| How do you deal with a loud talker????
Posted: 1/14/2009 10:01:18 AM | ^^
yea, no shite, huh?
it is surprising the number of 'closet racists' that still abound..
e.g. the people that ask: "Are you Jewish?" or "are you Polish?", etc.
because then they want to launch into an offensive racist 'joke'..
my answer is :"no, but I still will be offended by a stupid racist joke..so please don't bother-thanks".
what makes people think that you would have to be one of the targeted 'groups' to be 'offended'??
racism is offensive..full stop | |
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| How do you deal with a loud talker????
Posted: 1/14/2009 10:03:32 AM | There are so many valid reasons a person's volume might be louder than normal. There is no valid reason for racial slurs.
IMO, you did the right thing by not saying anything to her. Probably the only thing I would have done different is ended the meeting much sooner. | |
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| How do you deal with a loud talker????
Posted: 1/14/2009 10:04:03 AM | | Someone your age might not care if they insult people but yes, you should have told her that you would not be seeing her again because she was somewhat obnoxious both in terms of volume and from the standpoint of her racist remarks. She is probably already aware, but you never know. | |
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| How do you deal with a loud talker????
Posted: 1/14/2009 10:17:00 AM | | I personally would have just suffered through it as well and ended things as soon as politely possible. You can call me a coward, but I don't see the point of entering a confrontation with someone I don't want to have a relationship with. Maybe if the other person was really young, but by the time your reach my age, I don't think you should have to be told that racist remarks are wrong. I doubt that a few comments from me are going to make any difference, so I'm not going to make the effort. | |
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| How do you deal with a loud talker????
Posted: 1/14/2009 10:37:59 AM | | I think that some people aren't aware of the tone-pitch-depth of their voices. They may have difficulty hearing themselves (perhaps too many rock concerts as a teenager). I would give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she doesn't realize that she can be heard. So just inform her in a polite manner to lower her volume. Use a scale of 1-10. For instance, tell her that she could be a 4 but she is actually being an 8. Feedback is important in any type of friendship or relationship. You are doing her a favor by giving her some valuable feedback. | |
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| How do you deal with a loud talker????
Posted: 1/14/2009 10:40:35 AM | | I don't think the volume really bothered him, but the content so merely telling the woman that she is too loud is not really valuable feedback beause it doesn't address the real problem, that the woman is loud and also not someone he wishes to be around. | |
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| How do you deal with a loud talker????
Posted: 1/14/2009 10:42:12 AM |
Maybe if the other person was really young, but by the time your reach my age, I don't think you should have to be told that racist remarks are wrong. I doubt that a few comments from me are going to make any difference, so I'm not going to make the effort.
Amen to that one. Some don't know, but most don't care. Not my job to educate at this point in a person's life. | |
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| How do you deal with a loud talker????
Posted: 1/14/2009 10:45:14 AM | | just tell her to shut her pie hole , i find some women loud and lacking substance when speaking ! say what you need to say and get on with it ,,,,, | |
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| How do you deal with a loud talker????
Posted: 1/14/2009 10:50:10 AM | .....................................................................................................................................
In honour of my own personal integrity - I would Most Certainly have said something!!! Most likely something like: "Excuse me! I will Not sit here and listen to that crap any longer!" - "We are Not a match." "B-bye!"
That's what I would have said. Then I would have stood up, looked around the restaurant and in a voice comparable in volume to my Non-dates, I would have said: "Sorry folks, this Was a first date. Had I known how Ignorant he/she was, I would Never have gone out with .. I apologize again to anyone who was offended by his/her behaviour, just wanted to let you know that I don't condone it."
Yes I would Absolutely have said that, as I was putting my coat on - Date over.
I believe that when we hear or witness hateful behaviour/words and Do or Say Nothing - we are pretty much condoning it. Even as a patron in the restaurant who didnt know you or your date - I would have said Something. | |
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| How do you deal with a loud talker????
Posted: 1/14/2009 11:00:57 AM | Sometimes, I don't think we can change people.
2 seperate issues we are dealing with.
FOr her voice volume - that is one issue. For her to communicate her thoughts to you in a lower tone. With practice & coaching, it can be achieved successfully.
For her content - that is much harder. Perhaps, gently confront her & asking her why she feels that way (to the hateful stuff). This may be hard-core therapeutic baggage. If you want to work with her, you are definitely a patient guy. If you dump her, at least give her feedback that you don't agree with her hateful-hurtful thoughts. | |
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| How do you deal with a loud talker????
Posted: 1/14/2009 11:07:57 AM | | I've had a date with a loud talker (with off-color remarks as well). I politely wrapped up the date as quickly as I could. No need for a second date or even concern about that person's attitudes. | |
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| How do you deal with a loud talker????
Posted: 1/14/2009 1:28:34 PM | So you wanna date a noisy racist?
You would prefer her to be a quiet racist, yes?
Isn't there already a thread that deals with this topic.
Start hunting for it, maybe you'll find your answer there.
Edit: I always found that There Might Be Giants song distastefully unctuous, but I like A Little Birdhouse in My Soul. | |
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| How do you deal with a loud talker????
Posted: 1/14/2009 2:57:10 PM | | I don't do well with loud in all occasions, so it would have been a major turn off for me. It would have probably been the last time I saw her. | |
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| How do you deal with a loud talker????
Posted: 1/14/2009 3:03:38 PM | Ok there has been enough comments in regards to the racist comments, if you don't condone them you should have said so or left period!
As for the volume of her voice, well just tell them! I am a boisterous person and can get excited and speak or laugh louder then appropriate for certain settings, but it's also because I am unaware of my volume. I am somewhat hard of hearing, and it happens! Most people that know me have no problems telling me to use my indoor voice.
It's not what you say, its how you say it, and there is ways of telling someone that they are speaking to loudly, and the loud person should just except it, I know I do. | |
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| How do you deal with a loud talker????
Posted: 1/14/2009 3:24:08 PM | | I think it's more a matter of the indifference to how inappropriate they are in that particular situation - whether it is their volume or the content of what they are saying. If it's an occasional slip up, I suppose that's something they can work on, but if someone's nature is inappropriate for you - walk away. | |
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| How do you deal with a loud talker????
Posted: 1/14/2009 3:31:16 PM | ...................................................................................................................................
ssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh it's ok to be hateful, just be quiet about it.
I too am one of those who can be a tad boisterous - but it's the Happy kind of 'not so quiet'.. I laugh lots and find that most of the time people in my company really don't mind .. it's a nice break from the mundane And no one is any the worse for it.
**Libraries .. I have to exercise that mysterious entity 'they' call "self-discipline" .
Funerals .. hmm .. yeah .. mostly I'm pretty low key - BUT - I hope y'all Party up a storm at my "Gone away party"!! hehe .. seriously - I've already lived one helluva life - That is worth celebrating!! Be "boisterous" just don't be hateful, or I might haunt ya!! hehehe
OT: I coudn't like a racist.
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| How do you deal with a loud talker????
Posted: 1/14/2009 3:34:51 PM | Was this girl drinkin' at the time, could she have had too much to drink ?
Just wondered, because I have a friend who does that when she drinks and she will accept it fine if someone tells her she's being too loud....but....that's when she invades your space to tell ya something. She gets really close and it drives me nuts when people do that.
But she only does this when she's had too much dinky poo. | |
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| How do you deal with a loud talker????
Posted: 1/14/2009 3:42:34 PM | I dealt with a loud mouth for 10 years and divorced him.. Problem is his daughter is just like him....LOUD As for the racist comments, I have met someone who made little comments like that. I told him I have some biracial cousins. He shut up then. | |
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| How do you deal with a loud talker????
Posted: 1/14/2009 4:02:33 PM |
i wanted so bad to tell her to shut up or keep her voice down but being it was our first meeting i dealt with it knowing it would be our last meeting.
If it was your last meeting--as well it should be--why are you worrying about it now? If she had said the racist remarks in a low voice, would you have seen her again?
In part, I didn't have a second date with a man because he was rude to the kid making our hot fudge sundaes. I suppose I could have told him that was one of the reasons, but it wasn't worth the effort with someone whom I wasn't going to see again. | |
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| How do you deal with a loud talker????
Posted: 1/14/2009 4:16:58 PM | It is true that these are two different issues. I had a date with a very loud talker once... he surely wasn't aware of his volume. But the waiter, and most of the restaurant patrons were aware. I liked him. I debated whether to say somehting or not. I ended up just lowering my own voice in the hope that he would match my volume. He lowered his volume, but not that much. I attributed the loudness to nervousness. I would have tolerated the loudness and dated him again had he asked me out again. (sadly he didn't!) I really don't go for atttention-seeking -type loudness.
The racism is dispicable. I'd probably just get very quiet and then leave - I wouldn't like that person. The attraction would die. | |
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| How do you deal with a loud talker????
Posted: 1/14/2009 6:08:59 PM | ^^^So was her brain (impaired)!
I revise my earlier statement when I said people were ignorant. Ignorance implies you dont know any better. In this day and age if you were born in North America and you make these comments your plain out STUPID!
I have lost some of my hearing due to chronic ear infections and when I am talking I don't always know I am loud. I would KNOW if I am making racial slurs/jokes/comments.
Arp | |
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Ninki
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Joined: 4/11/2005
Msg: 48 | |
| How do you deal with a loud talker????
Posted: 1/15/2009 5:49:07 PM | I absolutely *despise* loud talkers! Most of them, even if you keep asking them to lower their voice, just keep creeping back up in volume. I'm not hard of hearing, y'know?  One guy I knew, he talked so softly all the time, just hearing him speak turned me on and made me feel all warm. Unfortunately, not many guys are soft talkers.
N. | |
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| How do you deal with a loud talker????
Posted: 1/16/2009 9:25:40 AM | ^^
I agree with you, they can be irritating
sometimes it's jut because they are arrogant and think that if they talk louder, what they say is 'more convincing'.
(sort of like how some terrible bands think they can make up for in volume, what they lack in musical talent..) :)
however, to have a little compassion, maybe I do have a friend who I *think* talks loud because of having his hearing somewhat damaged due to constantly working in a loud industrial environment.
or maybe he just gets used to almost yelling because at work he has to do that to be heard
and 'safety' (being heard) trumps 'politeness' ? | |
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| How do you deal with a loud talker????
Posted: 1/16/2009 9:37:53 AM | Well bud I would of said something about it, Loud talkers irritate me, unless its a medical problem but racist remarks in this day and age is just plain ignorant, people have flaws I understand that, but they're certain views/opinions that they express and you believe in ,you have to stand up and say something, nothing worse then a person who lets another party yap about what ever and you don't voice your true feeling.
Just like the old saying If it smells like a pig, squeals like a pig, eats like a pig it aint a Possum?
If It was me and It did happen to me a few years I just said sorry this isnt going to work for me because of your views and mine clashes, sorry for wasting your time. | |
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