| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/13/2009 5:57:36 AM | OP - hunny, sweetie, sugarpie...?
1) Burning mail is wrong. So is reading another person's mail (even a post card). I guess curiosity really did kill the cat in this scenario.
2) You're confused about what a friends with benefits situation really is. I think you see it as a sort of 'relationship' and he does not. That doesn't work.
3) Move on and learn from this...
Good luck. | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/13/2009 6:04:20 AM | ..........................................................................................................................................
[edit] .. Forumphantom wrote my words!!! sheesh .. Good thing 'mind reading' isn't illegal!
:laugh:
OP - If you settle for less than you Honestly want - you will Get less than you honestly want. | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/13/2009 8:22:24 AM | I'm confused myself. FWB means no commitment OP. How does a FWB cheat ?  | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/13/2009 8:31:18 AM |
irregardless of how she found out [sic]
Ugh! There is no such word. It is regardless.
Now that we've addressed the use of non-existent words, we can move on to eradicating the phrase, "raised my child" and "I was raised" to the correct phrase of "rearing my child" and "I was reared".
Remember, we raise chickens and we rear children. 
Have a splendid day.
ACP | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/13/2009 8:37:58 AM |
well, of course, it wasn't to me.
1. I would wager money you didn't think the card was for you. You knew it was for him and read it anyway.
burnt the postcard.
2. You burned it. Isn't that against federal law? A person's mail is "sacred"; you were not justified in getting rid of it. | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/13/2009 8:45:35 AM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^.................................................
Yep.. I was just as confused as everyone else in here.. phew!
Thought my sight was going folks..  | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/13/2009 8:50:56 AM | i couldn't have said it better than howbigisyourlove...
this one is a smartassed woman who wouldn't let anybody walk all over her, especially men!
you should learn from her my dear...don't be a doormat.
fwb is fwb, you can't expect anything aside from his penis. | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/13/2009 8:57:22 AM |
my fwb and i were spilt up
C'mon, folks! Read between the lines: HE thought it was a FWB situation, but while SHE might have agreed, she really thought it was deeper or intended to take it there. | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/13/2009 9:07:30 AM | C'mon, folks! Read between the lines: HE thought it was a FWB situation, but while SHE might have agreed, she really thought it was deeper or intended to take it there.
So, how is that fair to him? Just because OP was trying to use sex to trap a man, doesn't give her the right to read that man's mail, much less BURN it! Christ, she's 46 and still playing these immature games and acting like a jealous teenager.
un-freakin-believable | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/13/2009 9:15:27 AM |
i know that i should and am moving on, no matter how much i thought i cared for this guy, but now he says he HATES me for reading his postcard. i am not a snoop, but in this case, wouldn't you have at least read the card? In bold, therein lies the nature of your opening post.
You know.. everybody is more in an uproar that you burned his post card..(tampering of personal mail is actually a federal offence) some are incredulous that you READ it.. I suspect the ones that are tearing strip off you for reading it have read other peoples post cards before.. it may not be right, but when mail is wide open like that.. more often, then not.. people will read what's on it... particularily when it's from a place of interest.. or, a person of interest.,, Deny all you want ~ but it's human nature... even the mail carriers read them.
Now.. BURNING it was foolish and inproper IMO.. I think you realize that by now. You ask "Why would he have me pick up his mail when he is getting post cards from another woman?" Well, There could be a couple of reasons for that:
1. He does not have control over a bunny boiler who will not leave him alone and keeps sending him unwanted mail... or:
2. She knew you would be picking up his mail and sent it in order to cause the trouble she knew a card of that nature would. (evil, competitive woman)
3. He knew the mail was coming and he wanted you to find it so that rather than initiate a breakup with you when he got back..he figured the post card would take care of it for him.
I sincerely doubt that if he wanted to keep you and her, but keep her hiden .. then he would not be having you pick up his mail knowing she just might send another of her infamous cards.
As for the FWB.. Like I said before, the post WAS NOT about the dynamics of your relationship, nor do you ask for opinions on the dynamic. As such; I will not comment or judge you for what you've decided for yourself. It would however; be nice if you explained what YOUR definition of the term FWB is or at the very least what YOU thought it meant in order to satisfy the curiosity of so many posters. | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/13/2009 9:15:44 AM | I wrote:
C'mon, folks! Read between the lines: HE thought it was a FWB situation, but while SHE might have agreed, she really thought it was deeper or intended to take it there.
Navigator 6 responded
So, how is that fair to him? Just because OP was trying to use sex to trap a man, doesn't give her the right to read that man's mail, much less BURN it! Christ, she's 46 and still playing these immature games and acting like a jealous teenager.
un-freakin-believable
Um, hey, dude, before you go ballistic, you need to real ALL the posts, including the one where I said she was not only prevaricating, but broke the law by burning his mail. I haven't read one post that said she was justified for what she did. | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/13/2009 9:54:31 AM |
why would he have me stay at his house, etc.
Because you were convenient!...and cheaper than a kennel.
Who better to care for his home and dog than someone who cares about him and is expecting to have a exclusive relationship with him when he returns 6 weeks later!
And to sweeten the deal, he doesn't even have to make an effort to communicate with you during his vacation or pay for your services! No phone service in Baja?...that's bullshit!
Let's face it---this guy has been lying to you and using you all along.
Ok...reading his mail might have been accidental...that I can forgive....but BURNING it?
If you'd placed it in his pile of mail he would have assumed that you'd seen it, might have wondered if you'd read it, and may have chosen to explain it.
You took that choice away from him by burning it while proving that you can't be trusted and have issues with jealousy and self-control.
No, I don't believe that you are a horrible person.
A horrible person would have burned his house down with the dog inside.
But you do seem to have issues with self-esteem and problems with impulse control.
Do yourself a favour and don't get into any FWB relationships since you obviously can't handle the problems they present. | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/13/2009 10:03:40 AM | He is your FWB therefore you have no relationship with him, the meaning of FWB is you are always there for him to help out ,house sitting,taking care of his dog,picking up his mails,giving him sex when he needed it,and you are nothing of him but a FWB. My heart goes for you and I understand how you feel, but you put yourself in that position as a FWB. | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/13/2009 10:14:28 AM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^...................................................
"C'mon, folks! Read between the lines: HE thought it was a FWB situation, but while SHE might have agreed, she really thought it was deeper or intended to take it there."
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I learned a lonnnnnnnng time ago.. never to read between the lines.. but.. to read only what's there. Everything else is conjecture.. and just sounds as though someone is trying to justify someone elses pee-poor actions/judgement. We aren't in the OP's head (thankfully.)
(Although.. it does sound as though we may all just be able to fit there. Hollow.. much?)
Besides.. it's hard enough to stick with just the topic at hand on most threads.
I'm sure if she's on this site.. and in the forum.. she's old enough.. and read enough to understand the meaning of FWB. If not.. maybe posting a thread.. is not her forte.. and she would be best served sticking with just reading on the forum for awhile longer.JMO | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/13/2009 10:19:25 AM | | Seems to me you're more the one with the problem. First you don't understand the term FWB like everyone else has pointed out. Second, the postcard somehow clearly stated that he told this person he wasn't interested. Thirdly, she sent it to him which is beyond his control. Fourthly, once you read mail that didn't belong to you, you burned it. Do you always go out of your way to cause problems where there aren't any? tsk tsk | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/13/2009 10:33:53 AM | | Well verycuriouskitty, you're suffering the same consequences that many others are when searching for love, you're looking in the wrong place. Yes we all want to be seen, heard and deemed worthy, which we call love, but you're looking for it to be given to you by the actions of another person. Well it can't be done in that way because love is something you discover inside yourself. You go find it, then you have it to give, which imo is the way relationships are supposed to work, you bring the love you have to the relationship and share it instead of sucking the life out of yourself and the person you feel should give this love to you. It's really pretty simple from the vantage point I have. If you really are curious then go check into yourself. Spend some time with yourself and eventually you'll find that you really need no other to be in love, when you discover the love that permanently resides in you, and when you have that, there's no more need to get it. That freedom is like nothing I can describe. | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/13/2009 10:38:33 AM |
OP Do you know that you can go to jail for that?
Just as a point of order, I don't have the regulation at my fingertips, but once you have given someone permission to handle your mail, i.e. bringing it in from the mailbox, they cannot be prosecuted for "tampering".
How do I know this? Sigh... another learned experience from my life.
The moral is don't give anyone, not your sister, brother, parent, friend, not anyone, permission to bring in your mail unless you implicitly trust them not to read or dispose of it.
However, I do agree the OP went past the boundaries by burning the postcard. | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/13/2009 10:47:59 AM |
they cannot be prosecuted for "tampering".
Burning isn't tampering; it is destruction. There is a difference between reading something and burning it--there was no permission given for that, I am sure.
I learned a lonnnnnnnng time ago.. never to read between the lines.. but.. to read only what's there. Everything else is conjecture.. and just sounds as though someone is trying to justify someone elses pee-poor actions/judgement. We aren't in the OP's head (thankfully.)
While I agree with this, sometimes, knowing human nature (as I am sure you know) gives a deeper understanding to what people mean even when it differs from what they say. I think this is a case of that, especially when her actions belie what she claims. | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/13/2009 11:04:11 AM |
While I agree with this, sometimes, knowing human nature (as I am sure you know) gives a deeper understanding to what people mean even when it differs from what they say. I think this is a case of that, especially when her actions belie what she claims. Without knowing what the terms of their FWB relationship was, then I tend to think that speculating on that portion of her post, is just that..speculation. For all we know, she feels he cheated simply because he didn't disclose another sexual liaison. There are several rules that can be instated in a FWB relationship.. (see Wikipedia for a lot of examples)
In the opening post.. she asks "in this instance "wouldn't you have read it anyway?"
Questioning the statement of FWB and Cheating, is a reasonable question.. but that still doesn't give reason to assume or judge her choices since she hasn't asked for advice on that. | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/13/2009 11:33:18 AM | I think some of you folks missed the point here, the woman in question ( The OP) read his postcard, his mail, doesnt matter if she burned it or not, she read something that wasnt address to her while house sitting , it wasnt her mail to read period, there is no accidental reading here, she violated a sacred rule while he trusted her to watch his place.
Shame on her. | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/13/2009 11:47:39 AM | These two were made for each other, what's a little mail between FWB....
ya like this relationship was heading some where besides the gutter.....
...ahhh yes it's all about building the perfect beast , the OP was nothing more than a maid while he was getting a tan in Mexico by the sounds of it I'm surprised only one post card came in the mail. | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/13/2009 12:10:33 PM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^..........................................
Seriously.. Wishes Granted.. the wikipedia? Where anybody can put anything they want as a definition/example? Does anybody really trust the wikipedia to define anything? Bad point of reference if you ask me.
I think the letters speak for themselves. F.riends W.ith B.enefits. Not girfriend.. or no sex with others but you.. commitment type of rules. There are NO commitments.
Girl.. you were being used and using someone for sex.. and you were "friendly" with that person. That's it.
As cdn-iceman pointed out.. you had no right what-so-ever.. to do what you did with someone elses mail.
I also agree with gwendolyn.. there are laws against "reading" someone's mail you haven't given permission to.. when even so much as touching it. THEN.. there are laws against destroying someone elses property.. or.. what's called destruction of property. This may very well not be tampering with the US mail.. but.. well.. burning it was definitely destroying it. The difference is usually a federal vs a misdemeanor offense. Now.. since the property that was destroyed was US mail.. unread by the person that was the legal recipient? Who knows. He may even be able to sue her for punitive damages. That is.. if he is able to claim that not being able to read his own mail caused him undue stress.. pain.. and/or suffering.
Bad karma here! | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/13/2009 1:31:19 PM |
the Wikipedia? Where anybody can put anything they want as a definition/example? Does anybody really trust the Wikipedia to define anything? Bad point of reference if you ask me.
I think the letters speak for themselves. F.riends W.ith B.enefits. Not girfriend.. or no sex with others but you.. commitment type of rules. There are NO commitments. You missed the point entirely !!! If two people enter into a relationship (no matter what kind of relationship) and they both decided on how that "relationship" was to be conducted and one of them breaches a stipulation that they both agreed to... then it could be considered "cheating" or "betraying" the other.. If, on the other hand, you go into it with no rules.. then no rules it shall be. A FWB can be set up anyway two people mutually agree to. Nes pa?
Wikipedia was suggested just to see how some of the ways that the "FWB relationship" could be set-up... The simple fact that it is run by “people” means that there are different opinions at to what a term can mean.. It’s simply NOT what YOU -redarcangle- deem it to be. One stipulation can be that once one has entered into another sexual relationship.. then sexual benefits stop with the FWB. !!! (Perhaps thats why Op said he cheated.. he simply kept her as well as another sexual partner) - Speculating to prove my point here.
That being said; It does’nt mean that you or I agree or disagree with the FWB concept, it just explains it in more detail is all.
N.B. No one has disputed that what she did with his mail was wrong and that it could possibly be an illegal offence. Which was the subject of the Opost (Why she even bothered to mention the FWB part is beyond me as her FWB status had absolutely nothing to do with why he ended the relationship)
Edited to address post below No one is screaming.. and I do believe your definition relates more to: FB /NSA .. (not FWB).
Peace! *agreeing to disagree*
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/13/2009 1:47:37 PM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^.....................................
Scream all you want Wishes Granted.. I'll continue to stand by what the letters represent.. and as how an FWB is conducted by most others standards.
We will just have to agree to disagree.
IMO.. FWB.. is "commitment" free. Anything else usually involves a different acronym. Maybe.. you just put another slant on the old standard. In any case.. with the OP stating just that the relationship was an FWB.. without adding any other details to it.. pretty much states it's the old standard model to me.
Now.. should the OP come back and state otherwise.. we'll see just what type of FWB relationship she had with the man. In the meantime.. I'll stick with what everyone else also seems to be viewing as an FWB.If.. or until then.......  | |
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