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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/12/2009 11:37:17 AM | Did the girl tell him that? If so, he is dealing with a honest, horny woman.
Seriously, the guy obviously loves her enough to propose to her. He is planning or was planning to spend his life with this girl.
Yes, 83 people is a shocker. For some. Not for others.
She either is very comfortable with her sexuality and loves to explore it regularly with many people, and she is proud of it. And the guy probably got a taste of it. And therefore was part of the reason he loves her.
OR she has deep self esteem issues. Men make her feel validated by sleeping with her. And the guy probably got a taste of these issues she may have and loves her anyway.
Now he knows a number. A NUMBER. She is still the woman he wanted to spend his life with.
I understand the true struggle in this situation though. It's not a light subject. | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/12/2009 12:08:03 PM | | get tested for any STD`s would be my advice to him.. | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/12/2009 12:57:38 PM | I'd say your friend is sitting on a gold mine. A woman with that much experance knows her way around a man's body. Moreover, she's likely got it out of her system (at least for a while). The only reason I can come up with that may give him second thoughts all have to do with low self esteem. IMHO he should tell himself that she's with him because he's the best man around and she knows because she's had all the others.
Hmmmmm...
How many women has she been with?  | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/12/2009 1:02:32 PM | | He should get over it and NEVER ASK THAT QUESTION AGAIN IF HE CAN'T TAKE THE ANSWER!!!!! | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/12/2009 1:07:26 PM | He wants to get tested then get rid of her. I wouldn't even contemplate being with a girl that thinks so little of the act that she'll share it with anyone, so little of her body that she'll risk catching a dose or disease. People need to realise that decent people will hold someone accountable for their past actions, judging what they will do in the future based on the past.
guys are as guilty as girls in my opinion.
Guys will put girls into two groups, relationship material and casual sex material. Most guys will take the risk of the casual sex material and go with the flow until it fizzles out. Some guys won't take it preferring to stick to relationship material. Some guys don't want a serious relationship and will just lie and scam and take what ever is offered their way.
This guy has just moved her from relationship material to casual, but has made plans to be with a girl for a relationship and possibly wouldn't want casual anyway.
He asked that question because he doesn't want to be with the town bike.
Ask it too soon and girls do a runner before answering or lie, even if the number is low because for some reason a girl thinks a guy has no rights to know her past and how shes acted which is as far as I know only a recent attitude.
We all have a past and anyone who is prepared to share the future with us is entitled to know that past, as the past makes her what she is now and in the future. I think you need to know the past to truly know a person. | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/12/2009 1:12:33 PM | They should call this the generalization forum, as people generalize so much about each gender.Ya heard of StPaul on the road to Damascus, used to stone people, then became a saint.How about all the reformed addicts and violent people, who have turned their live around.
This girl did not kill anyone, maim them or ruin anyone elses good name. She is not violent or a child abuser.She merely likes sex a lot.Its the old double standard, a woman,s a slut, a man a stud for the same actions.For every bonk she had, she was partnered by an equally loose living-haha male.It takes two to tango.Its not that big a deal.Its not the era of the Scarlet letter, its 2009 for hecks sake.
All women do not cheat, nor do all men.Some women cheat, some men cheat. Its not women in general guys--aka Nebula-its the type of women you are choosing, time and time again ad Nauseum . Own your mistakes and learn from them, rather than labeling an entire gender.
Your friend has shown immaturity and the fact, that the opinions and approval of others are more important than his girl. He is more worried, what others think and will he measure up, to her ex,s, than how she is now, in the moment.He needs to think for himself and be his own person.Calling her a slut is, so low.If he dropped her, he would doing her a favour and all his mates would be forming an orderly line, sniffing around trying to date her ,for certain.He is a fool. | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/12/2009 1:15:43 PM |
In his mind, he doesn't really want to marry a slut
Are you really privvy to what's going on in his mind? Did he really SAY that out loud in your presence? If so, he needs to set her free. There is a disparity between them and he'll always look down on her.
and he is thinking maybe after a while, she will get sick of him just like those other 83 guys.
Oh puh-leeeze! Do you really think she had a relationship with 83 guys? Many probably were 1-night stands. But she might get tired of him being soooo needy and lacking confidence to the degree that he sits around dreaming up BS like this. He's grasping for reasons to excuse himself from the relationship. Not that the number of lovers someone has had is not a deal-breaker for some people, and if that's how someone feels then they can't change that and it's legitimate. But just freaking SAY so and don't make it all about what she might do cuz she's this or that kinda person.
Sometimes it's best just to keep our freaking mouths shut. If they don't ask, don't volunteer info you even suspect they might find upsetting (regardless of gender). And I have to say for the record that the few times I've been involved with someone who would ask or witnessed similar situations with friends in their relationships, it is the women who have been more honest about the number than the men. My ex tried to tell me he had been with 3 women counting me. "Uhm... dude... you've done waaaaay too many drugs cuz apparently I know and remember more women you've been with than you do."  | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/12/2009 1:19:47 PM | Generalization, because generally that's how it is, but not always.
Generalizations about blokes thinking its ok for blokes to go with 83 but not a woman for example. most blokes think it is, but I don't.
Someone who has had lots of partners generally values sex less than someone who chooses more carefully and has long term relationships and generally is a lot more likely to be unfaithful. Maybe he is worried about that rather than what his mates think.
She is what she is, she's had casual sex with 83 people.
She has absolutely no self respect. If you can't respect yourself how can you respect others. | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/12/2009 1:21:37 PM | He wants to get tested then get rid of her. I wouldn't even contemplate being with a girl that thinks so little of the act that she'll share it with anyone, so little of her body that she'll risk catching a dose or disease.
You're exactly the person who shouldn't know the number. Here is a girl who is pretty much great for him, he is going to marry her for Pete's sake. Then, he finds out how many people she's been with and the game is off? How much was he really feeling the first place then if he's able to just throw her away because of this? This is your opinion, so I will leave you with it, but I don't assume to know what this guy will be doing now that he knows this information.
People need to realise that decent people will hold someone accountable for their past actions, judging what they will do in the future based on the past.
guys are as guilty as girls in my opinion.
People need to realize that decent peopple will NOT hold someone accountable for their past actions but appreciate them for the person they are today. How is one to learn lessons with no mistakes?
Really "decent" of you lol.
Guys will put girls into two groups, relationship material and casual sex material.
All guys except you, right? I mean, you don't have casual sex or anything. So lemme ask you this. How in the hell do you know what guys think when you're clearly not one of "those" types? Did you have a male friend fill you in on how guys think?
Most guys will take the risk of the casual sex material and go with the flow until it fizzles out. Some guys won't take it preferring to stick to relationship material. Some guys don't want a serious relationship and will just lie and scam and take what ever is offered their way.
Only three categories of guys, ladies. All listed above for you persuing pleasure. And you thought it was difficult to classify them? This guy did it in three easy lines of complete and utter crap. You have to lie and scam to get laid? I didn't know that! I have been doing it wrong I guess because I am honest and forthcoming about what I want and desire at this time in my life and I get laid. Are you saying I have to lie and scam to do it because that is just not jiving with me. Women usually don't appreciate liars. They DO appreciate men who are honest. Who do you think gets laid more? I am not saying there aren't weak people lying out there left right and sideways to get into a pair of chinos, but to say that they all do is infantile and generalist to an extreme.
This guy has just moved her from relationship material to casual, but has made plans to be with a girl for a relationship and possibly wouldn't want casual anyway
How do you know what he's done?
She is what she is, she's had casual sex with 83 people.
Holy man titties Batman. You're dumb. | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/12/2009 1:29:08 PM | | I'd be willing to bet that if his number was 84 or more he wouldn't have nearly so much of a problem with her number. Does this materially change who she is or how she treats him? What a stupid question to ever ask of someone! As long as her number (and his) is zero since they met its all good. A relationship is about the present and the future, not the past. If he is this freaked about it he should let her go, not because of her but because he is incapable of handling that she had a life before him and will be looking for ways to sabotage the relationship. | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/12/2009 1:32:56 PM | | This man should reconsider and find a...not so crazy woman lol. (yes I mean crazy in two ways). I personally think she's lying, but whether she's lying or telling the truth its probably just a bad idea all together. I'd look elsewhere =). | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/12/2009 1:46:00 PM | Unless he was guy number one its none of his business.  Do people actually keep talleys like that in this day and age????? | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/12/2009 1:53:10 PM | Procol:
Women never tell their GFs stuff like that?
What we don't tell our girlfriends is something disparaging, especially if we expect to remain with them for life. How dumb is that? Your friends are supposed to support you in your choices, and how can they if you badmouth your SO to them? Makes it tough to support you; no?
And OP:
He wants to get tested then get rid of her.
Why in the world didn't they both get tested before they started "bumping uglies" in the first place? There's no difference between one and 100 partners where that's concerned. | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/12/2009 2:12:45 PM |
You're exactly the person who shouldn't know the number. Here is a girl who is pretty much great for him, he is going to marry her for Pete's sake. Then, he finds out how many people she's been with and the game is off? How much was he really feeling the first place then if he's able to just throw her away because of this? This is your opinion, so I will leave you with it, but I don't assume to know what this guy will be doing now that he knows this information.
She isn't great for him, the number of men she's had sex with bothers him.
He was going to marry her based on what he knew about her. He knows more about her now.
If he found out she'd sexually abused a child should he still marry her because they were going to get married when he found out? I don't think so. Any new information about someone that you intend to marry could change weather or not that person wants to still get married. It's clearly a big problem and has cast doubts on his judgement that she is the right girl for him.
People need to realize that decent peopple will NOT hold someone accountable for their past actions but appreciate them for the person they are today. How is one to learn lessons with no mistakes?
Really "decent" of you lol.
Again, would you marry a sexual abuser, someone that's murdered someone, a rapist, a prostitute. Maybe you would I don't know. Someone with a decent upbringing doesn't make mistakes like that . But then as a female friend has just said on msn "sadly girls now think its cool to sleep with whoever they want whenever they want"
All guys except you, right? I mean, you don't have casual sex or anything. So lemme ask you this. How in the hell do you know what guys think when you're clearly not one of "those" types? Did you have a male friend fill you in on how guys think?
All guys including me, just that I don't want or need casual sex. Yes I've asked lots of guys. I've asked lots of girls questions too of every sexual persuasion. gay les, bi, straight, swingers, prostitutes. Google sexology.
Only three categories of guys, ladies. All listed above for you persuing pleasure. And you thought it was difficult to classify them? This guy did it in three easy lines of complete and utter crap. You have to lie and scam to get laid? I didn't know that! I have been doing it wrong I guess because I am honest and forthcoming about what I want and desire at this time in my life and I get laid. Are you saying I have to lie and scam to do it because that is just not jiving with me. Women usually don't appreciate liars. They DO appreciate men who are honest. Who do you think gets laid more? I am not saying there aren't weak people lying out there left right and sideways to get into a pair of chinos, but to say that they all do is infantile and generalist to an extreme.
That's a really clever observation. If there's serious and casual being discussed. I'd love to see how you could come up with a fourth . there's people who only have serious, people who only have casual and people who have both. well that's how it was when I did maths.
"Some guys don't want a serious relationship and will just lie and scam and take what ever is offered their way."
Ok that is an unfair generalisation not all that only want casual will lie and scam to get it. Many do though making out that they want serious, playing women and cheating.
How do you know what he's done?
Because that is what it says in the original post. He was going to marry her and now he is having doubts. He doesn't think she's marriage material. He doesn't think she's relationship material. The guy wants to get married, that is what he wants from a serious relationship with this girl
Holy man titties Batman. You're dumb.
Yes, well, I've just spoken on the phone perfectly clearly so I'm not sure what you mean by that.
Unless he was guy number one its none of his business. Do people actually keep talleys like that in this day and age?????
Well yes decent girls do, they have a small enough amount to be able to remember.
sadly girls now think its cool to sleep with whoever they want whenever they want so can't remember them all to be able to keep a tally.
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/12/2009 2:23:19 PM | Nebula, you bitter old hippy,.. hwere the heck do you get off with the attitude that all women are cheaters and numbers makes someone a slut?
At Josh,..Tell you what, I'm pretty bloody judgemental, and have no problem admitting that,.. but in this case. my numbers are 0 to this lady's 83. That makes me one of those 'decent women' you talk about.
If I met a man I liked, and his number was 83 too, that wouldnt have any bearing on how I view him, and our relationship in the here and now.
If I can put someones past into the context it should be in, which is firmly in the past, then so should you be able to as well.
To the OP,
The problem is your idiotic friend, and your equally idiotic other friends,... He claims to love and wants to marry this girl, and yet he offers up her past as fodder for his friends amusement and judgement? He also calls his intended a slut?
What a nasty piece of immature laddish work he is.
Meh, I dunno, maybe they deserve each other,.. but I know this much, its HIS attitde that would put me off, not her past numbers.
TDD. x | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/12/2009 2:25:39 PM | hmmm..... @Josh.... what do decent men do??? do they keep count too??? and if their number is high is that a problem??? or is it still ok for a man to have.... ummm..... experience??
and this woman kept count.... but she isn't decent.... in your opinion... maybe she shouldn't have counted.... and just kept it at a few...
sexual history now being equated to sexual abuse of children or prostitution.... nice... | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/12/2009 2:28:08 PM | She isn't great for him, the number of men she's had sex with bothers him.
He was going to marry her based on what he knew about her. He knows more about her now.
If he found out she'd sexually abused a child should he still marry her because they were going to get married when he found out? I don't think so. Any new information about someone that you intend to marry could change weather or not that person wants to still get married. It's clearly a big problem and has cast doubts on his judgement that she is the right girl for him.
So you're equating to sleeping with 83 different people to commiting a crime against children? No wonder you think so badly of it. Methinks your observations are very skewed, my friend. It's something that is important to YOU. Not everyone else.
Again, would you marry a sexual abuser, someone that's murdered someone, a rapist, a prostitute. Maybe you would I don't know. Someone with a decent upbringing doesn't make mistakes like that . But then as a female friend has just said on msn "sadly girls now think its cool to sleep with whoever they want whenever they want"
Again you relate sleeping with 83 people to murder and acts of violence. What is going on dude? Really?
So now people who sleep with many different partners don't come from decent households. Does that mean only people who are promiscous come from broken or troubled homes? Do you expect anyone else to believe your generalizationist BS?
Also, what is "sad" about a women choosing to sleep with whom she wants when she wants? What in God's green marble is wrong with that? Are you about repressing women and having complete control over them because it seems like you enjoy equating sexual promiscuity to rape, murder, and abuse which is quite sick in and all of itself. If only they had someone to look out after them and tell them when and when to not have sex. I am sure you'll be at the front of the line to volunteer for that job lol.
Because that is what it says in the original post. He was going to marry her and now he is having doubts. He doesn't think she's marriage material. He doesn't think she's relationship material. The guy wants to get married, that is what he wants from a serious relationship with this girl
The OP didn't say he didn't think she was marriage material. Just that we has having second thoughts. So that means she is now not even relationship material? You seem to read much better than I do because I certainly didn't gather all that from the original post.
Yes, well, I've just spoken on the phone perfectly clearly so I'm not sure what you mean by that.
The fact that you can't even catch onto it after it's been pointed out to you makes you even dumber still. Let me spell it out for you. Just because she's had sex with 83 guys, does NOT mean that they were all casual. Do you understand that? Now do you see where you were being a bit... ummm... obtuse?
Well yes decent girls do, they have a small enough amount to be able to remember.
sadly girls now think its cool to sleep with whoever they want whenever they want so can't remember them all to be able to keep a tally.
Guess what? It IS cool for women to be able to sleep with whom they want when they want. I am sorry you don't agree with this and think repression is the answer.
Seriously man? I can't wait for you to be played up and down the street by a "good" girl. It'll happen if you give it enough time. Not all "good" girls are good and not all "bad" girls are bad. But ALL GENERALIZATIONS ARE STUPID! | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/12/2009 2:30:18 PM | I cant believe she could even cough up a firm number like "83" .
I dont know if it was good or bad that she was counting them..... LOL But the fact she knew it was exactly 83 seems sorta creepy.
Cowboy | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/12/2009 2:32:41 PM | Josh how many is too many , and how come you get to decide just how many is too many? This woman did not sexual abuse, murder ,rape or prostitute. She had sex which is not a crime nor is it wrong.
Now I may not believe in casual sex , but I am not going to tell someone what they can and can't do, and I am not going to tell them that the only way to be a decent human being is to be like me.I may not want to date someone who has had multiple sexual partners , but that does not make me a more decent human being then him. Having sex does not make you an indecent human being. | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/12/2009 2:34:00 PM | josh youre kidding me right? Ground Control to Major Tom................. so you think her sexual history makes her unmarketable for marriage? what a twisted view.
You have no idea about this woman, he never said she was a hooker or anything like that, you know how many decent girls have STD's? you think STD's are limited to people who are sexually active ??? if you believe that , Prince Charles has his Waterfront Condo up for sale in Xanadu right beside the Wizard of Oz and Dorothy too 
All it takes is one time with one infected partner thats all
josh please take a sex education class pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
you cant believe everything your read in Playboy. | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/12/2009 2:38:49 PM |  thanks Iceman.... I have a good friend who's mother died of AIDS related illness.... she was monogamous.... her husband cheated.... her mother had ONE sexual partner..... her sexual partner, husband.... had more partners during the marriage.... and brought HIV home.... sucks..... | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/12/2009 2:44:50 PM | this sounds like a rehash of a thread that went over 100 pages some time back ago...?
He was foolish to ask , she was foolish to answer.
neb said. "Yea,, they should never tell their numbers because far too many of them are sluts.." But, he has admitted to 10. So, where is the cutoff to slutdom ? Will he become a slut at 11, or does he get to go to 83?
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/12/2009 2:45:30 PM | Someone who has had lots of partners generally values sex less than someone who chooses more carefully and has long term relationships and generally is a lot more likely to be unfaithful. Maybe he is worried about that rather than what his mates think.==quote
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Womens sexuality is under their control, so they may sleep with whom they choose. This is not the world of the Burkha,. Who says all 83 were casual, we don't know that.Maybe she has tired of sexual liaisons only and wants more now. Maybe she has matured and wants to have more serious relationships.Who are we to judge.We have enough to do, to watch our own behaviour. People change and regret the past, sometimes.Should they be denied love and a family because of their past sex lives.Thats ridiculous.Remember when you point the finger, there are three more pointing back at yourself.
Some people have sex as a means to get love, to be held or for validation of their attractiveness.To boost poor self worth and to feel desired.It can be for many reasons apart from a simple desire for a natural function i.e.sex.Some women can use it, to gain a relationship, to connect emotionally and feel wanted.Its a complex thing, sexuality.
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Again, would you marry a sexual abuser, someone that's murdered someone, a rapist, a prostitute. Maybe you would I don't know. Someone with a decent upbringing doesn't make mistakes like that . But then as a female friend has just said on msn "sadly girls now think its cool to sleep with whoever they want whenever they want"-----quote
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Why would you compare a girl, who has had many lovers, with an sex abuser,rapist or prostitute. There is no comparison here.The first two are vile crimes and the last a sad . career choice often brought about by serious emotional issues, poverty or addiction.Jesus saved the adulterous woman, saying,"You, who have no sin throw the first stone.".Noone threw any stones, because no-one could afford to.We are all flawed.
Lots of serial killers etc have had "decent upbringings", they still murdered women.Perhaps the attitude to women needs to change, so they are not seen as disposable or that they should live up to some unwritten male code of ethics, about their own private sexuality.Violence is way more obscene, than the worst promiscuity.How many women and kids are murdered each year by" Loving" partners, who often feel they can be judge and jury.
A womans sexual past is her own business.Thats why it is called a past, its gone, dead.Its her persona in the moment that matters.Who she is now.A lot of the thinking and opinions about womens sexuality and their right to practice it, needs to change.it is so infuriating, that people feel the need to stand in judgment over others, look in the damn mirror at yourself and watch your own behaviour. That should take 100% of anyones time. | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/12/2009 2:55:10 PM | trailgirl,
Your friends are supposed to support you in your choices, and how can they if you badmouth your SO to them? Makes it tough to support you; no?
I don't know, but I don't recall the OP saying that the guy disparaged her at all. As far as I can tell he was having second thoughts when he found out how many. Maybe he was looking to his friends for support? No idea.
Again, if she started at 16 then that was about 0.7 guys per month average she had sex with. . Say we edit it to 1 guy every two months for ten years. That's quite a lot isn't it? To me, that points to insecurities...both men and women. I can understand it being an isuue if it happened to either sex.
Not saying it would bother me. I never saw the point in asking. | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/12/2009 4:07:26 PM | Why is that even an issue?
It took 83 till she found him.
At least she did a diligent search.
:-)
Seriously though if a guy slept with 83 girls he'd be a stud.
A girl does it and there is something wrong? | |
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