| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/26/2009 8:58:08 PM | It all depends. I remained in a terrible marriage for 3 extra years because i didnt want my daughters to go thru the divorce during the main formative years. It was only when they began asking me to divorce their mom that i realized it was time.
Now, even though im only seperated still, im recovered. But like i told my minister, I'd live with Lucifer himself if i had to, in order to help my daughters. | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/26/2009 8:58:52 PM | | Women. This is proven beyond doubt. The suicide rate amongst men in breakups is MUCH higher than women. The reason is because of support groups. Women have much MUCH better ones than men do. | |
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jolia
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Joined: 2/25/2008
Msg: 53 | |
| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/27/2009 3:47:45 AM | Mandrake,
I like you answer.... while thinking what to write as my answer based on what I have experienced and seen.... realized yours was pretty much a right answer
Yes whoever loved the least.
Has to do more with that than if it is a woman or a man. | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/27/2009 4:11:24 AM | As ex's and fathers, according to CDC/Vital Records men do get into long term depression and hold higher rate of suicides than women.
Most common mentioned reason is because separation of children to whom may have no access or from becoming visitors for only days of the month. | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/27/2009 4:41:02 AM | I think with any suffering if you can't talk about it and vent it out then it will fester within..Women love to talk and society has made it easier for women to show emotion hence the recovery period is much quicker then men.. | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/27/2009 4:55:03 AM | Understanding that basic phsyiology, psychology, and biology is VERY specific from person to person negates any possible "basic standards" or BS (hey, that worked out well).
Person to person, it changes, therefore, differs. | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/27/2009 5:09:57 AM |
Understanding that basic phsyiology, psychology, and biology is VERY specific from person to person negates any possible "basic standards" or BS (hey, that worked out well).
Person to person, it changes, therefore, differs.
Cheers to the man that taught me to quote  | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/27/2009 5:14:56 AM | | My concept is that while men take pain immediately on the chin (hence the saying take it like a man) women have sort of a slow, painful, depressing meltdown that can last for months or several years. Even if she meets a "better guy" she is still going to have those lingering feelings of depression and loss. Aren't women notorious for having emotional baggage? Maybe guys can just take care of that fast while it takes women a long time to get over completely. | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/27/2009 5:37:09 AM |
Understanding that basic phsyiology, psychology, and biology is VERY specific from person to person negates any possible "basic standards"
yes, while this is a true statement, these factors are known as 'variables'. Any study anywhere takes variables into account. That is why no study is 100% accurate. Yet, there is value in study and hypothesis.
And while there is a widely divergent set of opinions on this topic, all we really have to do is apply it to ourselves, and our own experiences.
I can honestly say, as a man, and in my many discussions and explorations with my male friends.....men will often think about and reflect upon a relationship long after the woman has moved on. So, in my own little world of observation, I will have to say that when a woman starts on the diatribe of....' oh, he's just a guy, they are after one thing, and then they just 'forget' about you. , it is not true.
Furthermore , male friends of mine who do indeed just block it out....are in denial...and it comes out in other ways....continued self doubt, self torture, and a general feeling of guilt and failure. They feel like they didn't 'man up' enough to ride the tide.
It is only through much practice and acceptance will both men and women truly understand, that all relationships happen for a reason, some survive for a while...some end differently than we 'imagined' they would. In any case, I do believe it all stems down to yourself., and personal decisions that one makes. If all adults could just be realistic, and know that there is a chance things will work out, and a chance they will not.....perhaps there would be a lot more understanding between the sexes.....personal change and choice is sometimes rapid and fickle...but I honestly do not believe it is a matter of humans purposely 'zooming' one another.
Kimbo********************************************** | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/27/2009 5:57:27 AM | If you are talking about a full recovery and gaining your complete sense of self with no depression than the likeliest to recover the quickest is a person who has the healthiest brain chemistry. The only reason why someone would not recover is from depleted hormones in their brain chemistry due to adrenal overloads on a continuous basis from cortisol .. , hence the likelihood of lingering or languishing in a state of the past. If the relationship was abusive by one individual who was continuously working to erode anothers self esteem than you have more serious issues like PTSD to recover from which requires the restructuring of patterns set in the brain via eliminating destructive dialogue ... when people are in a situation like this they tend to shut down and recovery will definitely require more time. Breathing deeply and watching moving water can change the mind in monumentous ways.
Healing the mind is no different than the body .. the healthiest immune system will heal the quickest. The healthiest immune system works on feeding the body unrefined bioidentical and biodegradeable food sources... the paleolithic diet gang... When you are looking at the world thru a healthy mind you would not need to recover from a break-up as healthy people live in the moment and do not surround themselves with the sciatic energy of break up people any weight carried heavy in the mind is a waste of the creativity flow of pure energy .. and to create is the only act that produces love, love is the moment to moment act of creation. So the one who is not healthy and does not love themselves enough to live inside their minds in the present .. is breathing rapidly in the past and if unawakened to their own being there universal life force and their inner energy of love and unrecognized ... they may never recover.
If you can feel the energy from anothers body in any given moment, you are alive if not you live in the past. Past livers not past lives will never recover unless they live past the past. ( and past livers... I only eat chicken .. ones done in a fine pate...oh yah) | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/27/2009 8:04:49 AM | Mandrake,, I so agree...the one who loves the least,,, "
I think that sums it up in one sentance...
Then, allow me to throw this dynamite stick on the pile of discussion.
If you believe it to be true, as I do, that the majority of suicide and depression out of relationships are suffered by men, are you implying that women generally love the least in relationships? | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/27/2009 8:17:18 AM | Incuubus2113
Not neccesarily ,, I my self feel if I care for someone I put more into a relationship then I get back, so that actually means I love the most,
If I don't then the poor suckers have to suffer because I can't make my self love someone if the feelings arent there,,It is just I am women enough too let them know early in a relationship and some men like to continue it on,,,"just to see if you are foolish enough to fall in love""
I also think there are as many suicidel women as men out there,
Even though I have had my heart crushed and stepped on I hope it never drives me to suicide,,,,,,,, | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/27/2009 8:23:47 AM | | I think women recover a lot faster than men. They seem to have a colder view of relationships in my opinion. Feeling sorry for yourself after a break up accomplishes nothing but a little revenge can make you feel a lot better. | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/27/2009 8:54:21 AM | How in the world can you quantify, "who loved the most?". Is this something that is done in hindsight? Is this something that is weighed on a scale, or is it more personal? Is a percentage, or a measure of weight/volume?
Men will seem to move on quicker/easier, becuase quite often they will try to find someone else. The ol' rebound if you will, because they have found someone doesn't mean they have recovered, as the rebound is a part of the recovery process. The attempt to try to build up some self esteem.
Something that is rather telling about a man's psyche is how seniors deal with the loss of their significant other. Women on general live longer than their significant other after the loss of their SO, well men will often just wither up and die within a few years, of their SO passing away.
Men are generaly just not as well wired to deal with emotional stresses. We do obviously deal with them, it just generally takes more time. | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/27/2009 9:18:31 AM | | Well Recently I had a girl who i was seeing play me like a Champ ! She made me think she was working longer hours when she met someone else who she decided was better than me. So she kept on lying to me and i kept on believing her till one day i found out from her friend she was with someone else. I spent 3 days maybe 3 hours a day balling my eyes out cause I fell for her and fell for her shit. I really thought she was who she said whe was but i gave up and moved on. For me its not so hard to move on its Hard for me to continue to be who I am "nice guy" when the "nice guy" I am always ends up hurt or played. | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/27/2009 9:27:45 AM | ~OT~ Mandrake gets the POF Golden Answer of the Week Award. It is definitely who loved the least or not at all. I thought I was very resilient thoughout most of my life ~ when it was over, you hugged and moved on wishing each other well. That was until the proverbial "didn't EVEN see it coming" event. WOW does that change things. Oh well, it's still a live and learn and although it wasn't pretty, it taught me one thing: "Eyes Wide Shut" can really screw with your head. He did me a favor to be honest, but it still wasn't pretty. JMO  | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/27/2009 9:31:16 AM | My opinion is that is complete and utter doody. It is the person who is the most unhinged and unable to cope with life who suffers the most. Not the person who loved the most.
I mean, is that how we grade our love now? By how upset we are when it's over? Or by how we act while we're in the relationship?
I am retiscent to commit to the person who falls apart as an indicator as to who loved whom the most. It strikes me as excuseful behavior to dismiss, perhaps, prior instances of bizaar or erratic behavior after a break up that we may not be proud of by saying, "Well, I just loved him/her more is all. That's why I did it."
I won't say that the level of love is intrinsically seperate from the pain when that love is over, just that it should not be a quantative factor in determining the level of love by seeing how upset someone is. | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/27/2009 9:36:28 AM | | To give an individual response, I was the one who broke up with my ex, because I realized it wasn't working (to my satisfaction), and I was the one who was heartbroken (she was relieved). | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/27/2009 10:17:58 AM | I believe we are all wired differently, doesn't mean we love more, love less,
some of us can deal with our emotions, a breakup, death whatever, better than others, doesn't mean we are cold or heartless,
I do believe most women put up with a lot more stress in their lives and are much stronger when it comes to showing our feelings, even though they say big boys don't cry, that is not to be so, Give me a man who can show his emotions and I will except that much better than a cold fish who has no emotions at all,
I don't think any of us can honestly answer this question for the rest of us because we are each our own person,,,and are programed differently, a lot of this stems back to our up-bringing,,,
Incuubus2113,, in terms of your message in 52,, is possibly us women can open up about our feelings easier than men do,,,
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/27/2009 10:33:10 AM | Wow, lots of interesting comments. Personally, I don't believe any one gender has it easier than others. I think people often make assumptions about how a person is handling things on the outside, but don't see the things going on inside. Sometimes, jobs, family and circumstances force you to continue on whether you are really ready or not...
It really is different for everyone and how they handle situations. Me personally, it took me two years to accept my marriage was over. My Ex was moving on before our marriage ended.... so obviously gender based comments are not true.... and totally BS... because it boils down to the individuals. | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/27/2009 10:33:12 AM | I really feel it's the person who feels they put-in the most effort and work into the relationship. I've tended to be the one who always felt "hurt" and took a while to heal. I was the one dumped too. I simply needed to learn that not everyone goes to such ridiculous lengths as I used to to "make" a bad relationship work, or make a bad situation into a good one. I always felt resentful about those relationships too, until I learned to forgive myself. I refer to them as "bad" break-ups, and "unsuccessful" relationships. Just very dysfunctional.
I had to learn how to love myself first and be true to myself first. Then I started having less "dramatic" emotions in relationships and break-ups. I even was able to end relationships first, instead of being the one getting dumped, or trying to "force" them to work. Even though those relationships ended, I still feel they were all "successful", and have over-all good feelings about them and the women I was with. We just weren't compatible, it just wasn't meant to be, and that's that. They were "good" break-ups, and "good endings".
Sometimes I still miss the emotional drama and the ups and downs I used to have in those bad relationships. Almost as-if the way I feel now in a relationship is somehow "wrong". Then I have to remind myself how much I bent over backwards in all those situations. How much I was trying to be someone I'm not. How all I was really doing was seeking approval and trying to play the "people pleaser". That's what's very, very un-healthy.
Now, a relationship could end with me being disappointed, but I'll never feel hurt. If I do feel hurt it's because I'm not being true to myself, it's because I'm trying to force function into where there is none.
Mike | |
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