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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/14/2009 11:47:58 AM | I don't have time to read 4 pages of posts but like no one has heard of FWB where there are some ground rules...sheesh. You agree to the usual...sex, no commitment/emotions/relationship...but you establish rules to keep one another safe and out of trouble. Thus he "cheated" by breaking the rule. The rules usually are that:
- if you sleep with someone else you have to tell the person
- if you start a FWB relationship with someone else you have to disclose it
-each partner has the right to ask questions and you must be honest when answering(e.g. did you use a condom with that person?)
(somehow these give the participants the illusion they know what their current risk of getting STDs are and it also allows them to choose to walk away if the other participates in something that is too high risk for the other)
- if you start a real relationship with someone else the deal if off (no one wants to be the "other woman/man")
It works out well for those who like monogamy in general...only downside is if one lies or one develops feelings for the other. It sounds like both may have happened here.
As for the situation...I agree he was a moron to have you house sit knowing this woman was sending postcards. He should have just told you so it wouldn't surprise you. No big deal if she means nothing right...but then why was he keeping the other postcards??? If she didn't mean anything then why not get rid of them? Regardless, I probably would have read it too because most don't put private things on postcards so what would be the harm...I bet every postal worker that handled it read the darn thing. It just happened to mean something to you. He has a right to feel violated but come on, he recently lied to you about sleeping with someone else when he said he wouldn't/or would tell you (which can in fact harm, if not kill, you should it be done with the wrong person in the wrong way)...so he's no pillar of honesty. I will say you lost me when you burned it...no no...not a good choice. Never distroy the evidence...especially if it's a federal crime...it makes you look worse then him.
Leave it there on the top of the pile, picture side down, writing side face up so he sees it...and then see how he reacts. It will speak volumns about him.
Bottom line is this guy is a liar and can't be in a FWB situation where you have rules so either go back to being F's or walk away completely. Easier said then done I know... | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/14/2009 11:57:49 AM | A postcard is not meant to be private, it can be read by a hundred people before it gets to the recipient. I find it interesting that she sent it when she knew he'd be gone. Sorry, but this is not the same as you opening his mail. You don't put personal stuff on a postcard if you don't want it read by whoever gets the mail! He can "hate" you all day long for it, but you know as well as I do, that what you did was nowhere near as "bad" as what he did, and trying to make you feel guilty to take the focus off HIS guilt is a nice try, but don't let him get away with it.
That said, you shouldn't have gone back to him after he cheated in the first place. | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/14/2009 12:04:20 PM | Hey all you Einsteins who think you shouldn't read mail that isn't addressed to you...to know who a postcard is addressed TO, you have to turn it over to where the message is. How are you supposed to see the addressee without seeing the message?
That's why a postcard shouldn't have anything on it that you wouldn't want the general public to see. The guy is an idiot whose piece-on-the-side sent a very private message in a very public manner in a very well timed way. She knew who would see it. I guess the OP can thank this bimbo, because it sounds like the the guy deserves someone as sneaky and underhanded as he is!
Oh, and there's not one of you here who wouldn't have read that postcard. No, not ONE. | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/14/2009 12:22:38 PM |
^^^ sorry ursula major but .. due to extenuating circumcisions.. please tell me this is some kind of joke that I'm not getting......the rest of the post is incomprehensible, so I fear that someone really does think there's such a thing as extenuating circumcisions. | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/14/2009 12:39:25 PM | To the OP,
You say you had a FWB, but your actions say otherwise. Therefore, you in fact believed you had a Relationship, possibly Boyfriend. Under that line of reasoning, your jealous actions were justified, even the postcard burning. And so you came here looking for You Go Girl! support. But alas, you say you had a FWB, which undermines your approval seeking. | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/14/2009 1:36:34 PM | Oh " SPOKEN FOR" hello Hellooooooooo, lets pretend were on the same planet for a second, because you're missing the point here.
Hey all you Einsteins who think you shouldn't read mail that isn't addressed to you...to know who a postcard is addressed TO, you have to turn it over to where the message is. How are you supposed to see the addressee without seeing the message?-spoken for ok Professor, you missed ONE thing, She was at HIS house picking up HIS mail..... care to explain that one Einstein?
And stop speaking for the rest of us, I can speak for my self thanks and since reading isnt something you do too often Some of us can explain it to you
Oh, and there's not one of you here who wouldn't have read that postcard. No, not ONE. not if im house sitting for someone, its not my beeping house or my business to look through their mail, so what part of SHE WAS AT HIS PLACE HOUSE SITTING and PICKING UP THE MAIL didn't you understand? | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/14/2009 1:50:57 PM |
I don't have time to read 4 pages of posts but like no one has heard of FWB where there are some ground rules...sheesh. You agree to the usual...sex, no commitment/emotions/relationship...but you establish rules to keep one another safe and out of trouble. Thus he "cheated" by breaking the rule.
Huh? Rules & stipulations? Good for people who like monogamy!??
Where do you get this stuff? If you're having sex with more than one person at a time, there's NOTHING monogamous about it. Further, maybe I'm missing something here, but isn't, "Friends w/Benefits w/Rules" kind of an oxymoron? I mean, I thought that FWB simply meant, SEX when it is convenient? My point is that I don't believe that it's possible to "cheat" when all you're doing is having NSA sex. Hence, the: "No Strings Attached" part...
Leave it there on the top of the pile, picture side down, writing side face up so he sees it...and then see how he reacts. It will speak volumns about him.
Yup, because these are the normal actions of a mature, well adjusted 46 yr old woman which, coincidentally, speaks volumes about HER character as well.
Oh, and there's not one of you here who wouldn't have read that postcard. No, not ONE.
What bold and presumptuous statement. How sad that you have such jaded perception of people in general and that you feel that your opinion is the ONLY correct one.
News Flash: There ARE people in the world who respect other people's privacy and yes, as "public" as a post card is, unless it's addressed to me, it's still none of my damn business. | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/14/2009 2:52:52 PM | ^^ Navigator... From reading the forums, It has been pointed out in several posts in several different threads that FWB . FRIENDSwithbenefits are 'FRIENDS' first.. who happen to introduce sex into the relationship(sometimes years after the friendship was established).. both people do all the things that friends normally do together, they are free to date others, but once sex is introduced with a new person.. the sexual "benefits" stop with the FWB .. but the already established friendship still remains. (hopefully)
You're definition relates more to fvck buddies or a booty call where not much other than sex is the glue that binds... (no other activities that friends would normally do together.)
In FWB.. honesty and safety are honoured... if one breaches one of the established ground rules.. then it would or could be considered a betrayal to the other.
There ARE people in the world who respect other people's privacy and yes, as "public" as a post card is, unless it's addressed to me, it's still none of my damn business. well, that's very honourable of you, is the truth and in theory, the correct thing. however; there are more out there that believe that a readable postcard is just a slight step up from the newest Pizza Hut Flyer.. ask your postman about them .. he may confess??
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/14/2009 3:18:02 PM | You're definition relates more to fvck buddies or a booty call where not much other than sex is the glue that binds... (no other activities that friends would normally do together.)
OK, thanks for the clarification. However, I have to ask - whether it's buck fuddies, booty call, or FWB's, is it really possible for a woman to be in that situation and not eventually become emotionally attached? I understand that many guys can, but how realistic is it for a well adjusted woman to be intimate with a man and honestly keep emotion completely out of it? It seems to me that that's OP's problem, right? She became emotionally attached to a guy, even after telling him that it wouldn't happen. Hence, the jealousy, anger, etc., etc.
ask your postman about them .. he may confess??
Funny you should mention that. I have 2 friends who are mail carriers and we talked about this very thing a few years back. I was ribbing them about reading people's Playboy magazines, etc. They both said that they could give a rat's ass about reading people's mail. All they wanna do is finish their routes as fast as possible. Now, maybe they're the exception to the rule that everyone here seems to go by, but they're the only mail carriers I've discussed it with, so....
many men cannot help but get emotionally attached to some degree, as well..
I agree. I don't think that I could be intimate with a woman without emotional attachment, but there are apparently many who can. | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/14/2009 3:22:18 PM | ^^
many men cannot help but get emotionally attached to some degree, as well.. | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/14/2009 3:22:44 PM | Hey its not like you opened his mail.....you were house sitting......and takin care of his dog......and takin the mail in.....i'm tellin ya if i'd of seen it......i'd of read it too.......no question...... hes only pissed off because he got caught and had to confess the truth.....dont sweat the small stuff......theres plenty more fish..... | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/14/2009 3:42:42 PM | Gees I was gall darn finito here and had to spritz on my Deet again...
Dear spoken for,
This is not a postcard from the edge , so you can read it .. OK.
Although I emaciate myself in the absorbency of wordaciousness of more bountiful suckulences... your bemystifiance of my ed-iot-oh-sink-craw-sees of my cryptogrammar is your problemo. Now joke is a matter of inner flatulation, you either get it or it gets you...
Now I am not a menses or a menstruation of the gram-mare incarcerates as I am a firm believer in a padded bra if your ego is in knead of a lift. Sypher in cyber space ain't that the ticket we are all on till Ziggy star dust takes our deli meats to less than a 12" sub race.
Okay now I will speak your language, BORING, in the future when you address someone with didatical comprehension as though you wear a glock of colloquial invincibility here goes:
When you come out shooting please PUNCTUATE COLO-RECTALLY. I hate the anal in the grammar police especially when they don't "get it " about themselves.
Anyhow due to extenuating circumcisions the post card in the mail was a little game devised by the "other" fwb ........... Op has two choices... stay and live the crap she has been eating the bad seeds of so far... bad, bad stinky smellin leftovers ... or go join the rest of us in our high and mightie shorts and sniff around for someone that might provide an alibi and a rockin good time. | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/14/2009 3:56:02 PM | @ Navigator: I find it interesting that you say "many guys" can remain unemotionally attached with no hint of how well adjusted he may or may not be .. yet, you suspect a woman that can do it as not being "well adjusted."
You only have to read the broken hearts forums to know that many women cannot keep their emotions out of it... just as some men cannot. However; there are lots of women who can control their emotions enough that they don't fall to pieces altogether.... Those that can function within a non-committed relationship don't whine (or boast) about it in a public forum is all.
I suspect that there will be more and more NSA or "AFSAAP" (As Few Strings Attached As Possible) relationships in the future.. particularly if you read the "Why Men Shouldn't Get Married" thread.. Quite the eye-opener that one!
With woman's lib, most women having thier own careers and thus self-sufficient, as well as the way many, many men view relationships these days.. little by little woman are being conditioned by men ~ to think more like the hunter/protector and less like the nester/gatherer. (perhaps that's why there are so many STDs out there now.. So many are going against their inherant natures yet sex is still a primeval urge ??
Of course.. there are still lots of men and women who still seek and are most comfortable in the traditional partnership roles. However; these folks seem to have become serial monogomists rather than life-time partners as of late.
It seems to me that that's OP's problem, right? She became emotionally attached to a guy, even after telling him that it wouldn't happen. Hence, the jealousy, anger, etc., etc. Well, we don't know any of that, do we. Op hasn't explained the dynamics of her relationship nor the conditions of her "getting back together" with him..and until she does.. it's all just speculation.
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/14/2009 4:27:59 PM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^........................................................
Nobody that puts that many rules into a FWB relationship.. is gonna stay in that relationship very long.. luv2lol!
The whole point of a "non-committal relationship".. is that you don't have to answer to those 20/20 questions.. and have to feel tied down to any one person.. at any time.
DUH!
Go back to being F's???
She burned his mail!!!
Hello? | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/15/2009 6:31:08 AM | Did you miss the part about how she thought it was TO HER? He knew she was getting the mail, because she thought the postcard was TO HER FROM HIM. Maybe YOU should go back and read the original post, so you can pick up on little minor details like that.
Haha, you are a good one to be saying I don't read too often, since that's pretty much what I do all the time. Seeing as how you know nothing about ME, you can't speak for me.
Oh, and just to repeat? If you'd gotten hold of a postcard addressed to your girlfriend from some guy? You. Would. Have. Read. It. Did I go slow enough for you? | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/15/2009 9:37:58 AM | Post Cards are not meant to be confidential.
If I have to break a seal, open a book, drawer or anything else then I respect privacy... but a post card? If it falls the wrong way on the table its revealed.
I would have no guilt. | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/15/2009 9:49:49 AM |
1) FWB doesn't have emotional attachment.
^^^ That is a lie. Friendships are VERY emotional...at least mine are. | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/15/2009 10:19:17 AM | I can understand wishing you hadn't seen it, but more upsetting I guess is knowing you could have just put it back and never said you saw it.
It was actually good news for you; his saying he was getting back with you, and now I imagine you wish you'd never told him you read it.
I've discovered stuff which upset me, about a guy I liked very much; another lady called him saying her friend really loved him .. I wish to this day I've have just counted my blessings and kept my trap shut. | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/15/2009 10:26:20 AM | | Jealousy and trust issues will always make a man run in the other direction. I hope you've learned your lesson. If you don't trust him, kick him to the curb. But if he's only a fwb -- what does it matter who is writing to him?!? I don't get that. | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/15/2009 1:14:04 PM | | You say that he's a fwb, friends with bennies, right? He owes you nothing. You should apologize for reading his mail, and then thank your lucky stars to have this player outta your life. | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/15/2009 1:35:05 PM | Helloooo spoken for,,,,,,,,,,, 1) if I am the postman who deliver the mails , I am not enterested reading the steamy contents of the postcard but the address so I can finish my route on that street,for I have more mails to deliver or thinking about my lunch break . 2) If I am the house sitter/and *something else* I will just pick up his mails from his mailbox and not check each letter that it is really address to him and not a mistake. It does not take a genuis like Einsteins to know what is common sense to a person who have a life. No thank you I am not enterested to read that postcard.. | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/15/2009 1:46:33 PM | | If the Op mistakenly read the postcard that she thought it was for her, that is okay but she has no right to not burn it and confront him for there is no commitment between them. | |
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