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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/13/2009 2:04:46 AM | This sounds like a woman who has gotten past, her past, and insecurity of self worth, and shared something very intimate and personal with a man who hasn't.
Those of you who have thrown the stone are so very pure I'm sure. | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/13/2009 2:23:20 AM |
There is no male equivalent of "slut". Men face no such shaming language created to denigrate his sexual worth in the eyes of the opposite sex as women find in the term "slut". Nice try though
Maybe not in your part of the world...
However, in the real world...
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=male+slut
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=manwhore | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/13/2009 2:57:17 AM | I agree with iceman. He's always right...............
The past is the past. I would drive myself nuts if I starting digging into a new partner's past life. I want to accept him for now and who he is. | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/13/2009 3:43:43 AM | lurtle,
She didn't have sex 83 times.
She had sex with 83 different men.
HUGE difference.
Again, it's not the sex that may be the issue.
It's the having sex with a different guy (1.4) every two months for 10 years that points to perhaps emotional issues of some sort. Does also greatly increase catching a disease since I doubt she had time to insist they get screened first. | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/13/2009 4:39:50 AM | Procol -
Actually, OP did say his friend discussed it with other guys. Try re-reading message 5...
A few other guys made a comment that after 83 guys she would be big enough to park a truck in it. I'm like. OMG. you didn't just say that. I don't know what to tell the guy. In his mind, he doesn't really want to marry a slut and he is thinking maybe after a while, she will get sick of him just like those other 83 guys.
And the screening for disease I was speaking about was before the potential couple started sleeping together, not the woman and the men in her past. | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/13/2009 5:31:08 AM | are you sure the guy isn't dyslexic? maybe she only slept with 38 people, heh.
plus, how did he get this information? is it something she admitted to him herself (doubtful) or hearsay from friends/enemies/ex-boyfriends/gossip mill?
i would say if the guy is thinking 2x about marrying this girl, then that seems to indicate he has concerns about his values being quite different than hers and that is a valid reason for second thoughts when considering something as major as a marriage. it's something they should discuss.
i think if *anything* comes up before an impending marriage that causes a person to seriously think twice about going through with it, then that person ought to think a lot more than twice about it before going through with the marriage. marriages are easy to call off but much more painful & difficult to undo once the ink is dry on the paper.
either way, he needs to be real clear on why he is marrying this person. or not. there’s no room for second-guessing and “buyer’s remorse” at this stage of the game. | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/13/2009 6:49:35 AM | | Whew! She was getting busy alot! I definitely would have her get tested for diseases first off. How would she even be able to remember the men after that many? I think the more important question is how many men has she been with in the last year or 2 years. Maybe she just went through a phase when she was younger and it wouldn't be very hard for an attractive girl to sleep with that many guys. If she's been with like 10 people in the last 2 years I would want no part of that. | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/13/2009 7:11:29 AM | | I don't think this guy is much of a catch if he is sharing this kind of information with his friends. I'm sure this information was shared in confidence and the woman did not expect it to be broadcast to other people. | |
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El Efe
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Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 85 | |
| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/13/2009 7:45:05 AM | church -
Despite the negative credibility your citation of the urban dictionary confers upon you, not to mention that you could not come up with a cogent reason as to HOW a man being labelled "manwhore" or "male slut" actually decreases his sexual worth in the eyes of women (which it doesn't, it actually enhances it), I will entertain your "argument".
A man that is called out as one who gets around is clearly an example of the kind of specimen that a woman's reptilian hind-brain makes her panties soak for. He is a fit "match" to father her offspring. Through offspring produced from his seed she can be comforted by the assurance that her genes will survive that generation to be passed along and propagated.
And I will amend my statement, maybe the closest thing men face in terms of language designed to disqualify their sexual position would be the term "gay". The problem with its potency, however, is that it is a term used jokingly between the boys as a term of endearment. "Slut" is a social smart bomb employed mainly by women against other women to wipe their competition from the sexual playing field with the force of ten Little Boys.
F. | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/13/2009 7:49:50 AM | A man that is called out as one who gets around is clearly an example of the kind of specimen that a woman's reptilian hind-brain makes her panties soak for.
perhaps in the nether regions of the district of columbia, which wouldn't surprise me. meanwhile, on the rest of the planet, most civilized people of either gender and over the age of 16 would be put off by the indiscriminately promiscuous.
happy fukking. enjoy your reality tunnel. absit iniuria verbis. | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/13/2009 8:03:02 AM | Are the 83 people in the bedroom with the couple every night? Meaning, is the girl carrying any kind of STD or rape/relationship trauma?
If the answer's no, then eight or 80 - what does it matter?
To put it in perspective, she's also probably eaten 28,470 meals in the past 26 years. Doesn't mean she shouldn't still eat today. | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/13/2009 8:08:42 AM | | Seriously, is this some kind of urban legend, because I've read exactly the same scenario on this site and others? Surely there can't be that many women who have sex with the identical number of men and then confess all to their fiancee. | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/13/2009 8:25:48 AM | | The past is not just the past, it is a gauge and a predictor for how a person is likely to behave in the future. It also shows the extent of their morals, and also their attitude towards relationships. I doubt that for many of these kind of people who have slept with so many people they can suddenly change. If I had found out that my partner had slept with 83 people I would run a mile as actions and past choices speak volumes. | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/13/2009 8:51:05 AM | I understand the whole wanting to tell your partner everything, but I feel like this girl made a HUGE mistake by telling her man she THOUGHT she could trust. I made the same mistake at one point. I went through a party drunk phase and my number wasnt even that bad. Well I was talking about it with an ex and against the advice of my friend I told him cause I 'wanted to be honest' and all he ever did was make me feel bad about it and use it against me when we got into fights. It really put a damper on our own sex life cause he couldnt get over it.
I think your friend needs to straighten this out before he marries her or else this IS gonna end up being a big problem in their marriage. I also feel that if he truely loves this woman enough to marry her then her past shouldnt matter. Not everyone has a past that they'd share with the world. It sucks that she couldnt trust the one person she shouldve been able to trust. | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/13/2009 9:03:02 AM | This is obviously an issue with him, so if he can't move past it, then, yes, he should end the relationship. His resentment for it probably won't get better.
I myself have a varied past, yet I have never cheated. I have an ex whose 'numbers' were much lower than mine. Of course, he managed to double those numbers without my knowledge during our relationship. He also made sure to bring up my past every chance he got. I have also been in actual monogamous relationships with men who have numerous partners before me. Note, I said 'monogamous', in that, they didn't cheat on me. So you can't look at someone's past sex 'numbers' and know for a certainty that someone who has slept with a lot of people is going to cheat.
Its up to your 'friend' to decide if this is something he can forget about. It has nothing to do with forgiveness as she has done nothing she should feel sorry for. | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/13/2009 10:16:39 AM |
A man sleeps with 83 women and he is a stud. A woman sleeps with 83 men and she is a slut. Jeeze what a double standard. I am sure your friends was no innocent little virgin and had quite a number of kinky meaningless encounters. - mary freakin poppins
Yes mary freakin poppins , probably true. I remember having one of those conversations (# of partners, safe sex, etc) with an ex long ago & he smirked & said, this is why guys never count!
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While that is a lot of people for a man or a woman her age, by telling his friends, he's broken any sacred bond of intimacy he had with this woman. I'm positive that things she shares with him in private she'd never expect him to be sharing with his buddies. What was he thinking? She should dump his a$$ - he's an idiot and not trustworthy, honorable or a man of integrity, period. - trailgirl
He does sound extremely insecure & immature for a guy of 30, especially if he is thinking marriage. And why didn't they have this conversation BEFORE they became intimate? If you are close enough with someone to have sex ith them, these issue should be talked about, before gettng serious. A lot of heartbreak could be avoided, if people just communicated!!
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If he is this freaked about it he should let her go, not because of her but because he is incapable of handling that she had a life before him and will be looking for ways to sabotage the relationship. - Happily Ever...maybe
That's my take on it as well. He is hesitating, perhaps because of the committment already made, but its clear he is looking for an excuse to chicken out.
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Shouldn't you be able to not hide things from you soon to be husband or is it ok that some things are left unsaid? - wnight
I guess that depends on the person. Some people are happier not knowing the number, if it's going to bug them. My S/O & I have not discussed exact numbers. We have discussed our previous marriages/divorces, the fact that we have both been tested. The exact number shouldn't be the big issue anyway. Has she ever cheated? If not, then he is totally over-reacting.
OP, ask your friend this: If he had a guy friend tell him he'd been with 83 women, what would his reaction be? | |
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El Efe
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Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 93 | |
| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/13/2009 10:34:59 AM |
perhaps in the nether regions of the district of columbia
Hey, in some places we have stoplights and indoor plumbing, too!
most civilized people of either gender and over the age of 16 would be put off by the indiscriminately promiscuous
I do not disagree, nobody wants to be with someone that doesn't have other quality options to the one you present. However, you make a Yao Ming sized reach by concluding that in order for a person to collect a large number of sex partners they must choose them using a set of standards as structurally sound as a wet paper bag. What if this promiscuous "slut" chose most of her 83 from the huge vocal majority of "nice, quality guys" that go on and on on these boards with their typical lamentations of "there are so many good guys out there, but these women only seem to choose the bad-boy ***hole types that beat them with their empty beer cans"? Would she not, then, be choosing what some would argue to be quality men, even though she happened to choose many of them?
My heart bleeds.
happy fukking
It truly is a joyful act, isn't it?
enjoy your reality tunnel
Yes, I enjoy tunnels highly. How did you know?!
absit iniuria verbis
None taken.
F. | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/13/2009 11:03:36 AM | | If this was such an issue for him, why is he just now finding out? (just curious). If this is a topic that bothers a lot of people, wouldn't they find out much sooner into the relationship? Unless she (or he) lied and it comes up out of guilt or something. No, not everyone is a slut or lies, I am proud to say I can count on one hand how many people I have been intimate with. I also have only been in long term relationships and am very cautious about who I "go there" with. I would not necessarily judge a man by his past, actually I do not even think I would ask. What I care about is the "here and now" and that he is faithful with me. People can have STD's if they have slept with 5 people or 500. So, to be so concerned about that is an issue that should matter no matter HOW many partners someone has had. This sounds like something he is going to need to work on. A lot more factors will come into play as well, stuff that we do not know about them. I would tell him, as a friend to talk to her about it and really weigh out what the real issue is!!! | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/13/2009 11:28:35 AM |
Yea,, they should never tell their numbers because far too many of them are sluts..
And some people (not just men) should learn when to stay silent so as not to appear to be an an idiot.
I used to go to Yahell chats. I met in a man in a chat room who said he was going to travel across country in his motorhome. He wanted to come see me, but I declined. About a year later, he actually messaged me again. He had made his trek and was back at his home. As we chatted, he told me that he had slept in excess of 80 women--and this had been in a ten year period since he and his wife had divorced (he was near my age, in his 50s).
So, Nebula, women are not the only sexual "sluts" as you term them.
I had a problem with that number and it wasn't based on his sluttishness or moral issues; it was because he obviously thought women were bed board notches. He protested that he didn't think that way, but his trek had been to stop here, have sex, go there, have sex. Had I allowed him to come see me, he would have expected the same.
Even if he were collecting notches, the question of "why" still remains. Even people who REALLY enjoy sex (don't we all)) don't feel the need or compulsion to sleep with 80+ people in ten years or even a lifetime.
OP, that would be my questions as to the young woman in question. Did she sleep with all those men to try to fill something in her life? Self esteem? Validation for her physical appeal? Beyond those questions, has she found what she needs and will the young man be able to keep fulfilling those needs? And I am NOT talking about sexual fulfillment--that is not why she was having relations with so many men.
Sounds like counseling is in order. | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/13/2009 11:30:24 AM | Some of you people really kill me , ok she supposedly slept with 83 people, if she's taken precaution and hasnt had a disease or given someone a disease what does it matter? this is why some women have to lie about their past because of narrow minded people with their holier than thou attitude, if the woman was being promiscuous while in a relationship is one thing, and we dont enough about the woman to say anything.
Is some of your past so pure? I doubt it , If this was a guy who said he had sex with 83 women, most men would of said " good boy" or " lucky bast*ard" , but if a woman who is sexually liberated and says she had 83 partners she's a slut? I dont think most people know the difference between a " slut" and a " sexually liberated" woman.
I dont know if she was a slut or a sexually liberated woman, not enough info to process, and those who think because she slept with that many guys she must have diseases , you really need to take a sex education class. | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/13/2009 11:39:25 AM | Hmmm, as is usually the case in these forums, critical information is missing...How did you, oops, I mean "he" get wind of this information? Was he told by the girl, or by one of her hating ass friends? Is he having second thoughts because he's worried about being able to keep up? Has this revelation made you--damn, sorry, "him" loose respect for his betrothed?
Look, bottom line we all have pasts, even at your relatively young ages. If you love the girl and she loves you who gives a shyt about head-count? Get over it or get over her. If you're going to be worried every time you're out with her about whether your waiter is one of the Eighty-Three then you should probably just let this one go... | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/13/2009 11:43:26 AM | | Well she is not short on experience then I expect. | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/13/2009 12:08:07 PM | | Talk about a red flag. He better think looooong and hard. | |
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| Slept with 83 people
Posted: 1/13/2009 12:21:45 PM | WOW...I'm thinking she should be the one backing out! How judgemental! I'm thinking you should have already known all about her past BEFORE planning a wedding! Persuming he did, he asked her anyway..so why care now. Look, it my "hay-day" I had my fun, and some dogs in the wood-pile but I don't throw stones and I damn sure wouldn't marry someone who did! Besides, the way to never have this happen to you, is to just NOT KEEP TRACK!
(I know I should have said abstinence, but I couldn't resist!) | |
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