go with what's right. You deserve it. | |
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