| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/13/2009 4:36:46 PM | | So not true Gonesailinbabe...haven't we all had the friend (or been there ourselves) and gone back and forth for the guy you NOW know wasn't the right one for you? Of course there is the final (i'm done) but...are you saying every single time you said you were done with a guy, you never went back to him to try "one more time'? | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/13/2009 4:45:26 PM | Well that depends on how the relationship was and how bad the break up is because in my case my ex mess up badly and I was able to get over it and move on which I did. She was the one who tried to come back later but I have moved on with my life and I think she has been bitter every since. So if things end good on both sides then yes both sides can move on with no problem but if one side was the  then the other party can move on and the will be the one having a had time moving on. . . . . . J.M.O. | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/13/2009 5:24:34 PM | | This is really a matter of how men and women express grief. It may seem that men “get over it” quicker, but this could be the behavioral result of being told throughout their lives to “man up” and that “big boys don’t cry”. Society deems it unmanly to grieve or show emotions that would make a man appear “weak”. Ergo, men may put on a tough exterior as dictated by macho protocol, and at the end of the day retreat to their caves to lick their wounds, mourn and heal. Conversely, the “brave little soldier” routine is not part of a female’s upbringing. Being emotionally expressive is acceptable for a woman. As emotional release or being “weak” is not a considered detrimental to a woman’s character, she will probably be more likely to seek out support from friends. Though in a generalized sense men and women may mourn differently, I still would not speculate who “gets over it” quicker. Perhaps talking with friends and getting support helps to expedite the healing process for some; for others, maybe controlling emotions and keeping busy with work and other distractions is the way to go. Grief is a personal journey and how an individual is perceived on the outside is not necessarily what they are truly feeling and experiencing on the inside. | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/13/2009 5:32:26 PM | | Women have many more options than men after a relationship ends to start new with a member the opposite sex, so even though they may still have emotional attachments, it's much easier for them to find a willing male distraction even if it's a shallow connection, to forget and move on. That's why men end up missing the woman more after the relationship ends and feeling like they are alone rather than women. | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/13/2009 5:52:47 PM | | I don't think one recovers faster than the other. I do it's easier for a woman to break it off with a man than vice versa. Women always seem to change themselves after a breakup (at least mine have), any one else noticed this? They go and get a totally different hair style, maybe a different clothing style, and so on... | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/13/2009 6:06:51 PM | So not true Gonesailinbabe...haven't we all had the friend (or been there ourselves) and gone back and forth for the guy you NOW know wasn't the right one for you? Of course there is the final (i'm done) but...are you saying every single time you said you were done with a guy, you never went back to him to try "one more time'?
I dont think so jamie1968, when gonesailinbabe said she was DONE-
when a woman IS done?
She's stone cold done and NOT going back.
-I swear a *stone cold* breeze went through here and blew out the blazing fire in my air tight woodstove.
When she`s done, she is DONE.
You must learn her kung-fu. | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/13/2009 6:13:45 PM | I think it depends on who was hurt the most by the breakup...that can sometimes be the person who called it off.......
i have finished a relationship and taken longer to get over it and move on...i finished not because i didn't love him but his controlling and manipulative behaviour was making me unhappy...within weeks he was with someone new...
other times i have moved on quicker because i didn't love them as much as they did me....gender has nothing to do with it...
i see a mixture of both sexes in a&e sucidal and taking overdoses because of relationship problems | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/14/2009 5:33:16 AM |
Grief is a personal journey and how an individual is perceived on the outside is not necessarily what they are truly feeling and experiencing on the inside.
Agree FB as neither recoveres any faster if the relationship had anything of substance and meaningful time together.
But and that's a big but.....
Now for thoses who can turn it out like a switch as like nothing happened either
weren't much into it to begin with or knew that the relationship was spotty at best.
Either way it sucks and life goes on.  | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/14/2009 5:55:46 AM | lots of differing opinions around this
but...the other factor is the way that we humans 'imagine' or project thoughts and feelings.
I mean...how do you know how the person you were involved with feels? hmmm?
we are , once again, involved in magical thoughts..that they are feeling 'relieved', or glad, or they are out celebrating, when indeed they might be either hurting, or scratching their heads...going WTF????
I understand the concept of Stone Cold Done.....but , I've never ever felt that feeling.
And, it sounds good..on paper...or, on site....but the fact is
No human alive can turn a switch on or off that fast....
and then claim that they are ready for Love.
Love and relationships aren't games, or switches.....they are about feelings.
If I was truly touched by an experience, and then could turn it off in one second
I think I would check into 4 East for an evaluation.
have a great Wednesday folks,
Kimbo*************************************** | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/14/2009 6:14:31 AM | Who recovers first? That’s easy! The one who can really face them selves in the mirror and who no longer blames the other one for their heart ache. Introspection however will never erase the memory, a scar is a scar, do we ever totally recover? This is not gender specific. It’s a lot harder to do than most people think though.
Go ahead, have at me! But he did this, she did that! Yeah, and you were a willing participant, whether you knew it or not is irrelevant. Why did you pick the person you picked? Why did you give what you gave and what were your motives? | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/24/2009 3:11:50 PM | Despite men usually being the more careless and thoughtless during a romantic relationship, it seems these same men are less skilled at accepting or giving closure once the couple splits up.
I think this dichotomy is the result of men generally being more insecure about their sexuality than women are.
However, like all generalizations, this one certainly has its exceptions. | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/24/2009 9:10:17 PM | GoneSailing,
You hit it on the head.. Not even a discussion. Women get over it quicker after its done. Plus, I think its usually WAAY easier for the woman to get a new date instantly (within the week lets say) and start putting it behind her if she wants to. Just look at POF. Women are constantly bombarded with emails. Most are psychopaths..sure, but it IS an opportunity for a date. LOL
Len | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/24/2009 9:41:27 PM | [I feel that men and women feel the hurt on the same level, but in my experience, it seems that men internalize it more. Is it because women have more of a support system to discuss their feelings of hurt/disappointment/anger, in the form of gal pals ready with pints of Ben and Jerry's, and men view it as a sign of weakness to admit their suffering?]
I don't think it's so much a viewing it as a sign of weakness as the effects of a particularly crushing socialization system. The best way to point out the difference between society's behavioral expectations between men and women is to take a typical female behavior (such as gathering a group of close friends after a breakup), change the gender, and does it "seem" right?
Men have much more rigid roles and expectations of them than women do - can I list the more popular?
1. The successful corporate shark who would sell his own soul to leverage a buyout;
2. The successful attorney who uses every dirty trick to win a case;
3. The hardworking blue collar guy who drinks beer and watches every sports game on cable;
4. The bad frat boy who never grew up;
5. The hardworking husband who puts his family first and goes into debt and gets a heart attack.
When you think about it, what is the only ritual that men have to act as a support group? Well, if you have a group of really supportive friends, they will take you out on the town, get you puking drunk, and maybe buy you lap dances at the strip joint or perhaps (if you are really lucky) a hotel room with a hooker. Assuming that happens Friday or Saturday night, by Monday you are supposed to be "normal" again!
Speaking from my own experience, the two significant relationships in my life (16 years and 18 years, respectively) changed me dramatically. "Getting over it" implies going back to a pre-relationship state. I prefer to think that I am working through it, knowing that I don't know exactly what kind of person I will be on the other side.
If you truly let someone into your life, heart, and soul, you will be changed forever. To assume that you can revert to some previous state of mind and emotion is naive.
Just my (inflation adjusted) 0.02 - | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/24/2009 10:45:41 PM | | it took me five years to get over my first husband. three years before my second marriage ended, i was over it, but we both stayed for our kids. two different situations. i don't see this as being gender related. | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/25/2009 3:04:55 AM | | I can see it from both sides as i finished with one ex and spent months wondering if i had done the right thing whilst he almost certainly moved on quicker than me. Karma got me back and my next relationship ended up with me being dumped and i spent months (and am still) wondering what i did wrong and why. I was emotional involved in both relationships and i beat myself up over the why and what fors over both relationships. Ex number one was very sweet and kind about the break up but it didn't stop me feeling awful about myself or the situation whilst ex number two was nasty and made me feel terrible. Not sure which was the best outcome but i don't think there is any "rule" to how long it takes anyone to recover from a relationship... all depends on the damage done during the relationship i think. | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/25/2009 3:09:02 AM | | My ex seemed to have moved on very fast after our break-up. She didn't even give me a proper "goodbye". It doesn't really change anything. There are men and women who will take longer. | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/25/2009 4:29:32 AM | I hate generalizations...
This is not a gender issue.
Also, just because a woman may (or may not) appear to have more options, it doesn't mean that she will act on those options, and even if she does, it doesn't mean that she has moved on.
And just because a man may (or may not) cry or talk about his feelings, it doesn't mean that he doesn't have feelings and/or that he's moved on.
And to further show just how stupid and useless generalizations are, I'm the one who walked out of my twenty year relationship four and a half years ago, which in crude and simplistic terms makes me the dumper - my ex (the dumpee) has moved on - I haven't.
But according to some people, were I to act on the "many" options available to me as a woman, I would/should recover and be able to move on faster. Of course - having a man (or woman) on top or underneath you is, and has always been, the answer to everything. Why didn't I think of that? 
JMO
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/25/2009 7:33:21 AM | i think gender certainly plays a role during the course of a relationship and the dynamics involved because we are all gendered (obviously its part of our socialisation since birth and im not going into a nature/nuture debate here cause its an impossible experiment). How exactly those dynamics play out could be analysed to death but always come down to it being case by case cause there are soooo many variables involved.
I dont think that any of the previous posts are "wrong" the only flaw i creeping through is the tendency for people to make blanket (i realise others have alreaddy covered this) statements and this is where i think sooo much confusion and counterproductive posturing takes place. To me this allows many of us to get blindsided from the kinds of communication which id find far more useful and collaborative.
i tend to find that for myself my length of mourning or hurt is related more to how well i can build a new life/relationship with myself. the time frame for finding new mates seems to me to be almost irrelevant as an indicator of anything in light of this.
aarrgh...this made sense at the time..... | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/25/2009 7:36:26 AM | ..........................................................................................................................................
Right On oldsoul!! Couldn't say it better.. so I won't try ..
I will add this tho -
"who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?" ..
Usually the lawyer is the first to recover.  | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/25/2009 7:36:53 AM | | I agree with the OP. When my engagement ended, she started dating and her life was great. I went into a deep depression, drinking a ton, getting into a lot of bar fights and did a truckload of drugs. This lasted for two years. | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/26/2009 8:22:49 PM | I agree with things posted:
(1) the dumper gets over it faster
(2) I'm the type who'll waver for a while (trying to figure out what actually is the real situation) when I'm not sure what's going on with the other person...waver, that is, until I eventually have an epiphany, and when I do, it's like a light bulb going off...I lose respect for and interest in that person instantaneously and permanently. | |
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