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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/27/2009 2:22:28 PM |
Between what I have experienced and what I have heard and read it seems to me that after a breakup the woman tends to move on and start dating - even if just chat or coffee, before men do and that a larger percentage of men get really disturbed, threaten to hurt themselves or someone, end up drinking or depressed . I'd agree with this. Most times I've seen, women were dating soon after, long before men did. But by and large, once the men moved on, they didn't look back, and only looked to the future, while as women seemed to date new guys, but still want their old boyfriends back. | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/27/2009 2:25:16 PM |
I'd venture to say the one who initiated the break up. It was probably something they had thought about for a while and already had it reconciled to some degree.
What he said...
Chaz | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/27/2009 5:15:47 PM | who recovers faster after a breakup men or women? Neither men nor women necessarily recover faster; the one who recovers faster is generally the one to be quicker to be emotionally divorced from the relationship and/or the one who was emotionally invested in the relationship to a lesser degree.
The breakerupper isn't necessarily the one who recovers faster. Say a couple is together for awhile, emotional investment grows equally for say a couple of months. Then the lady goes through the motions for a couple of months, putting out a bunch of mixed signals, while the guy gets further into the relationship emotionally. Then the woman acts poorly in some way, like she cheats, the guy finds out and breaks up. Just because he's the one initiating the breakup doesn't mean he'll recover faster. The woman probably will in this instance, and she isn't the one who initiated the breakup.
In other words, it depends on the relationship, not the gender or who did the breaking up. | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 1/28/2009 4:33:21 AM | | Men get angry because they don't understand why anyone would leave them .But for the most they are not socialized to recover .This means they don't have the recovery conversations like women and the support groups are not in place .So men get out there and talk to women and get comfortabl e with who you are and you won't be so crushed the next time .Women have allot to offer when it involves the heart .Get trained again and you will only understand yourself more. | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 2/6/2009 12:44:54 AM | | women are emotional thinkers...therefore we tend to not leave until we are completely done and no longer emotionally attached...they say women have left the relationship long before they actually end it and physically leave | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 2/6/2009 6:59:33 AM | | That is a load of crap. All the guys I know are out celebrating and trying to catch up for lost time nailing anything that moves. So if you consider that hurting themselves I guess you are right. | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 2/7/2009 1:28:26 AM | | I think guys hurt as a bad a woman, but he moves on faster. She moves on until she realizes her ex has someone else so shows back up in his life and won't let go until she destroys his new relationship. Women get depressed and disturbed as well - woofin' down the ice cream, drinking, going to the mall and spending money they don't out of depression and desperation, etc. Women will continue to listen and will tell the dumped woman how awful the man is so this drama will carry on for a lengthy period of time. Men? A guy's friends are more inclined to say in a bar over a game of pool, "Dude! Get over it! Have another beer!! Check out that honey at the bar in that black skirt!!" End of discussion. | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 2/7/2009 4:24:06 AM | ......and when the relationship finally comes to an end, it does so because the one that ends it....... can no longer stay in it.
so i would have to say there is only one that has to recover.... and one that moves on
but
but should you wonder...for the wounded one
the one left lying on the floor..... bloodied, heart torn out....
an emotional void .....
well that answer is not influenced by gender as much as...character....
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 2/7/2009 10:47:38 AM | I think if you have two emotionally healthy and stable people then they both recover in their own time.
I think if you have two dysfunctional and toxic people in a codependent toxic relationship then neither of them will ever recover period no matter what they do next in their dating lives.
I think women recover faster short term, if you are talking about moving onto the next guy, but it causes more damage to them long term. I think women move onto the next guy so fast because it's so easy to do. There is always someone out there who wants to date you and be your rebound guy if you are a woman. | |
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vosche
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Joined: 11/28/2008
Msg: 88 | |
| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 2/20/2009 3:23:41 PM | | the person whose justifying ending it has already ended it in their mind and emotional physchie well before voicing it, so they've already started recovery..and if it takes them a while to voice it, they seem to be recovered by the time it gets to you....has nothing at all to do with gender | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 2/20/2009 3:33:59 PM | i agree vosche... it's gender neutral...
who ever left the relationship, left to move on hence he/she probably recovered before exiting...
the dumpee, will find it difficult to accept, if the reason given for the break up doesn't make sense to him/her | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 2/20/2009 3:42:44 PM | | After a long marriage and one partner decides to leave for whatever reason it is devastating for whoever is left behind. If you are older I think it takes a long time to bounce back. The one who leaves will recover first whether it be man or woman especially if they have a new partner. | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 2/20/2009 4:02:53 PM | I think that the only correlation worth considering here might be that it would seem easier for the person who ended the relationship to move on sooner. If your suggestion were true, then it would imply that there's a greater proportion of women dumping their men. Staying with this notion, I imagine that if a woman who broke up with her man because he was cheating on her, then she (most likely) wouldn't be to quick to move on (because of the trust and betrayal factor) -- NOTE that I consider "Moving On" as being ready to consider a relationship with someone else -- saying, "The Hell with you buddy -- I'm outta hear!", to me is not moving ON, it's moving OUT!
OK, so if these women aren't dumping their men for reasons of cheating (and they're eager to Move On/Hook Up), then what does that say about these women?
Hmmmm  | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 2/20/2009 7:34:13 PM | Yep, its the dumper who recovers sooner than the dumpee, because the dumper had already began to plan on a future life that does not include the dumpee.
There is a great book, titled "Rebuilding after your relationship ends" The author
is Dr, Bruce Fisher, ( now deceased )
After my own divorce, I attended a divorce seminar, twice a month for two years,
as I dealt with the emotional baggage of the ending of my relationship.
I learned much about myself, " emotionally" and was able to make many changes
as I grew and became who I am today.
The book that I mentioned, it is a overall case study, of thousands of relationship
ending that the Doctor counseled, and documented the cause and effect of the break up on each person, He then divided the study into catogories, Building blocks that
one must work thru, in order to become less needy, and more emotionally aware.
I was a trained facillator and led a divorce group recovery seminar for about three
years, so I can say with conviction, that while both parites go thru almost the same
stages, feeling pain, anger, dispair and so forth, They in fact go through the very
same stages, but at different intervals, with the dumper beginning the process,
and the dumpee then beginning the process once he/she realizes that the relationship
is in fact really over with.
As for the people who keep coming back, well either they feel extreme guilt, or the
new relationship did not work out, or the party is unable to completely let go due
to their inability to work thru the process, and that is usually the dumper who has the
tendency to attempt to come back, but usually the dumpee has dealth with the
ending, and has moved on completely. So often, the dumpee gets the last laugh. | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 2/20/2009 7:41:00 PM | ^^^^^^ Norseman51 -- Very Good Post! n -- it's great to read comments from someone who's actually done some study/research on the topic (or some has degree of training or experience with it)  | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 2/20/2009 9:03:02 PM | men want sex all the time .. they will take on whatever comes along.. if that is what is called recovery, or they just don't care, and pretend that they got back at the one they left .. and pretend they are so much happier.. am talking about a lot of men i talked with..
women are self survivors built in .. and that intimidates men big time .. is why the men have it in them to want to shoot them and then themselves.. .. k how many of you out there.. men who left hurt and unhappy that has a death wish.. and how many woman have an ounce of love that they remember why they love .. and carries that over into their new relationship, and i talked with a lot of woman who just get anxoius for happiness, on the average .. over 75 percent of the women move on .. but are too busy with children to think of another relationship. | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 2/20/2009 9:04:33 PM | They say...” The one who cares the least is the one who’s in control of the relationship” I think the one that walks away recovers faster. Be it the man or the woman. The one being left behind usually has a harder time dealing with it.
So I think... | |
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| who recovers faster after a breakup men or women?
Posted: 2/20/2009 10:35:09 PM |
The only thing I can say to people who "THINK" they can cheat the recovery process - PLEASE TAKE TIME TO GRIEVE. A stitch in time saves nine. Let me tell you why (snip)
Sorry I didn't quote the whole post.
I do agree, that coming to closure is the most important part. I think we need to assess our own part in the break-up also. I also think we need to be fair enough to ourselves where we are not feeling unnecessarily ashamed or guilty. Sometimes we can feel too *bad* about it. We can have a full-on-social-withdrawal as-well. See, that used to be *my* problem. I never *recovered*. I'd just stay *down*.
When you fall off the horse, you're supposed to get back on eventually. I wouldn't just get back on again. I would become extremely fearful. So fearful of being hurt that I wouldn't even *try*. I lived like that for many, many years after my divorce, and into my early years of recovery from alcoholism. That's when I started working on *me*.
Realistically: I had one single bad experience; my former marriage. She was the ONLY woman I ever even slept with up until she wanted out of the marriage. I mean, talk about selling yourself short. Talk about not giving yourself a second chance. I just *quit* after that. I was "never, ever, ever, ever going to love anyone ever again boo-hoo" (kinda like a child). "I'll show everyone and hurt myself by never trying again with a anyone" - I only hurt myself. Nobody else noticed.
I didn't even *try* at all. I just stayed with someone I already *knew* was no good for me, even before we got married. Why did I? I dunno, "Duty"? "Responsibility?" I know what it really was, me trying to *prove* something. I had more emotion invested in *it* than I did in even her or anything else in life at all. The whole relationship was ridiculously dysfunctional and co-dependent.
I don't try to *make* relationships work anymore. I just let them flow. If it works *great* if not, then I move-on. This doesn't mean I'm *cold* or *heartless*. It means I acknowledge when and why it's not working versus pretending I'm okay with things I'm not okay with. That's how I used to be, trying to be what *you* wanted me to be, instead of who I am. So, no I don't invest as much emotion as I used to. The amount of emotion I used to invest was too much, it was very twisted and unhealthy.
Indeed; there's a time to grieve a loss, but remember there's a difference between grieving a break-up and grieving the death of a loved one. I remember in my first year of recovery, I was pretty close friends with this one dude who was also cleaning-up. One night, he came by and he was drunk!! I actually grieved for this dude like he DIED!! Then I came to my senses. He didn't DIE, that was just my over-reaction to his slip, not reality. I had become very arrogant about my sobriety. That was actually me being judgemental. He went back out to do some more *research*, but I hear he's got a few years clean and sober now. I don't react like that to it anymore. Just because I got it the first time, doesn't mean everyone does.
Just because two people break up doesn't mean either one needs to *recover* from it at all. I feel it's a sign of maturity when two people can part peacefully and just move-on.
Mike | |
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