| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 3/3/2009 7:52:57 AM | I have on my profile that I am just looking for friends. I am in a serious relationship.
If someone messages me, I thank them for the compliment, say that it's nice to meet them, and tell them I am taken.
Then, I go back to the FORUMS! | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 3/3/2009 7:58:54 AM | | I guess some may stay on because they like to IM when they don't see eachother or you could be right they're looking for something better. Some may just want a friend at that point. It's really not something you should forcast. If you feel that way about someone be honest and ask why are you still on here? Or don't you think it's time we delete our profiles.... I think people need to be more upfront and ask questions be direct. Too many people are afraid of rejection or just afraid in general of getting hurt. My thoughts are jump in with both feet if they run they weren't worth having you to begin with if they stay you know. Everyone has some kind of baggage or drama that's life. The questions is what are you willing to accept? Remember people behave in a certian manner for a reason it's how they view the situation and that comes from past expirenences no matter what you say your past will dictate your future if you let it. | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 3/3/2009 8:01:43 AM | Strokke said...
I've learned the hard way to always try to have a potential relationship or two in the early stages of development once things start to turn south.
I totally disagree with this! Hey, until you're set in the dating phase with someone (have consistently seen each other and it goes on auto-pilot in doing so), you shouldn't have to put your profile in hibernation or deletion. Sure, there's gray areas, but many times you -know- when it's understood, even before any official announcements of "boyfriend"/"girlfriend".
With that said, if you're in a relationship and it's starting to turn south, you don't hit the bars to pick up women or hop online to set up potential relationships. Dude, that's cheating... you're guaranteeing the relationship's going to end without ending it. WTF? If you're so sure it IS going to end, then just end it then! But ya probably say it's a safety precaution or something... oh man...
After experience, many people can be very hasty to assume things are "starting to turn south", and will jump on other opportunities. What then is stopping you from hooking up "while my relationship's going south"?
Problems:
(a) It wasn't starting to turn south... you just ran into some problems.
(b) Having a hair trigger on Plan B for other options will make problems truly turn the relationship south if they really weren't starting to already.
(c) If you have some optimism in mind and still go for other options, and your relationship's problems was just a false alarm -- you just led a lot of ladies on!
(d) If (c) occurs, and somehow your girlfriend finds out, then you REALLY WILL be in a world of trouble, and you just ruined it!
Basically, it's emotional selfishness... or "I hate being single" syndrome. Sure, there are situations where it HAS turned south, and you've broken up but are still involved in practice and it's not good for ya... yes, go for other options. But always needing a potential girlfriend on the back-burner, even when you're in a relationship with some problems -- that's not good! I think every relationship (good or bad) will have its moments where you feel that it may be starting to turn south, and it ends up being just fine! | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 3/3/2009 11:07:29 AM | Even while in a "relationship"......One never knows when that special "trophy" may come swimming along. Therefore many will keep their bait in the water.
It maybe the "I hate being single" syndrome or it maybe the "I love being single and plan on staying that way" syndrome. In any event.....happy fishing, enjoy and good luck to everyone!
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 3/5/2009 3:17:14 AM | Some people leave this site because they truly find what they are looking for...so don't give up hope! Don't let one bad experience stop you from trusting someone else.
Reasons why people stay on pof:
* Social networking
* Forums
* Searching for 'the one', 'keeping options open' or 'searching for something better'
* Looking for more than one partner (player)
* Gets a buzz from the attention (may be linked to a lack of confidence, insecurities in their own image or their ability to attract people in the 'real world')
* Boredom
* Keeping an eye on the attention that you are getting!
* Reasons are endless...
* Don't waste time and energy wondering...next time, just ask!
I can totally see why you were upset, having been in a similar situation. Except, that I asked rather than wondered, didn't get the answer I was hoping for, but that's life, and I won't now be wondering....what if?!? 
If this 'unknown' reason upset you, then you did the right thing to end it. If he didn't like you enough to come off pof or justify his reasons for staying on, then he didn't like you enough!
Plentymorefish! | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 3/5/2009 3:28:02 AM | "If this 'unknown' reason upset you, then you did the right thing to end it. If he didn't like you enough to come off pof or justify his reasons for staying on, then he didn't like you enough!"
Seems to me its all about trust, if you both trust each other it wouldnt matter if the other half was on here to look at the forums.
If your walking down the street together, you spot a cute guy, should he automatically think your going to chase the cute guy down to have an affair with him .
You already stated that you didnt trust him because you stayed a member to make sure he wasn't up to anything.... | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 3/20/2009 9:52:27 PM | I would find out if he wants to pursue you for along term gr . And if he dose talk to him about taking both of you off the date site. And if he dose not then see if he is just staying on pof just for the forums. And if he says its not for the forums . Then maybe its time to move on he isnt ready for an LTR yet and really he shouldnt sring you along and waste your time. Good luck to you .
sunshine 09  | |
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raceme
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Joined: 12/20/2008
Msg: 233 | |
| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 3/20/2009 10:09:57 PM | | I think as long as you talk about it, you'll be fine. I mean, you met here, you should be able to make reference to your meeting and what you intend to do. You know, relationships are about meeting, getting acquainted, discovering things/information you really do need to know. You can be wasting your time if you don't want certain things. If you don't like the idea of remaining on the system while dating, discuss it. You'll know for sure and can decide what you want to do. She may like the idea you want to move forward in the relationship. Communication is really a healthy thing. If she doesn't want to disclose things, she can let you know. | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 3/21/2009 1:25:43 PM | | Forums and giving my friends the chance to IM if they can't call. But I'm still trying to find somebody who can get me off the dating aspect of this site... Not there yet... (Shrug!) | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/25/2009 9:23:26 AM | | I really like the honesty of Diros in his description of his feelings. I have found that the people who are more shy and reserved, even disinterested in the whole romantic thing are sometimes the truest people of all. For the simple reason that romance by itself is very rare and almost impossible to find for real, and those who come on strong all at once and profess all sorts of passionate intent when they haven't even met you or spoken to you yet are a little strange. They just seem strange to me, anyhow. I can't identify with this approach, and therefore it wards me off. It sounds almost like they are "in" the relationship all on their own already, even without you being there yet. I like Diros' attitude and calm nature. A Friend is someone you can believe. All the other "over-the-top" stuff is too goofy for me. | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/25/2009 10:07:07 AM | | I stay here for the forums. It's a really fun thing to do when you sit at a desk all day for now, I am able to get on the computer in my spare time and read and offer advice if I can. I don't keep looking for someone, but if someone sends me a message I will try and reply and be up front and say I am seeing someone but if you wanted to be friends, then okay. If he still signs on the so be it, I don't really care he can trust me and I can trust him | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/25/2009 2:07:42 PM | | It's important to make your bf/gf comfortable. If me being on this site makes her uncomfortable in the least then I will close my profile. She/he may not care. I never want to give my gf a reason to doubt so I close mine up when I seriously dating. | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/28/2009 11:12:28 PM | Not sure how you can actually get to know someone if you are both looking over your shoulder to see if the other is doing something....maybe I am the odd one here but to me the biggest piece is trust...if I feel I have to check up on someone then obviously there is no trust and I am not interested.
Sort of sounds to me like you shit in your own nest on this one... | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/29/2009 1:08:44 AM | Where There Is Smoke, There Is Fire-- why stay after you've found someone nice and decide to pursue a relationship?
If anything, delete the profile and make another one in case you break up. Keeping the profile just shows fear and also that you aren't fully committed; so, keep fishing. Lol
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/29/2009 1:25:46 AM | | Last time I was dating a guy, I put all of my pictures to private and stated that I wasn't looking anymore. I also changed what I was looking for to 'friends'. Since most people don't even bother with profiles that don't have pictures, I thought it was a nice way of kind of 'freezing' my profile. I kept it in case things didn't work out (and they didn't...good call me!) so I wouldn't have to make a new one...yea lazy, I know. | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/29/2009 2:32:27 AM | OP:
I am sure everyone has their reasons for staying on the site after they've "met" someone. You make a good point that some are addicted to seeing what else is out there, being on the constant watch for something "better" than what they have - never being completely satisified.
But, there are many people who are just being practical and realistic. During those first couple or few dates of exploring each other - where they are not exclusive - it doesn't really make sense to close your account. Why? What are you going to do if they decide you aren't for them? Back to square one. Not to mention all the missed oppurtunities and or burned bridges you now face because you, as the old saying goes, put all of your eggs in one basket. Once you have agreed to be exclusive, then I agree, you should at the very least (if you're a forum junkie) take down your picture and reword your profile to indicate you are no longer on the market - otherwise you shouldn't be here.
If I am getting to know someone and we are not exclusive, I really have no business caring if she is still here browsing and or emailing. BUT, if we become exclusive and she is still here doing the same - yeah I'd probably have an issue with that. | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/29/2009 3:46:12 AM | | These are the people who you just need to steer clear of - those who are never happy with what they have and are always looking to see if there is something better - the problem is with them not with the person they are with! | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 6/29/2009 7:18:57 AM |
But, there are many people who are just being practical and realistic. During those first couple or few dates of exploring each other - where they are not exclusive - it doesn't really make sense to close your account. Why? What are you going to do if they decide you aren't for them? Back to square one. Not to mention all the missed oppurtunities and or burned bridges you now face because you, as the old saying goes, put all of your eggs in one basket. Once you have agreed to be exclusive, then I agree, you should at the very least (if you're a forum junkie) take down your picture and reword your profile to indicate you are no longer on the market - otherwise you shouldn't be here.
So after the person has found The One should they leave POF?
I often times here that many people are here looking for "friends"...
Something that amuses me though....
Why is it, those FRIENDS are always of the opposite sex?
I've seen several women who have they profile set to looking for women, simply to prevent douchebag guys from messaging them. that way if a person is genuinely here for the forums.......I am sure ya see what I mean. | |
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dlros
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Joined: 10/14/2008
Msg: 245 | |
| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 7/19/2009 2:30:17 PM | Because they want to. Why is it anyone's business?
Sweet. Such a meaningful contribution. Yeah, we should never, ever undertake discussion and analysis about any issue or concern anyone has, because it's nobody's business!
Please. The OP posed a legitimate question that many of us find interesting. How many of us HAVEN'T given thought as to when it's the right time to pull our profile? | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 7/19/2009 3:40:45 PM | I've met someone but I'm still here for the forums. Honestly, I stopped looking for dates on POF a while before I actually met him. I met him on another social networking site. I haven't ran a search here in a long time, I come straight to the forums. If me and him decide that this is definitely going to be us and we decide together that we don't want internet profiles anymore then I will take it down. That discussion needs to be had before I do that though. And just because you're dating someone doesn't mean it's going to last a long time so I'd rather leave mine up for now just in case things don't work out.
The topic of whether to remove profiles is definitely something that needs to be discussed the next time you feel like a relationship you found through here is turning serious. | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 7/19/2009 6:10:12 PM | | I would hope that if you found someone to be with seriously, you would be respectable enough to not still be on a dating site. As much as I enjoy these forums, I much rather be with the right man, kissing, any day. | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 7/19/2009 6:16:56 PM | I can see it from both sides of the fence.
If I am dating someone I give that person my all and if I am always looking then I'm not really being fair and giving someone a fair chance am I? Now, if I'm dating and trying to get to really know someone and I don't feel it or we don't feel it then no, I wouldn't delete my profile.
The first guy I met from here, he and I discussed it and he told me if you and I date I will delete mine also, I told him I would delete mine and he said I have no doubt about that at all. well, I never really gave it a second thought and I only logged on here every morning to send him a message and then to read his responses to me. Never did I think about it or him being on here, I thought he was only on here to read my messages, how dumb was I!
He and I had a conversation and I told him I thought maybe he was looking and he may find somebody else, his answer? DON'T say that, we might NOT find anyone else. How dumb was I? He was still on here everyday, looking and then finally said, " so what, I didn't know if you and I would work out." Well how in the hell were we going to "Work out" if he was always looking for someone better once he got bored with me?
Hope he finds what he's looking for, a free no strings attatched BJ!!! | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 7/19/2009 6:17:54 PM | If I met someone, and it turned into a serious relationship, I'd be out of here! In addition to the loyalty and commitment issues, a huge factor would be that I would rather spend my time in other ways.
Some people like the forums, so there can be a legitimate reason for staying. I think the best way to find out why your girlfriend/boyfriend is still on here is to ask. If I couldn't ask that question, it would mean that I didn't have the type of relationship that I'm looking for. | |
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