| Boyfriend did something bad in his past..29 years later..forgive?
Posted: 1/25/2009 6:33:25 PM | I hate to say it, but if he stoops so low as to threaten suicide... hand him the gun.
You certainly have a way with words. I thought my solution was a bit drastic.
OP, read the post above this one. Your life is more in danger than his is. I actually don't think handing him a gun is a good idea under any circumstances, but I understand what the woman above was thinking when she wrote it. I am reasonably sure she hadn't considered the thought that he could go postal. | |
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| Boyfriend did something bad in his past..29 years later..forgive?
Posted: 1/26/2009 2:52:31 AM | Haha. No I dont Drink..
And yes there are lots of family drama..My whole family has never ''been'' a family..Which is why as much as my mom and i have never gotten along. I want to hang on to her so bad.. My two uncles/aunts, pay no attention to me.. Apparently my dad died months before i was born.. my grandma is in an old age home 3 hours north of me..and i only have one cousin whom i can trust, And even then its risky.
I have gone through with breaking up with him, And he has made it quite difficult..From inviting himself in, without me knowing and confronting me with a million questions, and putting me on the spot, and crying to ''wrench'' my heart, But im still very much not with him.
And. As many have said. I should have counselling. I have had it in the past, and nothing has happened..
I cant exactly explain it..But.. I have ''issues'' with breaking up with people..Whether im happy and there is somethin else i dont like or vice versa.. Or whatever.
I just start thinkin ''outside'' the box, About everyone else who is included and all that other crap.
I have been workin on that though.
And to other people who seem to care about a persons feelings =]
I dont really take anything any of you say to heart, but i do read all your posts and consider them and what you're sayin =]
So thank you again, To all =] | |
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| Boyfriend did something bad in his past..29 years later..forgive?
Posted: 1/26/2009 2:59:10 AM | Interesting post table4twoplz,
However here in CANADA.
Kids that were born in 2005, are being accepted into school THIS SEPTEMBER =]
Did you get that Clearly?
Oh and I didnt say it happened TEN YEARS AGO!
I said he was TEN YEARS OLD!
Did you get that too?
Good. Glad were on the same page about something now.
Now. NO, Im not looking for attention. Im looking for ''guidance'' .
I am only '19' So what? Ive been dealt shit, Just like everyone else in their life. You learn to live with it..But what i have also been dealt. Is a non exitant family for guidance. So im seeking it online.
Fair enough? Its what the forums are here for. =]
Ok.
Now were on the same level. Happy fishing | |
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| Boyfriend did something bad in his past..29 years later..forgive?
Posted: 1/26/2009 5:41:31 AM | The deal breaker, OP, shouldn't be what's in his past. It should be that when he was asked about it - his first instinct was to try and LIE to you about his past. It should also be about the fact that once he figured out he Couldn't lie to you, he refused to accept any Personal Responcibility for his actions - and instead try to lay the 'blame' and responcibility at the feet of anyone and anything else - rather than owning up to His Actions.
This is all moot, though. If he's got the sort of serious control and anger issues that you're describing in the second paragraph, You shouldn't need to be worried about the stuff in the First paragraph. From the sound of it - you already Know what you need to do. Which is to Run. Not walk - RUN to the nearest exit and don't look back. Use whatever excuse you have to in order to make yourself feel better about it, and sleep at night - but get the duck outta fodge where this guy is concerned. The two of you are only 4 months into the relationship - and he's already being consistantly emotionally abusive, abrasive, and has control issues concerning things that he should know Without Being Told is way past reasonable or within any sort of sane boundries.
edited to add : At 19, what in tarnation are you doing with 2 children of your own, Much Less attempting to get involved in ANY sort of relationship with Yet Another messed up train wreck of a partner??????????? Dear gods, girl - you were still a Child yourself when you got knocked up, and aren't really past being a child Now. Your bad relationship with your mother, and lack of a father aside - Close Your Legs, Grow A Spine, Do Some Growing Up Of Your Own - THEN worry about whether or not to form a companionable relationship with someone of the opposite gender. | |
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| Boyfriend did something bad in his past..29 years later..forgive?
Posted: 1/26/2009 8:34:49 AM |
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his dad just called me yelling at me saying my boyfriend was threatening to commit suicide cause i wont stop asking him about what he did and why he wont tell me . I didnt find out until sunday morning..
Now im in tears cause his dad yelled at me.and i feel stupid..cause hes trying to ''reel'' me in by saying he'll commit suicide..
I wouldn't take another call from that household. | |
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| Boyfriend did something bad in his past..29 years later..forgive?
Posted: 1/26/2009 9:08:08 AM | Listen to his mom. She is trying to break you two up. Just make it easier on her. You don't need to be happy, do you?
*edit, yes I am majorly jumping to conclusions on this one. That's just what struck me first. You've only been dating for 4 months. I would KILL my mom if she said this to my new girlfriend before I had a chance to tell her myself when the time was right. | |
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| Boyfriend did something bad in his past..29 years later..forgive?
Posted: 1/26/2009 1:56:40 PM | OP - great to hear you're not being sucked in by his manipulations 
Congrats, also, for trying to break your pattern of sticking with relationships. The guy you're with may be troubled, but your job in life is to protect your kids - if you run into any more guys with 'issues', ask God to take care of him (if you're religious, otherwise consign him to fate and wish him well) and move on. This guy probably needs help of some sort but it's not your job to do.
Stay strong :) | |
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| Boyfriend did something bad in his past..29 years later..forgive?
Posted: 1/26/2009 9:26:50 PM | OkieRhio,
You really shouldnt jump to conclusions/assumptions.
Yes. Im 19 with two kids..
But I didnt go and open my legs to every guy i met .
I was actually raped..And didnt know i was pregnant for seven months. KEPT MY PERIOD! DIDNT GAIN WEIGHT! NOTHING!
Till I went to the infamous wonderland..and ended a ride puking my brains up and blood..When my at the time boyfriend took me to the hospital , where i had several tests done includin an ultra sound because they thought the rides' safety 'belt' had damaged my stomach Or something else.. Thats when a week later i was toldi was pregnant.
To late for abortion. And i wasnt going to do adoption. Ive stuck it through. And my daughter, I was on birth control and my boyfriend and i used a condom..We were dating for 5 months before we had sex..and the first time we had sex i got pregnant.
So. Unless you know your facts. Keep your mouth shut. | |
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| Boyfriend did something bad in his past..29 years later..forgive?
Posted: 1/26/2009 9:39:00 PM | | You two deserve each other. You are questioning molestation ... and you have a Daughter. What else needs to be said? I don't care if you weigh 400 lbs. You're looking for excuses ... and creating excuses....instead of staying on your pity pot...leave him!! | |
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| Boyfriend did something bad in his past..29 years later..forgive?
Posted: 1/26/2009 10:04:25 PM | Traditional teaching on sexual morality is so often ridiculed on this forum and everywhere else. This poor girl's whole life is a prime example of the consequences of a society without morality. But we just continue to ignore all the evil effects of this.
To xhershey:
Little girl, I don't know what to tell you except you need to take the way you look at reality right now and just turn everything upsidedown. I'll say a little prayer for you tonight. | |
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| Boyfriend did something bad in his past..29 years later..forgive?
Posted: 1/26/2009 10:22:47 PM | My son went Online and found out the same thing about a guy who wanted to marry me. Back about 25 yrs ago, he tried to molest a 4 yr old boy. I dragged it out of him and he revealed he had a fetish for children in Underoos. I found he still had a nylon panty fetish when he was with me. I said I was allergic to nylon, but he did not give a S**t.
Even though he claimed to be rehabbed, I do not believe EVER pedophiles are rehabbed. I noticed when he really wanted sex, he followed me around like a rabid dog when I declined. One day he tried to rip my jeans off. He backed off when he saw how enraged I got. Yes, I was going to deck him when he cornered me. He did not want to go back to jail, cause Bubba got him in the A** already. | |
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raceme
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Joined: 12/20/2008
Msg: 116 | |
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| Boyfriend did something bad in his past..29 years later..forgive?
Posted: 1/27/2009 7:21:35 AM | WTH????? In all honesty you are sounding either DESPERATE or you made this entire thing up as the replies come in. It gets worse and worse. 'Molested his sister' should have sent you RUNNING as though the  was after you!! (Unless, you like all the drama and have zero self respect). If he's threatening suicide, he needs HELP and it's NOT YOU. You can't save him, but you can certainly put yourself/your sanity in danger by having anything to do with this NUT!! RUN...RUN...RUN...Make sure he's not following!! Dayyyyyyyyyy-uuuuuuuuuuumm!!! | |
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| Boyfriend did something bad in his past..29 years later..forgive?
Posted: 1/27/2009 8:12:43 AM | I should have counselling. I have had it in the past, and nothing has happened..
I cant exactly explain it..But.. I have ''issues'' with breaking up with people..Whether im happy and there is somethin else i dont like or vice versa.. Or whatever.
.
You have started counseling, but you didn't continue. Some of these disorders require a lifetime and a support group.
I see you have taken Step 1 of a program that typically has 12 steps.
My name is Alan, and I have issues with breaking up with people and my life has become complex.
(Admit you have the problem)
Step 2 Admit you are powerless to solve it by yourself.
Step3 Get back into counselling or find a support group. | |
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| Boyfriend did something bad in his past..29 years later..forgive?
Posted: 1/27/2009 9:42:31 AM | "Wasn't his fault" but yet "he likes to be in control". I think those are deal-breakers right there. His sister may have been just as slutty and experimental as he was...I dunno, but HE KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING.
Split from the guy, not only because he sexually molested his sister, but because he's a control freak. And the fact that he obsesses about your weight...hmmm...maybe he wants you to look like a little girl, like your daughter. He sounds like a very sick individual. Why do you LIKE this guy again? Must be very charming... | |
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| Boyfriend did something bad in his past..29 years later..forgive?
Posted: 1/27/2009 10:09:03 AM | OP,
I know somebody who has done a similar to what he did as a kid, and now they seem pretty normal. However this does not seem to be your only issue, even though the thread is named after it. I would be FAR more concerned about the fact that he BULLIES you about your weight. And about the fact he tries to control your emotions and everything else about you. If it's pretty bad now, after only 4 months, when everything should be absolutely PEACHY, then I don't even want to know how is it going to be later.
There are loads of men who would treat you with respect. But in order to be attracted to them, you would have to start respecting and loving yourself. | |
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raceme
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Joined: 12/20/2008
Msg: 121 | |
| Boyfriend did something bad in his past..29 years later..forgive?
Posted: 1/27/2009 11:50:23 AM | Your posts sound like there's an earnest person in you. I don't really know what "tough love" is, but I might be sending some with what I'm about to say:
You have a daughter around someone who has been a predator? You need to snap out of it! Your first priority is your child. You are exposing her to an inexcusable bad influence. CUT THIS GUY LOOSE and grow up. If you need help, stop flopping around and get it. Her future is at stake if you're not concerned about your own. Do it for HER. Forget about this guy. If you don't have money, go to a local church. You can get some really good help - free. I was raised Presbyterian and I know the ministers have to do comprehensive study in family therapy so you would be in good hands. Your daughter needs you to be present and accounted for in her life. I'm a single parent, too. If you're not emotionally straightened out, it will affect her for the rest of HER life. We're rooting for you. | |
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| Boyfriend did something bad in his past..29 years later..forgive?
Posted: 1/27/2009 1:13:41 PM | | Ok. If you even have to ask there is a problem. I was sexually abused as a child and there is no way in hell I would date someone who had done that to someone else. He can help it. He did know what he was doing and if you continue to have a relationship with him it is likely that he may try to do the same thing to your daughter. Why would you even need to ask whether or not to get rid of the guy when he makes you feel bad all the time? Do you want to spend the rest of your life feeling like you do right now? There is your answer. | |
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| Boyfriend did something bad in his past..29 years later..forgive?
Posted: 1/27/2009 1:33:02 PM | Ok there are two separate issues here so I will comment on both:
1. molested his sister. As someone pointed out, there's a REASON his mother is telling you. Heed it. Maybe people can change, maybe the circumstances around that incident indicate that he will not reoffend. Bottom line: do you want to risk it with your child? Your most important job as a parent is to keep your children safe.
2.
For the past month i havent been happy with him to begin with.. He doesnt care about me.
He has to bring up my weight and the fact that im not a size 0.
I find that whenever hes around..He has to be in control. Telling me what to do, how to act. what to feel. He takes control of my apartment and in a conversation
Do you want to be treated this way? If he behaves this way in the beginning of a relationship, imagine how you'll be treated several years from now.
You'll be much happier if you get rid of this cretin and work on your own selfesteem. Don't be swayed by his threats of suicide--he's doing that to manipulate you, and you are not responsible for his welfare--give him the number of a counsellor and move on.
Nutt | |
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