| Boyfriend did something bad in his past..29 years later..forgive?
Posted: 8/12/2009 11:21:41 PM | | Phew I am so glad to read you've ended that relationship, be strong and stick to your guns. You did the right thing, most of us posted on your first comment so we didn't get to read the final result until after our posts were made, I apologize for sounding harsh if I did but I have seen first hand the results of sexual predators and our children just deserve so much better. | |
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| Boyfriend did something bad in his past..29 years later..forgive?
Posted: 8/12/2009 11:24:52 PM | Congratulations OP for making a good choice. When you've not been conditioned to see the wood for the trees, it's commendable that you've made a good positive move for yourself.
Great profile, very pretty girl  Keep going with your education, your daughter will see this as a great example......perhaps you could think about some kind of equine or vetenary studies for college ? Go and see a careers counceller and tell them about your interest in horses, check out colleges with daycare facilities attached and make sure you are getting all the grants and bits of money that you can for your education.
It won't be long before you bag a really fantastic guy 
p.s. naughty nana......I really hope that your profile is real....fantastic picture ! | |
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| Boyfriend did something bad in his past..29 years later..forgive?
Posted: 8/13/2009 6:07:48 AM | I find your post rather confusing OP. You say in a previous thread that you have a 3 year old son and now you say you have a daughter? Your only 20!!!
You jump from a'rumour' about your b/f to 'issues' with your b/f then back again.
Simply for the fact. He did do it. .....And your proof of this is?????
It doesn't seem as if you trust your b/f nor do you have faith in him, now I must question if you do in fact love the guy?
Consider your children or child whatever you decide you have and focus on them or he/she as they should be your priority NOT some disfunctional romance.
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| Boyfriend did something bad in his past..29 years later..forgive?
Posted: 8/28/2009 6:55:30 AM | I only have one question for you...
How are you going to feel about yourself if you find out he sexually assaults your daughter at some point in the future? Will you hold him accountable? If he tells you it wasn't his fault, will you believe him?
I apologize for being this blunt but you're an idiot. Wake UP. He likes touching little girls in their vaginas. He likes controlling you. AND YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE HIM.
You are an adult. If you mother's relationship suffers because of this, that's HER problem.
Sincerely, | |
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| Boyfriend did something bad in his past..29 years later..forgive?
Posted: 8/29/2009 7:56:11 PM | OP;
Let me paraphrase what I see you saying.
You found out when he was younger he molested his sister. When you heard about it (from his mother; (who would not have told you unless she thought you needed to know) he denied it. Then he absolved himself of responsibility. He shouldn't be "blamed" because he couldn't control it. Then he said he's different.
You say he doesn't care about you. He harps on your weight. Tells you what emotions you should have, says you don't care about your relationship. He is controlling and manipulative; and angry when you voice your own feelings and will not allow you your own voice.
You have been assualted and you have a daughter. You want to know if it is a deal breaker that he not only did it, but won't accept responsibility for doing it.
Did I understand all of that correctly, OP?
If so, superimpose your daughter onto you,and ask yourself if she was giving you this scenario, what would you tell her to do? Honestly?
The very way you laid it out, you did not defend him (as most people who who are abused); you laid him out in black and white as an abuser. His own mother did not defend him (most parents of flawed children do not accept the flaws of their own kids; and they in fact do everything they can to cover up and "sell" their children as upstanding people; his own mother outed him, on what he did to her own daughter).
You admitted to being voiceless, you admit to having a daughter, you admit you are extremely uncomfortable with his inability to accepting any responsibility for his own actions.
So I'll as you this in a different way...
would you feel comfortable with someone who does not allow someone rights, a voice, and avoids any self responsibility who is a historical molester who has no respect for others' feelings, who humiliates, berates and controls, would you trust that person in your own home with your own daughter, when you can't even protect yourself from him?
KNOWING what it is yourself to be molested or assaulted?
You are her protection. Are you willing to play russian roulette in her own home in her own environment, with her only having you to protect her? I can't help but wonder if his mother outed him because she feared your daughter was going to fare like her own did?
Please look at your own post. You already answered your own questions. You are conscious, you are aware, and you already know he is high risk, adn you are someone who has been part of "the cycle". Please break the cycle, before your daughter follows in your footsteps.
I say this with all the respect in the world; please be good to yourself and your daughter. | |
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